Shadows Light

I have and have had many male friends as friends. A few have turned into big brother/little sister relationships. I agree with Babydoll... sometimes holding hands can be a protective gesture by a friend depending on the circumstance. If we were walking through a crowded concert lets say. Or.. holding hands could be just a loving caring gesture, if I were feeling down and we were talking about something that is hurting me. I'm affectionate with my friends. Always have been. We greet each other with a hug and kiss.. .and we part the same way. I've always been this way... and its just the way I am. Sexual tension? you pretty much know quickly if there is a sexual tension on their part. You can feel it as something intangible on the air. At some point that tension needs to be addressed. Usually someone will bust a move when the tension gets high enough... and thats when I will usually have the ... "I love you but only as a friend" conversation. lol. Every culture is different so I can't say if your 19 to his 31 years would be considered much of a tabu. You are fairly young and from where I sit... Yes, I would say stick closer to your own age. There is so much for you to experience yet and at your own pace. I think sometimes when there is a may / decemeber relationship... the older person wants the younger one to CATCH up quickly. And if you do that.... you will miss the beautiful Spring time flowers and all the wonders of spring.

Do you read? There are a few books you may want to pick up from the library... The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to stop being abused and how to stop abusing: by Beverly Engle. The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to Respond by Patricia Evans Teen Torment: Overcoming verbal abuse at home and at school by Patricia Evans Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner The first step is trying to really understand WHAT something is and WHY something is... then you will be better equiped to fight it. In this case... I mean that in a literal sense.. fighting. The best reaction to an explosive action is non-reaction. Don't feed the dragan directly. You "DO" need to respect your dad... because he is your dad. Obviously he is NOT respecting you when he yells, screams and carries on like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. Your mother may benefit from some of the book above. I know. I've been there. .. wishing there were bruises just so there was something tangible to show the world. There is a web site called link removed or if you google Dr Irene You may be able to learn more about verbal abuse there and glean more knowledge on what it is and how to deal with it. Knowledge is power.... and just KNOWING what it is you are dealing with.... has a calming effect on your spirit. Love and Light to you poster. Sending you a big big cyber hug.

Hey.... go listen to some music.. its a great pick me up... Gloria Gaynor First I was afraid I was petrified Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side But I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong I grew strong I learned how to carry on and so you're back from outer space I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face I should have changed my stupid lock I should have made you leave your key If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me Go on now go walk out the door just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye you think I'd crumble you think I'd lay down and die Oh no, not I I will survive as long as i know how to love I know I will stay alive I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give and I'll survive I will survive It took all the strength I had not to fall apart kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart and I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself I used to cry Now I hold my head up high and you see me somebody new I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you and so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me

A little dated.. but a classic none the less..... Gloria Gaynor First I was afraid I was petrified Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side But I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong I grew strong I learned how to carry on and so you're back from outer space I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face I should have changed my stupid lock I should have made you leave your key If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me Go on now go walk out the door just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye you think I'd crumble you think I'd lay down and die Oh no, not I I will survive as long as i know how to love I know I will stay alive I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give and I'll survive I will survive It took all the strength I had not to fall apart kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart and I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself I used to cry Now I hold my head up high and you see me somebody new I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you and so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me

You asked her about it didn't you? Why would you do that? eeesshh... and more so, why oh why would she compare. Look... that is one of those things that is "NOT A NEED TO KNOW THING"... and shouldn't be discussed. Ever. Darlin... I know you love her but this love seems a bit... Obsessed.. and thats not a good thing. Its not a healthy thing. I don't know if its an age thing... or a first love thing... but I "CAN" and "DO" empathize with you. I think I was just as bent as you are when I was your age. And I look back.... sooooo many years down the line, my "X-bf" and I were ill suited for one another. It was my first love... my first heart throb. And I probably spent as much time as you lamenting dramatically the demise of my "LOVE LIFE".. thinking he was the end-all to be-all. You know what mine said to me???? He wanted to go out and date... and gain "EXPERIENCE".... so he could be better for me!!!!! ssshhheeeeshhhh. What was I chopped liver?? lol. I look back now... and I still see him around. And I can put a big big smile on my face.. "BOY OH BOY" did he miss out. lol. He did me a favor in some ways... because after he left, I worked on "ME"... lol. I learned to walk, talk, dress properly. I learned the art of flirting. I learned the art of being a woman and found... the woman in me. Don't sell yourself short.. you are a good guy. And probably... an awesome lover. She just doesn't know how to appreciate properly. Go talk to someone if you can. Talk it through. Don't call her. And don't see her at all. You will survive...

