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Aura Seeker

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  1. Aura Seeker
    Hi there. I personally see red flags going up all over the place with this scenario. Meeting over a chat site is all good, but the time you have actually spent together is minimal. Also I have to say that I have a somewhat jaded outlook. I would be wanting to know more about behavior under pressure, patterns, past. Who is mommy and daddy? Seeing the whole functionality of the family. Have you met the parents? If I were you, I wouldn't get rushed into anything. I have had many experiences where people can be on good behavior until they have secured the goal. It may just be me, but I don't think you have spent enough time together (in real life) (from your account) to be able to really know each other. If you want to set her mind at ease, give a promise ring instead of an engagement ring. You sound like you take this all very serious, and I don't see why you have to be bum rushed in from emotional pressure that it sounds like you are getting. Just my opinion. ;-) A
  2. Aura Seeker
    Hi there, It is frustrating to watch someone you love go down a destructive path. I deal with alcoholics and drug addicts a lot. The most painful part for me, is letting go with love. All you can do on your part is make a suggestion of going to A.A, or treatment. Remind her that she is dealing with a diease, and it isn't going to get better, only worse. One is to many, and a thousand isn't enough. Also remind her that it isn't something that is cureable. If someone can't eat strawberries because of allergies, that isn't going to change or be any different 6 months or 6 years down the road. The allergy will be activated the next drink. Our sick minds will often make excuses in our heads saying that I can just stick to wine, or beer. Stay off the whiskey. There can be NO alcohol. It triggers it all over again. Even cough medicine will do this if it has alcohol in it. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make her hit her bottom and realize what is happening. You can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. It's up to her to keep herself out of the slippery places she is going to. The best path for you to take if she is not willng to seek help, is to stand back away from the wreckage. You will just be a hostage. You can only re-inforce to her that you are there for her when she decides that she wants to make the change. This diease affects people right to the mind, body and spirit. It's sad. Try getting her into the AA rooms. It's really the only place alcoholics can go for treatment that works. A
  3. Aura Seeker
    By law, they are married. They have been together several years, and have built businesses and raised children. I would think that she should first contact a lawyer and find out what her legal standing would be. She does not have to put up with him having two wives. It is not legal. And even if there are no papers on one, morally he is responsible. I would advise your friend to seek legal counsel. From what you have said, he sounds very mean and inconsiderate to her feelings. Not a good place for her to be. JMO A
  4. Aura Seeker
    I am proud of you for doing it!!! It's all good. You can still phone her and say, you didn't call, so I am going to give you ONE more chance!!! LOL If she sounded a little nervous, then maybe she is shy about calling. Don't give up so easssssyyyyyy!!! ;-) A
  5. Aura Seeker
    I wouldn't date a supervisor unless I didn't care about my job. What are you going to do if things go bad in the relationship, and that person has power over you? As for a co worker, as long as we didn't have to work directly together, why not. I wouldn't want to have to be in the same room all the time if we split up. A
  6. Aura Seeker
    I think as long as it isn't presenting a problem, then that's a personal decision. The next step as I see it then, is you have to forgive him and move forward. He was away for quite awhile, and now that you two are back in each others company, things might be different. Maybe you haven't really forgive him yet, but you two are together. That is difficult. Personally for myself, I can never move past that. If some one is dishonest in a relationship, I can't get the trust back needed to move forward in the relationship. It's over for me at that point. If you want to stay with him, you are going to have to let it go. To keep bringing up the past is going to drive him right where you don't want him to be. Hope it works out for you. ;-) A
  7. Aura Seeker
    Sounds like control issues. I have run into this myself. Pretty soon it will be your family. Do not let her interfere with the people that love you in your life. If she doesn't want to go and try to get along, leave her at home. The choice is hers. You are setting the stage for your life right now, and just make it clear that it isn't going to be a choice between her and your friends. You can have both. She will just have to deal with that. Just my opinion. A
  8. Aura Seeker
    Well, coming from someone who has had a problem with addictions in the past, I can hear a lot of bells go off when you explain the story. First see if the alcohol is the problem. Quit. If you can't quit, then you know it is. The reason why you keep thrashing over the same subject when you are drinking is because drinking is a diease of the mind, body, and spirit. Some people can drink, some can not. To keep saying you are sorry for the same thing over and over again without taking any action to really correct the root problem, will start to fall on deaf ears. We think we are normal drinkers until we learn what normal drinking really is. A normal drinker will have maybe two glasses of wine, and say how lit they feel, and stop. A non normal drinker will go at it all night until either there is no more left, or you pass out. Which kind of drinker are you? A
  9. Aura Seeker
    LOL Good for you! She was probably groggy cause you woke her up, and you were nervous, so over all I think it went well. Don't wait for her to call. Call her and see how she is feeling, and maybe ask her out. The worst thing that happens is she says no. No big thang!!! Next! Good for you for facing your fear. Things like that aren't easy. The more you do it, the less stressful it becomes to do it. Take her to the zoo. ;-) A
