materia_goddess

hey ForAnother as the others have said. its how you define cheating. consider the values which make up a relationship, and where you would draw the line. some people are less sensitive than others, and some draw the line at the very first signs of infidelity, even if it would seem harmless to others. my own opinion would see it as cheating, as i would see "experimental" as no excuse for breaking trust. think about this carefully, and whatever you decide make sure your putting your own feelings first, because if she was able to do it once, she might do it again. keep your mind alert and if you still have doubts then end it before you get too involved. good luck to you *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hello Babygirlbrit woah, what a situation. i wouldnt jump on your ex's back at the moment. he probably need some space, and well deserves it. you must realise you betrayed his trust a little, and although you didnt mean to, you gave into your urges....and you went to an old flame when you were emtionally vunerable. I believe your intentions were true, but this might of altered your ex's perception of you, and he might forgive you, but have you thought about the consequences in terms of trust. If you truly love this guy, i dont understand why you would falter so fast after the breakup. i understand your emotional state, but you should of known what could of happened if you did depend upon another. probably not a smart choice. I cant speak for your ex, what he does is up to him, but one of the key ingrediences in a relationship is trust and honesty, as with friendship. you told him you would wait, but you didnt.. which might mean he wont wait for you. I dont want to make you feel sad. Its just a mistake you didnt mean to happen. Everyone makes mistakes, and there are plenty of people who have done the same thing you have but are really good people who just took a wrong turn. if your ex doesnt decide to go back to you, try to stay positive, there are others out there i promise you. Just be more cautious of your actions and their consequences. Take care and best wishes *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there Esprit sounds like you've got a bit of a crush going on. ofcourse i also understand your shy, but sometimes to get the person you want, you have to puck up all your courage, break out of old habits, and give it your best shot Seing as he is quite shy aswell, it will make it alot easier on you, because he'd be less likely to use his confidence for his own benefit and even make you look silly. The best way to start talking to someone is start it casual....dont start out with the dance or that you like him, because that will frighten him abit. start really simple. just an example but ask him what the time is or if he has a spare pen or something. then just progress from there. if you have a look around the forum, you'll find many people have had or still got this problem. the fact is, its not uncommon, but if you dont say anything to him, you'll regret it when its too late. all he can say is no right! if you see him on his own, run on impulse, and dont consider what possibilities could arise, that will only scare you out of it. Goodluck with it, hope it turns out the way you wish it too, but dont let it get on top og you if it doesnt, this problem will probably arise again and again so starting to act now makes it easier later on Best wishes *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey allstarsassyone Its nice to hear you appreciate this place so much, as do i ofcourse!. Sounds like your angry at your boyfriend for acting stale towards other females. what i gather from the situation is that he is merely putting your feelings into consideration, as many girlfriends hate it when their guy is flirting or even smiling at other girls. I can understand why this would bug you if you felt he was being way to harsh, and if so, then confront him about it. he wont figure it out on his own that your displeased. Be easy on him though. He's only thinking of how you would want him to act infront of other females. You should feel lucky, its obvious he cares for you if he is giving NO other female the time of day. I suggest you tell him that your comfortable with him being with other females as friends or just merely acquaintances. If this is not the case however, and its just some weird habit he's gotten into (i doubt it, but it happens) then, confrontation is again the way to solve it. Either way your going to have to tell him your not happy with his attitude. I still feel, though, that he is holding your feelings first and foremost. Goodluck and best wishes *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there crinklecat sorry to hear about your work problems. it sounds pretty stress full, and i understand because my recent job is also very stressul, and everyday i just want to quit but its only casual and only temporary so i stick it out. Thats pretty nasty how those people you work with went behind your back. I can understand how that would frustrate you. You've only been working there for 2 weeks right, which isnt much time at all. i know this is a rough patch, especially so early, so the way i see it you have 2 obvious