LilithCave22

yes, it would hurt which is why I won't/ wouldn't have answered the call or responded to a text or email. I wonder if it's just a rebound relationship and if she's even thinking about me... you know? The only reason I wanted her to try and contact me was so that I would know she was thinking about me. If she doesn't, it kind of validates the fact that she has completely moved on and no longer has feelings for me (even though she's admitted to having had regrets and second thoughts). Either way, I know I have to put her in the past and move on. I just don't find it as easy to close the door on a 3.5 year relationship and find a new love less than 2 months later. It rips me apart she's able to do so.

I won't respond if she contacts me but it doesn't look like that is going to happen anyway. I mentioned in a few other posts that she sent me a text earlier this week and I didn't respond to that... she may feel guilty and think I don't want to hear from her. We haven't even been broken up for 2 months yet (and she is already with someone new)

My ex hasn't contacted me yet and, frankly, I'm confused on how to feel about it. On the one hand, it completely devastates me because I feel like she doesn't care enough to wish me a Happy Holidays. On the other hand, I'm in no state to reply or respond to her contact and if she did, I would probably just feel like she was doing it out of guilt and to make herself feel better... I'm not sure which is better but deep down, I wanted her to contact me

yep, I'm doing NC through the holidays and after... I was supposed to have seen my ex over the holidays. She sent me a text message when she was in town and I never responded. I had decided I didn't want to see her anyway; if she had really wanted to see me, she would have called. Since she never called I wonder if she will bother to try and contact me in any form (text, email, phone) to wish me a Merry Christmas. I know I won't respond if she does try to contact me but deep down, I really want her to try and contact me... just so I know she's at least thinking about me. I just don't know if she will contact me... maybe she feels too guilty. It hurts because I know she'll contact her new lover... do you think our exes still think about and miss us during the holidays even if they are already with someone else and in a "rebound" relationship? I mean if you are with someone else that quickly (less than a week)... isn't it just a rebound or is it possible she's already fallen in love with someone else?? oh well, yes, NC for me through the holidays...

Unfortunately, I can't offer any advice but I can say I sympathize because my ex did the same thing. We broke up and then got back together. I helped her move to another state and supported her financially and emotionally. Exactly one week before she broke up with me, she mentioned something about me moving to be with her, one week later I was dumped, DAYS later she started seeing someone else that she had recently met... they are now a couple.... I don't understand how that happens either but apparently ours exes had already moved on and it just took a while for them to actually follow through with the breakup? I don't know. I know exactly what you are going through... sooner or later, you will get angry and it will actually help you to move on.

well, the last time we actually spoke to each other, we decided we would see each other when she was in my home town. She sent me that text message yesterday and I never responded. I guess that text message was her way of "feeling me out" because she never called. I decided I wasn't going to see her and that I would let her know when she called but... she never did and now I have to imagine she has gone back home. I guess she figured I didn't want to see her since I didn't reply to her text. Knowing her, she will send me an email at some point to see how my holidays were. I don't think I'll write back. I'm going to try 100% NC for a while. I never got closure but knowing that she has someone else in her life if closure enough. I've been replaced and it's not even been 2 months since our breakup; I have no choice but to move on with my life without her.

pardon the interruption. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone on this board. Every story is unique but I can see myself and my ex in so many of the different stories and situations. I feel so alone right now; it helps to know other people have and are going through the same emotions and that we will all heal and find happiness again some day. *sigh* thanks for your stories; they provide me with hope and strength. I wish everyone the best!!

In the long run, I would want to be back with her but not right now. In the end, our relationship was a happy one with little difficulties but, unfortunately, that was after we had worked through a lot of our problems when the relationship wasn't so happy. We were able to fix so many things but because of all the fighting, she lost romantic feelings for me and they never came back even after things improved. She still has feelings for me but is already with someone else.

kalshane - thank you for your quick reply. I guess that is the question I am struggling with internally... I want so badly to see her and get some closure but I just don't know if I'm ready to see her again. Last time I saw her, she was a mess and I got the feeling she wanted me back (I think she may have felt that too). I got filled up with all this false hope only to have her tell me she was seeing two new people. I can't have that happen again; I guess that means I shouldn't see her? ocean9 - interesting topic. I just looked into it quickly and it does seem to fit my ex. Of course, there isn't much I can do. I've already told her I think it would be beneficial for her to seek therapy again (she went before she met me) but that is something she will have to do. I don't think she will since, right now, she thinks she is happy with her "new love."

