routerx

Thanks for the advice. No.. I know.. she's definitely not cheating. Also, I trust her so that thought never was in my mind.. still isn't. My concern was not her but the guy. My gf tends not to notice when guys dig her.. so the DVD thing may have just been a nice gift to her.. but to him (the giver) it may have been his way of .. you know.. trying to open up her heart to him. The dinner.. maybe a way of his opportunity to shoot me down in person or later behind my back. Anyway.. I'm going to meet the guy with an open mind. If it means a lot to her.. then I need to respect that. I'm thinking about asking her, "Joy, is it possible this guy likes you? thereforeeee, is it possible he won't give you his approval of me to try to remove the competition?"

My girlfriend tends to keep more male friends than female friends. I don't mind this at all.. except.. one thing that has been bothering me. Last evening she stated that she would like me to meet one of her friends so he could "give his approval" of me. This is a 50 year old friend that she talks to about once a month. He wants to take us out to dinner. My first reaction is to tell the guy to take a flying leap. Who does he think he is? My second reaction is to tell my girlfriend she is disrespecting our relationship by placing the opinion of someone other than family as a stepping stone in our success. Finally, this is the same guy who gave her a "Love Story" DVD about 2 weeks ago and she is naive enough not to assume it was an affectionate gift, but this guy, in my opinion may have a goal of trying to undermine our relationship. But, if it's important to my girlfriend that I meet this guy, then it should be important to me as well??!!! Not sure. Need advice.

I'm leaving for a vacation to Puerto Vallarta for 10 days. My last night at home (tonight) my girlfriend gave me a CD that she made, some snacks for the trip, and a letter professing her affection for me in response to the poem I wrote her a few days back (posted on here). We got very intimate and our relationship is now, finally on bedrock. You would get a good laugh if you read my previous posts about my insecurities in this relationship. Those insecurities are gone now. My advice: It was no longer than 45 days ago that I was on year 5 of being without a person to love. No one should ever go though that, but mine was a self imposed prison that had a lot to do with my faith and consideration of going into the Seminary. I still yearned anyway, of course. During this time, I had set a standard for myself and said I would rather be single forever than to settle for misery (which I had in a previous relationship). I really thought it was possible that I would never show affection to another partner again and that made me quite sad. Who knows, it may not work out with this girl, but I have a sincere feeling it will. For those of you who go to bed at night worried about your future and/or lonely, I have been there, and I may be there again someday. My only advice is to set your standard and make your life as great as possible. If you do that, people will really respect who you are and what you've done with your life. Most importantly, you will respect yourself. I should say that in my 20's I met a ton of women, but I also hung around drinking parties and bars and never.. of about a dozen relationships, met the right girl. In my 30's... I had to meet someone in a sober situation, I promised myself that and it took much longer to meet someone... but this girl was worth the wait, Hope this helps in any way possible.

Waiting at the Bus Stop By D. H. Voss Waiting at the bus stop, Creamy or Crunchy? Coke or Pepsi? I laugh inside, she's so cute But knowing soon she will be leaving My heart hurts Do I dare say the words I am thinking? Now is not the time or place Deep words in public places never sink in I must wait Flashback to the coffee shop, "Your eyes look so blue with that shirt" I then joke back with her What a mistake, I regret, I never want to think I hurt her feelings, ever, ever, again My heart hurts Does she know why I did not want to go out on Thursday? Does she really know? I won't see her for 10 days. One night alone with her before I go is worth 10,000 nights in a group Do I dare say the words I am thinking? Now is not the time or place Deep words in public places never sink in I must wait Flashback to the apartment Listening to the music she loves Does she know how much I'm enjoying this moment? Learning about what makes Joy who she is? I'll sit here all night Joy, watching you smile I wait and watch her board the bus She probably thinks I'm just joking around when I wave But I'm just making sure she gets on safely I care for her so deeply Did I dare say the words I was thinking? No It wasn't the time or place Deep words in public places never sink in Sometimes it feels better to write the words you want to say: Joy, Give me the $1.50 train ride next to you, Give me time in your apartment listening to your music and seeing how happy it makes you, Give me the time in the cold next to you while we are waiting at the bus stop, My time with you has nothing to do with what we are doing, If you are there, that's enough, Waiting at the Bus Stop, With the Girl That I Love

I know it hurts. I had my heart broken.. shattered. It took over a year to get over it. You have to believe in love. The key is to find someone who also believes in love. You must love yourself. That will show to others. Don't give up. I am loving someone again. I admit, it took a long time... 4 years to find love again, but I never settled. I may get my heart broken.. but I'd rather have my heart broken 100 times then to quit believing in love.

