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Cadence308

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Everything posted by Cadence308

  1. Cadence308
    I think it's easy to tell people they are going through a phase if you, yourself aren't bi or gay. It's natural for people to question their sexuality and only the person experiencing it can say for sure whether they are gay, straight, bi, transgender. Girl, just go by your feelings. I may never tell my parents. My mom already asks me if I'm gay and she's been asking me since I was 19, but I'm actually bi. She has never made it clear to me that she thinks it's okay if I am; she is simply butting into my life. I have never had a close, understanding relationship with her and so I may decide never to tell my family. I live 2,500 miles away from them so I don't think it really matters. I keep things very private and it drives my mother nuts, but she's not the sweet, kind mother that some of my friends have. She is very judging and critical. My point is, if your mother is anything like mine you may decide never to tell her or the rest of your family. I know because you are so young you may feel like since you live under their roof that you should tell them out of guilt. I used to feel that way about telling my mother other things (I didn't realize I was bi at your age). I think it's best to talk to a counselor or a trusted older friend or adult before you do anything and those people can help you out yourself to family and friends when the time is right.
  2. Cadence308
    I'm a little bit older than those that have already posted a response. I am 26 and just came to the realization that I'm bi within the last 6 months. I haven't old anyone, yet and I don't have a serious girlfriend. I think it would be hard to be your age and know that you're bi and how to tell people. I don't have the best advice, but I think that you should just keep meeting people and being friends with them and see what happens and who you end up being attracted to. If you are not ready to come out right now or if you feel it's unsafe or unsupportive if you do, then wait until the time is right or you have a serious girlfriend. You are still really young, so take the time you need to learn about yourself. I think it would be a good idea to talk to a counselor or an older adult that you trust just to help you sort through things. I think I'm also going to do that since no one knows I'm bi right now.
  3. Cadence308
    It doesn't sound like she's someone you want to get involved with. It sounds like she's really immature and either 1) doesn't know what she wants; or 2) she is just playing with you. The fact that she has so many guy friends should be a sign. Even though they may look like just friends how do you know she's not doing the same thing to 1 or more of those guys that she's doing to you. Also, she agreed to sleep with you over the phone, how do you know she's already not sleeping with one or more of her guy friends. My advice is to stay away.
  4. Cadence308
    I think that the questions others have asked are good to think about. It is good to think about whether this could go long-term and would you want kids, etc.? Maybe that's not something that you care for. Also, what about the work situation? Does your employer have a policy against dating people you work with? Hopefully, this older man is not your boss! It sounds like it could be complicated with the age issue and work issue. I think I would be more worried about the work issue than about the age issue. Also, maybe you value other things and not the whole growing old together and experiencing things at the same time. I have a friend who values intelligence more than anything else in a relationship so it really just depends on your perspective on what's important in a relationship. Good luck!
  5. Cadence308
    Your question is a tough one and it sounds to me like you already know the answer yourself. It also sounds like your friend, Raven is being controlled and/or abused by someone based on the info that you've provided. I know that if it were my friend or someone that I cared about as much as you care about her I could not just move away and not do anything. It sounds like she was happy to see you and Jim and maybe did want to go to dinner with you guys. I'm sure that she is also feeling shame because you said that you thought her brother beat her up when he found out about you guys. It really is a Jerry Springer story, but I don't think that you should abandon her. She's still very young and vulnerable and needs to know that there are people out there who care about her. I think everyone, not matter what their age needs to know that they are loved. I can't remember if you invited Raven to move with you and Jim. I guess that's an option if you don't want to let her go. If it's not or she doesn't want to I would make sure that you give her your address, phone numbers, and email before you move and let her know that you and Jim are there for her whenever she needs someone to talk to or a place to go. It sounds like she needs to know that more than anything.
  6. Cadence308
    You and your girlfriend could always shave each other before sex as foreplay. I've never done it myself, but heard it gets one hot and ready!
