Cadence308

Spaggle, I'm in a similar situation to you, myself. I am still trying to sort out my feelings for boys and girls. I've just decided not to focus so much on what I am and just try to focus on the person and "go for" who I find attractive, versus their gender, if that makes sense. I haven't really came out and told anyone that I have same-sex attractions, yet. I did tell one female friend over email that I thought that I could be bi or a lesbian. I just wanted to see her reaction. She made it sound like it was okay and she wondered why I wasn't more experimental with sex. I thought she was thinking that I was suggesting being more sexually prominscuous, which I wasn't. So I just decided not to tell anyone until I was ready or until I had a girlfriend because even that situation made me frustrated. Now it feels a little awkward emailing with her. I used to date tons of guys, sometimes like 3 dates a week, all with different guys. None of them ever ended up in a relationship. I would usually only go out with them 1-2 times and then not call them back or dog them. I just wasn't interested and told people it was because I was focusing on school and I was. I recently finished graduate school and I'm not a student any more so I have more time to focus on relationships and now I'm coming to terms with my same-sex attractions. I've never had sex with a man or a woman before. The point of my story is that I understand what you are saying and if you want to PM me and chat some more about this, feel free. I think that until you feel ready to come out or have a girlfriend then I wouldn't worry too much about telling people. I have no idea how to meet girls. I have a crush on a woman right now and that's why I was starting to question my sexuality. I'm hoping that something will happen with her. I think that if you are into the club scene then you can go to a gay night club. If that's not your thing, then if you are a student at a university, they usually have gay and lesbian clubs or organizations, you could join one of those and meet many more people who are gay. If you are in a city and not at a university, there's gay and lesbian rights organizations that you could join. Just be friends with people and see what happens!

gift from the gods, it sounds like you are infatuated and in lust with your friend. She feels the same for you or she wouldn't be with you. You really shouldn't dwell on what could happen or on the fact that you might not be together forever. Being upset, dwelling, over this could drive your friend away from you, which is exactly what you don't want to happen. Just enjoy the time that you spend with her, communicate with her, tell her how much she means to you, and don't get so caught up in your fear because that's just what you are feeling. Try to be more present and the rest should fall into place. About the attractive people in your class that you are afraid of: no one can really explain attraction and what drives attraction, but since your friend is with you, then she must find you attractive, probably on multiple levels. Being attractive isn't just about physical beauty. For example, this woman that I have a crush on isn't that physically beautiful and I actually thought that when I first met her. But, now that I know her I think that she's very sexy and she's 51 yrs old. I love her laugh and the way that she walks and just her positive attitude about things. I am so in lust with her, and yet, there are many more physically beautiful people out there that most would say are better looking than her, but I want her not these other people. If your friend doesn't tell you what she likes about you, then ask her. Say, "What do you like about me?" Or "What do you find attractive about me?" Telling people what you like about them is a big turn-on!

I just read your post and I honestly have no idea what advice to give you. It sounds like you don't know what just happened and I really don't get what happened, either. It sounds like this girl, Allie, is what you call her, it sounds like she has a shady character and I'm wondering if she likes playing games. First she cheats on you, then wants you back, things seem like they are going great and you two are in love, then all of a sudden she's breaking up with you because there's a void in the love that you have for her. How lame of an excuse is that to break up with the one you love? And, oh, she wants to be best friends. I think if you can be friends with her, as if nothing at all just happened and that's what you want, then do it. But, it sounds like you are very hurt and rightfully so. You might want to take some time to distance yourself from her for a while until you feel like emotionally you can handle the break-up. Does she realize being "the best of friends" means that there's no physical benefits? Maybe she also keeps the physicality of her relationships since she's been good friends with all of her exes. I think I would like the distance after this and then when and if I felt compelled to become friends with my ex-lover then I would. Don't let her call all of the shots in whatever of a relationship you still have with her. Tell her what you want and need and stick with it. Hope all goes well.

