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Aura Seeker

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  1. Aura Seeker
    sorry bout the double post
  2. Aura Seeker
    It is an off shoot program of AA. the traits you are expressing are that of a co-dependant. Maybe you grew up with an alcoholic in your family? Or your mother was a co dependant. When I say co dependant, I mean that someone can come into your life, walk all over it, and your reaction would be to make sure dinner is hot and on the table for when he gets home. Let him have control of all money, even yours, and he spends it in dumb ways. Any of this sound familiar? It's a place you can go to learn boundries. We teach people how to treat us, and that is a BIG issue. We can learn to teach them to teach us with respect, and if they don't, the courage to walk away. Put it in the internet and see if any of those things they mentioned are you. If so, there will be somewhere local you can go. It will be amazing the things you will learn to become strong and treat yourself better, because YOU DESERVE BETTER! ;-) PS If you have no tools and knowledge to defend yourself, you will be helpless, just like you said has happened before. Go get tools. Only you can help you. The reason that you need these tools is because even if you manage to get out of this one, you will attract the same breed of animal next time. You are leaving yourself open to be a victim the next boyfriend. You will repeat it over and over. Just MY opinion A
  3. Aura Seeker
    My advise would be to go sit in some Alanon rooms. There are many women/men who have been in your situation, and have learned the tools and gathered the strength to change their lives. While your on the net, look at some info. There was one thing I read and it's title was "You know you are dating a loser when...." Mind games are difficult, and so is the emotional blackmail that goes along with it. You want out, you know you do, so go seek some places that will help you get the tools and support you need. You have tried and failed on your own to give yourself what you know you need......so go get help! Sounds easy....I know, but don't think about it lots, just go do it. ;-) Hold your cards close to your chest, he doesn't need to know you are leaving until you are gone. ps. If you can not find it in yourself you love yourself enough to be good to yourself and get out of the damaging relationship.....start with that first. The more you learn to love and take care of yourself, the more you will be displeased with your situation. (((cyber hugs)))) Just my opinion. A
  4. Aura Seeker
    I believe that if you start the insanity of checking everything he is doing, it will end in your insanity! You will only accomplish this. He is your husband, and you just have to trust that he loves you. ACTIONS speak louder than anything. You will know the truth of how he really feels soon enough, it always comes to the surface. Words are just words on any level. Don't worry about what he is doing for entertainment. Worry when you see the lipstick on his shirt. Until then, don't drive yourself nuts. All of that won't do you any good. I made the mistake of reading my daughters diary once, and never again. She said some harsh things about me.....that I really didn't need to know. She was just venting. She loves me very much. I learned my lesson about snooping. Just my opinion A
  5. Aura Seeker
    Yes, you shed new light saying you live with your parents! That changes everything. Part of me is wondering just how old you are, because I think that makes a big differnce as well. When I started sex, there was nothing really pleasurable about it. I was to young, and so was my boyfriend. When you get two people who don't know what they are doing.....nothing is going to happen. There is nothing wrong with you aside from the fact that you may be to young to be having sex. Boys don't know what they are doing for a loooong time, and neither do the girls. My motto is, if you don't like it.....stop. What's in this for you besides letting him get on and get 'off'? Nothing. Don't do things just because you think it is social pressure, and somebody EXPECTS it. It will be hard to stop with this boyfriend, but maybe with the next one.....don't take it to that level until you are ready. YOU are ready. ;-) Just my opinion. A
  6. Aura Seeker
    If I were you, I would stand down. I think it is natural for you to feel this way, and if you approach her now about it.....your timing would suck, and it means less to get emotions out of people based off of jealousy. If you do love her, wait for a better time when these emotions are not inspiring you. just my opinion. ;-) A
  7. Aura Seeker
    Try getting an aid. Your boyfriend will think it's fun, and maybe it will help. No offense boys....but I wouldn't tell him. It will hurt his ego. Then the whole tone may turn to it being his mission, and pressure gets involved....... Just say.....ya know, I am not finding it so easy...let's try.....THIS! ;-) A
  8. Aura Seeker
    There won't be anything that you can say to convince your parents that you are making the right decision. I am wondering why you made the decision? There are only certain paths we can follow to get to our goals, and unless your goal is to work in 7-11, you should re-visit it. Decide what your goals are. On the other hand, your path is your path. You are not going to convince them, but you have to be decided on something. Not just give a flakey answer. Be firm about what you want.....then GO FOR IT!!!!! ;-) You can't follow someone else's path. Just be true to yours, and make sure it isn't some cop out. Just my opinion. ;-) A
  9. Aura Seeker
    Good morning. I don't think it is normal at all! Don't EVER start to think it could be better with someone else. You may never find that again. That is awesome. Aside from sex though, how does it go? Tell me the formula.....I want to KNOW!!!! lol A
  10. Aura Seeker
