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slider

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Everything posted by slider

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    It's perfectly fine to take the 1st step, however, women should do it in a different manner than men. Women should show interest, give subtle hints. aggressive women will only appeal to the desperate men. If you come accross a confident man (such as I ) too aggressively, it's a definite turn off. Flirt with confidence and a sexy attitude - use a lot of eye contact. The confident guy will catch on.
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    GUY or GIRL, no one can get away with being clingy or needy. Dopestar hit this one on the button. It's just human nature and one of the basic rules of attraction.
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    Yes, there is something you can do and I think you know what's best for you already. That is to leave, walk away. A break in a relationship only gives him a license to look for someone else while keeping you at arms length. Are you willing to wait for him to find someone else before you're forced to move on? I would presume no.
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    A girl friend of mine is going through the same thing. Her ex calls her and says the "i miss you" thing and it's been over 6 months already. She still can't get over him because he "keeps in touch". When you apply the no contact rule, it should work both ways. No accepting calls, emails, whatever from that person until you are over him/her. False hope can string you along for a long time. She'd be over him by now if it weren't for that.
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    This is easy. Yes, be nice. When and if you see them together acknowledge them both and act as if you were greeting 2 friends. When he sees that you are unaffected by their presense, it shows that you are strong and have moved on successfully. Showing any type of anger shows weakness and that you still care. Strong, mature individuals hold no grudges.
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    That type of behavior is a huge red flag in my opinion. She's disrespecting you. There could be 2 reasons why she's doing this. The first reason could be that she doesn't want others to know that she's seeing you and she doesn't want to be labeled "taken". The second reason maybe to get your attention by testing you to see how you would react. The so called "JEALOUSY TEST". My guess it's the second. She wants to know whether you're a man or a mouse, in a sense. If you get upset at this, you've failed her test. If you smile at her antics and just kick back and enjoy the show you'll pass it. If she consistently does this, then call her on it. Ask her "why do you always have to test me?" But say it in a calm and jokingly way. Do not lose your temper. Women do these test to see if you have any backbone. To them, jealousy shows weakness and is a big turn off. Jealousy shows that you are afraid of losing her to someone else. If that's the case, she will not respect you. No respect = no love.
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    Uh.. No. No contact should mean no contact which suggests that you are moving on and have no need for the other person's attention whatsoever. You are supposed to be forgetting about that person. So what message do you give that person when you email them for a birthday? It says, I think about you all the time and this is my desparate excuse to get back together with you. Trust me, my ex used to do that to me and I used to think "how weak". Don't do it.
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    lelucats, First of all, I'm very sorry to hear this is happening to you. But if you want an honest opinion, you came to the right place. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but when he said "for now" - he's giving you false hope. Men and women alike do this to keep you at arm's length just in case things don't work out in the other relationship. When he mentioned reconsidering your divorce, he's not saying it so the two of you could somehow get back together. He said it because he truly wants you to be happy - but not with him. I know this hurts, but I'm telling you this because it's what I believe. Why? Because actions speak louder than words. Always observe the person's actions if you have any doubt. Also, by hoping for things to happen between the two of you when the odds are very slim, will hinder your efforts to move on. So lelucats, that's exactly what you have to focus on right now - moving on instead of hanging on to false hopes. So do the no contact thing without making exceptions and soon you'll be free. Any contact is a form of begging and that will turn him off even more. I really hate saying this and I wish I could be more sympathetic, but I speak the truth. If anything, sticking to the no contact rule may be the only thing that could possibly get him back. I'm in the same boat right now - it's difficult for me too but it must be done.
