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Shadows Light

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  1. Shadows Light
    You said that you've discussed all these issues fairly extensively. Thats GREAT. As you can see... sometimes you can "think" you have things nailed down pretty well, but once you get into the situation, you'll feel differently. Kind of like walking a mile in someone else's shoe thing. My "X" and I... had WONDERFUL communication skills in the beginning. That was the one thing we prided ourselves on is that we were able to talk about all the "WHAT IF's" and agree on a plan.... What we didn't count on is... the "LIVING IT"part. and all the lovely little monkey wrenches that get tossed in just to make your day. LOL. As you age... so will your feelings and your views. You will change... and you both need to learn compromise and flexibility. As my grandmother would say... a YOUNG TREE is very flexible. And old tree grow's rigid.. and the branches will snap. Learn Compromise and Flexibility. If I were to give you "ONE" piece of advice to take into your marriage... it would be, draw of a contract for RULES OF ENGAGEMENT. Meaning... learn to communicate fairly... everyone fights and everyone argues... LEARN to do it fairly, respecting each others views and respecting each other as persons. Before we were married... we needed to attend what is called.. "PRECANA" class with the Catholic Church. They actually had us take a compatability test. And they also talked about.. things we are talking here. We kinda nodded.... YEs yes yes.. we got it. But we really didn't. I do recall them talking about RULES OF ENGAGEMENT... and again.. yes yes yes.. we got it. Seven years into the marriage.. ( LOL.. that lucky 7 eh?) found us sitting in marriage counseling... and again... RULES OF ENGAGEMENT. By this time we were NOT fighting fair. It was cat and dog. This time we photocopied Rules our conselor gave to us. And tagged it to the Fridge. Unfortunately for us... by this time the GROOVES has been set... the foundation laid.. and we'd gotten into a pattern. Screw the FAIR and rules of engagement thing. LOL. So take heed from those who've walked the path before. They've been there... and lived it.
  2. Shadows Light
    Glad to hear you are feeling better. Try take a few of the idea's we've offered and put them into practice. You may not get results or changes right off the bat... change takes time. And you are very welcome anytime. If you need to vent, talk, ask questions come here. You posted on the Suicide board dear... and I just wanted to tell you and make sure you understood... "NOTHING" is that bad that it can't be resolved somehow. "Nothing". Keep cutting mom some slack... and I'm sure eventually... shortly... you'll get it back in return. Remember... "GIVE... and then you GET" Thats the way it works. Show her love and understanding...and she will return it.
  3. Shadows Light
    ummmmm are you referring to me??? or Dude69.. or just replied to the wrong thread.. lol. I don't know about the maturity part ..because when its time to party and have a good time... I'm usually the instigator in the crowd.. lol.
  4. Shadows Light
    Wow... you are a rare gem. Silly you... how can someone be too old for their age??? you just happen to be more Mature for your age.... lol. Where are your hunting grounds?? meaning how are you meeting these young chickies??? You might want to look else where.. or try dating up, dating a college girl. And true enough.. I've seen it swing the other way, where those who didn't have their hay day, launch into Mid-life as if today was the last day on earth. Balance... I think you try to strive for balance. I still work at that... lol... tipping the scales in either direction. "Growing old is inevitable... Growing up is an option"
  5. Shadows Light
    NJRON.... ROFLMAO... lol.. =D>
  6. Shadows Light
  7. Shadows Light
    Dont have a stats report in front of me... but I'd be willing to bet if thingss are not right elsewhere.. things arn't right in bed either. I think relationship problems can spill over into the rest of the relationship if there's something wrong in another area. For instance... If my S.O. is disrespecting me or disregarding me.. how the heck will I be able to "love" him in the bedroom??? If I don't feel good about myself out of bed.. how will I feel good in it??? Looks... lol. All I can say is that you were with some shallow women. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And Love is blind.. truly... lol. have you ever seen a couple walking down the street, hand in hand... in love and oblivious to the world. And you think.. WOW .. what a mismatched couple. How did that happen?? LOL. I remember one of my "X" boyfriends.. and while I was with him, I thought he was the CAT's MEOW... I saw him a few years later after we broke up.. and thouhgt.. "what the he!! was I thinking???" lol. And darlin.. we didn't break up because he suddenly turned back into a frog. I can only imagine.. that the MAGIC had worn off for him too..and he thought.. "Ohhhh HeII... I dated that Giant women... eeek" So.. no... I don't think its all about looks. I'll ammend that to say... not as you get older. As you get older its less about looks than the whole package.
