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venus777

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Everything posted by venus777

  1. venus777
    I don't understand why you posted it really. I mean, obviously she loved you or you wouldn't have been together for two more years. What should people be looking out for in that email? It's just a sweet email from someone that loves someone else. Maybe that's changed now, but it's been a long time...
  2. venus777
    yes i agree completely.
  3. venus777
    in this case i think honesty is the best. the reason is that my first love cheated on me early in the relationship by making out with this girl. he was in her room when it happened. i found out about it from the girl 2.5 years later. we were best friends. now i don't talk to him anymore, the reason is that i ended up moving with him to boston and i don't think it was right of him not to tell me about it. i should have some choice in the matter about who i'm with and choosing to be with someone that made out with someone else. if i'd known i would have questioned moving with him, but instead, i moved with him and ended up breaking up with him over trust issues. and so i'm mad at him for not being honest with me about it and won't ever talk to him again.
  4. venus777
    sometimes people are just playing games too, want to show they have more going on than you.
  5. venus777
    i don't know, i've had people cancel or waffle about meeting in person and i don't take it personally cause they've never even met me before, you know? if they meet me and get to know me and then cancel on me, it's pretty lame. i would give the guy that had plans with friends another chance if you are interested in him, but not the other one.
  6. venus777
    as bell hooks said in her book "all about love-new visions" people often call what is just investment in the other person love.
  7. venus777
    to me it seems really demanding for her to ask you to put her first in front of school. clearly, it's a good thing you did because emotions of relationships can be so fickle and transitory that you have to have a backup, namely your future! i don't think you've done anything wrong by prioritizing school, it's clear to me you care about her, but it isn't clear to her, and could it ever be clear to her? maybe not. it's a hard one, cause if you gave up maybe she'd assume you don't care. but i think that you need to break it off and tell her exactly what you are telling us, that it is too painful to be around someone that doesn't love you the same way and that maybe you need some space too...
  8. venus777
    well, let's see. i disagree because i think that while new sex is often hot and people get bored in marriages, sex can be kept hot if the relationship is hot. i think that the reason people cheat is that they are fundamentally unhappy with their relationships. i think if you look at some selfhelp books they'd tell you the same thing, cheating is most of the time a Symptom of a relationship problem. People cheat for a lot more reasons than a basic animal instinct kind of sex thing, they cheat cause they are mad at their partner, they feel ignored, they feel like they aren't connecting mentally/emotionally, there is no mystery cause they are always bickering about dishes/chores and so on... i think that marriage has fundamentally changed from the past, we live in a very different and complicated world, there are many forces here that act on the individuals involved. For example, we don't need marriage as much as an economic necessity. Now, female sexuality is more liberated and sex is seen as something pleasurable for women, the dynamic between men and women has always been unbalanced and now we are trying to make it equal. This is all new terrain for us as human beings... Long answer, I'm tired, just got back from dancing, gonna go to bed, but I hope it makes some kind of sense.
  9. venus777
    i completely agree. you have to tell him or you will regret it. worst case scenario you get closure and that is better than wondering and obsessing after he leaves about what could have happened.
  10. venus777
    wow i'm really sorry, it's really painful... you can't let her do this to you. she has hurt you immensely, don't let her hurt you anymore. you have to and can pick yourself up from this, for the kids, and for you. also, you CAN fall in love with someone else you know, even after all that time that you spent with this woman, there is plenty of room to share love with someone that truly loves you and would not do this to you. you deserve better.
  11. venus777
    i don't think putting her head on her should necessarily implies she likes you. all of those things could easily just be friendly gestures that you are reading things into! after all, if she just sees you as a friend, then she would do the same!
  12. venus777
    you have to tell her. but think carefully about what you're going to say. you don't want to scare her by letting her realize how **much** you like her, it can freak people out. but i think you have to tell her something. and take some **serious** space from her. i think the best thing to do is tell her that liking her is causing you pain and you can't see her anymore and you have to cut off ties. cause it isn't likely to develop into a healthy relationship the way it is now...
