Cadence308

RayKay and Scout gave some great advice. I'm not sure what I could add. I just think because you are so hurt right now that you could end up getting into something that you don't want like ending up in bed with your ex or just hanging out as friends when you are wanting and hoping for more. I think that if she needs her space and distance that you should give it to her and hold your ground as far as physical intimacy goes. You need to look out for you at this point. take care

Sounds like he wants you. You should seduce him! \

I agree with shorty4ever15. I have asked a lot of guys what intrigues them about 2 women and they always say something along the lines of "women are very beautiful and curvy and when there's 2 of them, it's even better because it's more of a good thing." I also think that there's a lot of men out there that would love to have a 3-some with 2 women and they'll admit it. But, when the women are lesbians or aren't into men at all it threatens the status quo, which is men and it isn't quite such a turn on any more.

I agree with tiger_lilies. I also wouldn't tell him right before or after sex. At least wait 30 min. before or after that. Also, be prepared for a lot of questions and have well planned explanations. I am not out myself so I couldn't really help you with that part. He will probably want to know the hows, whys, whens, whats, etc. What made you convert? Good luck. Tell us what happens.

She sounds interested. Ask her to go to the fair. That was your perfect chance. When you guys start talking about movies or places you've been you should just say, "We should go some time."

Good for you about the walking daily and hanging the to-do list up so everyone can see it. Weighing yourself with a scale is fine, but what's more important are the body composition changes that will happen once you begin a weight training program. Muscle weighs more than fat and is more dense (it takes up less space), which is a good thing since muscle uses more energy. I would recommend using a tape measure and measuring the circumference of your waistline, biceps, calf (lower leg), thigh, and hips and write down what you are now and check on yourself every 6-8 weeks. That will help you monitor body composition changes because it's not really how much you weigh, but what's actually in those pounds that matters. If you know of someone who can measure your body fat using skinfold calipers that's a good idea, too. Then you can get a reading every 2 months or so. This also provides good motivation to continue exercising. Good luck!

I don't recommend smoking, unless you want to die of cancer or heart disease. Pooing only once a week is a serious problem. You need more fiber in your diet to exercise your colon. You should poo about once a day and if you're not, then something is seriously wrong. Food high in fiber includes fruits and vegetables (the white stuff on oranges, the peelings on apples, pears, plums, cherries, and potatoes, and the seeds in strawberries). Almost all fruits and veggies are high in fiber. Some cereals that contain whole grain or oatmeal are high in fiber. Popcorn is high in fiber, granola bars are high in fiber, breads that are whole grain are high in fiber, seeds, esp. almonds have fiber. You should be getting 30-35 grams of fiber per day and if you are not, try to integrate more fiber into your diet on a daily basis, but do it VERY SLOWLY. If you don't, then you will have major problems pooing and I'm not kidding. As far as losing weight goes, you need to restrict your calories and watch what you eat and integrate more activity into your life. If you have access to a gym I would go there to work out. Start taking the stairs instead of the elevators when you go into buildings. Park your car further from your destination and walk more. Go for a walk after dinner instead of watching television. I would recommend buying a pedometer and I'm sure you can do a google search to locate where you can buy one or go into any sporting goods store and ask for a pedometer. They usually cost less than $20. You can wear the pedometer on your pants and it monitors how many steps a day you are taking. It counts the steps each time you move and it's a good way to monitor your physical activity. It can get addicting looking at your pedometer to try to increase your steps every day. If you don't lift weights, I would strongly recommend you begin doing so. Weight training is a great way to increase your metabolic rate at rest because you are increasing the volume of your muscle cells (hypertrophy) so you need more energy so you burn more fat, even at rest. I would start a weight training program and consistently do it 3 times a week at the very least. Good luck and if you have any more questions feel free to PM me!

I say if you want the girl at work, pursue the girl at work. I've learned that sometimes it's best to "play dumb," if you get my drift. Ask her out and pretend like you thought she was single and doesn't have a gf and see what happens. That's what I would do. Ask her at work. Maybe when she's making up excuses for not calling you back it's because her gf is over and she can't pick up the phone and call you back. Who knows, but she knows that you are calling, acknowledging it, and is talking and flirting with you at work. Ask her out and let us know how it goes.

