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routerx

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  1. routerx
    Well, I think you are learing about desires. All boys and men and women and girls have thoughts that make them feel uncomfortable. That is natural. This is my advice, and I'm religious, just so you know. First, I find many women and men attractive. There is nothing wrong with that. I am a heterosexual but I still find some men attractive, that I hope to look like in some ways as I get older. Richard Gere, Matt Damon, these are good lookin guys! That's okay to admit! If your thoughts are sexual, you will probably have random thoughts like this your whole life. Jeez, just searching the web and you bump into pictures that are very disturbing. Again, this happens to everyone. Now, you have a choice. What do you want to be? Because you will have the final say on anything. Your urges cannot overwhelm you if you don't allow them to. I believe (this is MY belief, not most peoples) that gay men make a choice just as heterosexual men make a choice on who to be with. So, don't think that because you have thoughts of men that you are "gay". If that was the case, all men would be "gay". So, don't forget, an urge does not define you. Your CHOICES do.
  2. routerx
    If you had known then what you know now.... We've all been there. You need to go to him and tell him how you feel. If he is not interested, then you have learned a great lesson and the next time you have something that great, you won't let it slip out of your hands. Please note that you will never have something like that again if you don't let go of the past. So, if he is not interested, let him go.. let it go and move on. Also, never live with someone again prior to marriage. That is a recipe for disaster. There is nothing that can be found out when living together that could not be forgiven in marriage (oh your darn dirty socks and snoring.. I would have NEVER married you just not going to happen)
  3. routerx
    Just call and let things roll. Be honest, funny, awkward, it's all cool. She obviously digs you. Make sure you have a master plan for the call. For example, know that at the end of the call you will have asked her out for lunch. So, if/when things get quiet or awkward, ask her out for lunch.. wrap up the call.. and pat yourself on the back. Good job by the way. Time to step up to the plate! Have fun!
  4. routerx
    I can tell you from experience that long distance relationships are tough on the heart and the mind. Sounds like you are pulling double-duty. Don't make demands on her. Just let it play out. If she is bad about contacting you, don't let her take you for granted, tell her your problems and if she doesn't change, move on. Don't pull your hair out. She may just be homesick and need someone to lean on when she's lonely.
  5. routerx
    You've never met him! Sorry, but you need to get a grip in reality. I'm sure you are going through tough times to even be considering this move, but I'm here to tell you that you did the right thing in asking for some help. I can tell you that you should not, even for a moment, consider moving. I can tell you that moving would be a horrible mistake. I don't need to know you or the details any more than what you've told me. As a matter of fact, I'm going to take it a step further: End the relationship. What kind of person asks someone to move in with him when he has never met them? This guy is obviously in need of some help. You already are discribing arguments.. confusion.. lies... and you haven't even met him yet.. and you are honestly considering moving to be with him?! Forget it! Get this guy out of your life.
  6. routerx
    You sound like a girlfriend of mine when I was 23. I'm 34 now and I'm going to clue you in: First, note that you should not be living with him. This is a huge mistake. He already is taking you for granted by not treating you like a lady. Second, you've already admitted you've been cheated on before. Sounds like you are willing to let him get away with alot as long as he doesn't cheat on you. My old girlfriend was this way. I broke up with her because she sold herself short. How could my kids be raised by someone who felt like a 2nd class citizen? I wanted more for her, but she wanted so little for herself.. just someone to love. Well, love is great, but it's not enough. There's work to be done, a family to raise, love unlies it all, but WORK and RESPECT are the pillars. Does he RESPECT you? Do you RESPECT you? You need to answer YES to both questions for it to work with him. The fact is, you are a intelligent person who is asking very smart questions right now. You know the answer. Stand up for yourself. Get your own place. Draw the line. Only then.. ONLY then.. will you find the man that respects you the way you deserve. There are certain things in life that cannot be compromised. This is one of them.
  7. routerx
    Your feelings are normal, but it is her right to associate with co-workers. This is life.. if you marry the girl.. she will still have co-workers... if she is attractive, she always will have men hitting on her even when you are married. The fact is, it comes down to trust. Do you trust her? Sounds like you do. Let it go then. If you don't trust her, then you are trying to control something that you cannot. She's a grown girl making her own decisions. Sounds like she has picked you.. but that doesn't mean she can't build friendships with other men while at work.. now.. if she starts seeing them outside of work.. that's a problem, but that's not the case here. Sounds like you have a great girl. Keep secure. Let her be. Be happy.
