deeds

Hi, Don't bother trying to figure out what women want in you, you'll go insane. If you try to be something you are not to please someone else, you will fail. You will also make yourself miserable. If they don't like you as you are, find someone who does. Move out if that is what you want, don't do things to please other people, be yourself. Shy and innocent makes you a rare commodity, don't knock it. Girls like a guy who is confident in himself.

Hi Maddy, I find it difficult to make friends too, but I think most people dont have that many true friends. They have dozens of aquaintances but when the chips are down? Try not to measure yourself by other peoples percieved success, it just ain't so. Perhaps if you were more comfortable with yourself and not so critical of yourself. You have true friends, you just dont know who they all are yet. deeds.

Hi Kel, "Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time, it is regret for the things that we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. Harris The good news is we get to keep trying, even when we screw up, we can have another go and perhaps do a better job next time. The things I most regret not doing are the things I dont do because I am afraid of what other people think. deeds

I know its old fashioned but as a natural recluse I read. Use the net to find the books you want. Its all there and with your IT skills its never been more accessible. Here's one for you. Serendipity - the unexpected discovery of something pleasant. deeds.

Hi, I'm twice your age but not twice as wise. You hit the nail on the head, you want a purpose in your life. I just realised the same thing, most people do, but they make the mistake of waiting for someone to do it for them. The snag is you have to decide what its going to be and then make it happen. Nobody else has the power to do that for you, you have to do it for yourself. I have a feeling you will. deeds

Hi, I hear you. When things go well for me I expect something to go wrong. I expect a surprise attack. It gets so bad that I can't relax and enjoy anything. It's a form of paranoia for me and it affects me physically mentally and socially. All I can tell you is that if you are the same or similar it won't go away overnight but you can fight it and control it. Use whatever resources you can get your hands on and tackle it from more than one angle. Sometimes drugs can help but they just alleviate the symptoms. For me the whole thing is tied up with low self esteem. Don't be afraid to hassle your doctor for counselling, consider paying for it if you have to. Don't let anyone tell you its all in your head or belittle you. Don't belittle yourself either. You didn't get this way on your own and you don't have to sort it out alone. One of the things that I found helpful was learning to meditate. Give yourself time and space and you will figure it out. There is a lot of good literature out there too. If you want some suggestions let me know. Some people are too sensitive for this world, deeds

Dear adrianoo, You take a risk whatever you do, the worst thing is to do nothing. Perhaps you could find some mutual aquaintance to introduce you? Try a discreet note or a poem, perhaps you could give her an email address or have some flowers delivered with the note. Try dropping something with your name and address in it as you leave the elevator. It aint easy my friend, "Faint heart never won fair lady" deeds.

Fear – I am afraid of being alone and of being seen to be alone. That is two completely separate things. I get lonely and it would be nice to have a shoulder to cry on, someone to share my troubles and my life with. Someone to love. That may happen who knows I may find some crazy girl? I can deal with that. The other thing, being afraid of being seen to be alone is more complex. Being single is seen somehow as a failing. We seem to be under pressure to be part of a couple, part of a group, anything but alone. We get to a certain age and we are expected to get married and start a family. So many of us feel naked and exposed without a partner, even young teenagers. We have been known to lie about it or worse get married because of it. Where does this pressure come from and why? Why is it wrong to be without a partner? I know for a fact that many of us alter our behaviour rather than stand out from the crowd. Going out for dinner or just going to a movie is so hard on your own and parties are sheer hell. I have friends but sometimes it would be nice to be free to do things alone without feeling like a freak. Peer pressure starts at an early age and God I get tired of it. It never ends, it is remorseless, pitiless. I am tired of being afraid to be myself. I fight it but it grinds me down. Does anyone know what I am talking about? deeds.

Hallo routerex, It's amazing how many of us are lost as you put it. In my experience some of the most lost are those who devote themselves to good works without first understanding themselves. I believe that you are correct, Self sacrifice is the only road to freedom. I also believe that you cannot sacrifice that which you do not possess. "Only when you have realised and mastered Self does it become a fitting and necessary sacrifice." For me, everything springs from this foundation. I think it is because we find it so hard to believe in our own worth that we often seek meaning in "bigger" causes. Regards, deeds.