Everyone posted some great suggestions. I agree that you need to figure out what it is you want to study and if you are uncertain what to study and want to attend college, begin taking your general classes that everyone has to have. If you don't even want to do that, take time off, and it's okay, esp. since you sound so certain that you will be able to go back to school. I didn't take a year off before attending college. I graduated from high school 1 semester early and had planned to attend college, but backed out at the last second because I felt like I needed a break and a change of pace. I moved to a new city and worked for several months. I was 17 yrs old and realized how difficult it was to find a good job to make ends meet. And how difficult it can be to make new friends! After 3 months of a break I was ready to go to school, so I moved back home and started attending a community college. I studied hard and felt ready to go back. Different people need different breaks and for different reasons. I already knew what I wanted to study. Then I finished my BS degree, did a post-grad, then a master's degree without any break since that one from after high school. Now I'm taking another break until I feel ready to go back to school and do a Ph.D. Everyone is telling me not to take a break and how I'm going to regret it and that I'm not going to go back. I KNOW ME and I obviously like learning since I was able to do almost 8 years of college, straight, without any breaks, not counting summers. The most important thing is for you to decide when you are ready, what you want to study (goals), how you plan to pay for it (sounds like parents), and then where you want to study. The nice thing about community colleges are that they are a lot cheaper, smaller class sizes, more personal instructors who have time for students because they are not busy doing research in their laboratories, more personal students since classes are smaller, and the whole environment of community colleges are that they are less daunting. I would strongly recommend to anyone to complete a 2 yr at a community college and then to transfer to a 4 yr. I think it just makes the transition to a 4 yr much less daunting. Good luck with everything. If you want to chat more PM me.

I agree with mahlina that you need to decide what would truly make you happy. I moved out of my home state for my undergraduate degree, but was still close to home so that I could go home on the weekends or holidays or whenever I wanted to. Home was 3 hours from my university. The first year was really hard and I was 19 yrs old, the university was big, it was in a city, and I didn't know anyone at all. I was really depressed for the first year, but each year became easier. I ended up finishing my BS degree, a post-graduate certificate of 1 yr, and then my master's degree all at the same univeristy. Now I live far away because I took a job and was contemplating a Ph.D. where I'm at. I've been here for 8 mos. and I'm miserable. I have decided to move closer to home. It doesn't help when you have no social support and your boss is a jerk. I guess I'm realizing how valuable my friends and family are to me and how much I miss them. It's always easier if you have someone to move with you, like a friend or boyfriend. But, adapting is always hard and many professors I know who have done degrees and post-graduate training at a variety of universities say that it takes at least 1 yr to adapt and they always hate the new place for the first year. If the prestigious degree means that much to you, go for it. You have to decide if it's going to be worth it in the long run. If you do go to Cornell the best way to make friends is study groups and by joining school activities like clubs and volunteer work, choir, or something that you have a passion for. If you have social support the new place can begin to feel like home and you adapt. Good luck!

I don't know, either. From what I know about lesbians, I'm sure they could also apply to being gay. Some lesbians remain celibate throughout their lives never sleeping with anyone, some lesbians only have sex with women, and some lesbians have intimate relationships with women, but will have sex with both men and women. So, that being said...Some gays could choose to remain celibate (highly unlikely), some gays could have sex only with men, and then others could choose men as intimate partners, but enjoy sex with both men and women. Maybe your gay friend has never made out with a girl and wants to know what it's like? Also, sexuality occurs on a continuum. Attraction is different for everyone. Maybe your gay friend is not generally attracted to women, but he feels close with you and is attracted to you so when he gets drunk he probably gets horny and is acting on those fantasies. You should just ask him some time since you two are good friends.

Your story is sad. I don't have the best relationship advice since I am the type of person who shies away from relationships, but I'll still tell you what I think! Are you absolutely certain that there's not someone else in your gf's life? It just seems hard for me to believe that everything was so great and you two were rebuilding what was lost in the relationship and then all of a sudden she tells you that kissing you has been like kissing a friend. Maybe there's someone else that she's getting it from and she's getting passion and romance there? Just a thought... From the reading I've done on lesbian relationships, it's not uncommon for 2 women who were lovers in a relationship to break up and then do the "no contact" thing for a while. Because those 2 women who were in a relationship were very close and intimate, sometimes the best thing to do is to give the break-up space because each person needs time to heal. Then it's not uncommon for those 2 women who were lovers to become close friends again. Something like 60% of past lovers become close friends again. It's almost hard not to since you know just about everything there is to know about the other person. So, I think if you are needing your space and you can do the "no contact" thing for a while it is perfectly healthy. Start dating other people or at least befriending new people and put your life back together. Then maybe when you feel like it, you two can become friends again. I hope that I've given you something useful here.