I need advice. Thanks to those who have given it. I know in my heart my family would not give me solid advice, but I have received it here. My girlfriend told me that she "knows I'm THE one" this weekend. She told me that she loves me. We've been dating for 45 days, but I will be the first to admit, I've dated a lot of women and from the start I felt this girl could be the one as well. A background story.. I have plans to go into Seminary in June. (Lutheran Pastors can marry). While we were in bed making love (no intercourse), she said (in so many words), "I don't know if this will make a difference, but I know you are the one, so if you want to have intercourse before marriage, it would be okay with me." Basically, I was overwhelmed by all of this. I'm happy about it but I'm also a little concerned too. Why? I talked to her about specifics on Sunday after Church. I said, "I want to put off Seminary until fall or winter so that we can build a solid foundation for our relationship." She had concerns about that. She didn't want me to change my plans. I've been in long distance relationships before. They don't work. She hasn't. I've tried telling her that I think we should begin to adjust our plans as a team. I didn't think it would be right to just leave her behind in June. She didn't talk much after that. I'm confused. I was hoping she would bring it up again, but she never talked about it. Love is great, but hey, you have to plan. Love doesn't just magically "work" and make everything okay. You have to set plans in motion. I'm wondering if she doesn't want to worry about the details, if that's up to me. I simply can't tell. I'm leaving for Mexico for a week. She said, "You're going to forget about me, aren't you?" In a half joking manner. Sometimes her love is intense, sometimes I can't feel it, and sometimes I feel like she wants me closer and then far away. Advice? Am I missing something?!!

Yes, it's for my girlfriend. Last week she said she was falling for me after I wrote her a letter and left it for her at work and she said it made her cry. I wrote this one for tonight. I enjoy writing about affection and I'm glad she enjoys reading it. We go to church together twice a week and we have really grown close. I like to share my new relationship with people because I've gotten a lot of great advice from this website and I think it has helped me in my relationship with her.

My Dear Joy, I'm sad that I won't be able to see you tonight. What makes me climb in a cab to leave a one page note at your doorstep? Let me give you a clue: I told you the other night that I wished you could see yourself through my eyes. What is it that makes me so attracted to you? It is the fact that you don't realize how beautiful you really are. You are humble, thoughtful, sensitive, and kind. You are attractive. Your eyes pull me in. Your lips make me stay there. Your heart stays with me when I must go. Your laugh makes me smile until I can see you again. How thankful I am to find someone that I can use such beautiful words to describe. How rare you are. Sincerely, Your David

If this isn't the case already... You really need to make sure that you love your life without a girlfriend in it. Then, when a girlfriend is in it, make sure that you continue to do the things you've always done. The fact is, people come and go in life, but you always need to love yourself. If my gf ever left me, I'd be sad, but I still would have a lot to lean on (my church, sports, social life). Make your life a great one. Your future lover will appreciate and respect that.

2 reasons that I know of.. First.. it's possible that she got a new phone or didn't pay the bill. So, she MAY have given you the right number. It's also possible you heard or entered the number wrong. Second.. if she did give you a wrong phone number, it was just to appease you. She didn't want to hurt your feelings at the time, but she didn't think long term about it. She just didn't feel comfortable at that time and did it on impulse, I'm sure. Anyway, if she did it on purpose, she's not worth your time. It's obvious she doesn't know how to be honest with people. This happened to me once about 7 years ago. The girl probably just wanted me to leave her alone. It was a signal to buzz off. That's life sometimes, you can't control it when people treat you bad. It says more about them than it does about you.

The No Contact Rule: Interesting, but I don't agree. I believe you always need to follow your heart. It is worse to wonder if you could have done more than it is to wonder if they will ever call back.

If you have something in your heart that would hurt your partner, you either a) need to rid yourself of those feelings b) if you can't rid yourself of those feelings, then tell your partner c) leave your partner I don't think it's okay to FOSTER feelings for someone else. You can't help initial feelings, but you can control ongoing feelings.