choices.. you could stick it out, or simply change. my suggestion would be to stick with it for now. its only a recent job, so give yourself time to adapt. the people you work with will also adapt to you, as will your boss. If you feel like it is too much, then think about changing. About your attitude, i also know its hard to keep a smile on, when you really arnt happy, and to also be constantly aware of your facial expression. just try and be more aware of it. all it takes is a smile. and it doesnt have to be all the time, just every now and then. Just try and forget about this little miss-hap. Dont be discouraged about working there, remember your just new, and mistakes are bound to happen, and issues are bound to be raised. just glide on past them, and pretty soon you'll be a natural! Its obvious the boss cares about you, he's just making suggestions for you, and making you aware of things. If people have been dobbing you in, then thats their problem, dont let it get to you. If your truly upset, i dont see anything wrong with telling your boss. there is probably not alot he can do for you if you do though, if i were you, id just move on past this bump. goodluck and best wishes *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey marriageintroubleneedhelp id have to agree with The Morrigan 100%! you have to examine the facts here. look at your own post and the situation. i get the feeling you two just jumped into this relationship hoping the problems would just sort themselves out. think about this carefully, but take his treatment of you into consideration. He is away, and when he is home he doesnt sleep with you? to me that sounds a bit suspicious. id say a good heart to heart talk must be done. establish the feelings he has for you and vis versa. tell him your not happy, and make sure these issues dont continue. Without trust and honesty, there is no relationship goodluck! *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey dude123 sounds like you guys are hitting it off. dont be discouraged, by the sound of things she likes you, she might of just been a bit confussed. when your eyes met after the punch, some girls take this moment to be "kiss me" moment. when the guy doesnt take this moment, they instantly take it as "he doesnt like me".. my brother had the same problem where, this girl pulled him aside (they had a similar friendship to yours) and it was a perfect kissing moment, he told me, but for some reason he didnt pick it straight away, so she ofcourse acted distant the rest of the day. This is where you have to confront her and say flat out "hey i like you, and i want to go out with you and be more than friends". she sounds pretty keen, and this might clear up the mixed signals she's probably been getting. you have nothing to loose anyway, so just tell her your keen. Goodluck, and best wishes *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey musicguy yeah gilgamesh has the right idea. act like it doesnt bother you. thats what they want. you could either laugh and make fun of yourself aswell, but im not sure if this would give them a sign that its ok to do it. another option is to completely ignore it. if they make a comment just walk away, or change the subject to something completely different or say "yeah whatever"....... you could be really sneeky and turn the game on them. you could turn what they're making fun of you for, into a good thing. like if they tease you about britney spears, you could comment "well i guess its a normal thing for us straight guys eh! heheh" if they're not gay that should get on them abit hehehe. just things like that. play with it a bit. goodluck, i hope it turns out well. *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey CustomX thankyou to writing to enotalone. im so sorry to hear of your heartbreak. i know it must be tough. i advise you to look around the site at similar stories to you, there are quite a few. you will realise that alot of people who have written here have stated that they have recovered from bad break ups, but unfortuanetly it is not a quick fix. it might take a while, depending on how you feel, but try not to think of her i know i know, your thinking "yeah right! not think about her! like its that easy!?!".....it WILL take time, but you have to stick it out. It will make you a stronger person for it. You never know, someone else might mysteriously pop into your life and sweep you off your feet. there are so many possibilities, so dont be held back by your your ex's happiness, if she isnt suffering now, she will encounter it sooner or later in her life, so dont even consider how lucky she is, because we're all going to go through the same emotions, one time or another. The BEST thing you could doright now, even if your still going to feel upset, is to distract yourself. Play sport, or go for a walk everyday. try and look at things to your advantage. make up possibilities. Nothing is impossible, so dont think you wont get over her, YOU WILL!! i guarantee it! Put her behind you. she isnt worth your time, so dont give it to her. Life will smile on you one day, so hang in there, and remember : distraction! goodluck and best wishes! *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there