That is unfortunate that you shared your feelings about your friend to him and he doesn't feel the same way. I'm sure it's tough to still be as close as you are knowing that nothing can come of it. However, I think that your first question: How can he be so comfortable with spending such a lot of time with me if he knows how i feel? is homophobic. Your friend can be comfortable spending so much time with you knowing how you feel because he cares about you as a friend. It just shows that not everyone out there is homophobic and will react negatively when someone of the same sex is attracted to them. You are very lucky, in that regard. I have no idea why your friend can't see beyond gender. I guess it goes back to the whole "what makes someone attracted to another?" It could be their smile, their laugh, their walk, their personality, the way they look. If you want to know what your friend looks for in a significant other I would just ask him. I'm not sure how you can manage your pain without being unfair to your friendship. One girl I know of who has a crush on her closest friend said that she was so in love with this friend that she would do anything this person asked. I think for you, you need to accept that your friend is not interested in something more serious other than friendship. Maybe it may be best for you to move somewhere else since you guys reside in the same house. It sounds like it has been tough on you trying to get over this guy. You might want to think about meeting other guys who are gay or bisexual. Go to a club, join a gay organization, just get to be friends with people and see where it goes. I think friendships are the best way to intimacy and relationships. I hope that I've given you something here.

I am so glad that you figured out a compromise. I think it will be good for both of you, no matter what happens. Keep us posted!

I feel like I'm in somewhat of a similar situation, but I'm 26. I went through high school without dating much, didn't like to go to dances and even turned guys down who asked me to prom. I avoided relationships with guys because I was sort of hung up on an ex-boyfriend, but I was actually having a crush on my female co-worker at the same time. I wanted to spend more time with her, call her, talk to her, etc. Her and I were good friends, but she was 10 years older than I and thought of me as a sister. At the time, I thought I felt sisterly towards her, too (I was 16-19 yrs old at the time). I guess I talked about her a lot because pretty soon my mom started asking me if I was gay and why I talked about this co-worker so much and cared so much what she thought. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but I went through undergrad and grad school and haven't had an intimate relationship with a man. I've never had sex at all and I have gone out on lots of dates with men and they find me attractive. These have been nice guys with careers in engineering, biochemistry, medicine, etc. and I always found some reason to not be interested in them or pursue something more serious. I kept telling myself that I haven't met the right man and that I was busy focusing on my career and didn't have time for dating. Well, now I have more time and I'm still not in a relationship. Last fall I was teaching a weight training class for faculty at the university where I was finishing my M.Sc. degree and I met a professor in there who is my mother's age. We really clicked since she's a scientist and I'm aspiring to be one and we would talk a lot. She paid a lot of attention to me and asked me about my dating life (I have a post about this back several pages). It finally dawned on me that she's a lesbian and I think she's attracted to me. We still keep in touch. One time she was asking me why I don't date anyone long term and I gave her my excuses and told her that I have intimacy and commitment issues and she just looked at me and shook her head no. I think she thought I was lesbian. Anyway, now I live in a state 2,500 miles away from where I was and I'm really lonely and depressed here. I have no friends and it's been really hard. I realized about 6-8 weeks after I moved here how much I was missing her and starting to think about her. When she was in my class I would see her 3 days a week. I was missing her laugh and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. Then I started questioning my sexuality. This has been going on for about 6 mos. now. At first I was telling myself that I was bi, but now I'm leaning more towards being lesbian. I am crazy about this woman. I fantasize about what it would be like to kiss her, touch her, make love to her. I currently don't have these feelings towards any other woman or man for that matter. I'm infatuated with her. My mom has continued to ask me if I'm a lesbian. I continue to deny it and really thought I wasn't until I took a good look at my feelings. Homophobia teaches us that being heterosexual is the only way to live and have intimate relationships and that being gay or lesbian has to do with sex and genitals. The truth is that being gay has to do with your feelings and those aren't something that you can change. I think that is perfectly healthy that you are questioning your sexuality. More people should and they would be a lot happier and less judgmental about other peoples' relationships. I know how alone you must be feeling right now. I'm feeling it too, partly because I'm so far away from everyone I know, but also because I'm dealing with my feelings. I'm 26, a virgin, never have boyfriends, done with my education for a while, and my parents and friends are starting to question my sexuality to my face. I'm scared of being found out because women are taught that in order to be someone in life they have to be loved by a man. Sorry this is so long. Are you sure your friend is straight? Does he have relationships with women? Do you? Do you date or have crushes on girls? How do you feel when he talks about girls? Do you get jealous and wish it were you? Feel free to PM me if you want to talk to me about your feelings.