  8. Shadows Light
    I don't think I've met too many men who do "LIKE" to use a raincoat but its a necessary evil just the same. Not just for protection from an untimely pregnancy...but to protect.."both" partners. I hate cleaning my bathroom and taking out the garbage...but its a necessary evil. Poster... You'll be fine. Relax. People have been making "LOVE" from the dawn of time.. I'm sure you'll both figure it out and it will be wonderful and beautiful.. once you both get the knack. its just like learning to ride a bike.. that wasn't easy was it?? and with a little bit practice.. its second nature.
  9. Shadows Light
    For your money of course!!! KIDDING... I'M KIDDING !!!! LOL.. She wouldn't be with you if she didn't want to be with you. "LOVE" is not all about what happens between the sheets. The bedsport is just the icing on the cake.
  10. Shadows Light
    If I haven't gone.. in my celebicy.. then surely you will not either. Believe me... I do remember way back in the cobwebs of my day.. being 17 and having those HORMONES pinging. You will not go nuts. The object of your desires really needs a little more from you than just your WILLY. Its the way we're wired I think.. very few of us can just "have sex" and be content with the carnal act. We need to be loved, respected, held in esteem. We need to feel that special invisible intangible tie.. before we allow ourselves to "express" our emotions in the carnal act...of SEX. So... get your hormones in check darlin.. go take a cold shower like the rest of us.. go for a walk, a run, get involved in sports, go lift some weights, go read a book, listen to music, hang out with friends, and just BE...... And along the way.. try to learn to stop, look, listen, and smell the roses. Learn what it takes to appreciate your lady love for other than... the sexual release that your body yearns for.
  11. Shadows Light
    I'm comfortable in talking about.. what I like and what I don't like. I don't have a problem with that.. and I do think a couple should communicate those things with each other. "I like to be touched...all over... there's 6 foot something of me.. and not just the erogenous zones..." "We never did it with the lights on.. and I really like making love by candlelight" That sort of thing... I think thats common place. What I find uncomfortable is the SIZE questions... or the SATISFACTION questions. I am out of that relationship... so what the heck does it really matter. Its not all about the bed sport anyway. By the time the prior relationship is on the skids the bedsport has gone to pot anyway.
  12. Shadows Light
    I'm glad to hear it. But I'm dead serious.. I've read these things on threads here and have heard them else where.. .and it just amazes me... I'm pretty darned secure with myself the way I am.. and I think I'm a good sport about allot of things.. lol. I think its awesome to have your "lover" compliment you... everyone wants to know that they ROCK the other persons world... but I sure as heck don't want to be compared. Nor.. do I do any comparing. At least NOT to THIS extent... "was he bigger than me??" What the heck is that all about??
  13. Shadows Light
    Religious differences should be discussed before you "THINK" about getting married. Will you be marrying in the "catholic" or "babtist" faith? and yes.. it does matter, do you plan on having children? and in which faith do you plan on raising those children??? His family... I know you miss your grandmother, but why would you begrudge him his?? its not his fault your's has moved on her journey. If his grandmother accepts you into her family circle.. you should feel honored.. how absolutely wonderful. I know now that my grandmother is gone... and I have children of my own. I appreciate my grandmother MORE now than when she was with me. There are so many things I wish I had done and said... and I will never get the chance. Or will I??? I can "LOVE" his grandmother. I can appreciate his grandmother. And I know my grandmother would be standing beside me the whole time beaming a big smile... and saying.. "thats my girl" The answer to your question is YES... you do marry the extended family and friends, for good and for ill. ohhh boy do you. I learned some very powerful lessons from my "X-Inlaws".. lol.. valuable lessons. And no.. I don't regret it. All my experiences have shaped the Woman I am today... You and your fiance... need to start talking about some of the tougher aspects of marriage. Its not all fun and games.. its work darlin... And that is what this "YEAR" is all about.. Engagements historically were meant to be a compatibility test to see if you truly were meant to be. My advice to you is... Learn the ART of COMPROMISE... and learn it quickly.