  7. Cadence308
    Maybe she's a lesbian and she's coming to terms with that and is simply not interested in men as friends or boyfriends.
  8. Cadence308
    I agree with what others have said. We do all value different things and you can't change this woman and make her suddenly value exercise and eating right. It's also not right for you to expect her to change because you desire her to look a different way. If you can get past the way she looks and accept her for who she is then progress in the relationship. If her sedentary lifestyle bothers you and it sounds like it does I would make it clear to her that you are only interested in friendship. One thing you could do, instead of talking to her about her weight is asking her to go weight training or to the gym with you. You guys could also cook meals like dinner together and see if she would be open to adopting a healthier lifestyle. If she is willing to do that, then you may want to pursue something with her. That way you aren't coming out and telling her she's obese and you want her to do something about her weight or the relationship is off. Hope that helps!
  9. Cadence308
    I'm sorry, it wasn't clear to me if you admitted to your woman friend from work that you are attracted to her and you guys did something physical? Like did you actually cheat on your boyfriend or just tell your friend that you find her attractive? If you didn't cheat on your boyfriend, but were honest with him about your attraction to women I don't see anything wrong with your being honest. It seems like so many people post on this site that they just found out their boy or girl is gay and want help with that. It sounds to me like you may be bi-sexual. Have you dated many men in the past and had serious relationships with them? Have your parents asked you if you were gay? I'm just now coming to the realization that I'm bi-sexual. I have never had many serious boyfriends, although I have gone out on dates with a lot of men. My parents have been asking since I was 19 if I'm gay. I haven't came out, yet. My close friends are female and I just feel more emotionally connected to females so I may actually be a lesbian. You may decide this too. Maybe it might be best to cool things off with your boyfriend for a while if you are bi-curious and try playing the field (with the softball team; no pun intended). LOL If your attraction to your female friend is intense and you have sexual feelings towards her you might want to pursue it. On the other hand, it sounds like she's trying to break up your relationship with your boyfriend. You need to decide what you want and if you don't know, try exploring. I haven't been with a woman yet, but I heard the foreplay never stops. Who can resist! ;-)
  10. Cadence308
    I don't think it sounds desperate at all. Hell, you guys slept together. If you sound desperate now then what makes you think you were any less desperate when you slept together?? And it's been 2 weeks. I could see if you were stalker guy and emailing this guy 5 times a day and calling morning, afternoon, and evening, but you aren't. It's been 2 weeks since you had any contact at all, according to your email. I don't know if I could have waited 1 week if I was that into someone. Call him and tell me what happens! You have nothing to lose at this point...well, maybe a little pride...
  11. Cadence308
    Wow, dude, I'm really sorry. That's really crappy. I have no idea as to why your date who was so into you did that. Maybe he has commitment issues, maybe he has issues with his sexuality and being gay, maybe he was so into you he got scared and decided to call it quits, or maybe if you weren't that verbal with him about what you thought of him like telling him how good looking and funny he is and how big, then maybe he thought that you were just calling or emailing because he asked you to. Is there any way you can call this guy and say, "Listen, I haven't heard from you in 2 weeks. I really like you and had fun on all of our dates, but I haven't heard from you. You said that I was so great and I'm wondering what went wrong and why you no longer seem interested in me." The worst he can do is hang up on you. I think if you are still into this guy and really want to know what happened that you should approach him about it. I mean, you've both seen each others' beeps so you know there had to be interest at some point. LOL ;-)
  12. Cadence308
    I'm not a guy, but whenever I've given a guy a hj I always just use lotion and it works great. The guys I've given hj to love it and say it feels great. Plus, it's always on the night stand!
  13. Cadence308
    This is a tough love situation. It sounds like your gf may be a little immature and not ready to commit or she wants her cake and eat it too. It also sounds like you already gave her two choices; either show up on Fri. and you can start over or it's done. If I were you, I would keep it at that. See if she shows up on Fri. ready to start over then start over with her and have that be her chance and if she doesn't I would walk away.
