materia_goddess

hm, i respect your viewpoint blonde, but i dont agree! i dont believe that because of ones past, or experience, their wholes lives will follow the same pattern. people can change! and i believe she would not break off the relationship because of musicguys reaction to something. there are many factors we are uncertain of, like her state of mind at the time. she may have already been angry about something, and so this further pushed her. you cant give up on a relationship because of assumptions! if it was like that, no one would ever have a lasting relationship! musicguy, please dont give up yet. you do not know enough to make any decisions right now. just stay calm. try and give her some space, then ask her whats going on.

c'mon musicguy, are you just gonna give up!?! wait it out! see what happens ok!!!! please dont do anything rash.

no! dont believe your whole relationship would be over by this! tell her your gonna give her space, but you love her, and dont want to loose her.........try and give her the time she needs! hang in there musicguy!

now now musicguy! lets keep the faith here!! ok ok, so your fiancee got this new guy friend. i can understand why you would react as you have. i know we hear alot of stories about how she leaves the guy she's with to run away with so and so bla bla bla. but there are also positive stories. because this has happened, it doesnt mean you have lost her now try and keep calm! we're all here for you! the only advice i can give you now is to wait. do not jump to conclusions, because you might end up driving her in the direction your against. this is where people mess up. they push and push and actually create the conclusion they didnt want the whole time. instead, try and talk to her normally, and ask about him, like is he nice, good friend? and so on. try to accept the fact that she's made a "FRIEND"! you dont know him. he might be married, with a girlfriend, and a real decent person. things like this happen for a reason, dont always think the worst. call her later, and tell her it took you by surprise, but your glad to see that she is happy, and that she's found a friend! she sounds lovely from your other posts about her, so try and still believe that she will be loyal to you! best wishes to you musicguy! you'll be fine, just believe in your relationship, and you cant go wrong! *+*+*Materia_Goddess*+*+*

hey there Jamiegirl hmm, if its just today that she's done this then i wouldnt worry! perhaps if she stops eating more and more, id check into it, but for now it could be anything. i find being sick can ruin my appitite, and sometimes for no reason whatsoever, i wont be hungry at all for a length of 3 days. so i dont eat anything. the human body can be weird like that! i suggest to just wait it out. but dont worry, im sure its nothing. hope she gets better real soon! *+*+*Materia_Goddess*+*+*

hey there enadevoli woah, complex. i think i understand though. it sounds like your a bit confused about your friend right now. thats the awful thing about the internet. when i was talking to my friend, it is very hard to insinuate that your angry with them without actually saying straight out "im so angry with you!". the feeling im getting is that your friends feeling like she's been put 2nd place to your bf. this happened to me. my bestfriend had a bf over the internet, and when we talked 3way, i was always ignored. i didnt actually want to say i was angry, but wanted to hint it. they never noticed and eventually id just leave out of the blue! i think your friend was trying to tell you something. she moved from joking quickly, but she wanted to see how you'd respond to that. just quickly asking you who you value more, here or him, you replied "whatever". i know you were probably unaware, but thats probably sealed the deal for her. my advice is to make sure your not putting your bf first. when you have to choose (even with small things like both have called you) make sure friendship is first. relationships will come and go, but good friends are there forever! so make sure your there for her! perhaps letting her know that she's first, and that you wont let anything come between your friendship. try and imagine yourself in her shoes. im sure if she payed more attention to a guy you'd feel a little left out too. like me, she might be peaved for a while or a little distant, but if you let her know where you stand, and that it was a big misunderstanding, she should be right! ~friendship first, bf second~ *+*+*Materia_Goddess*+*+*

i wasnt going to write anything to this, but the more i read it the more i loved it. even though im not really down at the moment, i think a poem like this would really help anyone who was having doubts about themselves or just going through one of lifes ordeals. even though its a poem, i think you should post this in the "quotes" page. thats where i like to go if im feeling abit under the weather, and this is definently one of my favs! beautiful poem Anamarie89