  10. Aura Seeker
    Yikes. I can believe it actually. We are all just a bunch of people in the world, and some of the difficult ones are mothers too. It sounds like some kind of dependancy problem. Is it gambling? Alcohol? Drugs? Where did that money go? Good for you on making her answer for that. Just because she is you mother, it doesn't give her the right to violate you. Stick to your guns. If she has some kind of problem, you might want to address that with her. If she shakes off some monkey on her back, you might get a mom back. A
  11. Aura Seeker
    You need to take some action to save yourself then. Go speak to someone and tell them this is how you are feeling. Get some tools to help deal with things, and medication if needed. Please go see a doctor or someone that can help you. You don't have to do this alone. Things WILL get better. I can't say that I have ever met a single person that had bad feelings their whole life. It gets better. Do something to help you. Please go and talk with someone that can help. It could very well be a chemical inbalance going on, and nothing anybody says will help. You may need something else. Make a doctors appointment. Ok? Then please come back here to talk, so you don't leave us hanging and worring about you. ((((((big cyber hugs))))))
  12. Aura Seeker
    If you have prayed to God, then don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens. I don't believe in hell myself. The word hell when translated in Greek and Hebrew is "Hades, and Sheol" That translated says nothing more than the common grave of man. (meaning we all die and go back to the dirt. "From dust we came, and to Dust we Return" God is not evil, and will not torment you for a billion lifetimes. He loves you, and your job is to just trust that. Sure, you can take your life. We all can when things are rough, but then we are not alive to enjoy the good things that come along, and they will. So, trust that God is not a blackmailer, and will not burn you forever, and in knowing that come to understand that he will make everything ok, because he does love you. God can not drive a parked car though. You need to do some things that help yourself out of it as well, and just watch how good things will start to fall into place once you decided to take that action. Trust God, and don't do it. A
  13. Aura Seeker
    I am just wondering if you are such a big fat loser, why did she give you her number? You are making decisions about what you think she thinks. The only reason why she would think you are a loser........is because YOU DIDN'T CALL!!!!!! There is healty fear, and there is fear that has no legs. Your fear has no legs, and when that happens....you need to just plow right through that. Try again. Pick up the phone, and call. Let her know you were to lip tied to call sooner. She will understand. It isn't like your shyness would be some big secret. That is probably something she liked about you, BUT you still have to make that call or you will never know! ;-) Come back and post how it went. You will either be licking your wounds or on cloud nine! Either way....you risked it. A
  14. Aura Seeker
    Hi there, This post has probably fallen off the board, but I hope you see it. In your post, I can clearly hear that you are putting your self worth based on other people and their behaviors. If that was a route that I chose to take, I would be laying on the floor twitching and bleeding out of my ears! (I am a little non conventional) Don't keep beating yourself up about what someone else is doing. You are not alive to be in control of other people, or justify their behavior (mostly by telling yourself that you aren't worth anything. Please address that. You are worth something, and it has nothing to do with other people how much that is. Fill the hole up inside of you with you, and then when someone else comes into your life, you will be whole and your self worth won't depend on them. They leave, you are still in tact. Take care, and I hope that things flip over for you quick, life has a way of changing in the blink! ;-) PS....You are normal like everyone else. ((((((Big cyber hug)))))) A A
  15. Aura Seeker
    Say what I said to say! LOL I think it is charming, and explains that you were not playing some hard to get game. You will never know the answers to any of your questions until YOU CALL!!!!! ;-) Just tell her you have a shy problem. I am sure if she is beautiful she has had her share of Romeo's! Maybe she is just looking for someone ........like you! Go for it, or you will kick yourself about it for months!!!! She isn't going to hang up on you, she gave you her number, but if wait any long......beautiful women have hurt egos to! Quit waiting, your blowing it!!!! ;-) What have you got to lose? A
  16. Aura Seeker
    Don't be coy. Just call her back. You need to hear what she has to say, good or bad. I don't think she is playing games, maybe just needed time, and times up. She has made a decision. Don't you want to know what that is? ;-) A
  17. Aura Seeker
    Ya, but I am surprised that he can even put a condom on!!! You must have a live one! ;-) "it" usually gets smaller in the cold! A
  18. Aura Seeker
    MAKE THAT CALL!!!! LOL Just call and say you took so long because you had to keep recovering from the heart attacks you got everytime you picked up the receiver to call her. She's so beautiful and you can't believe your luck!!!!! lol Call! Just be honest about how freaked out you are, and that will just make you double cute!!! ;-) A
  19. Aura Seeker
    I have always found in that past that if someone doesn't have it for you, they just don't have it for you. To keep pursuing that issue is to put yourself in a very painful situation. Move forward. It's over. If she TELLS you different then it isn't, but she has told you. You can't make or hope someone will feel different than they do; no more so than you can take a pee for someone else. No matter how hard you wish something, it won't make it so. Save yourself heartache, and if someone tells you it's over. It's over. Don't try to figure it out. You can be the greatest guy in the world, and she might be saying to herself....this guy...he's the greatest guy in the world, why can't I feel more for him. She can't make herself feel something that just isn't there either. Just my opinion. A