  13. venus777
    i hate the games. they drive me crazy. but i think i need to get better at doing it, thats why!!
  14. venus777
    no, i disagree about that completely.
  15. venus777
    it really looks like she sees you as friend material if she says she'd have her sister marry you. i think if she was interested in you she wouldn't want her sister to marry you because she would want you! i think that you are becoming obsessive because you need to release some of your energy. you like her and are holding it in and have no where else to put that energy. i think you have to tell her about your feelings, but not about the hourly checking, that would freak her out for sure. but you have to tell her about your crush and if it is not returned you may have to cut things off for a while until you heal. it might take a long time to heal, especially since this has gone on for so long! but you are right, it isn't healthy.
  16. venus777
    i think taking space right now is the best idea. you've made it really clear to him that you care and are listening to him... he still has some maturing to do and isn't handling the situation well. it can be hard to do when you're really close to it. i KNOW it's really hard to not think about it, but I'd try and do something else with your time and go no contact til he decides to contact you. you've done the best you can!!
  17. venus777
    personally, as someone whose had somewhere around 12 sexual partners, I could tell you that holding hand and cuddling and kissing are much more intimate than sex. what i mean, is that people don't do those things usually if they are just using someone, they just have sex with someone if they want to use them. but holding hands and kissing and things can be just as much bonding as sex, if not more so. but i have been used, that's why i can see the difference so clearly. usually people that use distance themselves more from the person... so... i think that if you aren't sure, you are right, it's better to just get to know him as a person and not kiss and cuddle. i mean, that's just my opinion based on what you are saying... and my personal experience with such things. i just think that those things can definitely cloud your judgment and can quite easily escalate to sex.
  18. venus777
    i think that actually people sleep around because there is a problem in the relationship more so than sexual fulfillment. i think that is much more common, usually when people cheat there are more fundamental compatibility issues going on that deal with personality differences and so on... and ALSO, some people are just HEARTLESS.
  19. venus777
    I disagree with said point. I think if one of them is having an affair, inevitably the affair will be obvious. It's like there is a big elephant in the room and eventually the affair will wear down on the marriage. It's hard to maintain a lie for a very long time.
  20. venus777
    hahahaha, that's HILARIOUS. I love that. it's worth a try, and maybe you will get a straight answer. you never know... let me know how it goes, even if you just pm me so that, you know, certain PEOPLE (to be polite), aren't in the loop about it.
  21. venus777
    hmmm... only side of the story that is missing, is that after dating for awhile and he DOES want sex it doesn't mean he doesn't care for you... it's hard to abstain from sex once you've had it... i mean, the reason people do it is cause they like it.
  22. venus777
    he is actually pretty well known and has done work with some really famous groups!! and has been in movies. so what you got to say to that. it's true.
  23. venus777
    how can two people be "sexually incompatible"?
  24. venus777
    I ABSOLUTELY think you should confront him. I think you deserve an answer. Tell him you want to know the truth. Did he just use you? Tell him, you feel like after all that time you deserve some honesty. He may not give it to you, but I think you should be direct with him. I prefer that method. People on this site only get a very small precentage of the story and make comments based on their personal experience. So while it's helpful, you are the only one that knows the real deal. So look in your heart and find the truth there. Do YOU think he used you, or do you feel like it's an odd enough thing that it deserves a discussion?
  25. venus777
    they talked on the phone for months. that means they **communicated**. while people can deceive others on the phone, email and even YES in PERSON, i don't think you can just blame her for not seeing it. maybe he is an Ahole. But she apparently talked to him and felt otherwise. It was a mistake, but it doesn't mean she had to see it ahead of time. People believe in the good of people. And JUST because he is a rock star doesn't mean that he sleeps with everyone. In **fact** I've dated a musician that was very much a one woman man. So... you can't judge people like that. And so there. All three of your points I disagree with. Why don't you go to some other thread and knock someone else down!
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