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About Me

  1. I started dating this guy about a month ago and since then he has moved so quick with me and from the beginning i've been telling him that all I want to do is be his friend. I knew that this would happen because thats what happen when a person moves to fast.. they get too many expectations that the other can't fullfill.. like me. Recently he's been going through a lot in his life and I am pregnant from a different person and he knew from the beginning, but that's another reason I wanted to take it slow and just be his friend.. he seemed cool with that at one time and not cool with it the next. So Thursday we were hanging out and he was overwhelming me with his neediness and wanting to talk, talk, talk, and just pressuring me with all of these things that he's going through with his spirituality, family, life experiences, etc. & I couldn't deal with it.. so I took him to Church to talk to a pastor and he was happy, but I was really tired afterwards and we kept hanging out, but after a while we kept butting heads and I asked him to leave. Sat was my b-day and he didn't call me all weekend, so I called him today to find out if he was ok and let him in a positive way that we should just go our separate ways.. Well needless to say it exploded in the wrong direction because he has been going through hell and back over the weekend and he's still pissed off that I kicked him out on Thursday.. but I didn't kick him out, I was just ready to go to sleep and i'm straight forward like that.. I just said bye.. leave, dang.. and I was irritated, but we had a good day. So I called him a little while ago to let him know that I e-mailed him because I feel that when we talk I can never say what I really want to say because he doesn't allow me to, but he just started going off on me saying "I'm not going to allow you to upset me, blah, blah, blah" and I wasn't.. So he starts blasting me telling me that in the beginning when he told me he loved me and wanted to marry me (which was way to quick) and I told him that he needed to show me and not tell me so much and at least get to know me for a year.. he said that is negative and he doesn't have to show me anything.. Then he tells me that if I'm not ready for a relationship then that's fine and I need to make up my mind and stop going off and on with him (which isn't true, i've been telling him i want to be his friend since the beginning).. Grrrr.. I just need to vent because I feel really bad right now and I don't want to.. I know that part of this isn't my problem, I tried my best to be positive and he took it out of context because he is probably hurt. Can anyone give me advice? I seriously just wanted a friend and he wanted more than I could give him at this time, but now I feel like crap.
  2. To keep a long story short, in my 20's, I lived quite the "party" lifestyle. I dated at least a dozen women. I always treated them well. At 28, I wanted to get married, but my girlfriend did not. I walked away from that relationship at the age of 30 very hurt, very angry. I'm now 34 and I have not dated since. I finally feel as if I'm ready to make a go of it again. I'm going through a big life change at this time, a good one: I'm going from being a successful engineer to a Pastor (Lutheran, we are allowed to marry). I will be going into Seminary next summer (where, if I married, they have housing available). Now, to find a Lutheran woman, mature enough to marry a future Pastor, who is willing to give up on financial trappings of the big home and fancy car. Am I asking too much?! God tells me "no". I'm willing to be single forever if need be, but I'm wondering what others think. A little feedback would be great.
  3. As the title states, I'm Buddhist and she is Christian. Even worse, her father was a Pastor, now retired. He is a very religious person. She was also before we met. We've been together for over 6 years. Since we've met she is slowly been missing church, so on and so on. I feel bad as I feel it is my fault she is drifting away from her religion. I've never been a religious person. Just recently, her father has found out about us and has requested that we have dinner and speak about our future. We did, and he wants us to get married, and in the mean time, wants to educate me on Christianity with the hopes of me converting. I don't know what to do. In one hand, I do love her and am willing to convert if need be. But I don't want to lie to myself and to anyone else by saying that I believe. I recently found myself at her fathers house on a sunday for bible study. While they were reading, so many doubts and questions came into my head. I felt fake, as I did not believe in what I was reading. I put up a fake face as I did not want to offend anyone. In a really naive way, I felt as though I betrayed Buddhism, although I am not an avid follower. At the end of the session, her dad asked me if I was ready to accept Jesus. I didn't know what to say. I told him that I was not ready. And that I need to really think about things and learn more about Christianity before I decide. He agreed. Just yesterday, she asked me if I was going with her to her dad's again. I declined as I didn't feel comfortable and was tired. She got so agry, she started up an argument over nothing. We almost got to the point of ending it. I guess I didn't realize how important it was to her. But am I wrong for declining and being reluctant? I don't know what to do. Again, I am willing to convert, but if I do not believe in the religion, then how can I? Perhaps only time will tell if I can accept Jesus or not. Confused.
  4. I am hopelessly in love with a girl I have known for a long time. We have been good friends for a year or more but I wanted to tell her how I felt. I more than complicated things by sticking a rose in her locker with a anonymous love note. While I was talking to her later that day she guessed it was me and though I halfway denied it she was sure. I didn't know what to say and she had to go to class. Things seem to be a stand still. She knows about my feelings but she still treats me like she always did. But still she seems to kind of know and has changed a little in the way she acts around me. I am a freshman and she is a junior by the way but I have always been told I was mature for my age. On a final note, she also the daughter of the pastor from my church if that could have an impact. I still really want to ask her out. HELP
  5. I know a girl in my youth group that I have a big crush on. I have a gut feeling that she likes me. I have know her for 5 years and I know a lot about her. Her dad is the our youth pastor and a real good friend. She is the first girl I have known that I liked for her personality rather than for her body. She doesn't date and I don't want to ask her. She is going to college in Florida this fall and I might be going to college in Illinois but we both have the same career in mind. What can I do to "get" her. I'm afraid she might meet someone before she can give me a chance. I have a feeling that she could be the one and I don't want to lose her. I don't have much time and I couldn't stand to see her go without letting her know how I feel. If you have advice go ahead and give it to me any and all advice is helpful.