hey ben37d sounds like your pretty crazy about this girl. infact, i dont even see a problem besides she cant go to homecomig with you for some reason (is this right?)....... it sounds alot like you BOTH are interested in eachother, and im sure if you asked her out on a real date, she would accept. im not promising anything, but things are looking good, and you guys seem to have a pretty close friendship going on, which is practically a relationship already! i'd just ask her straight out! one time when your all alone having fun or whatever just say it all casual-like "hey, was wondering if you were busy on such and such a day......i really want to see this movie, bla bla bla you wanna come?" or anything really. out to dinner, lunch, or just a plain old fun get-together! seriously, you'll be fine! even if she declines, dont let it effect anything. she's probably just not ready then. no matter what, though, dont let it ruin your great friendship! good luck with her! relax and you'll be fine! *+*+*Materia_Goddess*+*+*

actually.......yes i have been through something similar Setsuko although i have never been in a relationship, i remember when i was much younger, in primary school, i had a crush on this boy. on his b'day party, everyone from our year was invited, and he had face paintings going. i remember how upset i was when i got the "princess" face, and he got a "kings" face and my friend got the "queens". lol i took it as some sort of sign. i cried for ages, then when he asked me what was wrong, i told him about my feelings.he didnt feel the same. he actually liked my friend. the negatives about this is that it was my first and only time doing this, and i fear it has made me sceptical about doing it again. theres not much you can do really, but accept that it was not ment to be. however, i feel moments like these make us stronger as a person, and to just have that courage to say something, is a HUGE step i think, whether its a regection or not, i believe it all helps build who we are! so perhaps a different insight can help in situations like these? just my opinion *+*+*Materia_Goddess*+*+*

aawwwww musicguy that is just BEAUTIFUL!!! im sure she'll love it! i felt what you must of felt when writing that, and it touched my heart good job! and best of luck with your fiancee *+*+*Materia_goddess*+*+*

hey Maelifica! i understand your pretty down at the moment. im gonna start by saying there IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! these feelings are completely normal, and most people will experience them at some time or another. you are NOt alone my friend! i see where your sadness is coming from. the thing is, analysing your life sometimes is not the best way to gain more esteem for yourself. congratulations on being determined enough to try on "fixing" yourself, but the reason it did not affect anything is because you are trying to change who you are, thinking that "better" person you'll become will be problem free! honey, i understand why you would do this, sometimes accepting who we are is the hardest thing to do. trying to change ones appearance and attitude to suit societal standards these days seems very tempting, but alas, is not the key to happieness. myself, i am also trying to change my appearance, to lose the extra pounds, and become more confident, but i do not expect these aspects to change my outlook on life drastically. dont feel like everyone is moving ahead, because trust me hun they're not. your not competing with the world, and theres no need to compare yourself to others. As it is said in that sunscreen song "the race is long, and in the end, its only with yourself". the point is, searching for others approval will not give you the happieness you search for. sure, it may build the self esteem for a while, but losing ones identity in the process will never end well. my advice is to STAY AS YOU ARE! sure, things are looking grim now, but light is ALWAYS at the end of the tunnel, even if hope seems lost. i also feel i give my all to helping people, and doing the right thing, and i try not to think about a reward or anything in return, but sometimes the thought crosses my mind, and i feel bad for having it. life will get better. things will change. change is on going. your life will not stay as it is forever, and better things await you, if you are willing to wait for them. just keep on being your beautiful self, and you'll see how wonderful things can be! ~best of luck to you! hang in there!~ *+*+*Materia_Goddess*+*+*

hey there wonkothesane! just to let you know, this is not an american only forum! i myself am australian, and there are plenty of other cultures here, so dont worry ok i understand you like you room-mate, and you guys sound like you hit it off pretty well. most of the challenge is already done though, your close friends, you share lots of interests, and by the sound of things you both are interested in eachother! if you want to go out with her exculsively, id say just ask her about it. you guys seem close enough for that to be fine! cultures has nothing to do with it! its the person not the background that draws attention. just start casual if your a bit sceptical like "hey, was wondering if you'd like to join me for lunch, out sometime"........ best of luck to you! +*+Materia_Goddess+*+