I hope it's ok if I jump in with my comments on this one... isn't it the strangest feeling when they call or text message us? I mean I check the display of my phone all the time knowing there will be nothing there and then all the sudden they text you and your heart jumps... at the same time, you can't answer or respond!! I was just thinking about that earlier today because my ex sent me a text message. I'm completely torn because I want to reply and I want to see her but I know I have to ignore it and keep moving on.... but it feels good just to know they still think about you!

this isn't really anything to do with the above topic but I wanted to post and see if anyone could provide me any feedback and didn't want to start a new thread... It looks like my ex might want to see me this holiday season after all. I just got a text message from her. She asked if I was it town (even though she already knew this) and "how's it going?"... kind of a vague question to be asking in a text message... I didn't reply to it. I want to see her - possibly as closure but also... just because - but I don't think it's the right thing to do. She has admitted to having doubts about the breakup and second thoughts but I think she is only interested in being my friend right now. I don't see how she could want to after she ended the relationship so abruptly. Anyway, I don't know if she will actually call or not (esp since I didn't respond to the text message). If she does, should I meet up with her or politely decline the invite? I don't think I am prepared to be just her friend... it would be too awkward and painful... If I decide to decline, is there any polite way to do so? Any thoughts on the matter would be appreciated. Thank you!

trying-- I don't know that I am the best at giving advice as I am going through a heartbreak right now as well. Anyway, I think you are starting to over analyze that text message a little too much. It was your first contact in a month and you've probably read it over and over again trying to read more into it than there really is. No one can say why he sent it and the best thing to do is think NOTHING of it. The last time I spoke to my ex, I over analyzed to the point that I convinced myself there was still a chance for this... I think that was probably the furthest thing from the truth as my ex already has a new gf. The best thing for you to do is keep moving on. Don't contact your ex and don't send an angry message. I don't think you messed up anything by contacting him. You had a nice conversation and kept it short. What more can you do? and, yes, anger is a part of the healing process. I get angry at my ex every day and want to send a nasty email or text but I never do because I know in an hour I will be back to feeling depressed over the loss. Stay strong and keep focusing on you. I hope this helps!

The fact that I saw her two weeks ago and she was extremely depressed and admitted to cutting/self mutilating herself... I don't think that shows very much self love

Please forgive me if this is long but I have to get my emotions out. My SO of 3.5 years broke up with me on Halloween night. She said she no longer had romantic feelings for me and could no longer handle the emotional intimacy of the relationship. I started NC and have been doing that for about 4 weeks now (but each week we've had contact in one form or another) She ended up dating someone else 4 days after dumping me and I think that things are getting serious with this other person and it's only been a little over a month!! (and, no, she wasn't involved with this person while she was with me but, in my opinion, it was awfully convenient this person was there to pick her up off her feet so quickly…. man, do I feel used) My ex has a lot mental instabilities and internal struggles due to a lot of different issues, one being the loss of her mother a few years back. I saw my ex about 1 month ago and she was severely depressed. She seemed to be having second thoughts about me at the time by her actions and words but I'm fairly certain she has moved on and is already getting pretty serious with someone else. The other day she mentioned she had cut herself. She used to do this before I met her. I'm the only one who knows about that. I'm so frustrated right now because I know she won't get professional help. I am very afraid she is getting way too involved with this other person as a way to trick herself into believing she is happy. I know her well enough to know that's how she works. I also know from experience because she was very depressed when she found me and I think she used me as way to trick herself into believing she was happy too (which, of course, makes me wonder if she ever loved me since she broke up with me due to lack of romantic feelings). It's completely upsetting knowing that she not only gave up on our relationship but now she is starting this vicious cycle all over again with someone else!!! I know this was the wrong thing to do but I sent her a really long email last night. In it, I just kind of told her that I would be here for support. I told her I knew she was upset. She knows I know her better than anyone else. She broke down in my arms when she visited because she knew she couldn't pretend to be happy around me because I would see right through her. I was also very blunt in the email and told her that while a new love or infatuation may bring her momentary happiness, it doesn't mean she is truly happy; these issues will come up again at some point in time if she continues to ignore them by not seeking professional help. I know it won't change anything but I couldn't just sit in silence anymore. At least, now, I know I tried to help and did all that I could do. I don't intend on contacting her again. I've said what I needed to say and I guess I just have to let her make the same mistakes all over again. I do feel like I am abandoning her but she's too foolish to notice anyway… too caught up in her new "love." We were supposed to see each other during the Christmas holidays but I don't think I want to anymore. I doubt she will want to see me; she knows deep down she is depressed. She knows I know that and she doesn't want to deal with it; she would rather lie to herself and "fall in love" with this other person who she thinks is the solution to her problem. Anything I do or say is just going to piss her off because she's so convinced she is happy now…. Maybe she really is… I don't know. It really stinks that all of this happened the way it did because why had a great relationship; she has ruined that forever. A part of me will always resent her for the way she handled our breakup. All of this and I am still in love with her. Of course, I would not want her back now. I realize it would be much nicer to find someone that is actually capable of loving themselves and thereforeeee capable of loving me! UGH, heartbreak really stinks. Do you think at some point she will open her eyes and see any of this for herself?

well, for some reason I just broke down and called my ex; we talked for 3 hours. I almost made it through the weekend!! Things had gone so well when I saw her last and I was wondering if she felt the same. She did admit to having second thoughts and regrets about her decision but still is convinced she did the right thing and that our relationship won't work. I feel like she gave up on us but I guess it doesn't matter anymore (esp since she is now dating TWO new people). I guess all I can do now is accept the fact that the hope is gone and keep moving on with my life. It's so hard when the other person still loves you and admits to having second thoughts.