  20. Aura Seeker
    LOL You go girl!!! I am surprised that he can even enter after a cold dip in ice!! Usually makes the boys 'shrink' from the cold! Nothing weird about you at all. The only thing weird is that he can even have sex after doing that! lol The cold just might keep you from getting pregnant. Shouldn't do any harm to him, but it might not be a bad idea to ask a doctor that. A
  21. Aura Seeker
    Hi there. I have known people in your position. Some of the things that they do are: The sun lamp. I don't know what climate you live in, but here in Canada, the winters are long and dark. Some people really need the effects the sun gives them to subside the depression. Lots of excersise: The body and the mind are very distictivly connected. The better our body feels (ie: circulation, muscles) the better our minds feel. Get LOTS of excersise. Abstain: Try and stay away from any mood altering substances. If you smoke pot, stop it right away. Downer. Same with Alcohol. You are already down, and to take a downer substance increases the depression. Be good to you: Don't rely on someone else to come along to make you happy....like the boyfriend. That is a false sense of happiness, and a very real dive into depression if they leave. Those are just some things, and I would guess you have probably been told these things. Take action. Go against what you feel. For instance, "I don't feel like going for a run, or even think about starting it" Do it anyway, because it is the depression talking, and you need to put some practical things on the table, and then just do them even if you don't want to. Hope that helps a bit. Take one day at a time, and try not to think about tomorrow or yesterday. If you live with one foot in tomorrow and the other in yesterday, you are peeing on today! ;-) A
  22. Aura Seeker
    As a mother, I would have a flipping heart attack if at the age of 15 my daughter was dating someone 24. He would be running and hiding from me!!! lol This being said, I am 39 dating someone 26. I don't have an age difference problem between *adults*, but I have a huge problem with someone as young as 15 who hasn't reached adult hood yet. People that age can easily be manipulated by someone older, because they are not yet adults. Even if they appear adults, their hearts and minds and experiences are only that of a 15 year old. I get where pappy is coming from. If she was say 19 and he was 28, then they are both consenting adults. No big thang! ;-) Just my opinion. A
  23. Aura Seeker
    Hi Street dreamer, Nothing like racing hormones and mixed messages!!!! I think if you pursue this, that's what you are going to get a lot of. If you go after her, then be prepared. Please, please use a condom. Don't get caught up in this come here go away syndrome. Just talk straight with her, and if you don't get the same back, move on. Don't be bitter and change some of the good habits you have started. You mentioned that it may be better to go the 'bad boy' route again, and that is just betraying the good honest side to you. Just stay true to yourself and everyone else B.S will surface. Then that's their problem and not yours. Hope that helps ;-) A
  24. Aura Seeker
    I am no expert on relationships by far, but watching a lot of my friends go through marraige, there is a time of restlessness. I don't think it is uncommon. As for him not wanting to talk, that's why the book men are from mars and women are from venus sold so many copies! ;-) We are different breeds for sure. The biggest step I think is acceptance. This is man watch him not talk!!! LOL When ever I feel restless about things, I make up a list of things I am grateful for. Yours might be: My husband is faithful. He's a good father. He is kind and not abusive. My child is healthy. We live in a good home......ect.....I am sure you get the picture. Complacency is almost like a diease. The grass always looks greener....;-) I think if you just stay true to your path, and don't act on the things you are feeling, it will pass and you will be glad that you have the stability of the marriage, even if it does get a little boring sometimes! I hope it passes for you. Try to focus on the positives. It is better to want the things we have then have the things we want! ;-) A
  25. Aura Seeker
    I can not approach anyone about it. He lived with someone for 12 years, and nobody knows that person. (part of the icolation) The parents are not in the picture, they live in Toronto, and he lives in Calgary. I think I am the first person to see this pattern in the open. I am sure whoever he lived with for 12 years would have info, but nobody knows him. From what I read, that is the normal pattern. Not to have people who can put the story together allow to meet. I really need to find a non threating way to approach it. Here is what has happened in the two months he has lived with me. Just when he moved in he had surgery for carple tunnel syndrom. Then he cut the top of his finger off at work. Several times to see the doctor. And a chiropractor, he complains of stomach pains and having the flu a few times within two months. This is what got me worried. I came home and there was a message that he was at the hospital and to come and get him. He had been waiting there for 2 hours. He called two people from accross town to come over and call an ambulance, and when I asked him how come he waited so long instead of just calling the ambulance himself, he said he didin't want them to break the door down. I said you had to let in Joe and Don? Then it didin't appear he was taking the perkecett. Never groggy or tired. Talked on the phone all day to people about his experience. And he waited for two hours in those hard chairs after having to be taken in an ambulance instead of just paying the 6 bucks to get home. I live very close to the hospital. There's more, but the pattern is emerging here, and I have to tell you I am worried. How do I approach him on it? A
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