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It's perfectly fine to take the 1st step, however, women should do it in a different manner than men. Women should show interest, give subtle hints. aggressive women will only appeal to the desperate men. If you come accross a confident man (such as I ) too aggressively, it's a definite turn off. Flirt with confidence and a sexy attitude - use a lot of eye contact. The confident guy will catch on.

GUY or GIRL, no one can get away with being clingy or needy. Dopestar hit this one on the button. It's just human nature and one of the basic rules of attraction.

Yes, there is something you can do and I think you know what's best for you already. That is to leave, walk away. A break in a relationship only gives him a license to look for someone else while keeping you at arms length. Are you willing to wait for him to find someone else before you're forced to move on? I would presume no.

A girl friend of mine is going through the same thing. Her ex calls her and says the "i miss you" thing and it's been over 6 months already. She still can't get over him because he "keeps in touch". When you apply the no contact rule, it should work both ways. No accepting calls, emails, whatever from that person until you are over him/her. False hope can string you along for a long time. She'd be over him by now if it weren't for that.

This is easy. Yes, be nice. When and if you see them together acknowledge them both and act as if you were greeting 2 friends. When he sees that you are unaffected by their presense, it shows that you are strong and have moved on successfully. Showing any type of anger shows weakness and that you still care. Strong, mature individuals hold no grudges.

That type of behavior is a huge red flag in my opinion. She's disrespecting you. There could be 2 reasons why she's doing this. The first reason could be that she doesn't want others to know that she's seeing you and she doesn't want to be labeled "taken". The second reason maybe to get your attention by testing you to see how you would react. The so called "JEALOUSY TEST". My guess it's the second. She wants to know whether you're a man or a mouse, in a sense. If you get upset at this, you've failed her test. If you smile at her antics and just kick back and enjoy the show you'll pass it. If she consistently does this, then call her on it. Ask her "why do you always have to test me?" But say it in a calm and jokingly way. Do not lose your temper. Women do these test to see if you have any backbone. To them, jealousy shows weakness and is a big turn off. Jealousy shows that you are afraid of losing her to someone else. If that's the case, she will not respect you. No respect = no love.

Uh.. No. No contact should mean no contact which suggests that you are moving on and have no need for the other person's attention whatsoever. You are supposed to be forgetting about that person. So what message do you give that person when you email them for a birthday? It says, I think about you all the time and this is my desparate excuse to get back together with you. Trust me, my ex used to do that to me and I used to think "how weak". Don't do it.

lelucats, First of all, I'm very sorry to hear this is happening to you. But if you want an honest opinion, you came to the right place. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but when he said "for now" - he's giving you false hope. Men and women alike do this to keep you at arm's length just in case things don't work out in the other relationship. When he mentioned reconsidering your divorce, he's not saying it so the two of you could somehow get back together. He said it because he truly wants you to be happy - but not with him. I know this hurts, but I'm telling you this because it's what I believe. Why? Because actions speak louder than words. Always observe the person's actions if you have any doubt. Also, by hoping for things to happen between the two of you when the odds are very slim, will hinder your efforts to move on. So lelucats, that's exactly what you have to focus on right now - moving on instead of hanging on to false hopes. So do the no contact thing without making exceptions and soon you'll be free. Any contact is a form of begging and that will turn him off even more. I really hate saying this and I wish I could be more sympathetic, but I speak the truth. If anything, sticking to the no contact rule may be the only thing that could possibly get him back. I'm in the same boat right now - it's difficult for me too but it must be done.

twiz, Trouble understanding the female species? Let me clue you in - luckily I have much experience in this. What you have to do is back off. No contact means exactly that - no contact. She is apathetic in her ways because she has trouble committing to you. She doesn't communicate her feelings to you because if she told you the truth, it'll hurt you - so she keeps them in. If you still see her the way you're doing now, you will be in for a rude awakening in the future. She can't commit means she's looking for something better - as much as I hate to say it. Why? Because sometime in the past, you turned her off and her interest in you dropped. Whether it's because you are too available, clingy, needy, whatever. How can I tell? Because when your supposed to be giving her space, what do you do? Park outside her house, text her, etc. She's an emotional creature, she's responding to her feelings more so than logic when it comes to relationships. When you're in a relationship, it's crucial that you keep her attracted to you. How? By not being clingy, needy and not letting her be the center of your life. Most importantly in your case, she has to know that you have the guts to walk away. She has to know that if she gets "out of line" that you have the confidence and ability to leave the relationship and start over with someone else. Don't believe me? Try showing her undeniable devotion and put up with all her crap and see where that gets you. She'll take you for granted, knowing you'll always be there at the push of a speed dial. So Twiz, if you're going to leave the relationship, don't do it half way. Stick to what's right. At least she'll respect you for it. Sorry if this seems harsh. I just hate to see someone get their heart beat up and keep coming back for more.

Ask her for her phone number and quit bothering her when she's working. Find another place to eat. Why? Because you're coming off as too desperate. When girls sense this, they run for the hills.

I don't mean to sound selfish here, but what about me? I wasn't depressed yesterday, but last night she called in sick or switch shifts with another girl at work knowing that I would be there. My friends and I always frequent her workplace on Friday nights. When I realized this happened, I fell back into a deep depression. I guess I was kind of hoping she'd be there and at least acknowledge my presense. She didn't even show up! Why is she going through such great extents to avoid me? Does she think I would "suck her back in" again? Or does she really hate me? Does she no longer have ANY interest in me? I'm really confused here.

Well I called her but she didn't pick up again - I didn't expect her to. I just left a message basically saying that I understand what she's going through with the difficulty in trusting people right now and that I'll back off. I let her know that I still liked her, but didn't expect her to contact me.

You all have been a really great help to me the past few days. Right now the depression has almost gone away. However, I feel really bad about disrespecting her by not showing up and "playing hard to get" with her. If she ever speaks to me again, I'll treat her with more respect and understanding. Thanks again.

A girl friend of mine thinks she her sexuality is normal because she doesn't remember anything about the incident. Could this be so?

The odd part is that people say that abuse victims have trouble initiating sex. This wasn't the case with this girl. She was very sexual. So I didn't think the incident was affecting her in any way. But other clues started to pop up like her constantly asking my friends where I was. Her imagination always thought the worst. She also asked me "what do you want from me?". She showed a lot of affection in public then she'd turn cold and distant on other days. Really confusing.