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Thanks everyone for your responses. I think I've learned from this to keep a good and open heart and allow someone to fill it even more. Kind of like the "cup runnith over" with love... and yes... there will be some spills.. but all for the best. Thank you.

Here's the deal. In my 20's, I didn't want to be married. I thought my friends were crazy to get married in their 20's. Now, in my 30's, I have found that I cannot develop a relationship with anyone. Most women consider me attractive. I tend to draw women in, but when I meet them and get to know them, I prefer to be single. I know I have a problem here.. I think it's because I live in an ideal world where everything is "perfect" in my little bubble. So, I'm going to have to put up with someone's problems. I have to admit, i don't have many problems ... I have a lot of money and I love my future... so I don't dump my issues on anyone... except for this one. Can someone please help me out with some advice? Surely someone has been in this situation. How did you get over giving up your "clean and perfect" life for a messy one? I want a relationship and I'm willing to do it, I'm just wondering how to go about this madness!!

Well, life isn't really about us, it's about others. Who do you want to help with your life? When you find out who you want to help, you will have found your purpose in life. You see, yes, there are people that go around thinking life is all about them. They tend to be greedy, selfish, etc.. But nothing they do will satisfy them.. until... they begin to help others. You will find that greedy or selfish people never have enough money, sex, power, etc.. never.. because it's never enough. I can assure you, if you find out who you want to help with your life, you will find your purpose and your meaning.

This is an opinion based on my experience. Take it or leave it, but you may want to read it and think about it. Are you sure you want to have sex with her? This happened to me a few times when I was 17. As you know, 17 year old can get a boner from the wind. There have been times in my life where I have been with beautiful women in my teens and 20's and could not get hard. I figured out what the problem was... it was because deep down inside I did not want to have intercourse with them... because deep down inside I knew I was not in a committed relationship. God forbid we ever admit as men that we don't want to have sex with a beautiful woman. For me my body wanted to have sex, but my mind said it was not a smart move to have sex so casually. Thus, a few embarrassing situations.

It means that someone's current actions already dictate their future. You can use this to your advantage. A self-fulfulling profecy can be a good one.... such as... Tom knew he was going to hit a home run during the big game, and sure enough, he did. It can be a good thing to. Change your thoughts to positive ones.

I wouldn't tell him you love him yet. You've only known him 2 weeks. I say this for 2 reasons: 1) Well.. you've only known him 2 weeks. I always suggest one year before you commit your heart totally to someone. See their ups and downs. 2) Do you have plans for your future? Are you going to college or do you plan to be a housewife? Just wondering because you need to make sure he fits into your plans for life. You shouldn't just adapt your life to a 25 year old man without making sure you don't have unfinished business with the world. My opinion on the matter is yes, he's too old for you (this is only MY opinion). The reason I say this is because you need to experience the world. Why not shoot for your dreams first? But again, maybe your dream is to get married and maybe that's his dream too. If so, great. But, if not, make sure you explore the gifts that God has given you. Only then will you find the right man for your life.

I was in the military. I can give you a few pointers on dating. If it's truly about love, you will succeed. The military is the ultimate test of someone's love for another. I'd say about 70% of millitary dating and marriages fail (from what I saw in the Navy), but that was because people rushed into them. You need to make sure you know him for a solid 12 months before committing. This is TIME SPENT TOGETHER. So if it takes 3 years to spend 12 months with him, make sure you wait that long before committing. I think you have an honorable heart for wanting to stand by him after joining the military. Keep your heart open. Visit him. It's an exiting life but it sounds as if you are willing to consider that challenge.

It's all about love. Sounds as if he is actually quite insecure about your love because he keeps testing to see if it's there. I would suggest, as hard as this is, to smother him with love for 1 week straight. See if his behavior changes. I'm talking about holding his hand, looking into his eyes, and connecting with his heart on a very, very intimate level. Do this regularly for a week and see if he changes. I think he's testing your love because he's a bit insecure about it.

I think you need to tell him your feelings. If he cares about you, he will want to please you physically. I mean, even if he didn't have intercourse, at the very least he could still please you. That is simple caring. I would suggest first you ask him to at least hug and please your sexual desires. Even if he isn't horny, he could at least please you as you need. I would suggest he make a doctors visit. How about viagra? That sounds like the miracle drug for many. Regardless of what you do, just be honest. Don't bottle this up. You are 50% of the relationship and your desires should be honored.