Evanescence - The Fallen CD spoke to me... the whole CD.. lol.. But the 1st song on there was gripping.. "Going Under" Now I will tell you what I've done for you 50 thousand tears I've cried Screaming Deceiving and Bleeding for you And you still won't hear me (I'm going under) Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself Maybe I'll wake up for once Not tormented daily defeated by you Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom I'm dying again I'm going under Drowning in you I'm falling forever I've got to break through I'm going under Blurring and Stirring the truth and the lies So I don't know what's real and what's not Always confusing the thoughts in my head So I can't trust myself anymore I'm dying again I'm going under Drowing in you I'm falling forever I've got to break through So go on and scream Scream at me I'm so far away I won't be broken again I've got to breathe I can't keep going under

Dunno what books there are aimed toward books. But I do remember reading somewhere that the reason most of these books are targeted toward women is... because we are more likely to buy them, and ask relationship type questions. Wonder why that is?? are women just more disatisfied with relationships and men are just happy to be where their at or what?? dunno.

I call my stretch marks "Decorations of Valor and Courage" I've earned them thank-you. lol. Everyone is different. There are those women (you'd like to shoot) that have WONDEFUL elasticin in their skin and they bounce right back. Wear their pre-pregnancy JEANS home from the hospital. LOL. I obviously was NOT one of those women. Your belly will come back to its normal shape. Follow your OBGYN's instructions. And when you get back on your feet.. 6-8 weeks.. start walking, start exercising.. start working on your ab muscles. You can have that flat belly again with a little bit of work.

LOL!!!! With the amount of posts that I answer on the Sex/Romance topic.. lol.. I SHOULD be in the mile high club. Thats one I haven't tried..... lol... yet. I love the analogy.. Sumguy

Very nice... flows beautifully... and i love the way you centered it on a page.. made me scroll up and down the page because it almost reminded me of the shapeliness of a woman. So where is she today??? Is she married? Lost?

You know... this is just one of many ways your baby is going to move away from you as he grows. Someone told me, when I was 9 months pregnant and as big as a house, that I would miss having my baby inside of me. And that once that baby is born...its the 1st step in separation from me. I thought.. what the heck are you talking about. I can barely walk. I can't sleep. I need a crane to turn me over in bed and a crane to get me out of bed. The kid is kicking my insides out.. and I pee my pants everytime it decides to stretches... I'm gonna miss this??? lol. She was right. I held my baby in my arms.. and yet, I missed that closeness of having her inside of me. The weaning process is another step away from me. Ahhhhhh... the first day I went back to my full time job and had to hand her over to a sitter. Yikes!!! And then... she started crawling... And walking... And whoops... she's in school and I have to allow yet another adult into her life. A few more steps from me. All of the steps my child takes from me are... bitter sweet. Sweet because I am watching grow and thrive. Sweet because that is natures way. Sweet because that is the way its supposed to be. Bitter because... I still long for that closeness of feelinig her in my womb. lol. The Joys of being a mother. lol. I've always loved the poem by Kahil Gibran... On Children And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children." And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Lostinpain.. and Robinboro... There is a website called: link removed that talks specifically about verbal/emotional abuse. You may find it helpful. She lists a number of helpful books regarding the "cycle" of Anger... what is verbal abuse (VA) and what is the definition of Emotional abuse (EA). I have found this site to be very informative and was able to further research books on the subject. To Robinboro... you question yourself consantly, because you wonder. "am I seeing this the right way?" and because it happens in "cycle's" The first thing you learn ... like Pavlov's dog (excuse the analogy) is to walk on egg shells. You'll pick up subtle things on what ticks them off and when its going to happen. As the cycles progress... the anger gets targeted... it gets meaner... it no longer seams intangable. ahhh but there's still "CRAZY MAKING" because they'll shift the blame to you. Somehow the blame will always swing your way. You'll become depressed, you'll become hurt, you'll cycle with them with resentment. And its a vicious cycle. Your HUSBAND is crossing some very personal boundaries. To be accused of INFIDELITY in a marriage where there is NO REASON or SUBSTANCE to it is a very serious breach. I know.. I've been there. At some point you'll have to decide when enough is enough. I think it comes when you can "NAME" what it is he's doing.. that intangible thing. YEP... I hated calling my "X" on the carpet for what he was doing. I felt more like his mother than his wife or partner. ICK.

I'm glad you made it through the day and no phone calls.. Good good good. You want to watch for him "HOOVERING" you back... thats when he comes back with the pretty words and promises. Stick to your guns and don't let him sway you. Until the DATA changes.. you have the analysis. Try to get out and visit family and friends. Keep yourself busy. Take care of YOU... mentally, physically and emotionally. And keep coming back here to vent and post as much as you'd like. It helps.