I agree with Shorty and mtastic...start taking some risks to get somewhere. If there's a lot of eye contact and subtle touching, then it sounds like things are going in the right direction for you. As Shorty said, you need to figure out how he feels about homosexuals. (And Shorty, I said that in your post! It was a good idea...I have to admit.) Many people live alone and you are both in your early 20s, it seems, so I wouldn't totally rely on that as an indication that he's gay. You might even ask him about his dating life like how often does he go out, is he seeing someone, when he dates who does he go out with, etc. If he's gay, he might even take those questions as interest on your part. Keep us posted! It sounds like things are progressing.

First of all, I want to say that you probably shouldn't have been reading your girlfriend's diary! [-X [-( Secondly, it could be possible that she left it open, sitting there, on purpose so that you would read it and she wouldn't have to vocally tell you what's going on. She could be waiting for you to confront her...I don't know. We can't tell you what to do or what to feel. But, if I were you, I would research as much as you can on being transgendered so that you can understand how your gf is feeling and what she is going through. I think until you say that you honestly understand that, then you shouldn't be saying that you can't be with someone who is transgendered. I agree with Shorty, in that, love does not know age, education, race, class, and gender. You love everything about this person and you have so much in common and it sounds like an emotional bond, so you really need to find out as much as you can before you decide anything. It may be helpful to talk to a gay/lesbian/transgdender therapist who can provide you with information and help you make a decision about what to do about your gf. Good luck and keep us posted!

It sounds like this Ashley is a player. Is she still with Star? You shouldn't have gone out with Stephanie since you had such strong feelings for Ashley. I would break things off with Stephanie. Then I would tell Ashley that you can't be with her until things are off with Star. Then I would go out with Ashely if she were single, if that's what you really want.

Shorty, when talking to your friend you first need to find out how he feels about gays. I would start off by talking about something in the news, something general, like the elections. Then steer the conversation towards something to do with being gay, like gay marriage or the ban on it. You need to find out how your friend feels about gays before you come out to him. Another approach would be to ask him if he's ever kissed another guy or if he's ever wondered what it would be like. I sort of outed myself to one of my friends over email by sending her an email about what's new in my life since I live far away from her. Then towards the end I said that I had joined this feminist activist group called the lesbian avengers and the purpose of the organization is to combat oppression of groups of different groups of people at different levels, esp. women. I'm sure my friend is a lesbian, though, so she probably knows that in order to be in the lesbian avengers you have to be a self-proclaimed lesbian, bi, trans person. So you could tell your friend that you recently joined a group, such as mine. If you are studying at a university they have campus groups for gay and lesbians. I hope my suggestions helped you.

I just read your post. I am sorry that your friend is having a hard time with you being gay and attracted to her. I have to admit that I have no idea how that feels to be rejected by someone of the same sex that I'm attracted to. I am just recently coming to terms with my same-sex attractions, but haven't told the person I like about it, yet. I think that you should try to talk to your friend about same-sex attractions and maybe try to give her a book on it or some information from the internet about what it means to be attracted to someone of the same sex to back up what you tell her. I'm wondering, do you really think that you can just be friends with her now that you realize your true feelings? I'm not sure that I could. I was going to suggest to you that you tell your friend that you are okay with just being her friend, but that might not be the case for you. I would tell her this if you really are okay with it. If you're not, then I would say to drop her as a friend and move on. For me, it would be too emotionally taxing to spend all of that time with a friend, whom I wanted to be more than just a friend. I hope this helps you.

Also, have you tried masturbating each other at the same time?

Have you two tried tribadism (humping)? I haven't ever done that, but read that sometimes both lesbians can orgasm when doing that. If you two are shaved or waxed then that would increase the sensitivity to that area.

I think that if you have a loving and trusting relationship with your girlfriend that she was probably telling you the truth about being a virgin. I don't understand why you are so concerned over whether or not she lied to you about being a virgin. She told you she was, she seemed like it during sex, and you have had long talks with her about it so I would say that, no she didn't lie to you about it, unless she lies about things and you think this could be one of those times. Girls are born with different hymens. Some are thicker and cover more of the entrance to the vagina. Others have less skin there and still others are perforated. Many things can break the hymen like fingering, falling down, riding horses, tampons, or sex, among other things.

