smiles314

OK guys- You kno the story by now.. ME and bf of 6 mos (much in love) who met at college dated last yr.... We live 4 hrs apart so when summer came things were tricky- he wanted to stay together or so he said infatically b4 we left... It was going fine for a few wks-He invited me to see him.. slowly the phone calls were less and less, he wasnt home much-worked and were with friends, and smoked pot a lot.. 1 day oouta nowhere he says that he cant do this anymore and that something jsut clicked..And he didnt kno why but it just clicked...Not a good reason i thought bc we had a great relationship, and nothing went sour.. Next yr at skool-Eventually we hung out, things were still there.. There was a lot of chemistry, and it felt right...we hung out and would be physical, usually sex. HE didnt kno wat he wanted. He was on and off.. Wanted me back and then he didnt the minute something wasnt 100% smooth...he freaked and bailed.. Finally decides he has too much stress and cant handle a gf but still wants to be with me, not in a real relationship tho.. we kept hanging out being physical having fun.. there was no responsibilities involved which i think was wat he liked-and he didnt have other grls.. Sometime in May he said he regretted breaking up with me bc we'd still be together and things would probably still eb amazing. But we were going away again and there was no time to rebuild anything. we spoke a few times over the summer...He says he'll call all the time but never does- i dont take it personally- hes not a phone person and he forgets and puts it off a lot. But whenevr we speak usually he'll say he misses me a lot and thinks abut me a lot. And drops hints, and tries to get me to say whether or not i miss him and think about him in a hinting way rather then straight out.. He and i spoke last nite after about a month. He was sayin all kinds of stuff like..saying i dont care about how he is feeling, (he broke his nose like july 4th and i didnt ask him how he was doing). Also said- he'll probably wont get to talk to me for another month,- in an upset way.... That thinking about me makes him happy. He was telling me about this new puppy he got and i said i wanted 1 and he used that as a way to invite me up to his home for the weekend to see the "puppy." After all this b.s... I said to him that we mite not speak to each other at skool, bc we'd be busy- and he got all freaked and was like hell no why wouldnt we. He was trying to get me to say that i care for him and all this stuff. And he mentioned that whenever things get weird between us, they never stay weird. And that he knows he was being "spotty" in school last yr.. And he wanted to get into everythign- talking about our feelings. But i said lets not bc it will turn into a big deal, and its in the past. But he wanted to talk about it then and there...After awhile he agreed to bring it up another time, usually im the 1 pushing. I said to him- i duno how u feel, and id like u to spill ur guts to me. He said- i will when im in that kinda mood or watver. So my friend came over and i left, and he seemed jealous bc he was a guy, and i had to stop talking to him..We ended with him saying he'll talk to me soon... ...i told him that he doesnt have to say and insist he is gona call me bc he doesnt need to try to make me happy..Just be real and honest. But he said he did and still does wana call ... just never ends up doing it..and he says its awkward bc its long distance.. So i duno wats going on...we've been doin this for a yr already.. Its almsot like he is too much of a coward to come right out and say how he feels- he doesnt wana be open with me anymore..maybe he wants me to try to figure him out? Its weird- bc i thought he knew how i felt about evrything by now. Guess im not as transparent as i think. Anyone think they can help? please do...

is it just me or would waxing be really really painful?

Heres a question... Ok so my bf never went down on me when we were together, meanwhile i went down on him quite often bc i like to give....But he just never really likes to do it--and says he has with previous ex's but rarely and would much rather have sex... Now when er broke up-he being the way who wanted it- but then hung out together and fooled around mostly all the time..We fooled around mroe after our break up... at least more sexually active. He started to go down on me a few times during all that...he said he really wanted to but of course looked like he was being tortured...Is this at all weird that he did it? Does the act show that he still cares about me? Call me crazy if you will...i kno its just oral. But some guys i know think its gross and dont wanna do it, and he was kind of one of them from the way he acted...So isnt that odd?

sweetheart - i've been in ur position just recently-- and it completely sucks and completely hurts. Im beginning to think that its just anotherw ay of saying i still want to mess around with you, but I just don't want to put in the effort to be a bf right now.. It was for me in my case at least... Im not trying to put you down, just be cautious. If you trust this guy and really think he is straight with you- thats good. but be wise in whatever you do.. And personally, if there is still attraction between you 2, i bet it isnt going to be that easy to be platonic friends...Things will start to happen- u will get lost in the moment most likely..and afterwards it is just painful bc u 2 arent at that same level... if i were you i'd stay away-- But i'm only trying to give the advice that i wish i had took..Instead i got soo hurt and scarred --Sooo watver you do, make sure you r totally okay with the situation... GL.