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    twiz, Trouble understanding the female species? Let me clue you in - luckily I have much experience in this. What you have to do is back off. No contact means exactly that - no contact. She is apathetic in her ways because she has trouble committing to you. She doesn't communicate her feelings to you because if she told you the truth, it'll hurt you - so she keeps them in. If you still see her the way you're doing now, you will be in for a rude awakening in the future. She can't commit means she's looking for something better - as much as I hate to say it. Why? Because sometime in the past, you turned her off and her interest in you dropped. Whether it's because you are too available, clingy, needy, whatever. How can I tell? Because when your supposed to be giving her space, what do you do? Park outside her house, text her, etc. She's an emotional creature, she's responding to her feelings more so than logic when it comes to relationships. When you're in a relationship, it's crucial that you keep her attracted to you. How? By not being clingy, needy and not letting her be the center of your life. Most importantly in your case, she has to know that you have the guts to walk away. She has to know that if she gets "out of line" that you have the confidence and ability to leave the relationship and start over with someone else. Don't believe me? Try showing her undeniable devotion and put up with all her crap and see where that gets you. She'll take you for granted, knowing you'll always be there at the push of a speed dial. So Twiz, if you're going to leave the relationship, don't do it half way. Stick to what's right. At least she'll respect you for it. Sorry if this seems harsh. I just hate to see someone get their heart beat up and keep coming back for more.
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    Ask her for her phone number and quit bothering her when she's working. Find another place to eat. Why? Because you're coming off as too desperate. When girls sense this, they run for the hills.
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    I don't mean to sound selfish here, but what about me? I wasn't depressed yesterday, but last night she called in sick or switch shifts with another girl at work knowing that I would be there. My friends and I always frequent her workplace on Friday nights. When I realized this happened, I fell back into a deep depression. I guess I was kind of hoping she'd be there and at least acknowledge my presense. She didn't even show up! Why is she going through such great extents to avoid me? Does she think I would "suck her back in" again? Or does she really hate me? Does she no longer have ANY interest in me? I'm really confused here.
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    Well I called her but she didn't pick up again - I didn't expect her to. I just left a message basically saying that I understand what she's going through with the difficulty in trusting people right now and that I'll back off. I let her know that I still liked her, but didn't expect her to contact me.
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    You all have been a really great help to me the past few days. Right now the depression has almost gone away. However, I feel really bad about disrespecting her by not showing up and "playing hard to get" with her. If she ever speaks to me again, I'll treat her with more respect and understanding. Thanks again.
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    A girl friend of mine thinks she her sexuality is normal because she doesn't remember anything about the incident. Could this be so?
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    The odd part is that people say that abuse victims have trouble initiating sex. This wasn't the case with this girl. She was very sexual. So I didn't think the incident was affecting her in any way. But other clues started to pop up like her constantly asking my friends where I was. Her imagination always thought the worst. She also asked me "what do you want from me?". She showed a lot of affection in public then she'd turn cold and distant on other days. Really confusing.
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    It was someone she hardly knew who drove her home from a club when she was past out. She wasn't awake when this happened, but knew it took place the next day. For over a month after, she wouldn't go out of the house except to go to work. When she finally was able to go out again, that's when we hooked up. I think by not showing up at her work when I was supposed to, made her feel as though I was seeing someone else. Another occasion had her suspecting that too when she kept repeatedly questioning my friends about where I was when I was already at home sleeping. Her cutting me off with me seemed so drastic. That's why I was wondering if the sex abuse had anything to do with it.
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    mahlina, thanks for your response. It does shed some light as to why she is hot and cold so often. I'm to the point where I care about her but have been avoiding any contact with her. What do you recommend my doing? She does have a shell around her. She once told me early in our dating that she "doesn't let guys get to her" and she's unable to "love someone". She did say that she liked me a lot, but her actions didn't say the same. She wanted a bf/gf relationship with me but I told her that I needed to get to know her better first. At that point I didn't see her as "marriage" material. She thinks that I only want her for sex and that's why she spent so little time with me. Example: She would meet me while I was already out and would always leave to go elsewhere so she wouldn't be alone with me. Before she asked me for the relationship, she used to stay at my place for the evenings we dated. She grew distant. When I didn't show up at her workplace (she's waitress at a bar) because I got drunk somewhere else and couldn't drive, she dumped me. We were only dating for 1 month, but within that time I grew attached to her. Now I'm miserable without her but feel better that I now somewhat understand where she's coming from. I want to help her on a "friend" basis if this is the case. How can I do that? She doesn't answer my calls.
