materia_goddess

Of course love can blossom between two friends. It really depends on the people involved, whether your chances are high or not. Of course if she just says she sees you as a friend, nothing more, its coz she just isn't interested, plain and simple. There are some who avoid getting into the love arena with a friend, afraid it might destroy any chance of going back to friendship if something went wrong (i.e. bad break up, seeing another side to someone), or that if going back to friends DID happen, things would be different. This isn't ALWAYS the case; some friendships can withstand anything if it's strong enough, regardless of how the relationship plays out. IF, however, you did cross into the relationship square, you'd want to recognize the sort of risk you'd be taking, because this is ONE delicate place. If it were someone you connect well with as friends, you'd REALLY need to watch your step in taking it to the next level. You'd want to be certain that if in fact it was the wrong move, that converting back into the old friendship bond would be achievable. You can't help feelings, so if you and another friend have them for each other, it's only natural to take it further, to see what comes of it. If it doesn't work, then just tone it back down to the original level. I guess you wont know till you try, just be careful. The friendship comes first. Goodluck *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there happy birthday by the way. i also just recently turned 18, and like you, have never had a relationship. your already one step ahead with the girl friends, coz i have no guy friends either, going to an all girls school and all. No worries about not having a relationship because its not strange at all. It means absolutely nothing, people always start dating at different times, why, my brother just got his first official girlfriend at ag 21! Love finds you when the time is right, sometimes you have to take steps to make it happen, but all in all, you'll know when the timing is right. There is no late time for these things. it will happen. Goodluck *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

yes, you are right. no matter when or HOW you tell her, she wont see the sense in it till she see's it for herself. in anycase you cant hide this from her, so try to suggest it to her in a way that makes her think about it, without tossing it aside as nonsense. Also, make sure your sources are 100% reliable and correct. you dont want to go on the word of a friend of a friend. you MUST be certain. In anycase, this i would see an an exception to the no contact rule, as its not you trying to get back with her or pressurize her in anyway ( i hope!). Dont push conversation past this point though, because she will just see it as some silly plot to get her back. Whether she believes you or not, she will eventually find out about this guy, and then she will really appreciate your honesty. Bestwishes and goodluck *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

It doesn't sound like your fat at all. You're pretty tall, so your weight isn't as bad as it would be on a shorter person. Also, don't always go by the scale, muscle weighs a lot more than fat, so go one what feels comfortable to you.

Hey bman, Quite a story you have there. I understand you feel a lot for this girl, but the beginning years I feel weren't exactly fair on her part. She seems to be a bit ignored in the beginning, with her family life and such. I understand these were probably not big issues for either of you at the time, but they inevitably grew, and that's when these things need to be addressed. Now, Im sure your intentions were pure, but overlooking her wants and needs in the beginning, only leads her to look elsewhere later. You allowed her to go home, which was fair of you, but it was only a matter of time till she settled back in at home, and figures, if she returned to you then, she would yet again be giving up a lot for you, something she probably reconsidered the second time round. Sure, at first you both agreed on a lot that was discussed, but things like marriage seemed to eventually creep up in her mind, but you waved them aside, hoping that ignoring the issue will eliminate her want for it. The time you guys spent apart was a learning curve for the both of you. She discovered a new love, and you discovered how you really felt for her. The problem is, the timing is way off. When her whole heart was for you, you were confused about whether she was the one. Now that you are certain, she has already moved on. Don't be hard on yourself. It is in no way your fault. You being cautious in the beginning is normal, I feel she just needs to find someone a little more like herself. She jumps in without the need for being certain, where as you need that reassurance. Its time to let go. She has moved on and now its time for you to. I won't lie, it's going to be a tough time, but with time comes new opportunities. As cliché as it sounds there ARE more fish in the sea, ones you will fall even more head over heals for. My advice is to stop being promiscuous. You wont find true love that way. Perhaps try and take more chances with love. Don't feel the need to "test" whether she is "the one", you will know when you find her. Friendship is not a good idea if you can't get over your feelings for her. Id leave this time to get completely over the "is there a chance" idea, then MAYBE you could give friendship ago. Be strong during this period, getting her off your mind will take time and effort, but I know you can do it. Things like this happen to a lot of people, but they all find their happiness again, and so will you my friend. Good luck to you, and don't stay a stranger aye! *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey girl! Your one brave cookie you know that! the bravest i know. Youve been through alot, all of which you dont deserve at all. He's not being fair, and it makes me angry. Your the last person i want to see torn down by some useless, cant get his act together, emotionally unstable guy. You've been nothing but fair in all of this, and his totally abused every chance you've given him. You held on to the rope alot longer than most could probably handle, and you have every right to make this your final straw. Its clear legal intervention will be needed, or some sort of action which puts this to a final halt for good! I also understand you dont want to cut his connection with the kids, which is good, and proves, even after all he's put you through, your still willing to be fair. Distance for now is your best ally. If you do come in contact with him, make it short sweet, and cut through all the sappy back to the past stuff he throws at you. perhaps get the kids to answer the phone more, so they atleast have that contact going. avoid replying to him where possible, and be as cold as you can to hopefully give him some sort of clear message that your've had enough! You stick with it girl, things will turn around. We're all here for you, your not alone in this. *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