Hey.. So you kind of ended ur relationship out of the blue for no reason that had to do with your ex gf? Did you ignore your feelings of regret? Or did you try to get her back in the beginning? Did you slip away from friends too? or just her because you 2 were soo close? Sorry for the ques. Just curious....

appreciate the advice.... except we really barely fought when we were together...just always happy to be in each others company.

I'm having trouble... I still think about my ex bf a lot and miss him being around, although i've gotten used to it. After all the shit he has put me through- hurting me, being indecisive about wanting to start something again---basically dying to see me and talk to me 1 day and the next being too busy or being more cold (what the hell?).. Anyway after all this emotional heart ache...I still feel strongly for him.. Could be because he was my first?? and i wasnt his... OR because just a few months ago before we left college to go home for the summer -he had told me that he regretrted everything he ever did- the break up and the other garbage.. because we would still be together probably and things would still be amazing--HIS words..... Maybe its that he said those things to me and then we left for summer and i barely speak to him lately- and he is 4 hrs away from my hometwon- so where does he get the nerve to tell me that and then just not do anything, and still act all hot and cold.I think it wasnt fair to tell me that and not act on anything... i wish i knew what he was thinking...Grrrrr its crazy.....And on top of that he is a lot less open with me...So thats not helping. Yet there is something strong between us whenever we r together...that just aint dying out...

HEy.. Soo is not just during sex that u cant orgasm?? its also when ur fooling around??- and never once?? o god i feel baddd for u. Well i have 2 things to say... If u had orgasmed with ur previous bf then we cant say its you or anything... Are u physically attracted to ur current man? Does he excite you? I had been with this guy for just a few months, and i liked him- thought he was sweet and fun to be around--that kinda thing..And he never gave me and orgasm either.. Hell when he went down south on me, i was just laying there-- he even said it was like i was reading a book.... IT was very awkward..but it hink what happened wat that i was sexually attracted to him..There just wasnt anything there... i didnt wanna fake it...So eventually we never worked out. Im not sayign that ur man must be hot and gorgeous or anything... Heck my ex bf wasnt that good looking....but i felt a lot of sexual energy between us.. SOmetimes things just get weird..-Eventually u arent going to be satisfied with not receiving pleasure-- im sure u give him tons of it..so u should get some in return... If u really like this guy- just experiment - see what feels goood and stuff. When i had sex with my ex, it lasted the upper of 12 mins tops..He came very fast usually- and received nothign from that...BUt the other stuff should really feel good...Maybe he needs more experience with the tongue action..I duno, just try different things- and have fun!~ But becareful b/c he may start to feel insecure if he cant pleasure his woman...Ya kno guys wanna feel like the "man.." Anyway lemme kno what happened...

Hey thanks guys.....My biggest problem here is that i want to piss him off, and i want to just forget him but i actually have been missing him lately a lot and it totally totally blows.

HEy- are there any ways to get an ex bf pissed? Say for instance a pothead...Who takes ur presense in his life for granted...and may possibly think that you will always be there for him and never really stop loving him...Someone who turns u on and off- just very hot and cold... That type of guy.. Is there anything that would get him rowled up, and frustrated/angry...maybe even regretful.? And i always would like to make him feel extremely stupid if possibly... Any suggestions? pLease.

Slider-- Did i piss you off in anyway by what i said? I'm sorry......if i did.

