jude

I agree with everyone--you need to tell him ASAP. And, I have a question: How do you "convert" to lesbianism? Is that something you can convert to? My thought were, that having feelings towards the same sex is wired into a person (just as it is for those who have feelings towards those who are the opposite sex). I just feel it's harder for homosexuals to realize their feelings, simply because society has put such a harsh ideology on being gay or lesbian. Society conforms to what is believed to be normal and not normal--and unfortuanety, being gay and lesbian isn't normal in society. What's sad, is that it should be, because being gay or lesbian is just as normal as being heterosexual. Our sexual orientation is not something we wake up and decide one day. What we do decide is how we approach that fact. I wish you the best of luck in telling your boyfriend. I don't suspect he'll take it very well, but it's better to be honest that lead a lie--the sooner you tell him, the better.

Hi, My girlfriend and I just broke up on October 7th--her call, not mine. She told me she needed space and some time. For example, here's an excerpt of one of her emails: The thought of completely losing you kills me. You have been such a huge part of my life for almost three years, and I don't know how to deal with losing that, but I know that I will continue to hurt you if I try to make things work right now. I feel like I am losing my best friend, but I am tired of making you miserable and that is exactly what I have done lately -- and for that I am deeply sorry. There are so many things I have to think through. Here's another excerpt from another email sent after the one above: I wish I could hold you and tell you everything is all right, but I would be lying to you and myself. I miss you terribly, but I know that I can't have you right now because things are not right and they haven't been for quite sometime. You have been in my thoughts every second since I last talked with you on Thurs. You will always hold a sacred place in my heart which no one will ever be able to touch. As much as I hurt and long for you, I know that I am not right for you now, because I am not happy within myself. Please forgive me and I hope that we will be able to talk soon. ------------------------------------ Now it's been about two weeks since these I've received these emails. She's kept the lines of communication open, but mainly through Instant Message--she's only called once. The last instant message conversation we had, she told me that her dog missed me and that I might need to come see him soon. She told me to just let her know when I had some time. So yesterday, I emailed her and asked her if she wanted to hang out this weekend. In her email, she told me that we could hang out on Sunday. HERE'S MY QUESTION: How do I approach this? I don't want to come off and just try to be her girlfriend, but I would really like to know if there is a chance for us. My concern is: Does she still love me intimately? I don't want to hop into bed, by any means... but is it safe to assume that she still has feelings for me? Do I wait to see if she tries to hug or kiss me? I think the answer to that question is "yes." But then again, she rarely has initiated anything... whether that be intimacy, hanging out, or anything. Any advice? When I go to see her, how should I be with her? What should I expect from her? I want to do my best to respect her and try and have a good time.

Thanks for the replies everyone. I think all of you have extremely valid points to make--and wonderful advice. I have an update: She Instant Messaged me again lastnight. She asked about work, my family, my niece... and we talked about her dog, whom I love very much. Her dog is the only dog I've ever loved--I've never had my own. She told me he was sad and missed me. She said, "he's become an attention w*ore." I told her, "yeah, I've spoiled him, huh? I can't help it, I just love him so much." She said, "I know, and that hurts." But she told me the maybe I should come and see him sometime. So, there ya have it... the link--is the dog. Before we got offline, I told her I missed her, and she said she missed me too, but that was it. She's out of town for a couple of days, and won't be back until Friday. In the past, we've normally gone to pick out pumpkins together at a nearby pumpkin patch. I wish so much I could ask her to go, but I know that I have to wait for her to come to me. We were supposed to go to a Halloween party that's coming up--I'm sad I'm probably not going. I'm graduating with two degrees this December. I remember about 2 months ago she told me that as a graduation present, she wanted to help put down money for us to go on a trip--to Jamaica or somewhere tropical. We even looked online for good deals and everything. I think this is sad. But I know that there's nothing I can do but hope for the best, and hope that she comes around. I want reply back to one of the postings--one of you said that there are 3 reasons why people break up with someone else. Well, number 2 sounds just about right in my situation. She's not happy with her job, at all. She works for the State, and is grant funded. She doesn't know if they'll renew her grant or not, and on top of that, legislature is talking about reorganizing the state gov. offices again--or something like that. Anyway, thanks again.

You might be right--and you are definitely right about it being one of those, "seeing you the last time" deals. I guess that's why I'm so scared to get my things back, because I'm just not ready to put the nail in the coffin, and I just don't know if she's ready to either.

Hi, My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago last Thursday. We've been together for 2 and half years, so it's been really tough on me. She told me she needed time for herself--she kept saying she needed time and that she needed to feel like she could make it on her own. Well, she called me this past Friday and said she wanted to catch up with me sometime. She hasn't called yet, and she's been online and hasn't IMd me. I don't know how to feel. All I know is that 2 and a half years ago, she loved me like no other person ever has. She emailed me after the break up and told me she had to take timeouts to cry, and that she longed to hold me and tell me everything would be all right, but she just couldn't do that right now. I have her apartment key, and have asked her if she wants it back--but she told me that it wasn't about the key. I told her that I could drop it off at her apartment under the mat, but she refused to ask for it back. On top of that, I have several things that belong to me at her apartment, and she hasn't asked me if I want to pick them up. I have my bike, leather jacket, and a few pieces of clothing. When should I ask for these things back? I haven't asked for them back yet, because I know it's only been two weeks since we broke up. I keep feeling like she'll come around, and she hasn't asked me to pick my things up because it's not over. Am I seeing this right? I have made a point to respect her wishes, and I haven't called or emailed. I want to show that I respect her. So that's why it's hard for me to email or call and ask for my things back. But at what point to I draw the line? Is there hope? I'll take any suggestions I can get. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.