here here cid!!! im glad to hear you enjoy this place and that its helped you. id also like to say this place truly is a god send! ever since i joined, i have felt so much better, and i not only love recieving advice, but i also LOVE to give it! =CHEERS to all at Enotalone!= *+*+*Materia_Goddess*+*+*

oh dude dont pay any attention to those who make you feel bad about being single! i recon odds are, their relationship isnt that perfect anyways. and just think! you dont have to worry about the almost inevitable heartbreak at the end.......when it happens to this guy, he'll understand. as for those pesky times alone.....theres not much you CAN do. i know how hard it is to try and not think about something, and it actually makes me think of it more!.........times like those, try and not think of being without a girlfriend lonely......even with a girlfriend you get times like these.......try and think that everyones single at one time or another, and that your gonna have the best time, and if a relationship with someone would arise at sometime, so be it! i mean your not gonna be alone forever, so make the best of your individual space while you got it! +*+*+*Materia_Goddess*+*+*+

hey there ck, so i understand your single! hey dont frown, being single is NOT a bad thing (why does everyone think that). you dont need a girlfriend to have fun! my advice is too keep yourself busy, with things you like doing. go out with friends if your not a solo runner. the great thing about being single is that you get more choices opened up to you (as well as ones that have closed). being single gives you freedom to put you first, second AND third! how good is that! ok ok obviously u cant be busy 24/7, one time or another your gonna be completely alone, perhaps before bed or any day where you just dont do a darn thing! these moments can sometimes be horrible, coz you start thinking. try to stear AWAY from your marital status, and think whatever the hell you want! what i usually do is spend alot of time with friends, if not out, then on the phone, and i also spend alot of time online or playing video games or watching tv. theres also reading, writing (anything), taking up a hobbie (if you like sport..or..something else?) and so on. i also draw alot.....thats my scape goat out of alot of loneliness. every now and then i do get lonely though, cant escape those, but try not to dwell on it and pretty soon you'll be one set single dude! ofcourse if you have any doubts or bad feelings come back and tell us, we're always here to help! goodluck! (GO THE SINGLES!) *materia_goddess*

lol hahaha oh J you must be in with the ladies! read my mind. lol, im gonna be laughing all the way to the feminist ritual with that one! thanks for helping the cause

well im glad to hear your ready to get out! so you want to do it as smooth as possible. hm...... perhaps try and lighten the blow by waiting till the next time they make you feel stupid or do something mean. at this point you have too options which work to the same effect. a) you could just walk off! simple as that. nice clean get away. if they call out to you just ignore them. they are to blame and they will realise you are upset at what they did! b) the confrontation. say you dont like it. say you never did it to them. say it hurts you and you dont want to put up with it. just say you would much rather hang out with some other people for a change. they shouldnt hurt you, for its their fault anyway! make sure they know that! goodluck! *materia_goddess*

hey caldus sounds like your having friendship issues. well you havent really given much information in your post, so all i can gather is that your not being treated right (for whatever reason) i dont know, are these close friends? you know, i have alot of friends which seem to sometimes go out of their way to make me look stupid. i dont say anything, i just let them go, thinking if i stay me and nice, i wont turn into them. friends are always easy to find. you cant go into anything new without finding some. but the term "friend" is used very loosely. it has turned from close campanion, or trustworthy person, to any average person you say "hi" to. my point is, these people you hang around, "friends" are only people you talk to, by choice! if they do not treat you right, then leave. it doesnt mean you'll be alone, the world is FULL of people just like YOU! all you have to do is not waste time with people you dont like, but hang with because you already concluded they're your "friends". although its not always the case, you can choose who your friends are! i may be a little hypocritical, because my friends treat me horribly and i just sit back, smile and take it all. but i figure, im leaving school REAL soon, and theres no point in worrying coz leaving them will be easy, one i get out. if you want to save this friendship, then say "hey listen "friend" , i dont like the way your treating me, i dont deserve it, and i dont do it to you. i want to save our friendship, but if you dont start treating me like a friend, then i'll find some others who will!" you dont have to deal with people who dont treat you right. i try and stand by the saying "treat others the way you would like to be treated". its funny coz i always treat others like this, and i always think if i had a friend like me, id have no worries. but life isnt that simple. but there are some GREAT people out there, and you WILL find them, so start looking! *materia_goddess*