I feel like I'm in somewhat of a similar situation, but I'm 26. I went through high school without dating much, didn't like to go to dances and even turned guys down who asked me to prom. I avoided relationships with guys because I was sort of hung up on an ex-boyfriend, but I was actually having a crush on my female co-worker at the same time. I wanted to spend more time with her, call her, talk to her, etc. Her and I were good friends, but she was 10 years older than I and thought of me as a sister. At the time, I thought I felt sisterly towards her, too (I was 16-19 yrs old at the time). I guess I talked about her a lot because pretty soon my mom started asking me if I was gay and why I talked about this co-worker so much and cared so much what she thought. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but I went through undergrad and grad school and haven't had an intimate relationship with a man. I've never had sex at all and I have gone out on lots of dates with men and they find me attractive. These have been nice guys with careers in engineering, biochemistry, medicine, etc. and I always found some reason to not be interested in them or pursue something more serious. I kept telling myself that I haven't met the right man and that I was busy focusing on my career and didn't have time for dating. Well, now I have more time and I'm still not in a relationship. Last fall I was teaching a weight training class for faculty at the university where I was finishing my M.Sc. degree and I met a professor in there who is my mother's age. We really clicked since she's a scientist and I'm aspiring to be one and we would talk a lot. She paid a lot of attention to me and asked me about my dating life (I have a post about this back several pages). It finally dawned on me that she's a lesbian and I think she's attracted to me. We still keep in touch. One time she was asking me why I don't date anyone long term and I gave her my excuses and told her that I have intimacy and commitment issues and she just looked at me and shook her head no. I think she thought I was lesbian. Anyway, now I live in a state 2,500 miles away from where I was and I'm really lonely and depressed here. I have no friends and it's been really hard. I realized about 6-8 weeks after I moved here how much I was missing her and starting to think about her. When she was in my class I would see her 3 days a week. I was missing her laugh and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. Then I started questioning my sexuality. This has been going on for about 6 mos. now. At first I was telling myself that I was bi, but now I'm leaning more towards being lesbian. I am crazy about this woman. I fantasize about what it would be like to kiss her, touch her, make love to her. I currently don't have these feelings towards any other woman or man for that matter. I'm infatuated with her. My mom has continued to ask me if I'm a lesbian. I continue to deny it and really thought I wasn't until I took a good look at my feelings. Homophobia teaches us that being heterosexual is the only way to live and have intimate relationships and that being gay or lesbian has to do with sex and genitals. The truth is that being gay has to do with your feelings and those aren't something that you can change. I think that is perfectly healthy that you are questioning your sexuality. More people should and they would be a lot happier and less judgmental about other peoples' relationships. I know how alone you must be feeling right now. I'm feeling it too, partly because I'm so far away from everyone I know, but also because I'm dealing with my feelings. I'm 26, a virgin, never have boyfriends, done with my education for a while, and my parents and friends are starting to question my sexuality to my face. I'm scared of being found out because women are taught that in order to be someone in life they have to be loved by a man. Sorry this is so long. Are you sure your friend is straight? Does he have relationships with women? Do you? Do you date or have crushes on girls? How do you feel when he talks about girls? Do you get jealous and wish it were you? Feel free to PM me if you want to talk to me about your feelings.