  6. I am dating a guy from 7 years and he is working in a private firm but wants to switch to government one but fails every time so he consulted with his relative priest and his relative priest have told him his luck is not good. My boyfriend has changed completely. Yesterday I gave him a gift but he refused saying that the priest has told him not to accept anything from strangers. Now after listening this I am bit sad thinking that am I stranger to my boyfriend who has dedicated her 6 years to him or am I over reacting. Whether my boyfriend is right and I am not understanding his perspective or he is wrong.please help
  7. Okay, the scenario....A new relationship, a couple in their early 40's ( a very CUTE couple too...) Very smitten with each other....in the early stages of considering marriage. I believe in hashing out everything before that step is taken..so I brought up his religiousity and my non-religiosity...namely...he is a christian and I am basically a spiritual person who believes in god, the great spirit in general..I have an open mind and will listen and learn from every religion. I do not believe that there is a chosen people who will only go to heaven. I think if you are a good person and affect the world in a positive way...you will be in a good place...(doesnt have to be "heaven" per se) I believe if you are an evil creep who hurts everyone...you will also get that coming back to you. I just do not put parameters on my beliefs....or house it with a cliquish church and think pastors or preachers are any better than anyone else. My boyfriend thinks I am damaged by my past experiences . I am afraid if I do not conform to his beliefs...we will not marry, thereforeeee ending this relationship. Am I wrong to stand by what I think and feel? I would be willing to accept his beliefs as long as he did not try to recruit or force me into his. (visa versa) His question to me was...Where would we marry? (Meaning I am sure, by a pastor or a witch doctor?) How could we solve this if it can be solved? I do love him.
  8. Hi, this is my first post and it's gonna be a long one. I'm going to start college in the fall, and my parents have been married for about 20 years. Lately, my mom has been coming home really really late from work. We own a business, and we close around midnight, but she hasn't been getting home until 2 or 3 AM. I'm usually still awake when she gets home, and whenever I ask her, she accuses me of being suspicious of her. She says things like, "Why would I be going anywhere?" or "Where else would I be but work?!" So the other day, I drove out to our sandwhich shop around 1 AM. Nobody was there. And when she got home around 4 AM, I asked her where she was. She said, "At work, where else would I be?" She goes to "Buy stuff for the shop," wearing high heels and nice clothes. Why the heck would she wear high heels to the store if she wasn't going anywhere but work afterwards. Oh, she also takes about 3 hours to buy a few items. Other times, she goes to "buy stuff" but comes back with nothing because "they didn't have what I needed." I know this is the kind of thing you read about in long soap opera type novels and see on T.V., but I have no reason to make this kind of story up. My whole family attends church very regularly, so it really really bothers me that this thing is happening. I also have an idea of who she is going to see at night, although it seems crazy to me. The other day the phone rang, and I answered it at the same time my mom did. She said, "Hey, I got it," but I kind of evesdropped. I heard her say (very quietly), something like, "Okay, I'll park my car at the book store." I did the *69 thing where you can get the last person who called, and it was my PASTOR. I know that he also comes home very late at night, since he tell us himself. His daughter is also one of my close friends, and when I was over at her house late one night, I asked said, "It's really late, when does your dad get home?" She answered "Oh, usually around 2, sometimes 3." A few months back, I also found some cards in my moms room when I was looking for a shirt of mine. They were written in Korean (I'm Korean and so is my Pastor), but I cannot read Korean very quickly or accurately. The english on the front of the cards said something like, "These moments with you are those which I cherish most." or some crap like that. But the handwriting was very familiar. I am about 95% sure it was my pastors writing, since his handwriting is very unique and easily identified. I asked my mom what they were but she threw them away. My pastor and my mom are really close, and he has helped my family in many ways. They spend a lot of time together. . . and this is why I have to come to the conclusion that my mom might be cheating on my dad with my pastor. I feel really bad about this entire matter, because I am fairly close with my Pastor and his family, and my family is close to his family. I was going to follow my mom to whever she goes one night when she got off work, to see what shes up to, but I'm afraid of what I might discover. If I catch them in some kind of act, this could destroy my family and my church, which is quite large. I really would hate for that to happen, but I don't think I should sit here and do nothing. I can't sit in his sermons and listen to the preachings of a hypocrite. I'm not a little kid anymore, and the thought of my parents getting a divorce is not terrifying, but the thought of a ruined relationship with people I deeply care about is terrible. If you read this all, I really appreciate it. I wrote it for the purpose of getting advice on what I should do next or what I should do if I catch them together. I have considered talking about it to just them. (19 year old confronting two older adults!) But I would be at a total loss for words. I hope I'm wrong about this entire situation, but I see no explanaton for the late nights. If she just wants to talk to him, why the lies? Once again, thank you, and I really would appreciate some feedback on this. - Rachel
  9. Hello Friends, I may or may not be coming back. I kind of feel like being here and posting very much helps but I have come to the stage where I feel like I am just nursing the wound and not really letting it heal. I hope and pray for all of you that you make it through all your situations. Lets face it, most of us here got dumped and I know it hurts, trust me i'm right there with you. Let me just give some words that I think may help you 1. It has to click in your own head for you to be over it 2. Don't get with an old fling or a new person quickly to heal the pain. 3. Stick with NC, this includes no myspace checking, iming, texting,etc. 4. When you eventually do heal (and you will) don't compare the next person you are with to your ex. Don't hold the next person up to the same standards, get to know them and don't over analyze them. Yes you should be compatible and attracted to them, but in the long run, if they make you happy and love you and take care of you, all subtle qualifications are out the window. 