The Morrigan is right! You should not be thinking about how to get this girl, because shes already taken. Its a harsh fact your going to have to deal with. Think of it this way, your feelings towards her are probably very similar to how she feels for her current boyfriend. Your putting your happiness above hers, by aiming to pursue your feelings further, regardless of her own. Your happiness over him leaving forever, even though it will surely break her heart, also proves this. It causes me to question her boyfriends character. If she is still willing to stick it out with him, even though hes leaving, he must treat her the way she feels she deserves. You cant assume you're "better" than he is, because lets face it, if he wasnt good enough for her, she wouldnt be as devoted as she is towards him. You should really question your motives in this case. There is no sure answer of how this will work out with her and her boyfriend, who knows, favour might be on your side. But for the time being, id let this one stay as it is. She clearly trusts you as a friend, and you trying to push for more, might end up pushing her away. If your feelings become too out of control, minimize your contact. You dont want to take the chance of it ending wrong, and you loosing her for good. Think carefully before you act on this one buddy. *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there dude123 you know, V-day can be a horrible day for alot of people. reminds them of how lonely they are. frankly, i dont see it as a day different from any other. im also single, but i make sure the day doesnt get to me. i see it more as a commercial endeavor , than something with true meaning. if you try your best and still cant get a girl before the day, then try and enjoy it by yourself. sure its hard to block out all them happy couples (pfft im sure they're not really happy ) but just distract yourself. if i were you i wouldnt push for a girl anyways, you want to find a more lasting and true relationship anyways, not something scrambled together to meet some sort of deadline. and WHO knows, someone might come skipping around that corner and into your life. who's to say what can happen. Just dont let it get to you, your just as good a company to yourself as any girl. best of luck to you *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