Here's a common occurrence... at the last moment, I am always asked to go out for dinner with a group of people. We always get one bill and dinner normally runs about $70 a head. Okay.. I'm not going to go to the ATM every day of my life to make sure I have $100 in my wallet so I usually tell them to give me a separate bill so I can pay with my AMEX. I always get a funny look from someone, as if "hey, aren't you one of us?!!" Is my behaviour rude? Tonight.. same issue.. going out with a group of friends for dinner.. I'm not going to rearrange my day to go get cash...

So.. here is what I did... At noon I met her outside of her work in downtown Chicago. I told her the following... "Joy... I think you are terrific. I prayed about this last night and I have to ask you this." (her shoulders shrunk.. she had a serious face.. she looked unhappy) "Joy, I don't want to date anyone else but you. I want to know if you feel the same way.." Joy responded... "I feel the same way.................... I have friends in town this weekend and I want to know if you want to come to dinner with us. I have tonight open and Friday is open because my friend Amanda hasn't responded to my voicemail yet. Dave.. let's just take it slow, okay?" We went on to hug.. kiss.. on the streets of downtown Chicago. We held hands as we walked to lunch and all of the people she works with saw us walking together and she was happy. She said earlier someone asked her if we were dating exclusively and she did not know how to answer that. Funny that I asked her this just 2 hours later. We had a great lunch. Tonight we are going to a movie together. Thanks to everyone for your advice. Only time will tell about her real character but after a month, the problem may be more on my end (fear of getting hurt again) than on hers. I'm very protective of myself.

So, this is what I'm thinking.. Just cut to the chase. Today, I'll call her and tell her I have to talk to her face-to-face. I'll tell her that she's the only one I want to date and I want to know if she feels the same way. If she doesn't, then we should just end it. After a month, you should know if you want to be exclusive with someone. That's my thought. Any final thoughts are appreciated.

I don't consider myself paranoid but I have a funny feeling that the girl I have been dating just lied to me. I'm 35, she's 32, just an FYI. This evening we were out for coffee and she said she was busy this weekend with a friend from San Francisco, Amanda. Well, it so happens that she was busy 2 weekends ago with a girl from San Francisco, Amanda. My gut tells me she forgot she told me that the first time, so she used it. I asked about it.. kinda of odd that a friend from San Fran visits twice in 2 weeks... well.. she answered back with a long winded answer that didn't totally jive. Anyway, I can't prove anything. I'm not going to make a big deal about it, I mean.. we've only been dating 4 weeks.. but my gut does tell me she lied. We then kissed goodnight. Girls... help a guy out here... If a girl is not interested in you, would she still go to church with you (she goes with me on Wed and Sun) and kiss you goodnight but still lie to you about her plans (I have a feeling she is dating another guy.. maybe). Ugh... I simply don't want to waste my time with this b.s. but the fact is, I do like her and I could possibly be wrong... I just don't want to be made a fool of.

I'm not a sex expert but I've been on this planet for 35 years. I've never heard of such a thing. Are you sure she's not peeing on you? A Quart? In your face? That's downright rude My guess is that she's peeing on you. Some people dig that.

Some advice... None of it is meant to be mean.. just straight talk. You know what you are doing is wrong, but you are doing it anyway, so the sympathy level when your life is a wreck, becomes nill. It sounds as if your self-esteem needs a boost. His problem is pot, yours his him. I don't see much of a difference between you two because you both are addicted to a bad choice. The problem is that this guy is probably already dragging you down and you don't even know it. For example, the fact that you continue to date him when you know he is trouble shows that in a way, you are being just like him. He knows smoking pot is wrong.. does it anyway.. you know dating him is wrong.. you do it anyway. What's the difference? Imagine you are driving a car and the winshield wipers fly off. Then a mile later the headlights break. Then a mile later you get a flat tire. At what point are you going to stop the car and get out. I can tell you now that you have a flat tire. Are you going to continue to drive until you crash? The big question is why are you doing this to yourself? You deserve better. You are smart, you know right from wrong. Choose right.