5. NC is for your healing, not to show your ex how strong you can be and to make them miss you. 6. Have you felt that this is the crisis God is using to get your attention? Like a wake up call? If so go to a good local Bible Based church and talk to the pastor or priest. Steer clear of Jehovah's witnesses, Mormons, cultists etc. 7. I know a lot of you are suffering greatly, you were/are in love and it hurts. It wouldn't hurt if you weren't in love. I am so sorry my friends that you are going through this, I thought i was the only one. How silly I was. Sometimes it feels like you are the only one and that everyone else around you isn't going through anything. That is just a lie, everyone is going through stuff. Look forward to the day where you will be able to look back and go, wow, that really did hurt but MAN I AM HAPPY NOW! (or woman). That day will come, the stomach pains will subside, the emotional stress will subside, the guilt, condemnation, the daily pain to wake up in the morning, it will allll dissappear. That is the way God built us, he knew when, where, and how we were going to struggle and he knows that when the struggling is over that you will be super strong. There is a televangelist named Joyce Meyer who was sexually abused and emotionally destroyed by her own father for years. Now she is one of the most inspired and sought after evanglists in the country. Thank you all and again, you will be ok. If anyone needs a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to directly, drop me a private message and we can talk.
  10. I'm just somewhat concerned. I have an essay due tomorrow for one of my courses, but this often happens. Something happened to me today, like I got in a small disagreement with one of my friends. It was hardly anything. But that seemed to overshadow any other considerations, so that it's 4:00 a.m. and I still haven't started my essay. I finally just wrote my friend a letter apologizing and explaining things, and now feel better, as if purged. But this often happens. I just can't concentrate until that guilt is lifted and sometimes it takes a while for me to figure how to solve it. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to move past whatever guilt I may be feeling and focus on important things? I'm just concerned because emotional triffles seem to really impact my academic performance, and I don't want it to really hurt my grades... Should I start seeing a priest or what?
  11. I must be the biggest fool In 1993 I answered a personals ad and he and I got along fantastically, we spoke on the phone for long intervals over several days and decided to meet. We walked around a neighborhood park, ate tacos and played chess. A wonderful first date. 5 mos later we decided to get married and he proposed on July 4th. Our wedding was set for Oct 23. I discovered in Aug, I was expected our first child. The first week in Sept he was acting like he had MAJOR cold feet about the wedding and when I pressed him for what was going on he confessed to being a married man!! TAlk about being in shock!!! I was like a yoyo going back and forth from shock to being mad to feeling betrayed and all with this little miracle growing inside me. We had already been to 3 of our 4 premarital sessions with the pastor who was to marry us, so he went to our 4th by himself to confess to the pastor what he had done. He told me that their marriage was never consumated and that the priest had told them to get it annulled but that they didn't and continued to live together like roomates due to finances. I believed him...yup...big fool. Our pastor continued to councel us thru his divorce which I stood by him, going to the courtcases with him. The stress caused me to give birth prematurely at 25 weeks of pg...our daughter survived with mild cerebral palsy. She is 11 1/2 y/o today. We married 1 mos after his divorce was final. He promised me he would never lie to me again. I was a fool to think that he would not continue his lies. 12.5 yrs later he is still lying and deliverately deceiving me about everything, our finances, what he is doing. He had one affair on me. We're in our 9th separation because he again lied and deliberately deceived me over several issues starting in May of 2005 and I found out about the lies in July. I asked him to leave and he did as he had taken himself off his meds for his bi-polar and chronic depression sometime early May and kept telling me he was taking them. His behavior was so bizarre that I should have known he was not taking his meds, but wanted to believe him when he said he was. I found the full bottle of meds on July 15 and that was physical proof of his latest lie. We had a marriage agreement drawn up (oct 2004) in marriage counceling with our pastor (not the same one who married us) who helped us to outline a support system for him to stay on his meds - he had to attend weekly mental health meetings, see his doctor on a regular basis, and take ALL his meds as directed without skipping doses or stopping. I was to not hold his past against him and allow him to have a clean slate for our reconciliation which started Oct 2004. I wasa to do all I could to support him and give him postive reinforcement for achieving his support goals..going to the meetings, taking his meds, keeping his appts. I did what I was suppose to...only when he told me he was going to meetings, taking the meds and I gave him positive feedback he was lying and not really doing these things he said he was. Our daughters are 11 1/2 and 10 and they have had a childhood filled with daddy leaving us 9 times now because he can't handle life. The agreement was if he lied or deceived me or stopped taking the meds that he was by doing this, telling me he does not want our marriage as these things are uncompatible with a healthy marriage. I can't trust him when he openly lies to me to my face over a long period of time....seemingly with no remorse. We have been separated since July 15 and he says he is living in his van as he is giving us his paychecks for support and he only has $800 a month to live on. He eats fast food restaurant food for every meal..which is where most of the money goes. I feel like with winter weather on us, he is trying to make me take him back as he says he will freeze to dealth soon. I've called the suicide hotline twice now for him since he's left and he's called several times himself. I know that I am not responsible for the decisions that he has made, but am having a difficult time handling his ploys to get me to take him back. I enrolled in a online college to complete my bachelor's degree, so that I can find a job in the very depressed economic area I live in. There are basically no jobs and several major plants have closed in the area bringing more job seekers in the market for the few jobs there are. I can't move as we haven't owned our home long enough to have any real equity in it and it needs some major repairs before it would be sellable anyways. I've caved 8 previous times and I do NOT want to take him back anymore but feel that he is really putting the morals pressure on me...how can I let the man I used to love and the father of my girls freeze? if he is indeed living out of his van? UGH why is life so difficult? I keep thinking that I don't want my girls to be treated this way, nor to think that it's o.k., for someone to treat them this way. I cannot trust him. I cannot live with him How do I get him to leave me alone, when he has the right to see and talk to our daughters? I feel like I'm a uncaring person when he tells me he is homeless and will freeze to dealth. I have not filed for divorce because without being on the meds he is not stable enough to go thru the process and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if the girls lost their daddy if he committed suicide over our divorce. I feel like I'm in a really hard place right now and do not know how to heal and get on with my life when he is constantly pushing me to take him back
