smiles314

Ok. maybe it is a good idea if your preview your post before you submit but I was in a rush.. I hope you can understand what I am saying through my mistypes... The last part meant to go like this...Follow your mind, not your heart in this situation-- and i kno it's hard sometimes but your mind can make the best decision and protect yourself in this case. sorry again!!!

Hey!! When I read your post I immediately sympathized with you. I had an ex who I went out with for about 6 months. he broke things off with me for his own reasons but I was so incredibly hurt and sad about the whole thing. 4 months later we were back to school, the same enviornment and he wanted me adn didn't want back and forth liek that. He then decided that he wanted me, but didn't want to be exclusive because he was into having a serious gf..for whatver reason. I didn't like the idea but I wanted to be with him so I did. Anyway, we didn't see each other as much but I started getting into this relationship for a few months, and he didn't have any other girl but me. In the end I didn't find anyoen better than him in my mind, and he ended up saying that he regretted everything he did...But this doesn't end oon a happy note, we aren't together now or anything...but we are at home for the summer in separate locations hours a part from each other... I guess what I'm trying to say is that..First of all, you are not alone and I think that helps to know I felt the same way you do now. I know it sucks a lot for someone u love so much to not just want to be with you. I use to be insulted by his decision, but I then realized that he is a n immature guy who is afraid of committment and is just to lazy to have a gf. Now this could be go for you or bad...You are young and can enjoy being able to see other people and take advantage of that.. But if you are as in love as I was once..you probably just care about being with him and that's it. In this case, I'd tell him straight out that it's either just me or nothing..Maybe since you willing agreed to him and didn't give him a choice he saw how easy it was and feels like the man. I don't mean to offend you are anything, but I feel like it might me a good idea to tell your ex that its all or your walking, and u deserve a 100% of what he has to offer. I'm sure the thought of him with other people kills you as it would many girls. Putting yourself in such a position isn't fair to you. If you tell your ex this it is my guess that he will either say okay then i want you...Or say than forget it but realize after time that he lost what he truly wanted. Most importantly, have faith in yourself, in your instinct, and in love. Make the decision your mind is telling you, not your brain. He may just need time to get this all out of his system.. Hope this helps.. GL!!!

Hey guys!! I just wanted to say that you both sound too good and too strong for your ex's and that you do deserve to be treated a lot better.. I hope in time you both find your way too feeling all better again. I'm in a similiar situation as you guys, except the roles are reversed and the girl got crushed by her bf not the other way around as in your cases. I guess I'm replying because often I get very confused. And maybe as guys you have some insight that can help me a lot. Basically, my bf of 6 months broke things off with me last yr bc we left college for the summer and both are in opposite ends of the same state so going from being with each other 24/7 to hardly just talking to each other every few days was hard and a transition. He thought we would make it through the summer, in fact he was more sure about it then i was. And after a month into summer he broke up with me out of no where..Never gave me a reason- just said i don't know and something just "cliqued." I can assure you that me and him were a very happy couple and he was as ahppy as I was and even invited me up to see him before teh breakup. After the summer we were back at school for our next yr. Within time me adn my ex started talking again online and eventually we had long deep convos like we used to. The whole year he would say all these things to me, and come see me every once in awhile. But he was just soo back and forth with his feelings. saying he wanted to get back together, and then not. Saying he didn't want a gf bc he couldnt handle it, and he had too much stress.. What stress ? I didn't know.. Basically he loved to smoke pot and be with his friends..And he was going through this weird phase where he wanted me to just agree and go along with what he wanted without ever disagreeing on things..He just wanted everything to go smooth adn the mintue their was a bump in the road he ran - and he said i was a complication, not in those words exactly but was implying it. Anyway, he would be hot and cold with me.. And we still saw each other, and things would feel the same when we were together...A few wks b4 school ended again he finally said that he regretted everything he did to us, he was the one who was wrong and needed to change..and i was never a complication he was just making me into one. But didnt think it made sense to try anything again bc summer was coming up soon. Anywayz, now we are into summer and dont talk so much bc we are doing our own thing. He thinks that maybe we got together at the wrong time, or if its fate we will cross our paths again... I guess i just never knew if he was just saying this stuff.. Maybe its better to just pull out of his life completely.. It's difficult though because sometimes he just wants to talk to me real bad, and other times its just different.. I duno... I guess i'm just confused!! Hope this wasn't too long to read..Thanks@!!