    Oooo oooo me too! ;-) Hope your still here. Can you tell me : I hope the gold and treasure you are looking for reveals itself, and then I will see you soon. ;-) (I have a friend that does treasure hunting, and he is going on an expedition this week. If he finds some, he will be coming to Canada for a visit. Plug "Stan Grist" into the search engine, and you will find Indiana Jones....Live! ) Thanks in advance if you are still here. A
  11. Aura Seeker
    Hi there, You will probably be tired because of the schedule you have kept. Maybe when your alarm goes off in the morning, make sure to jump right up and get in the shower. Give yourself a cold blast if you are still groggy. For sure within a couple of days, your sleeping patterns will adjust. You are just going to be tired a few days. Good luck in school, and good for you on trying to find methods that are going to help you be alert in school I heard a study that with teens suffering from not having enough sleep (cause you all are night creatures and need lots of sleep) that your grades suffer. Good plan. Get lots of sleep. A
  12. Aura Seeker
    I am with Sabena on this. Something to remember is that when you invite things in of which you have no knowledge, you take a very high risk. Once you invite something into yourself like that, how do you think you can shake it off if it ends up being unwanted? Be careful of what you ask for and seek. I believe there are just as many bad spirits as there is good. How do you filter that? Take care, and be careful. Just MY opinion ;-) A
  13. Aura Seeker
    Rick. Please. Get into the rooms. Do you know that in the 12 steps of AA only the first one even mentions alcohol? The rest of them are based on learning to live. To live without depending on alcohol. Call the central office in your area, and someone will come and get you so that you don't have to go in alone. they will also help you to determine if your life is unmanagable because of alcohol. If you are going home, shutting yourself off, and drinking yourself to sleep because of the lonelyness.....why not just try it out? You have to live different to be different. Please just check it out, what will it hurt? Just my opinion A
  14. Aura Seeker
    Hi there, For sure most of the problem is tied right into the sickeness. They don't want to go talk to anyone. Seems to be a very black space they live in, and to them what is talking going to do! It's sad, because there doesn't really seem to be enough meds that help. The quality of live is still very unmanageable. I seen this show once, and it was about Margott Kidder (spelling) and she was on a very different treatment and said that she never had to take meds again, and that she was VERY happy with how her life was now. Plug her name in the web. Maybe it will come up. Oddly enough, it was a drugless treatment. She said looking back the drugs made it worse. I believe that, because in my opinion.....they don't work or help the people out of hell. I know your friend is a pain in the butt. Mine has been for close to 30 years now, but it is just my opinion again that we need to stick by those that can't see the light. We are the light. It's very hard for them to keep or make friends. People always celebrate birthdays. Everyone does that.....gets born. No big thing. It's how we live and where we are at when we die that's important. It's hard to do the right thing a lot of times, but please.....stick with your friend. It sounds like you are, and that makes you have a lot of character not to run when it is rough. ;-) PS. If your spider senses go off that he is getting dangerous.....THEN get out! lol A
  15. Aura Seeker
    I have a friend that suffers the same problem. What happens is they get ammuned to the mixture they are given, and it sounds like your friend is getting the wrong dose of something. they never want help. The only time anything ever gets solved for my friend is when he ends up on the physc ward. Then they take a look at what the problem is. You can not be responsible. It is up to this persons parents or himself to realize there is a problem and the meds he's on now isn't working. Just my opinion. A
  16. Aura Seeker
    Wow, what most of us would give to have your problem. It IS still a problem, so if you wanted one.....here it is right before you. ;-) For what ever reason, we start out as babies looking for attention in any way we can get it. I remember my daughter in the terrible two's making sure to make eye contact with me, just before running to go do something she new I didn't want her to. Negative attention is just a reassuring for what ever reason. I am dealing with a roommate that is trying to get attention by faking injuries, and even worse....causing them. Be careful of what you wish for. If you need a hug.....get one! Something bad doesn't have to happen. Even that you are feeling this way demands a hug! ((((((( big Cyber hugs))))))) Again, be careful what you wish for. ;-) Just my opinion. A
  17. Aura Seeker
    Hi there, Maybe the word she was really looking for was passionate! You don't have to be mean to be more aggressive (unless she's into that sort of thing) but I really think it is more passion she is looking for, which will make the love making more 'aggressive' so to speak. Kiss her like a sailor that has been away at sea for 6 months! ;-) just my opinion A
  18. Aura Seeker
    Welcome to the board. So glad you posted. Your mother has every right to be concerned. I have heard your exact story SOOO many times. The icolation. The drinking. The feeling of of being different than everyone else. The inablility of having the motivation to move forward. Everything you just said are classic examples of alcoholisim. Don't forget that denial is one of them to. So what I am suggesting, because you are at the end of your rope and desperate (because that is how we all come in) go to an AA meeting. Just try it and go a few times to see if this is in fact what the root probem really is. If it is, You won't be different anymore. You will be surrounded with people just like you. If not, what have you got to lose. Just try it. Go look. Just go see, and then come back and post! Share what you discovered, if you are or if you are not. Just my opinion. A