  14. Cadence308
    You sound really frustrated. I had this roommate in college in the dorms who, I was pretty sure, was born physiologically male. But, her name was Lori and she took hormones and hung out with girls. I never talked to her about it since we were never that close, plus she was like 41 yrs old and I was 23 so the age difference was part of it. I always thought that it must be hard for her. Anyway, there's a book that I read last summer about this boy who is a twin and something happened during his circumcision at his birth and the doctors thought that it would be easier to just make him a girl so they did. The book is about this boy who grew up as a girl and never felt right and then the docs finally realized that they made a big mistake and you can't change someone's gender just because you want to. There are genes and chromosomes that make us the way we are. The book is called "As Nature Made Him," and I can't remember the author, but I'm sure you could find the book on link removed. It's a good read and it might help you sort things out. Good luck!
  15. Cadence308
    Well, I'm not going to rip you a new anal-sphincter because it sounds like everyone else already has. I think that you should seriously consider the reasons why you had gave this guy oral sex whom you've only known for 1-week. It sounds like you may have some self-esteem problems. Are there any extracurricular activities at school that you can become involved in (chess club, cheerleading, basketball, volleyball, speech, drama)? Getting involved in other things can be great for building self-esteem and people with high self-esteem have less of a chance of getting involved with drugs and getting pregnant. It sounds like you aren't in a slump, but could be if you keep making poor choices. Seeing a counselor may be another option for you. They can often help people sort things out, thoughts, feelings, etc. and it's always nice to have someone to talk with, especially knowing that it's confidential. A counselor can also help you set some long-term goals for your life like college and a career, which are things that you need to be thinking about at your age, not getting a piece of action from a guy at 14 yrs old. I don't even think I knew how to give oral at 14 yrs old and I think I found the thought repulsive at that age. Don't rush things in your life. There's plenty of time for drinking and having sex (and I don't recommend doing the two simultaneously). Try to focus on some other things and find an adult whom is responsible and whom you trust to talk to. You really need guidance right now. I hope that helped you!
  16. Cadence308
    Make sure you wait 1-2 hours (depending on the size of the meal) after you eat to work out, especially cardiovascular exercise because there is competition for blood flow. If you've eaten a meal the blood will go to the gut for digestion and then if you begin exercising the blood will need to go to the muscles and skin to dissipate heat, resulting in competition for blood flow. You will get a side ache and have to stop exercising because it is painful. If you are just lifting weights it shouldn't make that big of a difference. Also, stay hydrated throughout the day by drinking a lot of water because that could also result in cramping if you are dehydrated. The reason that sometimes your muscles may look smaller after you lift weights is because you could be dehydrated. Our bodies hold a lot of water and if you are dehydrated it causes the cells to shrink, giving your body a smaller appearance. Also, when you are actually lifting your body is catabolizing, or breaking down those proteins (myosin and actin, among others) and then when you rest and get the proper nutrition your body is anabolizing (rebuilding). So rest and nutrition are also critical components of developing your body. Good luck!
  17. Cadence308
    I posted a few weeks ago on this same forum, "Older woman attraction, but not sure of her orientation..." I think that my woman friend is a lesbian and I'm attracted to her. I'm 26 and she's 50 yrs old and she has been asking me specific questions about my dating life for some time and I was thinking that maybe she may be interested in me. I found your post interesting because it's the opposite position from mine and you are into younger people. I'm wondering how you let younger people know that you are interested in them? Also, what about younger people do you find attractive?
  18. Cadence308
    I don't think it's weird at all. I'll try to answer as best as I can. I think if it's someone you know and they flirt with you, tease you, make eye contact and hold a gaze for a long time, call you often, ask about your dating preferences and experiences, ask a lot of questions about you, in general, touch you, spend money on you on dates or when you get together, buy you gifts or tokens of their love or friendship, will do whatever you want at the drop of a hat --those are some signs that someone definitely digs you. If it's not someone you know, then I'm clueless. I have a hard time meeting new people and telling if they are interested. I guess if they are checking you out, they keep looking at you, they talk about you to mutual friends or ask about you to mutual friends, and if you give them your number they call you, or return your call if you call. I hope that helped.