Hey!!! I know Coldplay. They are a very good band. They do sound like DMB but they also have their own cool sound. Very mellow music, good vocals and instrumentals... Here are a few songs to download if you are able to... SEe you soon Parachutes In my place these are a few of their good songs so see if you like them!!

Congrats!! That's really great and I'm happy to hear it... Unfortunately I have not reached that step yet and it's still driving me crazy but I'm glad to hear how well you are now...

Oh no!! Im afraid I mislead you through my original post Trane. I never turned this guy down. He had a gf when I met him of 2 yrs back home. I always had a huge crush on him, but found out he had a gf and realized he loved her so backed off. I ended up becoming close with his roomate and we started going out.. I never stopped like this guy but I realized he loved his gf a lot and I rather be his good firends then try to do anything else. We would flirt a lot with each other, and he would start a lot of it...but we were just real close and alike in many ways.. I'm not sure if they are still going out anymore since he stopped talking to me..But I never turned him down.. I would understand that he wasn't talking to me if that were the case...

I was best friends with this guy last year, and we spoke all the time about many things including some intimate stuff as well. He had a long term gf, but had admitted to liking me a little and feeling attracted towards me. He introduced to his roomate who became my bf for that year, but me and my old best friend still continued with our sweet relationship studying together, and just joking around. THe summer came and my bf broke up with me.. I called my best friend as soon as this happened and left a message saying how upset I was and I needed ot talk to him.. He never called me back. I even emailed a lot and he never responded back with more than a few words. I was closer to him than my ex bf was.. I couldn't figure our why he was turnign on me when I needed him the most. When the summer was over and school started up, I saw him in some of my classes and we spoke and cleared up miscommunications but things still weren't the same between us. He was less flirty, and less friendly towards me. I ignored it and still liked talking to him. BUt a few months later, he and I just stopped tlaking completely. He had invited me to join this organization he was in charge of. When I approached him about it he completely blew me off. I called a few times and spoke to his roomate who would just say he was busy and not to worry. I imed this guy all the time online and he never responded back to me once. He didn't answer aanything I sent him. I even asked one of his roomates about what was going on and he didn't want ot respond. I have no idea what happened between us. I gave after awhile of trying to get through to him but recently I tried once more just saying hi, and he signed off. I miss him terribly. We were very close and had a lot of fun together. I don't understand what happened and why he is doing this to me now... And it hurts beyond belief. Nothign makes sense to me, he was fine one minute and then does everything to avoid me the next. Nothing happened to provoke this change. I didn't do anything to him. I want my friend back but I cant get through to him no matter what I do! It's not fair that he is doing this to me and for the life of me it just makes no sense!

Hey hayley! I'm thinking that maybe your guy doesn't realize that it is important to you that you guys spend time before you leave for England. I'm guessing hes 20 something and just goes out and wants to have fun? Maybe he honestly doesn't realize how much it means to you to hang out with him, and doesn't think that 3 weeks is a huge deal.. It could be a guy just being a guy deal.. I wouldn't make a big problem out of it until you talk to him face to face and ask him straight out why hes doing what he's been doing. And explain to him how you wanted ot be with him before you left. And sometimes it is in my experience that guys just like a little space for themselves ya know? I have taken little things too personally a lot of times when my bf did something like that, and it ended up not being anything big at all. Sometimes its bad to assume things ya kno? Unless you 2 had a date actually planned, and he called you and everythign was set and he just blew you off...then i wouldn't get so mad at him. Are him and his brother really close? I would just try talking to him in person and just talking, and not get mad. And who knows , maybe hes even a little jealous that you are the one going away..and doesn't know how to react to that? Hope this helps some..