  12. This might get kinda long. My mother hasn't been a real mother figure until last year when she found out that I lost my virginity to a 18 yr old. Now she is trying to make up for lost time and tell me how to live my life but she doesn't realize that I'll be leaving for college next summer and I'm the person who I am going to be. She is very religious and believes in everything that our pastor says and believes that he always knows what's right and I'm not downing that because I believe that he has a lot of wisdom but I think there are somethings that a parent needs to handle and not take to her pastor. Okay here is the real issue. I want to tell her that I'm dating this guy. He's my age and I don't plan on having sex for a long time, so that's not something she'll have to worry about. I want her to know that I am mature now, and I've learned from my own mistakes and that she needs to let me live or else I'll be gone once I go to college and I won't come back to see her and I'll go and live with my father. How do I tell her that in the most reverent, respectful, way possible and without her losing her mind and putting me on punishment and all that type of stuff. Jaiva
  13. Hello everyone, My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 months now. I'm 20 y/o and he's 24 y/o. I am a virgin, he is not. We do not have sexual intercourse, but we do "heavy petting." I come from a family with a Buddhist background, while he was raised to be a Christian. His parents are SUPER devout (mainly his mom and brother), and although he is a strong believer in Christianity, he does not reference God as often as his family does. We've had talks about marriage, because we really do see a future together - but he often fears that our difference in religion could possibly become a problem. His mom knows that I am non-Christian, but she loves me as a person and constantly encourages him to convert me - not in a pushy or forceful way by any means. Now, I was fine with how things were going; I am not a very religious person, but I do follow the Buddhist philosophies and teachings to a certain extent. I've also sat through a few of my boyfriend's pastor's sermons to see how I felt about the religion, and so far I'm not necessarily opposed to converting; I just want it to be on my own terms and not a pressure that I have to cave into in order to please anyone. However, recently, my boyfriend's pastor's gave him an urgent call telling him that the Holy Spirit has prophesized that my boyfriend and I would be having sexual intercourse within the next month - and that if we actually follow through with it, our relationship will encounter many problems and challenges in the future that may prevent us from getting married. She says that she knows what "goes on" between us, and that all the physical intimacy will eventually lead to other things. She also suggested that he break up with me, as my father is extremely anti-Christ and will attempt to lead my boyfriend away from his faith in God. I was very angry to hear this, as I know that my boyfriend and I have enough self-control to not actually have sex; I've been strict with this, and made it very clear to him that I will not be having premarital sex. I also know that my father is a fairly relaxed and neutral person; he's Buddhist, but he really has no objections towards any other religion. Everything happened so quickly and abruptly, and I really don't know how to feel about this. My boyfriend tells me that he refuses to break up with me, and that he will do whatever it takes to marry me. But, he does want to become a better Christian and stop all the "heavy petting" that we do - he wants to strictly keep it at kissing. I personally don't mind stopping the sexual activity, but I'm also really offended that external influences have such a huge impact on our relationship. It also sets a bad image for Christianity, so I am also now unsure of whether I truly want to convert. I just want to live a simple and peaceful life, and I'm not sure if the path I am not will help me achieve that. I'm starting to have doubts about our relationship. I know this is a difficult situation to be in, but any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
  14. Why was I given such a crappy hand. When I was six my dad died, I got over it after a few years had passed. My mother remarried two years later to a man with two boys of his own, they then had a child of their own, my ten year-old halfsister.So overall I have two sisters, two stepbrothers and a halfsister. I am now 19 and I'm the bastard child of the family, plain and simple. All of my siblings are smarter than me and am repeatedly reminded of this when they point out that they got a 100 on a test they didn't study for. While I scrap by to find the motivation to study for a test I might achive a passing grade on, only to forget the material two months down the road making my efforts useless. I know where I got my brains from too, my mother, which sickens me because I hate to think of my mother as stupid and it feels like I'm betraying her with my thoughts. Not only that but I think she realizes that my family and myself think that and it's killing her. I'm not sure if it's ADD or what but I can't recall information or follow instructions for beans. I am also the ugly one in the family. My eldest brother, is the best looking one of all of the males and receives all the attention from the women and respect of the men. And it's so painfully obvious, for example, while talking to my pastor with my brother, the pastor kept full eye contact with my stepbrother even after I was the one that asked a question. And I can recall countless times where girls would look at me and pt on a disgusted face. I've never had a girlfriend and can never see myself being in a relationship. This was my sole motivation for getting good grades in school, to get a good job, so I could eventually get married. Now that my plans have gone up in smoke I have no motivation to try anymore. At first I didn't want to commit suicide because it would hurt my mother and it would be selfish of me, but now I wonder if it's selfish of her to keep me here. I mean it's not like it's my fault I'm choosing to do this and here's why; I never choose the brain I have, my looks or the environment I grew up in, all of which affect my subconscious, and my subconscious dictates how I act. I don't see why I should be held responsible for my actions by some God when ultimately he created me, whether directly or indirectly, along with my thoughts hence my actions. I'd like to think my life is worth it but maybe some are just worth more than others.