Hey sweetie... I am like u totally.. I came home from college where i Got no sleep, a few months ago and all i did was sleep sleep sleep... I was tired and just liked to sleep..Even my mom got worried, thought i was sick or depressed.. But i wasnt-- Just really like to sleep.. I wouldnt worry too much about it.. I may suggest to get a blood test just to make sure you dont have mono or anything.. Dont get scared... Last yr, there was this long month where i was home and couldnt move and slept....the doctor said i had a minor case of esptein barr... That could be the reason ...BUT it is normal for girls to need their sleep- IF u are worried thought just check it out with the doctor to rule out enimia, protein deficieny..all that. And then when its done u will have a better peace of mind. Feel free to PM whenevr. _ME_

Hey Slider.... I sent u a MEssage....

Good for you! I wish i had someone like that right now Just take ur time.

2 of my only relationships ended mostly bc they were turned into long distance relationships (not even that far away but guys suck)... It was all only going to be temporary for a few months anyway... 1 relationship ending bc i fell out of love or realized love wasnt what i felt with him.. THe other 1 howver, ended for NO reason other then a lazy guy not willing to put in effort to make it work- or mayybe he just ran scared.... U can see how bitter i am because basically it hink its all ridiculous. Distance does make the heart grow fonder, but as more time passes in my opinion i think the other person becomes more comfortable with the absense and eventually there feelings become buried... BUt im only basing this on my horrible experiences.. Im sorry your in this situation..I hope i made some sense to you.. And please feel free PMing me if you wanna talk or ask questions or compare notes... Good lUck- i mean it.

Hey, Kiss. You are welcome... Oddly i find that guys don't pay much attention to that and really don't care. But the girls, esp. the ones who are missing a guy tend to feel bad and annoyed about it. And tastefull kissing is ok. Just that slobering, i have to be all over you at all times- kinda thiing gets annoying to much. But i'm sure you are fine in public...so no worries.

Hey. Personally, i get sick to my stomach and want to gag when my close friends are all over each other with their bfs... It just makes me feel more lonely, esp when ur girls all have guys. I think to be polite it isnt bad to show some affection...But please please please dont be one of those couples that just constantly are sucking face and in their own world. That is what turns people off majorly... in my experience at least.

Here are some lyrics from a song that I actually found myself relating to really well.. Just thought i'd share it with the rest of the forum incase others find themselves feeling the same way in their situations... BURIED MYSELF ALIVE you almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines you almost made me cry again this time another false alarm red flashing lights well this time I'm not going to watch myself die I think I made it a game to play your game and let myself cry I buried myself alive on the inside so I could shut you out and let you go away for a long time I guess it's ok I puked the day away I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way and if you want me back you're gonna have to ask nicer than that I think the chain broke away and I felt it the day that I had my own time I took advantage of myself and felt fine but it was worth the night I caught an early flight and I made it home with my foot on your neck I finallly have you right where I want you --The Used

My question to you.. how can you tell if someone you are involved with or was involved with- is a commitment phobe? What are some of the signs that one should look for to tell if they have this fear of commitment? More specifically when dealing with a guy....THanks