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    I was dating a girl that was raped about 2 months prior to our relationship. I'm not sure if it had anything to do with our breakup, but she always seems very distant, cold and unable to communicate with me about her feelings. When we broke up, she just stopped accepting my calls. No warnings, nothing - just stopped. After talking it over with one of my friends, we determined that it was because she thinks I'm seeing someone else. I'm not - it's just her imagination and her inability to communicate that get's the best of her. I'm puzzled.
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    Feeling vengeful

    slider replied to Allan's topic in Infidelity

    Dude relax with the physical stuff - it's not worth it. I'm in the same boat as you except I'm the "other man" so to speak. A girl I was dating has gone back to her ex and let me tell you that it hurts just as well. Of course in your case the other guy doesn't know. Whether to tell him yourself is a sticky issue there. It's not his fault that you two broke up in the first place and the best way to deal with a break up is to move on. That's what your ex did and what you must do also. Anyway, my advice to you would be: If you see them in public, never let her know that it phases you - be friendly. If you do this, it shows strength on your part and will set her mind in reverse because it's something she probably doesn't expect. She'll be thinking of you and be very curious as to why you're not groveling. Many times they call wanting to get back together because the act pricks their ego.
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    Ok, I got a problem that involves my ex from a year ago. It seems that one my ex's friends is attracted to my best friend. My ex never hangs around with them much because she is already in a serious relationship of her own. The problem is that this girl that likes my best friend has a hot friend that knows my ex. Will she consider me "off limits"? This really sucks because before I dated my ex, I was really interested in her and didn't know that they were friends.
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    In addition to confidence. Some other things that may help you attract girls is by being: 1) physically fit - I don't mean you have to be Arnold S.- just try to get into shape if you aren't already. It'll help your confidence and your all around health too. 2) well-dressed - Don't go out and break your bank account for this one - just dress appropriately for the occasion. Study fashion tips online, such as color and clothes matching. Oh, and don't forget the shoes. You can be more sytlish and trendy if you have the money. 3) attentive to grooming - Hair, including facial hair should be well kept or within style for the look you're going for. Don't forget your nails and skin. 4) clean - Take a bath and don't forget to brush your teeth. This should be a given - but you'd be surprised. A sprinkle of cologne - but not too much may add a polished touch. The goal here is to play and win with the hand you're dealt. Make sense? Hope this helps.
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    Pysal131, You are right for being upset about this. Friends are one thing, but Ex's is purely another. What's the difference? Answer: THEY HAD A HISTORY TOGETHER. It doesn't take a computer scientist to know this stuff. Somewhere in the past they did have an attraction for each other and if you don't pull the plug on this one, it could be disasterous. Ok, in some cases, nothing ever pans out - but do you really want to take that chance? Confront her on this. Don't seem angry, but let her know it bothers you.
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    I see what you mean - sticky one. Well I think that it's ok for you to go and you shouldn't even need his permission to do so. The thing is - if he expects you to get along with his friends and be accepted by them - then it's shouldn't be a big deal. It's human nature to want to see them again and he shouldn't claim ownership as long as the two of you are together. He's afraid he'll lose them if something happens in your relationship. Do you see the double standard there? The only time I don't see this as appropriate is if the two of you broke up. It's only fair that the both of you leave with what you came with out of respect.
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    Well alrighty then! I gotta hand it to you - you're strong. If that's the way she wants it, then fine because it's the same result when you come to think about it. But Hurt, it doesn't matter whether you deserved it or not. When one's interest is in the abyss - they sometimes don't have the guts to face you. Nevermind already, you know what's what and you sound like you have a lot of confidence in yourself and maybe "quality backup". Keep your head up, dude - and never let them see you sweat. Cheers
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    hurt in huntingdon, Yup, that's a break up note alright. I know what you're thinking - WHAT HAPPENED? I know what your first action will be too - call her, DON'T. Well, I'm sorry to say that she won't want to talk or maybe not even pick up her phone. But hurt in huntingdon, send me a "private message" and I'll give you the best strategy for winning her back because what most guys do won't work. I won't guarantee anything, but I know one thing - calling and groveling will only put her into overdrive.
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