Hey. Ok brian..these are tips coming from a girl keep in mind. And i guess it is a very hard task to describe how to kiss someone online, demonstrations are best...But lemme see what I can do. First of all when making that move. It takes just the right time to go for it. If you start kissing her at the wrong moment things will be very awkward and feel funny. Now the guys may disagree with me on this but coming from a girls point of view.. I personally think that starting slow and then moving gently faster its better than just sticking your tongue down her throat all at once. I guess it would nice if you held her hand or just grabbed her and pulled her close to you and just kissed her gently on her lips, closed kiss and just very soft. Then look at her to till her reaction if shes eager and pleased, I'd say kiss her again and then eventually this turns into making out. When you french kiss someone, it is not as hard as everyone makes it out to be. I guess it looks a lot scarier at first when you have never done it and just see it on the movies. But al you do is slide your tongue in very gently, and not all the way and just kind of rub it with hers. Sometimes it is good to slowly glide your tongue around her lips and trace them.. Girls like different things.. But the one thing I recommend for you is to just be very gentle. The last thing you want is to use too much tongue, girls get annoyed with that. And dont keep french kissing her. Switch it up with regular closed kisses and french kissing.. Making out can sometimes seem boring after awhile so doing different things would help.. ANyway good luck and let me know if you need more advice.

Hey guys! Thanks a lot for all ur advice= so far so good.. Anymore advice is certainly welcomed though. In response to what some of you had said and suggested I just had a little feedback. THis guy is my ex bf of 6 months, who I do have a very strong heart for no matter what goes on between us. I always end up thinking about him and love talking to him. Right now we are a couple of hours away during the summer since school just ended. We don't talk much to each other when we are at home over break bc we end up doing our own things. ANd distance is just hard. We haven't been together in a year but we have been seeing each other on and off, talking a lot, and being physical often. My Ex is a daily smoker, for about 2 yrs especailly in college he has smoked around maybe 7 times a week or so. Anyway when we were together, he would smoke a lot less and take time off from being with his guy friends to be with me. He said he didn't need to smoke when he was with me because I was like his high. I have no problem about smoking, I have smoked with him on occasion but refuse to do it as much as he has. Sometimes I feel that he just makes it a major part of his world and maybe does use it to escape. Especially when we were together, i felt he would spend so much money on the pot and then say he didn't have a lot of money to spend on me. I never felt like he loved pot more than me. But after we broke in the summer I just started to think that perhaps it was possibly he did. I don't know though... Im still confused about a lot! But thank you guys!!! Much appreciated and please any more advice id love to hear...

I was wondering if it is a lost cause to be in love with someone who is pretty much a pothead. He makes smoking marijuana a part of his lifestyle with all his friends, almost like a way of bonding. I totally don't judge anybody who smokes but I don't know if it makes sense to try to get through to him. We had a very cool relationship before that ended for no true reason, but from then until now he has just smoked more frequently. Sometimes I feel that he just spends all his money on smoking, and we rather leave me when we are hanging out to smoke with the buddies. I'm not sure how to understand he's love, but he just gets so excited when he is stoned. And sometimes I just wonder if smoking makes the person kind of feel less emotions. Or run away from his problems. If I really care for this guy, is it smarter to stay and work on the friendship or just distance myself? Oh and I had asked him when he was going to stop, and he said when he became involved in a serious job..Right now he is 20, so in the mean time if he smokes more won't things just get worse? --wondering

Hey! I know how hard long distance relationships are. That is how my previous relationship ended.. We were together only for 6 months but everything was so good, and we were really happy and I thoguht we were very much in love. He was the one who had started with the idea of continuing to stay together throughout the summer where we would be 4 hrs apart. But within a month or so of this time, he suddenly decided that something just cliqued and he couldn't handle it anymore. He didn't give me a reason as to why he wanted to break up, just said he didn't know. Now he even did this to me online. THe break up was out of the blue completely, he just started being very weird to me as the time and distance progressed between us. My point is that you are not at alone at all with this and I htink sometimes that really helps a person to know that. I have been thinking that perhaps it has to do with people's separate lives at home.. People just act different when they are around there other friends and there in another environment. Maybe this guy isn't interested in someone else. Maybe he just realizes that he can't take a long distance relationship and he wants to be free to do whatever. This is just my experience, but my ex bf wasn't interested in another girl he just wanted to be with his buddies and not wanted to be held responsibility for having to keep in touch with me all the time. During this summer, the same type of thing is happening again. He is being a lot different with me while he's at home now just because he is doing his own thing and stuff. All I'm really trying to get at is perhaps guys just have a weird thing when it comes to distance. Too much distance I don't think is necessarily good. But when you guys meet up again i a few months I think he will try to contact you and talk to you. As for now maybe it is best to just not talk to him and keep distance emotionally and work on what is good for you.. I know distance sucks. If you ever want to talk I am here to listen GL though!!