You need to respect her wishes. Chasing after her or pressing her will only make her run the other way. Hindsight is always 20/20 my friend. If she wants to hang with you as a friend.. great, take it. But let it be enough. Leave all the lovey/dovey stuff at home and on the back burner. She told you she's only going out now because "its something to do".. but her going out to you works for you. She's got her life.. you have yours... and somewhere in the middle you meet. Wonderful. BUT.. that wasn't the way she wanted it. Going back to a "TOGETHER" situation.. she still won't like your friends. She'd still want to stay cloistered. And you'd be at square one. Albeit feelings on the table. Would that really really make you happy??? I don't think so. You shouldn't have to GIVE UP your friends in order to have her in your life. Nor should either of you "CHOOSE" each others friends. Let it be for now. Let it rest. Don't stir this pot so much...it'll only confound you more.

I think Rosetosummer.. has covered it sufficiently in her post. I'm so sorry your friend has to go through this. One of the first and hardest steps to take is "disclosing"... telling someone. Telling a friend is a great start. But to take it further, babysteps and disclose to a trusted adult. A school counselor possibly? or even calling one of the private "hot-lines" on the phone listed above. I had a close friend who disclosed to me they were being abused by a parent. I may not have handled it proffessionally but I knew I had to do something. My friend did not want to go home anymore. Couldn't face it anymore... and was scared. The reason they were scared is that the abuser was starting to look for other targets in the neighborood. My friend did not want someone else to get hurt. So... we sought help. To make a long story short, it stopped. I truly believe that the abuser is no longer molesting anyone, nor will they ever again. For my friend... it was a H-U-G-E burden off their shoulders. They'd have probably escaped being molested once the abuser moved on to their new victim. But that wasn't the point... the abuser had to be stopped. Your friend is cutting to regain some control over a situation she has no control over. I beg to differ. She "CAN" get that power back. She has a good friend with you at her side..and I'm sure many others. She needs to talk to people who KNOW what to do to help her. And she needs to do it now.

My dentist told me to stay away from chewing gum. Eating bagels or hard foods. He also made me a dental appliance, much like football guys wear an the field so that i don't grind my teeth in my sleep. It helps. Appliance cost me $50... insurance covered most of it. I don't think it was anywhere near 6K you are talking about. What exactly do you get for that 6K???

Loved your poem Slightlybent.. I had visions of princes being turned into toads by the witchy women. Suppose the Goddess could have turned a Druid into a worm.. in tequila country... lol. hats off to you!!! keep writing... I like it.

I hope I'm understanding this correctly... but you barely show her any attention over a years time. You don't recipricate your feelings. In the end.. you find that she was trying to feed the dragon to get an emotional response out of you... and was frustrated by your lack of emotion. And you said that she didnt' know the REAL you. Why wouldn't she know the real you? How is she supposed to judge who you are and what you are .. if it wasn't the real you. You were acting?? and now.. that she's gone you want her back... and are surprised that she wants to keep an arms length distance. sheesshhh. What a tangle. Look.. I'd suggest the both of you don't contact each other for a period of time and get your heads straight on what exactly it is you both want out of a mate. If you were always a social kind of guy and she is not.... how have things changed?? I don't think she's as social as what you are "SEEING' right now. She's social as she needs to be. Meaning.. if she is single and hunting.. she needs to be social. Once she has her man. She drops roots. She's not going to change that much you know. She may look more inviting to you now because .... she's out and appears to be having a rip roaring good time. BUT... keep in mind what she liked the BEST in your relationship. Staying home.. just the two of you. AND "THAT" is not something You are ready for yet, is it??

At the bottom of that bottle Sits a wise old worm Watching you with wizened eyes A kin to the steely womb He watches as fantasy chases blues. Climbs up the bottle to sit a spell Shakes his little head a little at you And divines a story to tell Listen friend he says, I'd like to help a brother I'm not supposed to tell you this as I'm a kin to the great mother. When she gets her knickers in a twist It's a sight to see She rules with an iron fist Just look at what happened to me. So you'd like to burn her on the pyre Can't say that I blame you there Many a man has come to this fork And then many wouldn't dare. Isn't it better to have loved and lost? Then never loved at all Had it lasted a moment longer I don't think you'd be stronger. Sometimes the fates decree what man can't foresee with his might That a couple wouldn't fare well And it would end with blight. So they cut you down before the final fall To give you a fighting chance And allow you to find the one true love And on the astral to forever dance. With a twitch of his nose and a swish of his tail. He dove back into the liquid. Advice from a tequila worm who once Was a learned druid. Grin.... I liked your poem so much.. it made me think of that little worm at the bottom of my favorite bottle of tequilla... lol.