Yes, give us more info. I do think that it would help you to have someone to talk to on a weekly basis, like a counselor. But, if you are just generally depressed for no real reason it's probably biochemical and there are drugs that can help you with that. Medical professionals often recommend a combination of drug and therapy for depressed people.

I'm not a guy, but I'm going to post anyway. I have this female friend who is good looking and she knew this guy from work, but they only talked professionally at work. He finally asked her out and after they went to dinner they went back to his place and had sex the whole night. She said it was amazing like the best sex she's ever had. Then they started dating and the relationship lasted 2 yrs. This guy was crazy about her the whole time. He was quite a bit older than her. She was 21 at the time they hooked up and he was like 37 yrs. So it can happen. The bad thing about having sex with someone on the first date and wanting it to turn into relationship is that you skip that getting to know you stage and rush into physical intimacy. It doesn't allow the relationship to blossom in other areas like emotional intimacy.

I have to agree. This relationship didn't get off to a very good start to begin with. Then you slept with his twin, which was probably the worst thing that you could have done. Sorry, don't mean to rub it in. Since all their friends know about it, he's probably going to find out and even if they didn't tell him that you slept with his twin, would your really want that on your conscience staying in a relationship with this guy? Also, based on Matt's past experiences, it doesn't seem likely that he will be willing to forgive and forget you did this. If you can get over Matt, I would. It sounds like you can't stop thinking about him. Maybe you should be the first one to tell Matt and maybe he will be willing to work things out with you, but it could take some time. You have violated his trust. Sorry I couldn't offer more optimistic help or advice!

JBonner, I just read about all of your posts and everyone else's. I am sorry. That is horrible. How are you doing now? How are your kids? Have you been able to talk to your ex about this at all? I have to admit before I got to the last few posts I was thinking he sounds gay. take care

Okay, I'm not the best at flirting or even the best at knowing when someone is flirting with me, esp. someone of the same sex. I think you should make eye contact and hold it with her for as long as you can like you said that she's doing. If she's acting nervous around you and the two of you have been friends for a long time, she sounds interested in you. You should ask her a lot of questions about boys. Does she talk about boys or act interested in them? A woman always likes to be complimented on things like the way they look so I would tell her she looks hot or beautiful when you see her and lift your eyebrows and kind of look her up and down when you do this...that will show you are interested. I hope that helps.

Hi, I don't think suicide is the answer and it sounds like that's not really what you want to do, but you are feeling very sad and like things are out of control, like you don't have any options. I don't know your mom, but my sister is a single parent and I know that it is stressful so it may be possible that your mother tells you that you're not wanted because she feels frustrated and like her life is out of control. It sounds like she's treating you like you are her punching bag and that's not right. I certainly hope that ALL mothers care about their children. Do you have an adult that you trust that you can talk to about your problems? How old are you? It really sounds like you could use a good role model in your life. If you want to chat about anything just PM me and I will respond as soon as I can.

I agree with what all the others have said. You need to tell him to his face. I would just walk up to him and say, "Do you have a couple of minutes because I need to talk to you about something?" If he has time then I would say, "Our relationship isn't working for me and I think it's best if we break up," and then tell him why you don't think it's working. If he doesn't have time right then to talk, find out when he does have time, and then say the same things. If he seems like he's trying to make things work and you like him and think that things can work, you may decide to stay in the relationship longer. I would just give him the cold, hard truth, though! Good luck!

Good for you, James. That took guts. I'm sure your younger sister and cousins will come around. It sounds like your mom was somewhat supportive. It's hard because parents have expectations for their kids and when they have a kid that comes out to them, they have to change their perspetive of you and what they want for you in life. take care

Richgabe had some good thoughts. You need to talk to this girl and tell her you are crazy about her and want to know if it's mutual. Were the two of you just kissing and making out for sexual reasons? Your situation sounds a lot like mine right now, although the woman I've fallen for is 51 yrs old and I'm 26. Also, nothing physical has happened yet, but I'm getting the feeling that she is very interested and would like it to go there. I think I do, too. I also have never been with another woman and have not had intercourse with a man. Feel free to PM if you want to talk some more.

I agree with everyone. You are doing the right thing for you and your son. She sounds psycho and you don't need her. 0X I have heard that when people go through something traumatic like cancer that if they live through it they are never the same. I have seen it happen in other situations besides yours. Counseling is a good idea for you and your son. He may be feeling abandoned also. It's hard for kids to lose their mothers. Your ex sure does like 'em young!