  15. Hello, I'm new to this forum and i have a concern about a possible relationship. I've read lots of the topics in this section to read you views, but i thought'd i'd write my own problem to see what you say! (Oh, and im a christian from England if there are some things that sound weird to you!) I have recently found out about a guy that has developed feelings for me at the church i go to. i've known him for about 3 years now and we get along really well. He's 27 and i'm 17, and i think im quite mature for my age. I'm not sure that the age gap in itself is not an issue, and if anything did happen i would like to wait until im 18 (october) before anything happens, for my parents sake and mine. do you think this is unwise? Another thing, he used to be youth leader at our church, and now he is assistant pastor, does this/should it change anything? he's still human and has feelings like the rest of us. He sacrificed all relationships when he started work for the church for these past 10 years, so hes very much in the same mindset as me, just wants to have innocent fun and get to know eachother. I'm obviously going to give us time to get to know eachother and not rush into anything, afterall im not the person to mess around. I'm also going to spend a good deal of time praying. What are your thoughts? ~phoenix feather~
  16. I had a pretty huge falling out with this girl--she was the pastor's daughter. the thing is, I'm not really sure what to think. We had been friends for 5 years or so and never had any issues that I was aware of. Then one day randomly she ignored me and her brother approached me and said I was barely tolerable. I should mention there were more events after this but I'm having a very hard time piecing together everything that happened, but will discuss what I do know. So, for those who don't know, the phrase "barely tolerable" I knew to be a direct reference to one of her favorite books, Pride & Prejudice--in particular the scene where Elizabeth Bennett overhears him say it to Bingley, and then when Darcy mentions dancing as an act of affection, Bennett replies, "only if one's partner is barely tolerable." All I know is the girl ignored me and her brother said the words...she never gave me a reason and blocked me on Facebook. At first glance I assumed this meant she was annoyed by me...but without her telling me it was very hard to know for sure. Some time later I wondered if the father had a part in all this, perhaps not approving of us being close with each other (close only in the sense of friends), and decided to end it. Sometimes I wonder if she had a crush on me and I never realized it...there are plenty of occurrences that could have suggested this...but again...I will never know. Sometimes I wonder if her dad said no more and she said barely tolerable to get me to know the reference to Pride & Prejudice? This whole ordeal has confused me so much, and the only person who really knows the truth is her, and she has not spoken to me at all since the incident.
  17. I am a very religious teenager. I follow the catholic church, and so does one of my friends. This friend has had a rough 4 years as she lost all of her grandparents and father. During this time, she has also been addicted to several drugs, and is now an alcoholic. She has been clean for 2 months now, and tonight asked me if I was willing to take her to church. Naturally, I relplied with a yes. I will follow through with my committment, but I was wondering if there are any precautions that I should take, anything I should talk to her about, or anything I should tell my priest?
