Scooter

Hi everyone. I have another quick question to ask. I wondered whether males/females miss their relationships for different reasons. As a red-blooded male I do certainly miss the physical side of the relationship a lot and wondered if that was the same for other guys. I quite often read here (and I have experienced it myself) that guys are cut-up most because because they fear or they know their ex is sleeping with someone else. On the other hand, what do the ladies miss most from their relationships? Is it the security of having someone? I think women don't put as much emphasis on sex as guys do. Would appreciate peoples opinions (guys and gals).

Can't understand it when guys/girls treat their partner well and then they say "Oh, you're too nice, I can't possibly have a relationship with you". So if that's the case, do they want to be treated badly? Or is it just an excuse that they've gone off you?

(Hope I've posted this in the right place). Quick question as I'm just interested in peoples' opinions. I've now been single for about 7 months after I split from my ex. I've found the whole experience emotionally draining. Anyway, I'm now really worried about my next relationship in case that doesn't work out. I can't go through this again as it hurts so much. I invested so much time and energy into my ex and for what? So she can dump me and go off with someone else. I'm not sure I have the energy to do it again. Does this make sense or is it just a pessimistic attitude? I know I could do with a good kick up the ass 'cos I still feel really sad.

What better revenge than your ex regretting dumping you. Imagine meeting them again and you have a better job, look fitter and healthier and you feel great! Show them we are successful and improved our lives. Even if we don't meet them again we should do it for ourselves anyway and not dwell on the past. Onwards and upwards.

The best revenge is success.

No, I suppose deep down I didn't feel that way. I got the impression sometimes that all she wanted was to settle down and get her own place with someone - anyone. Maybe this new guy had promised her the fairy tale. I was angry at first but now I think she is stupid. As I told her after we split the grass isn't always greener, etc, etc. This new guy might be what she wants from a relationship though. Unfortunately I can't change that, although I wish it was me that she wanted to be with so I could bring out the best in her as you say. We argued over stupid things as well but the little silly arguments are what can sometimes make a big difference. Do you really want to spend the rest of the life with someone who uses you? Didn't think so. What's done is done and you can't change the past. But we can change our future.

I'm sorry if what I have said has upset you but as you quite rightly stated you both have to feel it. My ex said to me once infront of all her family that I was the one for her and then I get dumped a year later. So what happened that made her change her mind? Why the change of heart? I don't know. I can only presume she got fed up of waiting but if I was the one she would have waited forever. I find it really hard sometimes to accept that she said this once and meant it and then I get dumped. I'll never get to find out why. I think we could have been happy together although I had some doubts. But it's her loss. I have a good job and earn a good salary and could have given her everything she ever wanted, and the guy she is with now is a total loser, but maybe that's what she wanted. It's hard to accept that someone doesn't want you anymore and even more so if you want them more than anything but how can that ever work? There is someone out there for all of us. Good luck in your search and you WILL find them.

Hi there. Read your post and can totally sympathize with you. I was dumped about 6 months ago and it hit me pretty hard. Like you, my ex (female) found a partner almost straight away and after a 5-year relationship that hurt quite a bit. I've started to get my life back together, slowly and I too have asked myself many times "was she the one" and "how would I know". To cut a long story short we had our ups and downs but somehow I just wasn't quite sure about her, which is why I didn't commit and in the end she got fed up with me and left. Can't blame her really. Initially I was upset because of what she had done and all the same thoughts went through my head, "you don't know what you've got till it's gone" and "if she took me back I could learn from my mistakes and things could be great". I was desperate to get her back to fill that void in my life not because I missed HER. But I realized there are two people in a relationship and I wasn't the only one to blame. So why did I let the relationship go on for so long if it didn't feel right? Well two reasons I suppose. The first was that I thought she would change but people don't and the second I liked having a partner and all the things that go with it. Not really the basis for a lifetime of happiness and I realize that now. So how do you know when you have met the one. Well, I know it's a cliche but you will know. You will know because you will stop looking. They will bring out the best in you. You will be 150% sure of this person. My ex was the opposite. Don't get me wrong we got on great and had a good time together but I think there was just something missing to make everything complete. I don't think I was satisfied and I wasn't getting things out of the relationship that I really wanted. I often think am I being too fussy and that I'll never meet someone who matches up to what I want but on the other hand, why settle for second best and be with someone you are not 100% sure of. You may miss out on the chance of meeting someone truly special. Yes it's nice to be with someone but I've made the mistake of being with them for the wrong reasons and paid the ultimate price. When you are ready for a new relationship you will know what you want and you will know when you have found it.

I'm 31. My problem I think is I fall in love easily so sometimes I find it difficult to see if a relationship is unhealthy. Looking back there were many occasions where I had my doubts and I realise now these were perhaps warning signs. But we did get on really well most of the time and it's these little things, although they used to bug me, that seemed to hold me back. I often wonder if I have made a huge mistake and should have accepted her for who she was. But sometimes I think why should I settle for second best? It is all very confusing. That's why I thought I'd ask that when you have met the right person do you just know it is right?