hey charmed! i know in my last post where i lost it, you wrote in saying that my parents only mean the best for me, they just suck at showing it. our situation is probably different, but i feel i can understand your frustration.......they act like you dont have other worries outside of your family life. they dont understand you and your situation......or how you feel and or cope with that situation. i think the problem here is that your (and my) parents are doing a little too much talking, and not enough listening and understanding. just last night, AGAIN i got another lecture from my dad. i finally realised what was getting me so stressed! yes it is the exams.....but mainly my dad....as a whole! my dad can strike fear into my heart just by saying my name. i can remember, when i was really young, even before the age of 8 (like you said) he was treating me like a mature person....that if i spelt a word like "many" wrong in year 1 i would cop the biggest lecture......i used to cry, but try and hold it in....at the age of 6!!!! he probably thought that hard training while young, would pay off later on.....but al it has done is made me more afraid of him.......so much that some times when i think about it, or when he talks to me i hate him..........NO LOVE AT ALL. and sometimes he drives me so far that i start to look at him, not as a father, but as a stranger.....who i dont like. the point is, some parents dont realise the faults of their own actions, but rather make sure to point it out in their children, perhaps to shadow their own. i cant give you any advice on how to fix this, because i dont even know how to deal with my situation.........all i can say is that I UNDERSTAND! if anything else happens where you need to talk (that feeling happens to me alot) then drop us a line yeah!

thankyou everyone, i feel so much better now...... i REALLY do love this place, id be so lost without it! and BIG hugs back to all of you. i'll make sure i keep all of your advice in consideration, and thankyou, i will start believing in myself more........but i cant promise i wont have another SAD outbreak..........im just glad there are people out there who understand! even though we all know, its nice to be reminded your not the only one! thanks again all! xoxo

ok so i guess most of you know about my little outbreak a while ago, about stressing and such (with high school finals on the horizon)......well i thought i was doing ok. i was here, giving my advice, feeling good about everything.........im just so sad at the moment. really sad. im trying so hard not to cry. i heard my parents talking. my dad saying my life is screwed as we know it. how can you think that! highschool isnt the end! im only 17!!! why does he want me to feel so down? if this were someone else, i would beable to let them know how silly it is, and that life aint over till its over..........but no one has said that to me in my family, or in general. if i tell myself this, then i'll only get more doubts. Its holidays, so i hear nothing from friends. im all alone, in my room. alone with my thoughts (NOT a good thing)...its really hard to believe in yourself when no one else does.... i just need someone here. even if they dont say or do anything, and i still have to face the same problems.........please someone hug me or something. i wish i was stronger, but i cant cope with stress, and right now im just sad..... ....im sorry if ive been telling everyone "hey life is cool! dont worry everythings ok" and then i go do this! ..............i cant......i dont know what to say...........im just really sad.

lol hahaha id have to say thats the funniest thing ever!!! hahahahaha man what a looser...hahah. ok down to business. first off well done! you figured him out and ACTUALLY made proof of it. hahaha i also have a feeling that some people have mee blocked on msn, but you see im a REALLY bad person. coz i have my moods on the net, where sometimes i just dont want to talk to anyone, so what i do is i have EVERYONE on my list under block. mean, yes. but you see if i need to come on the net only for a sec, like just checking email and such, i cant really start a convo anyways. when im on longer i usually unblock everyone who's online. haha who knows he might do the same? just that i love talking to people in real life, but on the net, i get REAL lazy, and sometimes cant be bothered talking to anyone! id feel real bad if i was chatting, and didnt want to, so all i'd be doing is giving quick responses like "yep.....uhuh" and so on. im not sure what he's thinking, but if hes lazy, then thats probably it. im sure it has nothing to do with you if he's different in real life. he's probably just not a chatting person unless he feels like it. hahah again WELL DONE, very clever idea finding him out. hahahaha