  18. Hi everyone... If some of you have read my previous posts, you will know that I had a lot of stuff going on this year... well I think that going through some of the difficulties gave me a new perspective. Last year I was suicidal because I felt that I wasn't making progress in my life and was scared that I wasn't going to accomplish my goals. At the same time I was having family problems, and encountered other difficulties... but the main problem was this existential crisis I seemed to be experiencing, in short. I didn't know what to do with my life -- I felt stuck, dejected, disappointed with myself, etc. I have over the course of this year realized that my past preoccupation with success wasn't healthy, and I should have been less obsessive with it, and more lenient with myself. However, I was in a state at the time where I really wasn't thinking clearly... I just was presented with so much and didn't know how to handle it. I was overwhelmed, I felt guilty, embarrassed, and in both my personal and academic life, made some wrong decisions. I confided too many personal details to people who I shouldn't have, for ex. As a result, I now realize how I reacted and feel somewhat embarrassed... I mean, I can forgive myself for it, I'm not going to kill myself for the way I acted, because I realize I was going through a lot and some people naturally feel like they should purge their feelings. But at the same time, I just realize that I ruined some personal relationships and feel a bit embarrassed. I'm just wondering I suppose how to deal with these feelings. I don't necessarily want to just ignore them or get rid of them, but learn how to deal with them in a healthy manner, if that makes sense. I realize that I basically went crazy (in a benign sense of the word) at the end of last year... and some of the people who knew that I will have to see again (i.e. one of my professors in school.) I will have to take a class with one of them again. I'm not sure how I presented myself exactly because it was so long ago and during that time my mom was also very sick in the hospital and I sorta shaded out a lot of those memories, but I just feel a lot of pain and past embarrassment I guess. If anyone has any thoughts, that may help... I was thinking of going to see a priest because I've decided that counsellors really don't help. I'm not very religious but sometimes talking with religious people can help... I'm not really sure what else though. I think it's past the point of apologizing and I'm not sure if I even should apologize for anything, necessarily... Sorry if this post was a bit vague, if you want more details let me know... just a lot of stuff happened and I tried to keep it brief. Thanks, Lily
  19. How has religion (not spirituality) affected your life as a gay man or lesbian? I ask because, as I've mentioned before, I come from a very traditional Christian background. I've been raised under the Pentacostal Baptist faith since birth. And now, for the first time in my life, I am really beginning to question my beliefs and analyze things, a lot. My religious background tells me that my feelings and sexual desires are an abombmination toward god, and if I act on them I am sinning against the lord and all that other good stuff...But I continually ask the question, "If it is so wrong then why did god, in all of his(or her) infinite love and wisdom, decide to make me be gay?" A few years ago I would not have DARED asked myself that question, because I was too busy trying to be a straight(literally and figuratively)Christian person. But now, I have to second guess everything I've been taught. I still believe in an omnipotent and omniscent creator of the universe who loves me unconditionally...But what I no longer believe in is the religious dogma and hypocrisy that I've dealt with in church. Most of my family is very RELIGIOUS, meaning that they goto church all the time...But they sure don't mind sinning on everyday but Sunday. Case In Point: I've basically lived my life as a monk, by choice, because I was obeying the bible. I also made straight A's in school; I was on the art Honor's society in highschool; and I'm a straight A English major now. I've done volunteer work for needy children and all that other stuff...I don't have any kids(for obvious reasons)running around, and I've only had one speeding ticket...Basically, I have been a stand up citizen my entire life. However, the people around me have children scattered about, have been to jail, do drugs, goto the club and get trashed on Saturday but are in the church choir on Sunday singing about how much they love Jesus... And these are the same people who talk about gay people being sinful, and the reason we had such a terrible hurricane season... One Sunday, about six years ago, we had a guest Pastor at our church who hadn't prepared a sermon(obviously)so, expectedly, he preached a venomous homophobic sermon about how he thought Gay men and women were repulsive and he doesn't see how a man can want another man and a woman could want another woman...Fastforward one year, and this same upstanding minister was put in jail for using his wife's face as an Everlast punching bag. My former pastor was vehemently anti-gay rights, and preached about how horrible gays were as well. Our choir director, who was openly gay, was kicked out of church, by this particular pastor(who has just started leading the church) after working there for over 10 years...Against, fast forward approximately two years later. The same pastor was arrested on Child Molestation charges...He is a registered sex offender to this day. In the last year or so I have completely stopped going to church because I am so tired of being told that I am going to hell for something that I can't change. I would like to attend a gay friendly church though... I used to goto an ex-gay conversion therapy group(unbeknownst to my family), and all of it is such a big fraud. The only thing they could tell me was pray daily and believe that you can change and you will be changed...Well, I did that. I prayed and prayed and prayed...And the only conclusion I came to was that god wasn't listening or he didn't want me to change. Lately, I've been reading the bible a lot more and interpreting for myself. I was always told, in Sunday school class, that "I should never question anything about god...just believe it." Well, that is not good enough for me anymore, and now I have A LOT of questions. Like why does the bible say that we are free moral agents, but if we "choose" to be gay then it's an abomination? How can god give us free will and then put a stipulation on it? The Old Testament of the bible also says that eating pork is a sin. So I guess a lot of people are going to hell for that too... The bible also endorses slavery and abuse of women as well as marital infidelity and bigamy. And I hate when people quote that passage from Leviticus( I can't remember it)to condemn homosexuality...That passage was about a group of thugs who wanted to gang rape two men. How does that relate to me? I don't want to rape or humiliate anyone. I just want to find a nice guy to settle down with. I think the old Testament was written by a bunch of elitist, sexist, and homophobic men who wanted complete control of their "flock." Grant it, I still believe in the love of Jesus. For me I believe in that, because it has helped me personally...And I also believe that Jesus came to set us free from all of that. Ironically, I don't see Jesus saying ANYTHING bad about gay people...Yet, no one even listens to him about it. As far as my overall religion goes I don't really get the whole "church" thing anymore. Why would a god who loves everyone want to condemn everyone to hell for not being the prototypical christian? I kind of needed to rant about this because for so long I've felt like less of a person because my religion said it was bad. However, when I began praying for god's will in my life I came to the conclusion to accept my gay feelings...and that is when I felt the true love of god smile upon me. That is how I KNOW the way I am isn't wrong or bad, because I feel whole and complete... I still believe in god, but I don't believe in the dogmatic views of my religion anymore. How has religion affected your life? Has being gay made you more faithful or have you rejected faith completely?