Do you think that you could tell your ex that you two can be friends nothing physical or sexual and allow things to progress with him or both of you in counseling and see how things go? It really sounds like you weren't happy in the past with several aspects of your relationship and you sound scared that the same things may happen. I think that is perfectly normal; if it didn't work the first time, why should it the second? However, I think if you both want it badly enough and the appropriate changes can be made, then it can work.

I agree with ComputerGuy. I'm not sure what those other issues are besides sexuality that your boyfriend may have, but I think counseling would be good at any rate. He needs to earn your trust again before you two can even begin to have a healthy relationship again. I think that most people need counseling. Have you two thought about couples counseling to get out your frustrations, fears, and problems? It may help.

I can't really give you any advice on whether or not you should come out right now or not. That is really up to you and your circumstances and it really sounds like you have some things to figure out before you do come out. You are just barely coming out to yourself. It's also important to realize that sexuality occurs on a kind of scale with different levels of attraction and that our attractions can change at different points in our lives. It is not uncommon for someone who is first realizing they have same sex attractions to say they are bi or come out as bi, but many do end up being gay or lesbian or at least identifying that way. Maybe there's something about being bi that is more acceptable, in general, since you are not totally rejecting men or the "status quo." For that reason it may be easier for people to be bi when they first come out instead of gay. I thought I was bi and still do in some ways, but the more I think about it, the more that I think I'm actually a lesbian. I haven't really came out to anyone, yet. I did hint around to 2 friends and told a 3rd friend that I was bi-curious. I did tell a lot of my friends about this older woman whom I think has a crush on me, which is true just to see what my friends would say. I didn't tell them that I also had a crush on her. Many of my friends were saying things like, "Tell her you're straight. Make sure she knows you like men." When they are said things like that then it is making it really tough to come out. You might want to make up a story about someone to your friends and tell them you think this person is lesbian and seems to have a crush on you and make up some reasons why. This would give you the chance to see how your friends would respond. It also would give you an idea what they might say if you came out to them. If they respond like my friends did, then that means that they will probably assume that you have a crush on them because that is one generalization made about gay people. Let me know if this helped you.

I can't really give you any advice on whether or not you should come out right now or not. That is really up to you and your circumstances and it really sounds like you have some things to figure out before you do come out. You are just barely coming out to yourself. It's also important to realize that sexuality occurs on a kind of scale with different levels of attraction and that our attractions can change at different points in our lives. It is not uncommon for someone who is first realizing they have same sex attractions to say they are bi or come out as bi, but many do end up being gay or lesbian or at least identifying that way. Maybe there's something about being bi that is more acceptable, in general, since you are not totally rejecting men or the "status quo." For that reason it may be easier for people to be bi when they first come out instead of gay. I thought I was bi and still do in some ways, but the more I think about it, the more that I think I'm actually a lesbian. I haven't really came out to anyone, yet. I did hint around to 2 friends and told a 3rd friend that I was bi-curious. I did tell a lot of my friends about this older woman whom I think has a crush on me, which is true just to see what my friends would say. I didn't tell them that I also had a crush on her. Many of my friends were saying things like, "Tell her you're straight. Make sure she knows you like men." When they are said things like that then it is making it really tough to come out. You might want to make up a story about someone to your friends and tell them you think this person is lesbian and seems to have a crush on you and make up some reasons why. This would give you the chance to see how your friends would respond. It also would give you an idea what they might say if you came out to them. If they respond like my friends did, then that means that they will probably assume that you have a crush on them because that is one generalization made about gay people. Let me know if this helped you.

Maybe you guys could take a class together like pottery or kickboxing or yoga? I also read somewhere that role playing can be really exciting. Like arranging to meet somewhere and having the other person show up there and try to pick the other up like the first time you met. I've heard that it can also spice up the sex.

I think it does sound like you are her back up plan and I would get the hell out of that relationship. Hon, that's just not good for your self-esteem to continue being in something with someone who tells you that you are basically their back up plan and they are looking for someone else. I would be really hurt and pissed off, too!!! I guess if you think that maybe you misunderstood her then you can tell her how her comments affected you and see what she says, but she does not sound like someone I would want to have a relationship with.