For me.. I have dated slim, tall, chubby, and tiny. What matters the most is how the person treats themself. I have been totally turned on by chubby girls who believed they were sexy. My ideal is 5'4" slim with smaller breasts and long legs. But that's so silly in a way because when she gets older and has kids, her body will change. Work on your sexiness, not your body.

Any time someone makes physical contact with you without your consent, that is abusive. Any time someone torments you mentally, that is abusive. A GREAT RULE OF THUMB.. IF YOU THINK SOMETHING MAY BE WRONG.. YOU ARE RIGHT! You are NOT overreacting.

The pressure you feel is only you. I do things alone all of the time, but you have to remember, I don't care what others think. I haven't fallen in love yet, I'm not going to make the mistakes my friends did and marry someone because "it's time". The problem isn't society. The problem is the pressure you are putting on you. Be a leader.

Yes, she's too young for you. Do her a favor and let her live a normal life. Don't put your desires (or HER desires) before what is BEST for her. Be a leader. Be a role model. Let her go.

I have some life advice. It may not be true for everyone, but it is true for me, so maybe it will help you if: 1) You feel as if you are "wandering" through life or 2) You feel like a punching bag There have been 2 times in my life where I have found long periods of euphoria. A time where I didn't need anything more than my daily life to excite me. Things like girlfriends, parties, sports, celebrations, were nice to have a part of my life, but my life alone was enough to really make me happy. The first time was when I was in the military. The second time was when I commited to joining the Seminary. Both times had something in common: I was serving a mission for a bigger purpose than myself. I was commited fully to something much bigger than me. I commited to something honorable. There are times when we don't feel we are worthy of serving honorable purposes. Sometimes when we do it only half way. I suggest for those of you who are lost, to consider commiting your entire life to a honorable purpose much bigger than you. Even if you don't feel worthy, if you commit to it, you will grow into who you are supposed to be. Examples include: committing completely to your family, committing to the Peace Corps, Greenpeace, the military, God, your local government, your church.

I'm a commitment-phobe as well. I had my heart broken when I was 30 years old. I'm 35 and I haven't dated anyone regularly since then. To be honest, I hate to admit, that I'm happy. The way I see it, I'm going to enjoy my life. If someone wants to join me, then let's do it together. If someone wants to control me, it won't work. I realize we need to compromise.. I think the key is to make sure you know what you will never be willing to give up in your life, then make sure that person you date understands that. Hold on to what you cherish. For me, I have to place God first in my life and I need alone time, at least 30 minutes a day. If someone wants to be first before God, we won't work.

I appreciate your posts. I intend to slowly "grow" in a different direction from my father. I think I've tried to hard to make him happy (Honor thy father and mother).. I've taken it too far. It's my time now.

Your love for God is impressive, but I don't see how masterbation would be considered a sin. There certainly is nothing in the Bible regarding masterbation. Also, lustful thoughts make you human. Pray you don't have them, but don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself. That's like saying if you sin you are evil. No, if you sin you are HUMAN and you need to pray for forgiveness and to be corrected by God.

Sorry, I don't buy his story. #1) Was he foolish enough to get so drunk he was incoherant? Yes #2) Was he foolish enough to take a girl up on an offer to go "sleep" in a bed? Yes #3) Was he foolish enough to let her lie down next to him? Yes #4) Was he foolish enough to allow her to undo his belt? Yes I would give him a break of only 1 or 2 of these things happened. All 4 happened. His version of the story is quite unbelievable. Either A) He's foolish over and over and over again or B) He cheated on you Take your pick

I think it's because men begin to think of their wife's as they did their mothers. In my 20's I have been guilty of this with girlfriends. When I see the girl I had passion for vacuuming and doing laundry, I would place her in "mother" mode. I then turned into a child again. That was then, this is now. I'm a grown man now, so I have no excuse. Neither does any husband or boyfriend who decides to grow up. Things you can do to change the situation: My girlfriend would dress in lingerie at night. Oh wow, did I act on my best behavior. She knew how to be a woman and a TIGER. I think women need to do both as well as men. Be a woman and a TIGER Be a man and a LION

I'm the same way. I always wondered why that was. I can cum, but rarely and the girl really has to spend a lot of time getting me there. Anyway, the reason I don't cum is because I don't like the idea of doing that in someone's face. Also, a bj doesn't allow me to control the pace of the motion, so it doesn't get me far. Both simple reasons, one of which your bf may have as well. No big deal really. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. So, I would say don't worry about it. I always tell my girlfriends they don't need to give me a bj or if they do, I'll enjoy it, but I won't orgasm.