Hey all...I was wondering if this is a really bad post because it is so long, or is that nobody understands what is going either and doesn't know how to give advice? If anybody has any ideas about my message I would appreciate any kind of feedback. I am just very confused. Thanks 8) and thanks silvanesti!

Hey kali!! I was wondering how long you and your ex were going out in the long run? I think this is just a big case of jealousy. It is my personal experience that guy's never show that they are jealous especially to the one who they want to seem most strongest too. Of course your ex cared that you were with a guy, and his friends probably told him within minutes. It seems to me that he still cares about you a whole lot. Maybe it's not that he want's to be with you right now, but he just doesn't want to see you happy with someone else. I hope this helps some, but of course I could be off since I don't know your ex bf. But if you have feelings for your ex still, and he has feelings for you, I don't know maybe you guys should talk about it. BUt if you just want to date around and forget him than tell him to leave you a lone and let you be happy. Oh and perhaps that girl he was with meant nothing to him and he was using her to get over you. Maybe this is just a matter of 2 people hiding their true feelings and denying their love? I don't know... One last piece of advice... When my very 1 st bf and i broke up, I was left with no feelings for him at all and eventually I become curious to hear about the girls in his life and was happy never jealous. Maybe this ex bf is just still dwelling on you, and thinks about you a lot and just never shows it. Him calling you up just proves he has definitely not forgotten you in the least bit.. If you are ever available I have some of my own ex bf problems that I would love advice on too... and GL with him...

So communicating with your ex bf online while hes home 4 hrs away from home can be a bit frustrating.. I spoke to my ex twice online today once he had imed me first and then the 2nd time i imed him but i probably should have just gotten off fast. Anyway he was interested in talking to me both times and we talk for about an hour. The 2nd time he said that he was gonna go get off and lay down and he would talk to me later.. Sometimes when he leaves though I just get this weird idea that he's doing it because he is tired of talking to me or I'm not really interesting him that much. Because personally if I really wanted to talk to someone I would just stay on for as long as I could. But am I just being a stupid sensitive girl about this? Do guys really think that talking online to the girl is such a big deal? Or stay online for awhile is annoying to them? I mean its not like we have the ability to see each other..But should I just be happy with him showing interesting in the conversation and not taking offense to him wanting to go.. Maybe I just care too much sometimes I dont know. But I guess since me and him won't see each other till we are back at school in the end of Aug. means that there is no reason to talk so much when its not going anywhere...I probably just way too sensitive... SIncerely, the blabbing idiot...