  19. Aura Seeker
    I feel bad about this for you. I know how you feel exactly. What else can you do except prepare him? Just say that things may not be what he is used to. The fact is, he is showing up there, and I think it is better if you have already cleared the air about it. He probably won't even care. A
  20. Aura Seeker
    I don't know if you are still viewing or not, but you may want to pay attention to see if he is handling the other kids this way. It is quite possible for him to be a child molester, and since you know his intentions are a bit twisted, just keep an eye out. Don't take any stupid answers like "I was just kidding around, or just trying to be nice...." None of that to make you feel like you don't know what is happening. You know exactly what is happening and so does he, so don't let him make you feel stupid. A
  21. Aura Seeker
    Hey Sea girl, Someone said above that it is your job to give an unbias opinion, and I agree with that. There is the issue if ones opinion instead of advise would help a person much. I believe there needs to be an element of both. The reason for that is, for opinions, it becomes a great sounding board. "common sense" that just isn't so common, is presented to the person. However, this is a board where people are seeking help, and don't want to come here to be beat down for something that is obviously bothering them. Cookie cutter answers that are dry, I think would be lacking the feed back a person sometimes needs. I think if you take away one component, the person asking for advise isn't getting the full meal deal. People do things, and don't think their way of thinking is off.....until a whack of people say...."what are you thinking" and show that person they should maybe re-visit how they approach things. It's a very fine line. Advise with out judgement. We are just as human as the person asking. I agree our approach should be with out words that sting though. This is a great place for me to be learning that. Thanks for editing my posts sometimes, they have hired the right person for the job. ;-) A
  22. Aura Seeker
    Hi Ash, don't leave and give up on the site just yet. You came here for feedback, and you're getting it! ;-) Sometimes we lose ourselves in decisions we make. You have lost you. You are hurting people when you don't intend to. Most of all you are hurting yourself in the process. How confusing is all this? You can't please everyone. If your wife wants you to stay, and it's obvious that you don't love her anymore....what's up with that? She is not exactly making great decisions either. I am sure this was not all done just by you, but you are the one that is going to have to change the way your decisions are made. Don't take hostages. You have with your wife and your girlfriend. It would be easier if you just made a clear decision and go with it. Your wife will be forced to move on and find someone else. Don't leave the site yet. Work through it. This site can work as a mirror for you. Let it reflect. A
  23. Aura Seeker
    Your indiffernce to the situation seems to almost be pathalogical. You may not be doing that in a physcial manner to the people around you, but for sure spiritually you are. That's why your wife stays with you knowing about the other woman.....she is dead inside. Have you considered taking a step back and doing some spiritual work on yourself? You will be much happier. That is the best advise I can muster up for you. Go take a look at what's wrong with this whole picture, and the role you have in it. Even if your wife doesn't think it is good for her for you to leave, you need to do her a favor and just go. It will be better for everyone involved, even if you don't have your girlfriend anymore. Staying must really kill your wife inside if she loves you enough to keep you after knowing this. A
  24. Aura Seeker
    Hi there, You know....I hear a lot of the same from people who have been married for awhile. In fact, I have yet to hear any contrary. "We have been married for 7 years, sex is awesome, intimacy is awesome and nobody carries any baggage!" ;-) I am just beginning to think this is just the nature of the beast. Will it be different if you marry someone else? Will the sex be there, and this woman have no issues? May be different ones.....but issue free? I am sure in the beginning it will seem that way, because everything is exciting and great at first. If I were you....and I am not ;-)....I would try to focus on things like.....you don't fight a lot, she isn't cheating or gambling your money away, she has been a good stable mother to your children, it WILL not be the same with your kids when you leave, and then sooner or later another man comes to fill your shoes on a day to day basis. I think the question is, are you willing to gamble what you have that IS good now (besides the emotional detachment issues that maybe she can and seems willing to address?) and risk that the next woman's issues may be a LOT worse than what you have now. Another woman could end up having issues about jealousy regarding your children or your ex or just myriads of scenarios that will end up being just as uncomfortable? My vote? Stick it out. I think that is what marriage is all about. For better or worse. You are just going through one of the "worse" moments. Just my opinion.....and I don't know much about relationships...LOL Just people. A
  25. Aura Seeker
    The grass isn't always greener on the other side. If you have all the components of love, why give that up? If you want sex to be better, then make it better! To have love and intimacy in a relationship is awesome. Use those qualities to enhance your sex together. You may find someone that turns your crank sexually, but what about all the other important things? You don't want to be stuck with just good sex. It's lacking after awhile. People look for a long time for what you have. Sometimes we let it go (I did) thinking I could do better, and never found it. It was a very stupid move on my part. You make her sound great. And you are leaving? lol A
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