My whole life, my father has tried to control me. Examples: 1) When I was a kid, he didn't like it when I went off to play with friends 2) When I was a teen, he grounded me at home for the summer vacation (I was caught for drinking some beer) 3) When I was in the military, my dad would never write or call me, he only took interest when I decided to play football after the military (he was a football player) 4) When I was in my 20's, he would call every weekend to spend time with me. When I did this, he would bad mouth me many of the times, bossing me around 5) When I left him and went off on my own, he would never visit me. He would bad mouth me to other family members, when I came back home, everyone looked at me as a lesser person based on his comments 6) I now have lived in Chicago for 2 years. I have visited family over 30 times. They have NEVER visited me. I'm only 1.5 hours away. What should I do about this? I have this feeling that if I go off on my own, the bottom will drop out. If I do my own thing and don't visit and stand up for myself, I'm on my own. They will disown me. I have proof of this because when my sister left home, my dad and mom stopped talking to her and her kids. She has not heard from them in 3 years. My concern is that family is so important. When things go wrong we are supposed to look out for each other. But, this is a one-way street. I'm worn out. I've never been married. I'm 35. I'm smart, funny, good looking, and make a great salary doing work I enjoy, but I have this weird fear if I get married my family will try to mess it up. There are 5 kids. 2 have gotten married then divorced. 1 is happily married. Me and my brother are tenative of getting married. I've got to do something about this. I can't keep sitting on the sidelines of life! Should I just break ties with my dad?

I know a person who takes chances with their life that no one else is willing to do. Many of her friends don't understand her and her family has mixed reactions. What would you say about the kind of person who: 1) Is Very Smart but did bad in H.S. because they hated public school 2) At the age of 19, they dropped out of the University of Minnesota and joined the United States Navy 3) At the age of 25, they tried out of the U.S. Bobsled Team 4) At the age of 30, they had become a six-figure financial analyst 5) At the age of 35, they are considering quitting their job and joining Greenpeace 6) They have never been married and have been unable to keep a long-term relationship going mainly due to frustration with an idle-lifestyle.

The average IQ is about 100-110, so you are smarter than most (as far as IQ tests go which can be gender and ethnic biased). I normally score anywhere from 120-150 on on-line tests. I KNOW I'm not a 150, so I think they inflate the number a little bit to build your ego up and get you to purchase more product or visit their website more. That's just an opinion, not fact. I think my IQ is around 115-120.

thanks very much for the advice. I'm actually going to visit the Seminary, Jan 4-6 to meet with Pastors and students. I'm sure that will help. Thanks again for your words. It opened up some great ideas for me.

Thanks for your follow ups. Here's mine: Inner anger or unresolved issues: Well, honestly, not sure. I have literally no debt (no car loan, loans, etc..), I have plenty in the bank, and my career is steady with good income until I go into Sem. I admit I've given up most of my friends from the past because of my focus on Christ. I'm not angry about it, but I felt that was a sacrifice I had to make. I had to lead, even if no one followed. I did have some anger over an old girlfriend who broke my heart 5 years ago, but I have felt over that for the past 3 years and I forgive her as it was as much my fault as hers, but sometimes I get flustered when I think about it. The only thing I would have to admit that is unresolved is my family's sense of pride and how I cannot stand that. My family is SO guilty of self-worship. No one has time for anyone. Everyone judges everyone. It's disappointing, thus why I'm writing I think. They would rather talk about football or gambling. Maybe the reason I want to talk to them is to share something beautiful with them and maybe I'm frustrated because they don't want to share it or they don't think it is beautiful. I'd have to say I have no inner anger, but maybe an unresolved issue of trying to give peace to my family. I want to discuss my deep love for Christ with my family. I want to discuss philosophical and theological ideas with them. I want to get deep with them about all of this so the process is one they can gain from as well. They prefer the sports page. I want a deeper connection, to give them what I have. It's frustrating. They are my family after all. I can't just walk away from them. I can't stop being me. Maybe I should just let it go and focus soley on Christ. Let Christ resolve the issue. I'll have to pray about it.