Krikkit avman is completely right. perfect response. its all about your attitude towards yourself. if you arnt happy with how you are, then it will be hard for you to feel this way about others. dont worry, im like that as are many many people. confidence is key! Sometimes its hard to jump out at things, because we think to much about the aftermath....which ofcourse is the worst possible outcome, and almost always 100% incorrect. i dont expect you to just start doing everything on impulse, just start slow. if you see someone you like, dont think about their opinions because they probably wont have any of you until you go up and talk to them. infact, dont think at all. you see someone you like, just approach before you think. i dont want to sound cliche, but regreting something you didnt do is much worse than something you did. if it doesnt work out the way you want, you should be darn proud that you even did anything! there are plenty of chances for you to find great people. As avman said, theres no way of telling how people see you, sometimes you can just get hunches or notice signs, other than that you cant be certain of anything. You probably dont see it, but you can choose the people you want to be with, be it friends or girlfriends. Seize the moment man, impulse can be a great thing! Good luck and dont be afraid to do what you want! (there is a boundary to that though heheh ) *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey Alien777 Im so sorry to hear your under so much stress at the moment with work. work can be like that. And its especially hard when family is also in a rough patch. My suggestion is that you should try and focus on work at the moment, just until this project is finished. trying to juggle both work deadlines and family disfunctions can almost completely destroy your self esteem, so chop it into steps. seing as work is causing the most stress, best to get that out of the way first. About your family, im sorry to hear you dont communicate with them much. i understand some of your feelings as the convosations with my dad are very limited and moslty awkward silences. By the sound of things, if your parents are also major worriers, then perhaps turning to a friend in times of stress might be more rewarding and helpful. Also, try and keep your parents up to date with your life. even if they arnt replying or anything, just tell them everything. you never know, they might wake up one day and toss some helpful points your way. They do love you, they are your parents. Sometimes life for them gets very tiring and the last thing they want to hear is how stressful someone elses life is. dont take it to much to heart, its just the way they deal with things. The best thing you could do is concerntrate on your own life. If theres something you dont like about your parents try and not repeat the same fault in yourself. Just take care of yourself, and if your parents arnt with you on something important, try friends. Dont ever think there is no one there to help you through something, there is always someone! So dont give up! And love your parents regardless of their faults, they really do care, but might have troubles showing it sometime. Take care and goodluck with your work and family life. It'll get better *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there Slain67 thankyou for writing to us on enotalone. By the sound of things your very worried about your online friend. in fact, i have a friend JUST like her! well if you dont know her offline it might be hard to do anything else by talk to her online, but to not make it look like your helping.....if you get me. See if she is anything like my friend, they go sour as soon as you try and give any positive light on their situation. its almost like they dont WANT to change. Sometimes i even start to think my friend likes to stay depressed because of attention or so that people will feel sorry for her. But you cant get angry at them for that, because then you may very well drive them to suicide or further self harm. Its all about negative thinking. i do that alot as well, and its weird that the last thing i want to do is think positive because im so wrapped up in the negative. hard to understand? thats just human i guess. What i would suggest is to try and allude to things......or slowly approach the issue, so she wont be so aware. Its clear she needs help with her depression, so perhaps you could try and take her mind off it. Ive tried many times to tell my friend "hey listen, everyone has negatives and positives, but you HAVE to get over them......your not the only one, and your life is NOT that bad!"