WOW!!!!! lol this discussion rocks!!!!!! haha and i thought i'd look like the stupid one here! alot of people who have spoken, have some very indepth idea's on this topic. im gonna give me another go! it would probably be very hard to draw one conclusion from it all, as we all have our own opinions on the topic. all in all, writing about ones gender in relation to the other will always seem more willing to defend ones own. for example, it would be very unlikely that a female would come on and say "woman suck, male power forever!" kind of thing. sure i may have WAY over exaggerated that, but you get what i mean. how can one gender fully understand the works and ways of the other? im not totally sure if it IS possible. we can only go by personal, and historical understandings. present day is just an echo of the past anyway, so we are all effected by previous occurrences. in order to achieve the equality which we seek, the past must be forgiven and in some sense forgotten. bottom line: mistakes have been made, and stereotypes have been set. we can all be against stereotypes, but it is part of our social structure to place things in boxes. keeping things in order and so on. this is the way of society, and will probably always be like this. what we SHOULD aim for is variety within more personal matters. things such as gender should not be a competition on which is better. we are different and that is it! perhaps thats all it is. a race. who is better. thinking like this will never achieve equality. omega man, i agreed with you, where you said that feminists seem to want what they protest to hate. and if either gender is considered above the other, then the whole vicious cycle will just repeat itself, regardless of who's infront. no one can win in a race such as this. after all, we ARE the same species, we should find no need to specify any further than that. (i really hope i stayed on the topic here.......i have a tendency to go off on tangents)

omega man, you've got me stumped! i whistle also, but not ALL the time, and only usually when i have a song stuck in my head. as for this neighbour, i can understand your frustration...........but alas, is not an easy problem to solve. i, like you, also hold alot of my temper in, and keep things pretty cool. but sometimes i just snap (i always make sure im by myself when i do). i WOULD suggest confronting the neighbour about it, but something like that might be a bit awkward, i know i'd have problems going to my neighbour and saying " uh excuse me, your not a very good whistler, and you do it ALL the time. i would like my hearing fully operational tomorrow, and any other day, so do you mind changing your life around for me? thanks a bunch!" wouldnt go down too well. hm, well you could always fight fire with fire? try doing something else neighbours hate. playing loud music? talk on your mobile or portable phone outside or whistle yourself!........etc......anything really. but he might not catch on with it . if he did confront you about it though, you could slip in the old "ok i'll give that up, you give up the whistling, deal!" if not,............well im all outta ideas.......but if i think of any GOOD ones then i'll let you know. lol goodluck with this one omegaman!

well your certainly right about personality being #1! there can never EVER be a good working relationship without the appeal of personality in there somewhere., sounds like your not finding the right personality, or a good one at all! well that just a bad streak of luck. as with any gender, there are always gonna be those nasty people where you just sit back and wonder how they get by in life and not be alone, with a personality like that! i myself have met alot of bad people, all girls (usually at school and a friendship based type thing) because of my lack of contact with boys. truth is there are PLENTY of nice girls out there, and you dont have to immedietly think they're gonna be real ugly either. personality and looks are completely different, and you might find a nice combination of both. before taking any relationship to the next stage, make sure you know this person! instead of heading straight in, start as friends. this might help you determine whether or not this person is girlfriend material for you. if your finding them at college, then id say that is still a very good place to find any sort of girl. try looking around in other area's you havent tried yet. dont feel discouraged if you find a few sour grapes. persistance will prevail in the end! goodluck, you'll find someone JUST right in time!