lol hey there Gauchori if the girl is going all shy when you look at her, and blushes, smiles, and all the rest of it, then she might have a thing for you. But perhaps you shouldnt read too much into it. you can either tell or you cant when someone likes you. go with instincts. give it time, and maybe try engaging in a bit of a lengthy conversations besides "hey *smile*". If you cant tell now if she likes you, after talking to her you'd soon figure it. I'd say shes into you though, and just afraid to do anything about it. perhaps you could help her in that department eh best wishes and good luck! *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there Dude123, hm this girls a puzzle alright. you could do two things. ask her how she feels, and make sure she gives you an answer. dont let her leave till she does, and make sure its somewhere where she cant get distracted like work. Another is if she is playing hard to get, or after a while she still doesnt do anything about it, then go ofter someone else. Make her jealous by flirting with some other girls at work. Right now it sounds like shes getting all nice and comfy knowing your constantly looking and wanting, and she might want to maintain that without progressing further. DONT let her get away with that! If she is interested in you she will show it in her reaction to you flirting with others. Make her come to you. Ofcourse this is running a risk as she might just think you are over her and move on, but i doubt she will if she feels the same for you as you do for her. well hope it all works out for you dude ^_^ *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hmm well weight loss is always usually a slow process, but you can make it go faster than usual, by just working harder. lol its not as bad as it seems, here are some tips for you: always exercise either early morning or late afternoon. i suggest morning though because your metabolism is working its fastest, so you will burn more. a decent work out should always be 45mins to one hour. if its very high intensity then about 20-30 mins. the faster your heart rate the faster your burning fat. I always thought the more pain you felt the more work you were doing, but its all about the heart. ok make sure its atleast 3 hours since your last meal, before exercise that way your burning stored fat. then wait atleast an hour before you eat again, as you actually burn more AFTER a work out than during....weird huh! last but not least: EAT HEALTHY. try and stay away from carbs including white bread and white rice, pasta things like that. you can still have them, but try and stick to wholegrain. and also cut out the obvious fatty foods : butter, chocolate, burgers, hot and potato chips, things like that. there REALLY is no secret, dont be fooled into the tablets they sell, heck if it were that easy there would be NO overweight people! good luck to you! keep up the good work ^_^ *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there Blayzed4Life, i think i understand your situation. you are paranoid about what possibilities may occur if you do certain things such as going out alot and such. due to your past, this is not weird, its very normal. If your a bit scared to jump right into it, then just take it slow. I dont go out alot either, but that is my own choice, and i also have had some bad experiences with friends and trust so now i rarely have many good friends, alot of my favourite people now are online, another reason for staying home. But i plan to break this habit, and get out there, and thats what i think you should do to. Start slow and go out perhaps once a week, then twice and go on from there. You dont have to go out with someone, even by yourself is sometimes nice. You will meet some great people eventually who you can trust completely, and this friend you have now, try and give them a bit more credit if they do deserve your trust. This will pass, you wont be cooped up forever, but if you start now, even if your paranoid while your out, you will get used to it. Pretty soon you will have some great and bad experiences, both are always guaranteed, you cant avoid the good or the bad, so go with it. Hope this helps, take care and....RELAX life is there to enjoy so get out there. dont worry about missing out, trust me its nothing you cant catch up on! *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey Sure Shot, well the way i see it, if your absolutely sure you want to come clean about your feelings then do so. As you mentioned, alot of emotions are making people confused, and you speaking out will clarrify things abit. If she just came out of a relationship however she might not take up your offer right away. the way i suggest you do this is to say you are willing to become good friends with her and be there for her, but your feelings go much further, and your willing to wait until she is ready. Her reaction to this will determine whether or not anything will come about. If she agrees to the friendship but is not interested in anything with you either now of in the future, then you have to decide whether or not you could deal with just friendship with her. if not, then its best to drop both options. Just make sure you do not enter a relationship with her straight away, being the rebound boyfrined is not where you want to be if you wish to last long. Before you do come clean however, try and think of likely possibilities to her reactions. this should also alter your choice to tell her. either way i wish you luck with it, take care! *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey Senna LOL i understand why you would find this irritating. i bet it would be very annoying her always talking about some guy she was with briefly as apart to your 5 years. Its just a phase she is going through, which only patience will cure. i know it will get to you, but just try and ignore it and change the subject whenever she brings it up. pretty soon she will be more focussed on your friendship, not this guy. Her reaction obviously says she had feelings for this other guy, regardless of how he treated her. She probably STILL has feelings for him and thus, always talks about him. Just try and keep her focussed on your friendship, and she will soon loose interest in the other guy. Be a good friend, and who knows, in the near future it might become more again. Just dont expect anything from her now. let these feelings she has slide, then you can come roaring back into her focus Best wishes and take care *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