........ofcourse she doesnt like this because your actually facing her with reality, the very thing she is running away from. Ive come to the conclusion that these people must learn to help themselves. sure we can push them in the right direction, but they have to realise it themselves. I know its hard, if you agree with them that they have it tough (what they want), it will only push them further, and if you try and make them see the positives, they will instantly think "no thats not the reaction i want! cant you see im sad!!".....and go sour on you. ok so my advice is, that if you know her offline then you have much more power to make her see the light, but online your a little caged. the best thing i can think of to do is to try and take her mind off things. try and stay off topics which will lead her into her own problems. Im still working on my friend, so hopefully they'll realise there's alot more out there for them! Best of luck to you and your friend. take care *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there Laura Ashley hahahaha i never thought id hear of something like this on the forum. but completely understandable. i think everyone at one stage had a crush on a fictional character ( even cartoon)......and sometimes, it takes a while to grow out of. i'll admitt something VERY embarrassing, i used to have a crush on knuckles from "sonic and knuckles" (the game not the show), who would of every thought it'd be possible, not only is he a game character, he's not even human! (granted i was young at the time, so its not so weird right!) .....i just know thats going to come back to haunt me one day. oh well, even now when i watch anime's and play games i'll make remarks like "oh he's hot! so and so is SO lucky to get him".......weird, but i find if you surround yourself with these sort of media's alot your bound to do strange things. your friend will probably grow out of it sooner or later, so i wouldnt worry, she may sound obsessed now, but later she'll be laughing at herself thinking "DAMN i was a weird one" she might talk like that now, and she probably will now and again, but once she gets a boyfriend, she wont react so much to it. well atleast i HOPE she wont, thats what im baraking on anyways. *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

well thats a tough question cid. but did you every consider the fact that they may of been shy aswell? your shy, and you didnt confront them (from what i gather) so it might be the same story with them also, im not a shy friend, im pretty out there once i know someone, but liking someone beyond friendship can make almost anyone a little held back. thos pesky questions start to hit you "what if they dont feel the same? what if he says no then spread horrible rumours? what if he laughs in my face, then everyone else joins in? what if he thinks its SUCH a silly idea and shoots me in the head?" , well that last one may sound exaggerated, but the mind always reaches that climax if pushed. then your likely to believe in even the ridiculous. being a girl, this might be weird, but i have no idea why we do it. i guess it works both ways. it really depends on how confident the person is. anyone can seem confident around friends, so never take that as an accurate reading, its all about confidence in yourself. and lets face it, thats pretty rare these days. OR, another senario could be the whole girl perception of "the guy must always be the approacher"......a little out dated these days, but i still hear of it. well thats my input. dont know if that answers your question, but might clear a few thoughts... *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey mei mei so sorry to hear about your boyfriends treatment of you. fact of the matter is, its very hard to keep someone, especially against their will. i wont lie, this period is going to be tough. but hey, its not impossible. just take it all one day at a time. i cant fully understand what your feeling, but i know exacally what it will accomplish by trying to gain him back. you might not want to accept this, but he's gone. let him go. he doesnt deserve you anyway, because if he did, he wouldnt of left you. feelings change, people change. its a tough tough ride, one we will all have to go on one day. it seems totally impossible now, but you WILL move on. just give it time. here's a post which i hope will inspire you to keep going; link removed take care and goodluck! *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there Soldier4Christ sorry to hear about what your going through right now. everyone else who has replied have laid most of it out right, just telling you your not the only one. im gonna try and keep it simple, not prettying anything up. but its not ugly, its all just a ditch in the road as with most people, i have also gone through this stage many times. i find it especially hard to turn to anyone when it does happen, because i find it so hard to explain, and that speaking about it doesnt give any accuracy to what its like actually living it. that is why i LOVE this place. i have this tendency to write most of my problems down when i get too out of control. mostly writing, but now since i found this site, im typing it. listen, i know this aint easy. its not meant to be. its just one of those many tests lifes dishes out at you. but you got to hang in there. i find when your in that stage, even the smallest ditch can drive you to tears. then you start to add them all up, which just makes things worse. just keep a clear mind and try not to think too negative, it will always happen, but just keep an eye on it. you'll be ok, it'll pass, just stick it out, it'll make you a better person for it. you hang in there, and goodluck. take care of yourself *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there GAbabe15! hahaha i know exacally how you