  14. Shadows Light
    Well I'm glad you're thinking ahead and using condoms!!! Can't answer the question from a guys point of view... but I can answer it from mine, whose been with a virgin male. The first time for me, i was fortunate to have been with an experienced lover. And...after a certain point, yes he did have a difficult time on entry. Persistance. is all I can say. Try the missionary position the first time. You on the bottom. Your knee's drawn up. When he comes forward...give him a hand and draw him forward so that he's in the vicinity where he's supposed to be. Then... he just needs to let nature take its course and...shift his hips forward.. I'd suggest..slowly since you are a virgin also. Do you have access to a public library??? You'd be surprised how much information can gleen from there. Dr. Sue Johnson.. .google her website.. she's got a lot of good information. ahhhh The light thing.... I'd try to help him along with this one ASAP. Candle light and dim lighting is wonderful. Can u dim the lights super low somehow...
  15. Shadows Light
    I've read it on so many posts and it drives me batty.... Why is it that men have to know about a former lovers prowess in bed with his lady love. They have to ask those tough questions... Was he better in bed than I? Was his penis bigger than mine? Which do you like better? Was he a better kisser than I? did he do this for you.. or that for you???? And... inevitably.. ladies, how do you answer??? If the person asking the question is someone you care for and want to keep around... of course you say.. "Oh No Baby.. You are the best"... how often will you tell him... "Oh man he was so great in bed... he was this and he was that... don't sweat it honey... you'll get there..." I think the Magic... Chemistry (whatever you want to call it) is Unique and special between each couple. And there it should stay.. between that couple.
  16. Shadows Light
    By the way... I've read it so many times before, in more posts than this one... why is it that Men have to know.. about another lovers prowess in bed? Don't torture yourself and ask.... its not on a need to know basis.. you don't need to know. IF... you don't ask.. it show's that you are confident in yourself. Worry only about what 'YOU & YOUR' partner have together... the magic that happens between two people is different. Each is unique.. and each is special.. should be respected only in the context of those two people. If you are insecure about your prowess with her... then you simply ask.. if there is "anything" different you can be doing with her. And you go from there.
  17. Shadows Light
    What a tangled web... sheeesssh. OK... first of all...Stay away from her cell phone. I'd be very offended if anyone were "snooping".... and I usually tell people if they "SNOOP" its their nightmare not mine. They've gotta deal with it. Your situation. Classic "Love Triangle"... you broke up because why???? did you need to make some changes? you made changes.. obviously because she mentioned she noticed them and she liked them. What has she changed???? Seriously... the waters are too muddy on this one. I think... you should go walk away from this vortex... and look to taking care of "YOU". Go out with your friends, start a new hobby you've been meaning to... do some soul searching on what you want out of life. You are so young... and you have your whole life ahead of you. "LOVE" shouldn't be this hard or this much work. "LOVE" should grow naturally... I'm not saying you don't work at "LOVE" but not this much .. and this soon in the honeymoon phase of your lives.
  18. Shadows Light
    I agree with much of what "DAYWALKER" says above, except..... I don't think she consciencely reeled you in with her victim role. She is "the victim" in her situation. And isn't it wonderful that you are her "Knight in shining armor" Look.. Yes.. she probably deserves to be loved and she probably deserves better. However.. she's got to do this on her own. Its great to have a little help from your friends, validation and a shoulder to cry on... but in the end, she needs time away from "RELATIONSHIP" City to heal her bruised heart and ego. You want to love her? You want to be her friend? Then do not put your life plans on hold but LIVE. Back off or hold off on any physical relationship with her and give her lots of SPACE. When and if she files for divorce or leaves him... be as far away from the CHIT so it doesn't splatter. Trust me on this one!!!! Her XTB will not take responsibility or ownership for what he's done to her... he'll play the BLAME GAME... and if she's involved with you and he finds out.... SHE will get labeled with a big scarlet "A" and no one.. no one.. no one.. will believe anything she has to say. She has to do this on her own.