Hey there nelson wow, quite a story. I understand your concerns, as they are completely valid. You say she has a huge financial problem, and this might be a major cause for her confusion. Do not feel guilty about leaving her in Japan for that short period, as it just wasn't possible at the time. I was up to her to keep faithful to you and its clear that she hasn't. Her change in attitude should be a major signal to her confusion over the situation also. The fact that she took up her sister's idea about meeting this guy proves that she can't be trusted within your relationship. She is obviously worried over money, and that might be where her main focus is. I strongly recommend you do end this relationship, especially seeing as she is getting you to pay for her airfare after fooling around with some other guy. You will find that approaching this relationship will again end in a similar fashion. Try and stay focused and see whether she is just using you for money or not. If this American fellow is well off money wise then that's a pretty big YES towards her searching for financial aid rather than a marriage. My advice: drop this girl. She has proven she can't be trusted, and is obviously confused about what she wants. Just make sure you do NOT spend all your money on a lost cause. Take care, and good luck. Hope you find someone else really special *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey routerx, you bring up some great points in your post. id like to add some more. i like you idea of commitment to something which serves an honorable purpose, but you know any sort of commitment you make which is followed through is quite an achievement. you dont have to do something BIG to fulfill your life. I think you should keep your own personal goals front and center. they dont have to be associated with anything else but your happiness. i like your points routerx, but for a person who is lost, before making such a rash decision as to fully commit to something higher, perhaps finding yourself and who you are is the first step. no point in venturing into something on impulse only to drop out. Dedication and comittment is good, but your heart has to be in it. Helping people is the greatest gift you could give anyone. We all need it, so its only right that we should give it. I figure if your on this site, then your making steps towards this. You wish to find answers but you also give them, and that commitment alone is honerable. Ok.. ...now ive gone off topic but you all get me. but right, just having a life without the excitments attached is a happy thing, just many of us dont see it ( YES including me most of the time) But if we dont appreciate our lives in their natural state, we cant really appreciate it with all the attachements. Well thought i might add my 2cents in *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there 1Adam12 LOL do not worry your post was not long at all. As for your thoughts on your love life, i think you have nothing to worry about here. Like i have mentioned before elsewhere, im 17, never had a guy, and im not ugly, im not fat, and i have a pretty good personality, so right off you can see it has nothing to do with you as a person! might i also note that being "overweight" doesnt necessarily make you unattractive. just something i caught in your message. Also, dont think that because you are wanting to be a cop, that woman wont want to date you. thats rubbish! regardless of your career choice it will not affect your love life. My advice is to start interacting alittle with people at your college. it doesnt have to be big, but you will certainly get something out of it. Even if its just a hello and one question. once you become confident and make some female friends new doors will open up for you. Act confident about yourself and in general. girls LOVE confidence in men, and you seem happy about yourself so let it show man! like i say, dont push anything. you have not had a relationship yet because you were not MEANT to have one. It will happen in time so sit tight. Just dont start thinking ill of yourself because of this, it will all happen for you. you will see. Goodluck to you. Just get in there and if possible approach some girls. dont be afraid, asking is better than not. *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey Luvs 2 b luvd Listen girl, do not think that because there is no man in your life, that things will be lonely for you. heck you are 16! i am 17 and NEVER had a relationship. I have plenty of excitement in my life with friends and family, and right now it really doesn't bug me that i dont have one. Its completely normal that now you have had a taste of how great it is having someone to cuddle up to, you miss it and cant imagine coping long without it again. I think you will appreciate the single times once you start to experience some horrible consequences which can arise from relationships. Do not be jealous of your friends. Just remember your day WILL come for the right guy. Dont rush into it, thats just waiting for a disaster. If your uncomfortable hanging with your friends with their guys around, then dont. ask JUST your friends out to do something girly where your sure their guys wont tread. The alternative could be to ask your friends if they know anyone you could get with. all in all you should be careful, you are in a vulnerable state, and looking for someone, so your likely to jump on any boat. just watch out and consider things before taking action. Best of luck to you. Remember boys arent EVERYTHING ( you will find plenty of sources on this site to support this) *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