feel! its always time is either too slow or too fast. i dont think its ever gone normal......but its just the way we see it, and depends on what we're doing. It sounds like your a little tied down at the moment. dont worry. well bad news.......you cant pause time....or not that i've heard of. good news is that you dont need to! i cant believe im actually gonna say this but perhaps prioritizing is the best thing right now. if it helps make a list. i, myself have problems prioritizing coz it usually means putting the things i love close the last. ok, put the most important things to be done first. then work on those. just those! dont try and handle everything at once, because you'll just tire yourself out, and its not worth it. you even find some things arnt even that important but just add to the list, to make our lives more overpowering than they are. just RELAX. after all its your life, so dont take everything too seriously. look at things this way. the world will not end, and you wont die if this thing or that thing isnt finished at this moment. take it slow. there is no rush. because i suffer from stress, i saw a doctor for a while, to help me see things better. its funny because you think its the "things" that are the problem, but actually its the way you look at them that is. try and keep positive about it all. its all about perception. just keep telling yourself "ok, im gonna do just this today, and finish it! then im going to relax and if i have time, work on something else. no rush, i will just do my best!" good luck to you GAbabe15, and if you figure out away to pause time, give us a buzz yeah! *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey unonename, thankyou for writing to enotalone. firstly, sorry about your grandfather. now about this guy you like. my opinion of the situation is that he might not hold the same feelings for you as he once did. you did dump him after 1 week, and by making such a decision partially based on your friends suggestions probably gave him the impression you wernt serious about him. another thing that confuses me is that even though you developed feelings for him again, you kept dating his friends, then breaking it off, then getting back and so on. if you like him then confront him. you wont get to his heart by going through others. if anything, it will give him the impression that your just fooling around alot, not actually looking for any serious relationship. my advice would be to stop messing around with all these other guys if your interested in him. just confront him and say you've developed feelings for him again. if he still loves you then theres nothing to fear. also, if you do get back together, try not to break it off so early, and go on your OWN instincts, not on what friends say. (they may suggest, but dont act purely on their words).. good luck, i hope you get what you desire *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there unonename ....im so sorry to hear of your grandfathers passing. i think Tonk, avman and mahlina have said it all, but just wanted to let you know we're all here for you, so hang in there. it'll pass i promise you. just be patient...you'll be ok. take care of yourself *+*materia_goddess*+*

hey there wyo1234 firstly, id just like to welcome you to Enotalone. it sounds like your in a very bumpy friendship with this girl. It actually isnt really a friendship anymore. friends, be there attraction or not, should always consider the other's feelings and respect them. she is obviously not doing this. both vlcm999 and Cid are right, this is all your decision, but if you know your going to get hurt if the friendship proceeds, then end it. i think you know your not getting treated the way you should, and she's not being fair to you. My advice would be to end the relationship, but try to avoid rivalry. sometimes these things have a tendency to turn into competition. keep your cool, and go about your job as if she wasnt even there. she'll soon realise you know better, and she'll move on. i know its a pain when people turn sour out of the blue. just try and keep your head about things and you'll be fine best of luck to you *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

HEY RPG'S!!!!!!!!!! hahah now IM a fan!!!! yeah i can see where this topic is going. i think its really good actually, coz although i LOVE my games, they do have their negatives, and sometimes its tempting to ignore them PROS, are definently imagination! 