  19. Shadows Light
    Yes... I can see it happening. If you close yourself off from socializing much with other people.... when you are put in those situations you won't be too comfortable. I think you can get PHOBIA's at anytime. A friend of mine was hit by a car at age 7. She's was on the sidewalk walking to school. A few months later when she was recovered she was "AFRAID" of every car she saw. Afraid one of them was going to jump the curb and hit her again. She had to be walked to school for the next 2 years until she could get used to the idea that.. it wouldn't happen again.
  20. Shadows Light
    NO HUGGING.... ohhh man thats a tough one!!! I think it depends on the person. We're all wired differently. I happen to be BUTT UGLY.. so I can be a guys best friend.. lol. (kidding). I have many guy friends and I'd call our relationship platonic. Again.. who's definition are we going by.. because I do hug them and I do get kisses (on the cheek) and they will "C BLOCK" when someone is paying me unwanted attention.. lol. Guy friends are AWESOME in these situations... lol... and of course I do the same for them. I'm like the NINJA AMAZON GF... body guard.. lol.
  21. Shadows Light
    And thats what happens when you take in a stray dog... you can bathe him, vet him up, get rid of the flea's, feed him... and he'll still be a stray and bite you. ppppfffssstt. This pooch is a MOOCH. Pack up his dog bowl, his chew toys, and take him to the pound. Not even the dog whisperer can change him. You can't change him hon.. you can't can't can't... I'm sure he's a cutey patooty when he wants to be and has great big puppy dog eyes.. but he's still a louse and a mooch. Ditch that Jerk. (No offense to our 4 legged friends out there... they truly are worth the time and the effort... its these two legged ones can't be paper trained!!!)
  22. Shadows Light
    Scruff, I'm so sorry for your loss. 58 is very young. I tell my children a bed time story every night about how they came to being. They were little angels and living in heaven with God. One of the things angels do is go to Angel school. And they work really hard to learn "all" of thier lessons. One day... God turned on the "big screen" tv and showed them lotz of parents here on earth. And he let them choose which journey they would take. My angels, chose ME!!! lol.. can you believe of all the mom's in the world they chose me??? WoW!! and the story goes from there.... I'd like to think we're all here for a reason. We're here to get our WINGS. We're here to grow and learn... and at times to teach. We touch each others lives in countless ways. People walk into our life for a reason, and they stay for a season or a lifetime. When the person has done what they've been sent here to do.. then they go on to their next journey. They've graduated. They've earned their wings. Your aunt... did what she was sent here to do and now she's onto another fabulous journey. You'll be seeing to her funeral in a few days... make sure you Celebrate her life. Celebrate and remember how absolutely wonderful she "IS".... as she goes back home, I'm sure angels of those near and dear who have gone before will be lighting her way. Peace to you and your's poster. And I'm glad you liked my quote above. Sometimes.... I'm inspired.
  23. Shadows Light
    THANK -YOU....I love that song.....
  24. Shadows Light
    Post Script: Turn on the news. The news is littered with the bizzarre crimnal acts of a congressman. He may be upstanding in every other facet of his life.... but he hides a darker side that is "NOT" acceptable. What your friend did is NOT acceptable. I agree with BellaDonna.. this is NOT your friend.
  25. Shadows Light
    I think you are perfectly normal. Date rape happens a lot. And since you willingly went on the date, and the rape ocurred with someone you called "FRIEND" you question yourself. When you say NO" it means NO... at any point and time. What he did was WRONG. You may want to see if you can talk to your school counselor or ask your md for a referral to a counselor to help you work through this. If this is still WITH you and BOTHERING you two years later... its a problem. You friend may be a nice guy otherwise...but he made a bad choice. No is no.
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