  20. This is pure torture. There's so much to this story that it might be hard to keep track with. I was friends with the pastor's daughter--and I stress friends--we never did anything that suggested otherwise---literally all we did is talk online and at church. Admittedly, looking back, it did seem a bit one-sided after a while. Perhaps I was annoying or something. We were friends for roughly 5 years...but one nuance here--she happens to be the daughter of a pastor. I never had any altercations with any church member. But after 5 years, in what felt out of the blue to me, she and he sister just started ignoring me, and her brother told me I was "barely tolerable." This would trigger a mental episode in me for the very first time in my life...I had hallucinations and depression, similar to schizo bipolar (I wasn't diagnosed, but my family has it); during this mental breakdown, I turned myself into the police--who called the pastor and then brought me to mental health. After I got out I saw that the girl in question had put me on "restricted" basically we were still listed as friends but I saw the message part was blocked. The assistant pastor had visited me in mental health and again when I got out and he told me I should talk to the pastor--I was not keen on this as I felt I was stepping over some bounds and really had no idea what to think--but the assistant pastor said the pastor was "more than willing" to meet with me. I had asked the assistant pastor what he thought about me returning, to which he responded by asking if I've thought about other churches---which whether or not he meant to made me feel like I was not wanted there. So I met with the pastor/father who said there was no animosity, and they care about me, and that he was working on boundaries with his daughter--he talked about something referring to Maslow's hierarchy or something, and said if someone doesn't want relationship, let them go, and embrace them when they come back. He also said I could come to church but not small groups--I asked him if I did anything wrong, and he said he didn't feel slighted and that I don't owe him an apology--but if that is the case, then I felt like the church limits were unjust and not healthy boundaries. This seemed to try to put false hope in me; when I got back home I found that the girl had completely blocked me now (I had not tried contacting her at all). I left the issue alone for months; I wound up accidentally viewing their instagrams since it happens when you scroll through...which would get me blocked by both daughters, and the mother, who is also a pastor. But here's the weird part---her sister and mother would still like posts on my facebook and even occasionally comment; despite still having me blocked elsewhere. After several months had passed, I learned I would be moving far far away--so with nothing to lose I figured why not see where everything's at. I e-mailed the pastor...along the lines of expressing how i felt and expressing my desire to remain friends, but if his family would like no contact, I would respect it. He responded with very vague terminology, saying I'm welcome to come, and wanted to give me the space I need to move forward, but then enthusiastically offered to meet for coffee, complete with exclamation points. After some time, I took him up on the offer--only to hear more of the same--and then more restrictions, now being told only to contact him to ask questions. It felt like a big middle finger. Other than the daughter originally in question, they would continue to interact with my facebook for 2 years, basically only liking posts when I actually had some happy moments---I almost felt like they just wanted my attention back after they realized how happy I made other people (no clue if thats true). Finally, I had to regain my sanity and I blocked them. But truth be told, I love them and miss them every day. But I feel so completely disrespected. During Covid, I would wind up watching an online stream, unaware they could see i was viewing...the church page said hello specifically to me with exclamation points, i didn't respond (for one, I didn't know if it was the pastor or assistant pastor who was typing, and secondly, I wouldn't even know what to say). I guess one frustrating thing is just not knowing the whys or the whos...like why did they want me gone, was the block wanted by the girl or by the parents...it's just all very confusing. I would never do anything to hurt them, and I poured so much of my energy into their church and the people there; adn this felt like the biggest stab in the back ever.
  21. Hello all. I am not sure if this is the appropriate forum to post this in, but I'll give it a shot. First off, I should make it clear that I since 2002 I was in an off again-on again relationship with someone that officially ended a year-and-a-half ago. I'm not someone who is interested in dating around, so I really haven't been on the look-out for a new relationship since then. I guess I feel a tad rusty in reading men's body language, which is essentially the point of this entire post. I have been attending a Church off-and-on for over a year. I started regularly attending this parish about six months ago and not long after I started attending regularly I was looking to see if the parish had some sort of an offering box since I had missed Mass the prior weekend and was thereforeeee unable to give my offering. As I was looking around, a male parishioner came up to me and offered his help. He took me into the secretary's office where we left the donation on her desk. At this time I had a male friend with me and it is fairly obvious that he and I are nothing more than friends. Afterward I would see this male parishioner (we'll call him Rob) at Mass and he would smile and give me a friendly wink. I soon found out that he was one of the DRE's (Director of Religious Education) there. During the Advent Confession service I had some questions and he was the closest familiar face, so I asked him if he would be willing to help me. At this point I just assumed he was married, though I have no idea why I made that assumption. He started to hand me a pamphlet and then paused because Fr. was preparing to read the Gospel. We stood side-by-side as the Gospel was read and I had the oddest thought strike me; "what if this is the man you could spend the rest of your life standing next to?" To me - now that I re-think the wording - it's not the sort of wording I usually choose. When I thought it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It instantly dawned on me afterward that I had assumed he was married, so I casually glanced down at his ring finger and there was no ring. After Mass and confession he and I chatted briefly, joked and laughed and then I left. After that he would (again) acknowledge me every time he saw me at Church. Always with a big smile and most often with a friendly wink, as well. Being that he is a DRE, I ask him some of the questions I have pertaining to Mass and other parish activities. Most of these conversations were only about five minutes in length, though I did notice that he would usually touch or sometimes pat me on the lower arm/elbow region when we