bellis

link removed the rest of this site is great too.

Don't give up. Give yourself time. Explore what turns you on, not necessarily just with your body or with your body at all, but what turns you on in your MIND: i.e. scenarios, dirty thoughts, fantasies, thoughts of love, thoughts of ??!!!!! - you tell me. It's all about discovering what YOU like, and what gives you pleasure - finding it for yourself and then learning to ask for it. You're still so young. I'm 27 and I have friends my age who haven't come from sex or even at all. A lot of people work on this. You'll get there. You'll bloom at your own pace. Trust that. Have fun!

Hi Koremi, No need to be so stressed out about this! It takes a lot of women a long time to find out how to orgasm. I understand your desire for this to happen, and happen NOW, because it's great! Take a deep breath. You'll get there. So much pressure is put on women (and men) to fulfill or achieve certain sexual landmarks in order to feel like they are truly sexually mature or desirable, or even normal. You do not need to have an orgasm to be a real woman. So much of being able to come is allowing yourself to relax into your own physical, spiritual, and emotional pleasure. This is your birthright. And with time and knowing yourself better and better... it will come. And so will you. You don't have to prove anything to yourself or your boyfriend right now. What's great is that you and your bf are open about it. You can be honest with him. Ever tried a vibrator? Has your boyfriend ever tried going down on you? There's a really great book called "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. Maybe it would be worth reading. Ian Kerner is a funny and intuitive sex therapist. Also there is a book by Kim Katrall (aka Samantha on Sex and the City) called "The Art of the Female Orgasm"... it might be fun to do some reading! You're not alone. Bellis.

hey spectre22, Please stop trashing me, although I know that the vitriol in your posts has a lot more to do with you and your life than mine. I am a beautiful person who is trying to figure out how to live my life right. I am not perfect and I doing the best I can. I made a mistake and I feel guilty. My moral code may not be as rigid, absolute, and angrily self-righteous as yours, but I am sick of your aggressiveness and scorn. I won't be coming back here so don't bother deconstructing this post line by line and replying angrily.

yikes... some responses are supportive... some are scathing.. I was not looking for a debate as to whether I should tell or not tell. I'm also not looking for moral judgement and lectures. I'm not telling him. I already said that. The drunken kiss was a HUGE mistake on MY part, and I feel guilty enough, believe me. It's not worth losing my current bf over this. I have never cheated on a partner before and I don't intend to again. I have been cheated on so i understand the anger in many of your responses. If the kiss had been intentional full-blown sex or an affair, it would be different. The EX has NO feelings for me like that and I do not have feelings for him. He is not at all interested in stirring the pot and letting my current guy know. If the same sort of thing had happened with my current bf (meaning he had drunkenly, stupidly kissed an ex) I wouldn't want him to tell me, especially if it made him realize how much he loved me and wanted to be with me. Period. Thanks for your replies.

I know that there is a lot to sort through and work on. Thanks for your post.

Thanks for your post, Hope75.

thanks for your reply elektrahere. Point(s) taken.

Thanks for your advice. The worlds of my ex and my current boyfriend are completely separate - they know nobody in common - so there is no way my bf will find out, fortunately. I just have to reconcile the guilt within myself.

Hi there. I did something that I thought I would never do. I've been going out with a guy who I really love for about seven weeks. He loves me too. The relationship is challenging and we are both learning a lot from it. I have a lot of trust issues to sort out, which I'm committed to doing. Last night I went (solo) to an engagement party and ended up getting pretty trashed. I ran into an ex. We spent a long time talking and kissed in a cab (I initiated it!?). Only kissing happened with him, nothing else. It was purely physical. If I tell my boyfriend, he will almost surely break up with me. It will cause him a lot of pain. I feel like it would almost be more selfish of me to tell him. This has made me realize how much I want to try to have a great relationship with him. It has also made me realize how much control I can lose over myself when I drink. I don't think this is a debate about should I tell/ should I not tell... although there are many who probably think that I should tell. I just wonder how I can forgive myself. Thanks.