90% of what i day dream about, and practically keep me alive (also a con perhaps? ) ) maths skills? i dunno, im still real bad at math, even though i play alot. but i think its helps in some cases, like thinking quick and logically. CONS. hmm well yeah they do tend to make you anti-social! thats for sure! (hitting 18 without a boyfriend to date).........but i think the MAIN con for me, is that i get too caught up in them. i think about them all the time. the characters, their adventures....and so forth. yeah sounds good doesnt it, but not so good when you sometimes cant even tell the difference between reality, and fiction. this is also bad, for instance, when its a down phase in my life, because i find i get jealous. i know! JEALOUS! of blotches of colour! but yes..............it happens. something unrelated to me, would be violence. you cant ONLY blame violent games for human behaviour, but it cant help it! well, its all open for discussion! a good topic Cid! i'll be checking back on this one for sure *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there memorieshurt speaking of study, i should be at the moment, but i read your message and i could help myself. my mother aswell suffers from depression from time to time.....quite understandably i think, because she puts up with so much, and im sure your mother does as well. this is not unusual behaviour, your mother has obviously been through alot, especially with your father. i understand you have your own priorities, as do i, but sometimes even the smallest things make HUGE differences. make sure mums in the picture, and is FIRST. i know life is on your back, and you cant just stop, but start small. first things first, tell her how much she means to you...........and all this may mean is a simple "i love you mum", doesnt have to fit into convosation, just pop it in anywhere. she will appreciate it. earlier tonight actually, my mum was going through her sad phase........and it also makes me incrediably sad. its not much, but i offered to help her with the washing up, and while i was doing that i tried to make some happy chit chat. little things, to help put her mind off things. your mums probably down about her situation, and if you just make things a little happier for her, by letting her know how great her cooking is, or how nice she looks, it all helps! this, i know, can affect your life aswell, but you have to stay strong. after all its all just a BIG bump in the road. nothing you cant drive over! stick with it. i find making someone else smile, even if just for a moment, and you can see they had forgotten why they were sad in the first place, it might make you feel a little better about yourself. give it a try, nothing to lose! just try and not think "how can i solve this!? all on my own!". dont worry, no ones leaving it all up to you. your mum will find her feet. just give her a little push. if she becomes continuously unhappy, perhaps try and get her to see some help. someone to talk to. she might just be lonely. im not exacally certain how to solve this. i get this aswell as you know. it passes, but comes back every now and then........funnily enough at the most inconvenient times in your own life, but thats just like life aint it! all i can say is try doing the small things, but dont loose touch with yourself. goodluck to you, hope it all works out alright. look after mum yeah! (woah long post! i should be studying!?!) *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

well here it is!!! after 13 years of schooling it all comes down to the next 4 weeks of stress stress stress (code for exams!) im not going to lie.........im FREAKING OUT!!!! but im gonna try and breathe, and stay alive hopefully! its weird that its here, and in a matter of hours to! (well starts on monday). omg im SO terrified, lol i cant even turn on the tv without it blaring it in my face, i got onto a website with a countdown! A COUNTDOWN! lol you can imagine how that built my confidence well just came on to let you guys know. you all better take care of yourselves! im gonna be thinking of everyone, and (hopefully) i'll be alive to come back, if i dont have a nervous breakdown! as you can tell i wont beable to come on here during this period so i wish you all the best, and good luck to everyone with your own life obstacles, im sure you'll be just fine oh, and if any of you want to swap places, give us a buzz lol sincerely stressing *+*materia_goddess*+* ps. oh and a *hint hint, nudge nudge* to the personal experience page everyone!

hey there itsjustme! im sorry to hear of your situation. but dont worry, there is nothing wrong with you, you are being completely normal, especially considering the situation you've been placed in. i understand your worried about loosing your friends to a girl. this is a tricky situation, and might be hard to solve. have you tried to involve yourself with them? dont change your personality around them, but perhaps try and get involved more. it sounds more like an infatuation would probably be unlikely to last. i know this might be hard, but perhaps if you dont want to join them, try looking elsewhere for what you seek. if your friends are leaving you for a girl, they arnt worth your worry! dont worry about this, there are plenty of people out there, so make sure this doesnt take over your life! you have many choices in this situation, and none is the wrong one, just be careful and patient. dont hurt anyone in the process though. your too good for that another choice could be telling your friends how you feel. tell them your worried about whats happening and what might further happen. if they're real special to you, dont give up on them, if they dont come to their senses, help them to. im sorry i cant help anymore! you'll be fine though! take care and good luck! *+*+*Materia_Goddess*+*+*

PLEASE dont do anything musicguy!!! oh god i wish i could just take all the pain away, and i would if i could, but please just hang in there!!!! we're all here for you so whever you need us!!