were talking. A couple of weeks ago we ended up talking for about ten or fifteen minutes about how we both had an awful habit of purchasing new books even though we had stacks of unread books at our homes. Our conversations always result in us joking and laughing. I offered to let him borrow a specific book of mine that we had been talking about and he acted pretty excited that I put the offer on the table. He raised his eyebrows and said "Really? I'd love to read it; that would be great!" Last week I brought the book to Church for him and he was friendly again - big smile, wink and thanked me for the book. About forty minutes later, he got my attention again and thanked me for the book again. He almost always acknowledges me before I acknowledge him and he goes out of his way to shake my hand during the peace offering - sometimes leaning over two pews to shake my hand. Now here's the biggie: There is a seventeen year age difference between he and I. However, he doesn't seem to let this affect the way he treats me. I also spoke with my parish priest about the age difference and my priest told me he did not believe the age difference was a problem. I'm just confused. First off, I'm confused about my own feelings for him. I love spending time with him - so much so that I am perfectly content if he and I were to just maintain a friendly relationship. However, no matter how much I try to stop it, every time I see him I seem to fall a little more. I had even told myself I would just try to avoid him, which I basically did for the latter half of December and part of January because I didn't want to be interested in this man. It just continued to grow, though, and one day during Mass I was praying about it and I just felt like I should talk to him. I didn't even know what I would talk to him about, but when we started talking it all came so naturally. I had resigned myself to the fact that I would not meet a man at my parish because most of the parishioners are either married or elderly. This really didn't bother me, seeing as I don't consider Church to be a "pick-up" spot, though I will say that in our area there are so few Catholics that Mass is just about the only way you will find other available, devout Catholics. There are two other parishes I could attend if I was looking for someone, but this parish is the one that "fits" me and feels like home as soon as I walk in. It's just odd because I was not initially attracted to this man, but after getting to know him and spending some time with him, I am attracted to him both physically and spiritually. Trust me, my feelings for this man are no where near impure. I cannot describe how I feel about him. I admire how devout he is in his faith and how he seems to give up most of his life for his work in the parish. I also respect how he interacts with the children of the parish and purposely stays youthful for their benefit. I have spent half of December, all of January, and half of Feb. praying about this and I keep receiving "time" and "trust" as my answer, so I'm really not worried about the situation. I know that I am not going to make him aware that I am interested in him because I believe that if there IS something more to this, God will allow it to develop in a natural, pure fashion. The point is: winking, arm touching, making sure to acknowledge me, etc. What does this mean in Catholic courtship? Does this mean he's just a friendly guy or does it mean he may be interested? To be honest, I'm awful at judging "body language" and/or reading between the lines when it comes to situations like this.
  22. FamousAmos

    help

    ok so theres this girl at my new church, that ive been attending for 3 weeks now, and theres this girl, that im instrested in, well i kinda like her. and i KNOW she is instrested in me, but i dont think she likes me, yet. but i havent really talked to her yet, besides "Bye" "Hey" i want to start a convo with her, but im not sure what she likes, or is instrested in!! the other reason i cant really talk to her is because of my teeth, theyre kinda crooked, but im getting braces in august by the way, her dad is the pastor p.s. we're both 14 years old
  23. So remember I was dreading switching churches cuz my ex goes there and I couldn't bare to see him?? well my pastor X-communicated him, so now I can go!! yay
  24. My fiancee and I had to go meet this pastor for our compatibility test at 6 oclock. Out of the blue my mother called me today and said that she needed a ride back from the airport at 4 oclock because she just got back from california. And mind you I work at the airport,so this morning when I let my fiancee know she started complaining and acting like a young child throwing a fit. She says that i put everyone ahead of her and she says i dont listen to her, and I dont care about us getting married and all of this stuff. Well due to traffic and a ramp being closed due to an accident, I got home at 6:15 and she tells me the pastor wasnt even there. Anyway she is crying right now and she says she doesnt want to be with me because I only think about myself. I think she is overreactting and making the situation more than it is so I am ignoring her. Do you guys think I am being to hard on her?
  25. my dad bought me a qu33r as folk episode guide. ok, cool. that was hard enough, having him flip through and go "yeah, this is alright" .. he bought it, no questions, no burning predicament all the way home, it was alright. i come home to my mom. .. the person most often that.. people like me can trust, the one parent that understands everything, because she's a woman, and apparently women know everything, according to her. so she flips through as well, since "no" from me means absolutely diddly to her. 9-9 she finds the rare pic of some dudes kissing. ... oops. i mean, come on. it's tv, and certainly not like.. a porn channel thing. (mind you i haven't seen an episode before, just pics and whatnot, and i liked it... hm.) so i have to return it tomorrow.. with her by my side..dammit. 30 bucks down the drain. ... the thing that got me though was the "i don't want this... TRASH in MY HOUSE! i don't care if you're 15 or 40, it's GARBAGE!" and.. so on. i could barely take the priest saying i couldn't have that.. communion bready junk anymore, because homosexuality is a sin, and i have to promise to stop doing it, and be normal, or it's unforgivable and i'm unworthy to receive it. ... BULL. i'm just in need of a friend right now, something that isn't ice cream and isn't a dog, and .. well, isn't a family member. heh.. it's so hard being lesbian, gay, bi.. AND transgender. frick. it's like.. the rebel of the rebels, you know? nobody wants me.. heheh or at least not 'till i pick one and stick with it.. o.O people these days. any.. thoughts? advice..? i'm pretty much going to just.. have a complete mental breakdown with all the pressure here anyway, so yeah. a little encouragement would be nice. be like "w00t, go you.. you're going to die when the sun comes up!" even. heheh.. at least she didn't find that "instinct" mag i have under my bed.. o.O that'd be overwhelming. two pieces of "garbage" in the same house?
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