I always had some instinct or gut feeling about my relationships and what would happen. I had those feelings with my past bf of 6 mos. We broke up a yr ago but have gotten into quite an awkward friendship. However, i lost those basic instincts, that feeling in my gut. Now i feel lost, and confused. I don't have any feelings about my ex- I just feel empty, and clueless. I miss those instincts. And it's causing me much pain. We were in a real sweet relationship at college(both 20yrs old). Left for summer-lived 4hrs apart and a month later he ended things b/c sumthing "clicked" he just "couldn't handle it" and that was that. I was shocked. Back at colege for the 2nd yr. we started talking again-slowly got comfortable w/ each other. Saw each other for the first time, and things felt the same- some of it was gone, but that same look in his eye never went away. Whenever we hang out, we are physical..But after a lot of i want u bak,i dont wnat u bak. He felt that he didnt want a gf at that point in life, had too much stress,and had a lot of "headache" in his life. I dont get how a guy can want u as their gf so bad and then just not w/o any true reason. He wanted to spend time w/ me, kissed me the same way. We saw each other a few times a month. He bailed when things got rough so things just got to be very simple for him-no efforts needed. i feel dumb for doin that but i just still had feelings for him & a real connection. He would speak to me online a lot and talk to me for hrs. But there would be thsoe times when he was different, jsut didnt feel like talking, or was in a bad mood and lost his temper..He's a pothead, so he spent a good portion smoking with his buddies.. He was soo wishy washy with me. I think that's how i lost my instincts over him.. He hurt me a few times- i'd tell him i didnt want to be in that kind of relationship with him and he would be defensive and say he didnt want me anyway..Then he'd always end up explaining, saying he never meant it, & was frustrated.. After going through this wacky relationship w/ him, about 2 wks b4 this summer he said out of nowhere that he regretted breaking up, knows what he missed but nothign could be done b/c summer was around the corner. YET he felt that way for awhile, and didn't know why he didn't tell me anything before. This summer we occasionaly talk online. Sometimes we speak for awhile, and he had says how he misses me, and will def call me and thinks about me...etc. Sometimes i cut the convos short and catch him offguard. The next time he'll do the same, or say he has to go do sumthing..and just be abrupt. Bottom line is that he doesn't call me like he says, just ims me online. He's out w/ friends (he is a bros over hoes guy for the most part) at home during the summer, keeps very busy.When i get too emotional,analytical, ask too many ques. I push him away and he gets irritated and not wanting to talk much. When i don't talk to him as sweet as i usual do, say i'm busy, he usually comes at me more often and makes more effort. It hurts when he spends so much time w/ friends, and never appears to care as much as i do about the situation. But when we talk, we get along well and have a very good connection. Its like he changed overnight, so different. His friends & pot are his main priority. He stopped being open. bUt every once in awhile he comes to me, and tries to make a connection. When he starts to get out of my head he pops bak into my life on his own. Urghhh!!

Hey. i read your post and i was reading all the other replies... I unfortunately don't have any good advice for you, because i'm in a similar situation myself... But everyone else's opinions seem to be helpful.. I actually had a question for all of the posters who have been at the ex's mercy. For those who have dealt with an ex who kept stringing you along and not really being fair by making up their mind completely--- what happened in the end? Did these ex's of yours dump on you and move on to something better after making you into their yo yo? Or did they actually suck of their pride, and make the move to try to rebuild what they lost? My ex doest he same thing. He talks to me a lot usually when i start to be busy on me and not have time and sweetness for him. He usually then starts in with the i miss you..and i want to see you.. And the i regret breaking up with u, i always have but i just dont want a gf... What the hell? I really don't get it...whats the deal? How could you miss someoen so much, and still think about them, and regret breaking up yet say you dont want a relationship bc you have too much stress and a short fuse from it??? Personally, if you care about someone so much i think you should just be with them, and theres nothign that is soo big that would stop you from doing it...But then again we are only 20..so maybe its a maturity thing. One last htought... maybe you should just not be there from her, and let her see you are serious..then maybe she'll change her mind for real.

Is your bf open and honest with you? You say that you feel like something is wrong but I wonder why you think he may be cheating. Could tehre be some other problem? I wouldnt bring up the cheating to my bf, because I know most would deny it and get very offend to be accused of such a thing. And feel untrusted and that stuff. If you feel liek osmething is going on, why dont you just have a talk with your bf. Nothing where he feels like he is being interrogating..But just tell him that you been feeling weird, and is anything wrong. I wouldn't even go near the idea of him cheating..Be confident in your relationship..If you are beginning to see signs later on that are more concrete..then you have teh right to bring it up.

Ok this Girl is totally wiggin out. It makes no sense for her to want to go out with GUy so bad and then to pull this shy away act. And its disrespectful to GUY. Someone needs to talk to this GIRL even if its just a close friend, and tell her to get her shit togetehr and decide what she wants. Is it possible that she is using this guy? If they havent kissed yet, then soemthing aint right.

I love to make out in the shower. Or any place with water feels good.

I certainly dont think this is normal ex bf behavior. Just be direct with him.