  19. Cadence308
    The others' responses sound pretty good. I like it when my partner starts out kissing me with light sucking on my lips and slowly slides their tongue in my mouth, starting slowly, and then building up more passion. Move your head and probe your tongue in her mouth, moving your tongue in slow circles in her mouth. Try to avoid too much slobber (sometimes you can't help it). I also like it when whoever I'm kissing has their hands on my waist and as we're kissing slowly slide their hands down my waist and passionately squeezes my butt. That can be a really sexy turn-on. Kissing the neck with slow, trailing kisses and little nibbles is a BIG turn-on. It gets most girls HOT. I don't someone with too much tongue. This one guy that kissed me had a long tongue and it was pretty much down my throat, gagging me. I didn't want to kiss him after that because he kissed like a snake.
  20. Cadence308
    I'm not sure how long you have been divorced from your husband or if he passed away or what your current situation is, but this gym coach guy may feel like you are on the rebound, depending on what your story is. So maybe he's scared of getting too close for fear of that. Also, if he has such a problem with the fact that he's your daughter's gym coach can you transfer your daughter to another gym class or another school so you can have your cake and eat it too?? It sounds like the no contact rule is not in order. He's telling you that he will be there for you, but it sounds like he doesn't just want to be shack up buddies. I think it really sounds like he cares for you. I think that you should give it time and esp. since you said that you are going through some tough times right now. He may feel like right now is not the best time to begin a new relationship with you.
  21. Cadence308
    I'm not sure how long you have been divorced from your husband or if he passed away or what your current situation is, but this gym coach guy may feel like you are on the rebound, depending on what your story is. So maybe he's scared of getting too close for fear of that. Also, if he has such a problem with the fact that he's your daughter's gym coach can you transfer your daughter to another gym class or another school so you can have your cake and eat it too?? It sounds like the no contact rule is not in order. He's telling you that he will be there for you, but it sounds like he doesn't just want to be shack up buddies. I think it really sounds like he cares for you. I think that you should give it time and esp. since you said that you are going through some tough times right now. He may feel like right now is not the best time to begin a new relationship with you.
  22. Cadence308
    Do you know why are you infatuated with him? Do you think it's because he's not interested and maybe that's safe for you since you are having issues with intimacy?
  23. Cadence308
    I think the question you need to ask yourself is do you crave a committed relationship with a female (perhaps the one you're with) OR a male (perhaps the 25 yr old)? I've heard that you can't control who you are attracted to. It sounds like you are happy with your friend right now.
  24. Cadence308
    It's hard to say what she was feeling. I'm trying to think of times when I did that with a guy and then dogged him. If you guys had been drinking then she may have just been horny and needed a helping hand. Most of us have been there once or twice. And if that's the case, then she might regret it. She may be confused because she had just broken up with her bf and was on the rebound. It's hard to say what she's feeling. Have you tried to talk to her about that night and her feelings? That would be the best place to start to see where she's coming from. That would also give you an opportunity to tell her about your feelings.
  25. Cadence308
    Thanks for sharing your story. I think that if you are happy in your current relationship and your needs for intimacy and closeness are being fulfilled then why do you need to search out other sexual intimacies? I think there are different kinds of intimacy and no one person can meet all of one person's needs, but if you are getting what you need from your current situation and relationship go with the flow. If you are craving intimacy from a man and you feel like your needs are unmet in your current situation then you may be gay. You may also be bi-sexual. However, many say that our needs change over time and our feelings and perceptions about people and relationships change to meet those needs so you may find that your sexual and intimacy needs also change with time.
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