Zidane0911, enadevoli has brought up some very good points. the cause of this might be shyness, or that you might be reenacting the scene in negative ways in your head. My advice is to try and get comfortable with it. Go in and kiss her with no expectations. even if its just short, just get yourself used to it. you might think you arent a good kisser, but your gf wont care about that. she is going out with you for much different reasons than that so do not worry about loosing her over this. Also, make sure you let your girlfriend know you are worried about it. if you dont she will think it is something to do with her, and thereforeeee jump to conclusions about you disliking her. She also might have some advice for you, or suggest some options. You could also suggest things yourself to her, like a slow start into the kissing scene. Dont worry about this so much, im sure its a common problem, one which your bound to get over in time. goodluck and best wishes. *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey stl123 Sounds like your a bit worried about this cyber relationship, and how your doing most of the talking. this is NOTHING to worry about i assure you. You have made it clear that she does like talking to you becuase she responds fast which does mean she is watching the screen waiting for you. The trick is to find something you bothe have in common. Or perhaps ask her questions which will involve her more and might get her talking abit, ie: talk about her! ask her what shes doing, ask her to explain things. Another reason for her keeping a little quiet is becuase she might be afraid to get too close. is there any flirting or anything? Some people have alot of bad experiences online so that may be a reason for her trying to keep distant. There could be plenty of reasons for this, but i would think it was nothing. Some people just have nothing to say bestwishes, hope this helps *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there GravityHazard enadevoli hit it right on the nose. you cant sit around waiting for this girl to give you what you deserve. She has made it clear that she feels for another and although she is giving you mixed signals, i feel it is more for her advantage to keep you on her allied side, just incase this guy doesn't work out. in other words, your her back up plan! I understand you have feelings for her though which does complicate matters for you, but nothing you cant survive. I feel you should try and decrease your contact with her if you can. try and let your feelings go and if it helps, try and think that if anything DID happen, it would certainly not last. Don't let this turn you off looking for someone else. She is obviously confused about what she wants and at the same time hurting you because of this. Ofcourse dont do anything drastic until you are certain. talk to her. sounds hard, but you will finally know the answers you need. Make sure you address the points about the Guy she has her eyes on and you as well. tell her your feelings towards her have not changed but if she is interested in this guy, then you will go searching elsewhere. Just make sure you dont wait all this time just to be disappointed in the end. you deserve much better, so dont be afraid to search elsewhere. Goodluck and bestwishes to you. Make sure you are treated the way you deserve ok *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey there princesslizzie , I'm so sorry to hear about your parents. i understand this will be a very hard time for you right now, and no one can change that, but we can help you to cope and to realize this phase will pass for you. Divorce is SO common these days sadly, so you are not alone. First thing you must remember is that the divorce will in NO way change how they feel about you or your brother. They will still love you regardless and you are not as disadvantaged as you think. A divorce is definitely something you will not suffer to accept forever. Many of my friends have divorced parents and have a very healthy family life. Sure things are different, but you are in no way left out of the family loop. You may not realize now, but you will learn many skills from this experience. It will help you to understand that not all relationships and marriages work out as planned, and nothing can be expected. It teaches you to be careful when you are to decided who your life mate will be. My brother used to tell me that some people go through certain things in order to teach others the lesson. Unfair i know, but it helps us to grow as people. An example could be suffering children in third world countries, which help us to not take so much for granted. Your situation is similar, where your parents mistake could be your success. There can be positives in every situation, which will take time for you to realize, but just don't loose faith there girl, hang in there and know that everything happens for a reason. Best wishes to you and good-luck. you will be alright. *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

wassup hotlips! hahaha i gather this dude is shy then eh! well there really isnt a secret to this. When the friends arent around, and hes gone all shy, the BEST thing you can do is act exacally how you do with the friends. pull him in and do wild stuff.......sure he'll be shy at first with it, but the more experience he gets with just you, the less shy he will be. im like that myself. im all cool, cracking jokes with my friends, but as soon as im introduced to new people, i freeze up and go all "hi..*nervous wave*......not very confident if you ask me. my friends dont understand it coz im SO out there usually. but after a while, my friends talk normally to me, so i forget all the shy stuff, and go about my business, with the new people there. Make him forget that he's shy. Seing as your shy too, it means you will have to break past that, and act exacally how you want him to act with you. give him time and he'll come round. Goodluck and bestwishes *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey happyone hm, its a bit hard to tell where her intentions lie, as i do not know her as a person. some people can seem to be wanting more from friendship, but may just like that close connection without progressing further. you know her best so it depends on how you know her as, and what she'd most likely be up to. If she does want something more, which she might seing she's making sexual references here and there, and your totally not interested, its probably best to distance yourself to give her the nudge nudge! either that or you could just remind her its a friendship, not a friendship but possible relationship!..... my guess is she probably still has some feelings for you, which she's confused about. this might be her way of getting used to the friendship thing. just as long as you make sure she understands where you stand, she should accommodate herself to it. best of luck to you *+*Materia_Goddess*+*

hey crinklecat ive been following your story, and you should feel very happy that you got out of that situation that you were in. It wasnt for you and you werent being treated fairly. i know how when a person quits their job, it some how affects their entire emotional life also, as in your case. The best thing you could do is stay positive! you wont be unemployed forever. just look around, and try and keep ahead of things. until you get back on your feet finance wise, just take it slow, and keep thinking you did the best thing for yourself, even though you cant see it now. when huge decisions such as these are made, they have a tendency to turn our whole lives upside down for a period. this will pass, but i understand its a bit overwelming. Best of luck to you. Keep positive, and dont forget you did the right thing! *+*Materia_Goddess*+*