  8. routerx
    A public sign of affection, hand-holding, is a good first step in an intimate relationship. Are you sure that the problem is hand-holding? Or.. maybe she is finding an excuse because she doesn't want to tell you what she really thinks. Be honest with her. If hand holding isn't that big of a deal to you, tell her that and continue.. if she finds another excuse, she's not interested in you and is afraid to tell you.
  9. routerx
    You are talking about Step 5 when you haven't even made it past Step 1 yet. Walk up to her and talk to her. Heck, about anything. Demysify the problem. Don't worry about if she "digs" you because the fact is, if you don't know her yet, you may not even want her to once you get to know her. Step 1: Introduce yourself and create a common topic of conversation.
  10. routerx
    You're doing great because you have your head on straight. Just remember, if you make a person your target or "goal", you will end up unhappy. You must keep your perspective in life and if they want to share your goals and dreams, they are meant to be. Don't make the girl the goal, the end point, because she is human, and you shouldn't put her on that type of pedistal. It's too much for her to live up to. Keep your eyes on your future and if she shares your vision, you've found your girl. You have a great friend, don't lose that by making her a "goal".
  11. routerx
    First you should know that everyone has or will feel like you do right now. It is temporary. You need to have your questions answered. If they cannot be answered, you will realize you need to throw them away. Sounds like you are meloncholy, not depressed. It seems we are all so afraid of not being happy that anything else scares us. You seem to be taking it head on though and should be proud of yourself. Ask the crazy questions. I'm a Lutheran, so I pray to God and I can assure that does work. He does answer with time. If you do not believe in God, then still ask the questions but be sure to ask the questions looking for a RESULT or an ANSWER. Don't just get caught up in analizing, that leads no where.
  12. routerx
    I can assure you that the problem is not your marriage, it's how you deal with your day-to-day marriage. The problem is not life, but how we deal with it. Sorry, but marriage is a "God" issue. The fact that you try to exclude God from your question shows the main problem. God is the 3rd party to your marriage, exclude him and no wonder you consider leaving. Include him.. pray with your husband.. and I can assure you, God will bless you for it.
  13. routerx
    Don't move. Keep your focus. What do you want to be when you grow up? If you don't know that answer, then why make life decisions? If you are not mature enough (and right now, you are not expected to be) to know exactly what you want, then DON'T make life decisions. You see, you need to know what you want before you decide on how to get there. Don't change things for the sake of it, change things according to your master plan for life. The world is yours, don't sell yourself short. You can't just "go with the flow" because you will be 30 someday. What do you want to be doing when you are 30? Is moving with a 21 year old going to get you there? I doubt it. Take charge of your life.
  14. routerx
    If you want to get big, you need to do low reps of heavy weights. You need to "shock" the muscles. You need to read about this first before doing it. High reps of push ups = some growth, mainly toning Low reps of heavy weights = big growth
  15. routerx
    Walk up to him tomorrow and talk with him. Take charge. He'd appreciate it. Your reputation would only be stronger (hey, she's the type of girl who knows what she wants). If he loses interest, he wasn't for real anyway.
  16. routerx

    Help!

    routerx replied to Boy's topic in Dating Advice

    Be happy! She is willing to be your date. The job is done. Don't push so hard! You are asking too much of her and frankly it's boring. A boyfriend and girlfriend become so because they are friends. Doesn't sound like you are being much of a friend. You are trying to force her into an official agreement. Just be her friend. Let her move at a pace that is comfortable for her. Rejoice man..you've done the hard work already.