YOU have done a phenominal job as a mom. Really.. you are a wonderful wonderful mother. Let me ask you a question. Do you feel a sense of peace and accomplishment after you've pumped? Reason I ask is because the exercise of breastfeeding, or pumpling releases a natural hormone called oxytocin into the bloodstream and it gives mom this... quiet, peaceful feeling. At the same time.. you get these drops of "GOLD" that come only from you that are so beneficial to your baby. And you feel like a super-mommy. You have done... an absolute fabulous job of nurturing that baby. Cut yourself some slack mom. With my 1st, she wouldn't latch on for a few weeks... after she did... whooo hoo. My second was a different story, child had a mind of its own and I struggled with her for 5 months. At about this time.. is when you start adding cereal to their diets. And fruits and veggies.... my baby wanted the food more than the breast. There wasn't anyway she was gonna work for it when it came so easy on a spoon. Yes... I too had a hard time with it. I felt REJECTED by my baby. Isn't that awful. And I pumped and pumped and pumped. I had one of those Cadilac versions of a breast pump. The Deluxe Medala... that pumped both breasts simultaniously... I felt like I was a Cow with my utters in a milking machine. Here I am making all these sacrifces and the kid rejects me for a bottle and food??? WTHeck....lol. I think its that feeling of accomplishment combined with an affinity for that oxytocin let down you get from breast feeding. So its part mental... and part hormonal stuff you are feeling. Ween yourself off slowly. And replace the love and nurturing you were putting in with feeding time with.... time with your baby. Your baby is gonna start getting really really super cute from here. Give him 2 months and he'll be crawling !!! Just think... once you stop breast pumping.. you can actually eat garlicy food again, spicey food again, have a few beers and not feel guilty. whooo hooo. There is a flip side to it and benefit. Replace pumpling time with YOU time. Go take a long bubble bath and take care of MOM again. Your doing just fine Mom... you'll be ok.

Welcome to Enotalone. Your husband sounds like a total.. "JERK".. and I'm sorry. I can think of a more colorful term but can't write it in this format. I feel for ya. He is right about one thing... You can not change him. Only he can change himself. And in this case.. I'd say you have every right to give him the "ULTIMATUM"... drugs are a deal breaker. Thank your lucky stars you don't have chlidren with him yet. How much help and support from him do you think you'd get? When you needed to buy diapers and formula.. he'd be out scoring a quarter bag of weed. And he's unemployable... to boot. And will not make any sacrifices to get a job! Thats a winner for you. I "DO" know people who smoke weed on thier own time, but they get past the drug tests... and are very careful. Family has got to eat first. And its not fair that you hold down the lions share of your finances. When he says he's not messing around until its finalized... you're right he's only trying to hurt you and guilt you. Don't buy into his line of bull. If he wanted to quit.. he'd quit. Yes, You can love someone very very much...but if they are toxic to you as well as themselves... then its a non-productive / non-recipricated love.... you need to think of self-preservation and walk away before you make any greater investment into this relationship.. ie.. Children. WALK.. and keep walking. I know its painful and it hurts... but it "WILL" get better.

BTW.... The anti-depresant of choice for me was PROZAC at 20mg. Very low dosage. Its been around for a while so more studies were done with it in conjunction with nursing mothers. With my second child... I didn't even wait to see if post-partum would hit. My OBGYN, told me right away to get on an anti-depressant right after birth. Studies she said have shown women who had Post-partum previously were more likely to experience it to a greater extent the following birth. With my second.. she was different. My first child was very laid back and would sleep sleep sleep. My second was colicy. Even though I was nursing. The best thing you can do when your child is crying crying crying... is call in a relative or friend. I used to place my child in her bassinet... or her crib..and walk away for a few moments. Make myself a cup of camomile tea.. and count to 50. When a child is colicy.. there is only so much you can do . So if you get overwhelmed... frustrated... put the baby in a safe place and walk away for a few moments.

Giggle... That actually made me giggle gentleman... lol. Its been a while..

Hey... here's something for you. And I wish I had a copy to send to you.. but I gave every copy of VICKY IVONE books to a girlfriend who became a new mom. Vicky Ivone wrote a series of books that are GREAT. They are REAL.. and they have humor in them. and practical advice. Go get yourself a copy. Amazon has a listing on them. I promise you won't regret it. Vicky also has a book called Girlfriends guide to surviving toddlerhood... soooo you can get the next one after you are done with this one. link removed by Vicki Iovine (Paperback)image removed

If you are not sleeping or eating... yes.. I think you need some relief right away. There's no shame in it. Thats what modern medicine is for. You will do fine.. really. Just having you here.. asking questions.. shows you are a good mom.