The reason I asked the question was because I was with someone who had there faults and failings and it bothered me because as raggamuffin put it, I'm sure these small faults would have become bigger problems. I appreciate that no-one is perfect but do you simply have to accept these differences? There was just something in the back of my mind that didn't quite click into place. If there any reservations at all is that a sign that this person isn't for you? Is it true that when you know you know? Some of my doubts seem quite trivial and often wonder if I was too picky and that I'll never find the right person for me. Or was it that I just haven't found the right person yet?

Hi everyone. I'm sure someone may have asked this question on this forum and I hope I have posted this in the right place, but I thought I would ask anyway. My question is simply this, how do you know when you have met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Do you just instintively know in your heart and mind? What if you have any doubts, even if they are minor or trivial? Is it ok for things to be 90% ok or does it have to be 150%

Yup, I did. 5 years then I get dumped. After reading your post and others on the forum I think that, although we got on very well, we were two different people who wanted different things. I regret that I wasn't stronger years ago to break off the relationship because I could see cracks appearing in it then. It's nice to have a partner and all the things that go with it. I'd have been over it by now and maybe with someone who I really want to be with. I don't regret the past 5 years with my ex because we had some good times but this whole experience has made me realise that if there are any doubts or reservations address them immediately or get out. I was hoping she would change but she never did and she probably never will. I have a difficult decision to make if she calls me up but somehow I don't think she will and maybe that's the best way. I've learnt so much from this experience and so much from this forum. Good luck to everyone.

Hi randmanq, I know exactly where you're coming from. My girlfriend spilt up with me about 6 months because basically she didn't want to be with me anymore. To cut a long story short she was fed up of waiting around. She was gorgeous too and sometimes I used to pinch myself that I managed to get such a beautiful girl. To say I was devastated when she left is an understatement and to make matters worse I found out that she was with somebody else almost immediately. Four years down the pan. What hurt me the most is she was so adamant it wouldn't work and there was no point talking because her mind was made up. I kept kidding myself that she'd call but she hasn't. How can she just disregard the last 4 years of her life and move onto someone new so quickly? That has been hard to accept. How can someone who supposedly loves you so much, treat you so mean? I keep replaying all the times we had in my head and what went wrong and what I should have done about it but I've come to realise that this is never going to get her back. I would love her to call me up and say come back but I know this is never going to happen. I too like you hit rock bottom, not wanting to do anything or see anybody. I tried a couple of dates but kept comparing them with my ex. As you can imagine I didn't see these people many times after that. I tried to analyze the relationship so many times and I've come to the conclusion – and so many of my friends have said this, – if it's meant to be it will be. I tried to blame myself for so many things and how "I" could have improved the relationship but it takes two to tango. Was your ex as perfect as you think? Were you completely satisfied with the relationship? I can honestly answer those questions now and say "no". My advice to you would be take time to grieve. Cry your heart out if you have to. I certainly have. Suicide is not the answer. Yes your pain will go but what about the pain you will inflict on your family? No girl is worth taking your life. I still get upset every now and again, even after 6 months but I feel much better than I did then. Time is a healer. That's a fact. Accept that it's over and try and move on. Easier said than done I know. Don't contact them either. I've made that mistake and made matters a lot worse. If she calls you in the future make sure you are ready and that you want her back for who she is, not what she is – someone to fill that gaping whole in your heart. When the right person comes along I will be better prepared for it. I know what I want from someone and sometimes good looks aren't enough. This experience as taught me so much about myself as well. Things will get easier. I never thought I'd hear myself say that. Keep yourself occupied and don't dwell on the situation. Be strong and you'll get there. Good Luck.

Hi everyone, Firstly, a big thanks to everyone on this forum - it has been so helpful listening to everyones advice. I split up with my girlfriend of 4 and half years about 6 months ago and I just can't get her out of my head. I have good days and bad days but I still feel really low and can't seem to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I would love to call her up and talk and find out what she's been up to but I realise I should just leave her be - I've already made a nuisance of myself by bombarding her with phone calls and text messges but all I've probably done is pushed her away. We've had no contact now for about a month. I think she may be with someone else and that hurts like hell. I've tried dating other girls but it's just not the same. I blame myself for the split. She wanted more commitment but I never used to think about it. I was happy with the way things were going. We would see each other at weekends (long distance relationship) and she wanted me to move to her. All I keep going over in my mind is I wish I'd done this and I wish I'd done that and now it's too late. I hate myself for it. Why didn't I act sooner? I know I should try and do what all you guys suggest and busy myself and go out and do stuff but I've absolutely no motivation to do anything. I just think of her all the time and that I've I blown my only opportunity of being with the most gorgeous girl I've ever known. I feel like my life is over. Will this never end?