You rely too much on yourself. Why not join league or club? Become a participant for a greater cause, volunteer, join a team, whatever. Yes, people may not be interested in JUST you, because they don't know what your story is. If you become a player or volunteer, you not only will be surrounded by people with the same interest, they will see a new side of you other than classroom Hal. College isn't just about class. It's very much about the whole experience of social clubs, politics, volunteering, you name it.

I use to be like that. I had women all of the time.. I used them... then.. I changed because I realised I was missing out on love and I was hurting people much more than I could have imagined. 1) I admitted that my problem was that I was never loved. I had no idea how to love someone. My parents never showed me love. I didn't understand how to show it. 2) I prayed to God to change me. I humbled myself. I realized that a women would not solve my problem, only I could. I realized that committing to someone would not solve a problem if I did not commit to LOVING that person. 3) I took a long break from dating and worked on the basics. Being polite, smiling, laughing, relaxing. I worked my way up to dating. 4) No sex before marriage. I promised myself I would not have sex prior to marriage. This way, I know I would not be using women. 5) It all worked out. I'm dating a terrific girl.. after 4 years of heartache and learning how to love.. I'm giving that to her. We've only been dating a month, but I had to lose everything and rebuild to simply get back to a normal point of relationship. Life is all about helping people. It has nothing to do with our own desires unless that desire is to help.

I find this all very odd in a way.... 5 years ago, I didn't treat women very well, I was so into myself and my goals. Fact is, I always had someone dying to date me because of that fact. I think they liked tho "uncatchable lion." Now, I still date a lot, I treat women with respect, but it's not a slam dunk like it once was. I simply find myself trying to build a solid foundation.. before, I just rode the rocket.. usually those relationships crashed and burned... I'm trying something new now.. laying a foundation down, for long term commitment. It's something totally new for me.

Thanks for the advice so far from both of you. Beec, I grabbed this from your post, which is great advice. I like the idea of moving based on her comfort level. Although the quote is regarding physical affection, I can apply it to the relationship. "You must, must, must watch and pay attention to how she reacts. If she appears or is uncomfortable, stop and retreat. You first and most important objective is to make her feel safe and that she has control over what is going to happen." I'm an engineer, so I try to make things work.. I need to act more like an artist and let things happen as they do. I should proceed with her as a partner, not trying to steer us in a direction. Thanks.

I've been dating this great woman for about a month now. She's amazing. She's a Christian, she's beautiful, she's intelligent, and honest. I've never been on this ground before... never been in this territory before. I've dated a lot of women, but none like this. I want to take our relationship to 2nd base. Do you have some advice for me? I'm thinking to simply spend quality/close time together. One on one. Maybe someone has ideas on how I can take the relationship to the next level. Maybe the advice will be to just relax and let it grow on its own.. maybe you have some other advice... advice never hurts... Thanks.

You may need stitches (may be too late for that) or surgery. You should not risk this at all. It could lead to infection. You need to be honest with your doctor and get this looked at. There are clinics you can go to to have this looked at for about $50 if you don't have med insurance. Also, there is nothing good about having pain during sex. I mean, as soon as it hurts, tell him to STOP. Don't grin and bear it! You need to learn to stand up for yourself... now.

Why aren't you angry at her? She treated you like dirt and now you want to be nice to her and console her for a bad date. Rule #1 on a Date: It doesn't matter WHAT happens, it happens to you BOTH, so if you had bad food or a bad time, it was not ONLY your fault. I was on a date last evening and I was shot with a paintball gun by a drive by shooter in downtown Chicago. My date was freaked out and I thought I was actually shot for a second (I played it cool, thank goodness!). Anyway, I didn't sit their and say, "I can't believe this happened to me, this sucks." We actually worked together to get my clothes clean and then we laughed about it later. It made the date better because WE BOTH made the best of it. Your girl would have said, "Man, are you a loser for getting shot!" I would have walked away from her in a heartbeat. My point is, quit being a doormat. Stand up for yourself. If you can't laugh at BAD FOOD, then how can you laugh when you have a booger hangning off of your nose or when you trip or when you forget cash to pay for a meal? All of these things are going to happen sooner or later! Quit being so hard on yourself. You are a beautiful person!!! That girl treats you bad because you LET HER. KEY POINT COMING................. Put it this way... when I see a doormat, I don't ask "Why are you a doormat?", I simply wipe my feet. Quit acting like a doormat and she will stop treating you like one.