I think it does sound like you are her back up plan and I would get the hell out of that relationship. Hon, that's just not good for your self-esteem to continue being in something with someone who tells you that you are basically their back up plan and they are looking for someone else. I would be really hurt and pissed off, too!!! I guess if you think that maybe you misunderstood her then you can tell her how her comments affected you and see what she says, but she does not sound like someone I would want to have a relationship with.

You could start a conversation with your friend that is somewhat impersonal like try talking about the news like the war in Iraq and see what he thinks about that. Then after talking about it for a while bring up something that has been in the news recently involving someone that was gay like that Senator from New Jersey who was leading a double life or about gay marriages and if they should be legal in the U.S. and then see what he says. He sounds like he might not be comfortable with his sexuality yet.

Wow girl, I have to say that your story really touched me! I have to hand it to you for being honest with everyone. Tom sounds like a great guy, the way he is always there for you, but I think his being whipped could hurt a nice guy in the end. I think you need to follow your heart and if you marry Tom you will end up regretting it, possibly having kids, and maybe leaving Tom for another woman 10 yrs down the road. I think you are doing the right thing and stopping the wedding plans and being honest with everyone involved. Your parents are hurt because they love Tom, but they aren't looking at the big picture. The big picture is what you want and what you need. You were about to fulfill their picture perfect family with the wedding, family, etc. and now you are saying, "Wait, I'm not sure about this," and pausing the whole thing. I think you are doing the right thing and experimenting because that is what your heart is telling you to do, but I wouldn't make Tom sit around and wait because it sounds like he may get his heart broken. Maybe keep it as friends with Tom because it really sounds like you like women.

I have to admit the title of the post is hilarioius. Now, I'm going to give you some advice on masturbating. It's harder for a girl to get off at all doing anything and I give myself about 30 min. I have to get warmed up and wet. I usually use a lubricant and lotion works well and is always sitting by my bedside and nobody gives it a second glance. I rub lotion on my clit and just rub myself, usually starting off gently and increasing the pressure and tempo until I orgasm. It's the best. If you can learn how to get yourself off, you will be feeling great and it's great stress relief, too!

I think that age would have something to do with the way you are feeling. When you say that you have obsessions with women sometimes, are they women friends? Do you think that these obsessions could also be crushes? Do you think that you could ever have sex or do you see yourself kissing or being physically intimate with these girls you are obesessed about? Do you just want to cuddle with them and be close to them? Do you keep thinking that wherever you go you keep meeting these wonderful women and why can't you meet any guys that are this great? If you are answering yes to a lot of these questions you are probably a lesbian. However, if you still say yes to these same questions, only about men, then you are probably bi-sexual. Keep in mind that levels of attraction fall sort of on a scale. I recently discovered I'm bi, but I'm still sorting things out and in many ways I feel aversions to men, also. For me, I just haven't been able to connect in an intimate, emotional way with men like I can with women and for me to be in a sexual relationship it is necessary for me to be there emotionally, as well. So, for me, it's not just about the sex, but connecting on a deeper level.

I think that age would have something to do with the way you are feeling. When you say that you have obsessions with women sometimes, are they women friends? Do you think that these obsessions could also be crushes? Do you think that you could ever have sex or do you see yourself kissing or being physically intimate with these girls you are obesessed about? Do you just want to cuddle with them and be close to them? Do you keep thinking that wherever you go you keep meeting these wonderful women and why can't you meet any guys that are this great? If you are answering yes to a lot of these questions you are probably a lesbian. However, if you still say yes to these same questions, only about men, then you are probably bi-sexual. Keep in mind that levels of attraction fall sort of on a scale. I recently discovered I'm bi, but I'm still sorting things out and in many ways I feel aversions to men, also. For me, I just haven't been able to connect in an intimate, emotional way with men like I can with women and for me to be in a sexual relationship it is necessary for me to be there emotionally, as well. So, for me, it's not just about the sex, but connecting on a deeper level.

Go to link removed and look it up on their database. They have abstracts from all kinds of peer reviewed papers from researchers who investigate everything from impotence to vien leaf pattering in plants. Good luck!