  17. routerx
    Hi. I dated a girl for 3 years. Same type of girl. You should hear my story, see if it compares. When I met her, it wasn't long before I felt she probably is "the one". I fell in love with her. She was sweet, attractive, from humble beginnings but was hiding her roots (embarrased of growing up poor). We were going to make it work together. She was going to move to my city and we were going to marry. I was going to help her move her business and build it up in the new city (after my day job). After 1 year, I asked her to marry me, she needed more time. I respected that. Then, I started feeling like... something.. was.. off.. Probably how you feel right now. When I asked her for specifics.. like, what date should we set to get your new business up and running? When do you want to move to my city? When do you want to marry? When this.. when that.. She would give a date.. then ALWAYS find a reason that was not her fault as to why that wouldn't work. I caught on.. after great heartbreak.. and broke up with her.. she came back to me 1 month later anorexic.. I took care of her for 6 more months and dumped her slowly. The fact is, she never gave a damn about me. She THOUGHT she did, but she only cared about herself. She was a manipulator and a liar. A beautiful one at that. The fact is, your situtation sounds a lot like mine. You are dating a girl.. not a woman.. but a little girl you doesn't understand what love is. What it is to put someone's heart before your own. She cares about herself. Please don't pity her. She's a grown woman. Time to grow up. Tell her what you think of her actions today and don't let her past give her an excuse for not GROWING UP. My heart was broken and I'm okay now... don't do the same thing. If I can save someone from great pain, I know my heartbreak was worth it. Disengage.
  18. routerx
    I simply must comment that you should be proud of yourself that you still have your virginity. Do what you love to do. What puts a smile on your face? If you do that, your future lover will see your smile and your heart and introduce himself. Let people see you. Become accessable. Show your flaws (we ALL HAVE THEM) and it is what makes us attractively human.
  19. routerx
    I can assure you that pills, diets, etc.. never.. and I mean never, work long term. I know this sounds so mundane, but the fact is, you have to excercise 3 times a week for at least 60 minutes (30 mins aerobic and 30 weights). If you do that then eat what your body tells you to eat, you will be in great shape for life. I promise you that.
  20. routerx
    I'm a 34 year old male and the only reason I don't date women in their early 20's is because I feel it is selfish. They are still developing, and I would be robbing them of a healthy relationsip with someone their own age. Dating a 21 year old provides you security from any long-term commitment and from the thought of growing older. Sure, you have fun, but you are missing out on a life-partner and facing what life is all about... it's about solving problems together and growing. If that scares you or if you think it is overrated, then you need a man in his 30's more than ever, because he can take you from your infancy in relationships to a mature and healthy one. If you don't do this for yourself, then do it for the 21 year old that you are leading down the wrong road. In 5 years you probably won't be able to have children. Also, that 26 year old crowd won't be digging you too much either. Where do you want to be when you are 40? Make your decision now. My sister is 45 and single. She was always considered a "hottie" who was livin the California lifesytle... she's alone now and the only dates she is getting is from retirees.
  21. routerx
    If you are asking the question, then they are not making it clear. Ask yourself this first: Is this the type of person that I know I can trust with my heart? If you can't answer 'yes', then if they want you back or not shouldn't matter, this person is not for you. If you do answer 'yes', then I suggest simly asking them if they are interested in dating again. You will have your question answered and they will respect you for being so honest and blunt about matters of the heart.
  22. routerx
    To keep a long story short, in my 20's, I lived quite the "party" lifestyle. I dated at least a dozen women. I always treated them well. At 28, I wanted to get married, but my girlfriend did not. I walked away from that relationship at the age of 30 very hurt, very angry. I'm now 34 and I have not dated since. I finally feel as if I'm ready to make a go of it again. I'm going through a big life change at this time, a good one: I'm going from being a successful engineer to a Pastor (Lutheran, we are allowed to marry). I will be going into Seminary next summer (where, if I married, they have housing available). Now, to find a Lutheran woman, mature enough to marry a future Pastor, who is willing to give up on financial trappings of the big home and fancy car. Am I asking too much?! God tells me "no". I'm willing to be single forever if need be, but I'm wondering what others think. A little feedback would be great.
  23. routerx
    Hi. I've been in your shoes before and I have some advice. You stated, "i feel like a horse and God is always dangling a carrot or something in front of me. close enough for me to smell it but never able to really have it." A lesson from the 10 commandments: Thou shalt have no other God's other than me. I can assure you that it is not God who is dangling the carrot, although you think it is. God wants you to focus on him not your carrots. He is the "giant carrot" and he can be reached. I promise you that if you put things in perspective, place God first, all other matters will develop naturally. Look in the mirror fist, put God first, all else will develop.
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