It's so hard for me to try and condense my break up story in just a few short paragraphs, but here goes my attempt. Freshmen year of college I met a guy completely opposite of me from the outside yet very similiar inside. Ironically, he happened to be the roomate of this kid I really had a big crush on but had a girlfriend. After a few months though my attraction switched to his roomate. And before I knew it a casually connection turned into a big romance. I never planned on finding a boyfriend, but I did. He was the one who pursued a relationship and wanted things to move rather quickly (ex: saying i love you first) but I had no problem with it bc my feelings were also mutual. In college, we would be together a lot and talk all the time. Things were so amazing. There was a lot of chemistry and barely any really big fights. After about 6 months of being together, right before school ended for the yr I had lost my virginity to him and it felt right. He even broke down and cried at one point around this time because thigns were so emotional. He also took me to his home for the weekend to meet the important people in his life. And i knew he cared about me so much and really loved me.. The problem was when summer came. He lived about 4 hrs away from me and I had asked him if he wanted to keep the relationship going. He was completely sure that he wanted to stay together, and would assure me that things would be fine. We left on great terms, and for the next month talked a lot on the phone and online. He even invited me up for the weekend during the next month. BUt gradually the phone calls got less and less. And I would get upset because he was just always out working or with friends, and I'd tell him that this wasn't going to work if he was going to treat me like the way he was. He admitted he was wrong, and promised to change. BUt one nite we had a big fight about ex's and that led to the worst part. A few days later he told me online that something just "cliqued" and he just couldnt take the long distance part anymore.. I had to call him the next day and cried, but he didn't have anything to say. I asked why, all he said was he didn't kno it just cliqued and that was that. He barely spoke to me, but said he didnt want to lose me and just wanted to be friends. I called him a few days later and he just seemed very distant and cold and said he was going to call but not right away. For the next 2 months of summer, we barely spoke and when he did he was just so different. I was so baffled because one minute everythign was perfect and we were very happy, and the next it just ended and i never got a real reason and always felt like there was more to it. Back at school the next year, we began picking up conversations online a lot and we saw each other for the first time. The moment we met again, we both felt some chemistry still there. Throughout the year he would get into this pattern of great ambivalence. He would constantly im me and talk to me for hours. He usually said he missed me and wanted to see me, and when we would hang out we ended up being physical and being close like we used to. It felt like we were together again and everything was good just like it was before. He wanted to get back together with me, but then said he didn't and would go on and off with his feelings. The big deal of it I think was when he decided to give it a try that one time, I was upset about something he did that he denied to be a big deal, and immediately after said it was a mistake to try again. He had said that he just didn't want a gf right now, knew he couldnt handle one, had too much stress in his life, and just needed to straighten stuff out for him before he could care about another. I always thought this was just an excuse, never knew what kind of stress he could have.. BUt still throughout the year he would want to talk to me online a lot, say he missed me, that he still had love for me, i still had a large piece of his heart and that I never did anything wrong. I have been so confused with his actions..Towards the end of the school year I noticed a change in him, and he had said to me that he realized he was complicatign thigns, and it was his fault because he would just get angry if I didn't do exactly what he wanted. He had said that he just wanted thigns to go smoothly and when it got rough he just lost it. Anyway, a few weeks before he left he had told me that he regretteed wat he had did to us, bc we'd probably still be together and things would be amazing. He said that he didn't see the sense of starting anything because we were leaving for summer so soon but maybe we got together at the wrong time. It is especially agravating bc he believes in fate, and if we are met to be we will be. I howvere, thhink about everything, and believe people need to take action. Before he left for home he had wanted to spend his last night with me, and things were great. We said goodbye the next morning, and he imed that nite to say have a fun vacation. I haven't spoken to him since but I've been blocking him online for my reasons and ofcourse he didn't email or call yet but it hasn't even been 2 weeks. I guess I'm so confused because he would want to see me soo much and say all these thigns to me at school, but after he saw me he would just want to hang out with his close guy friends he lived with and wouldnt want to see me for a few days. And i just never understood how he felt. Sometimes he would say things like he feels like he can't have me back, or he doesnt deserve me but he knows how much I care about him. He would talk about how he had this dream with me in it, and maybe it means he is suppose to be with me. All i know is that he does care about me a lot, but i don't know what to believe exactly. Now during the summer, he has a lot of friends and works and hes always busy in his own world. And i just been missing talking to him and wondering what he is up to and unsure whether to email him or not. I guess I just don't understand all his actions, and what they mean and what he wants. Whether he was using me or truly cares for me. I know that what we had was incredible and we kept each other really happen. And he too has said that something just wont die down. He hasn't been in any serious relationships since and neither have I. I would like any advice, maybe someone can fill me in on all his actions because I am so confused. And I care about him a lot and still do love him, after all of this back and forth stuff I just don't how I am suppose to feel and act. Should I just forget him, if i do I'm afraid he will forget me and get to preoccupied. In Sept. we are back at school and he will be so close to me but I don't know what will happen and don't know if I should even bother to expect anything. If we are met to be and that is true, I guess I'm just afraid to find out what time will bring. Can anybody help? Decipher this guy's actions for me maybe? Explain something? and Im sorry for this long post, its just soo hard to explain so much.. Thanks for the help!

Hi, i know how it feels to be sad and lonely. Trust me. When I read about your situation I immediately thought about myself in your girlfriend's place. When I was a senior in high school, I had a boyfriend and we were so deeply in love. We had went to prom together also and spent a lot of time with one another. He would talk about me being his soulmate and always being with me. At the time I thought that it was sweet and nice to have someone love you so much. But when I was alone I use to get scared at the thought of what he had said because we were so young, and I had just wanted to explore before I grew up. When I went to college, I found a whole new world and I kind of realized that I didn't want to be with him, and wanted to be independent and experiment to find out what I truly needed and wanted. Although my feelings for him never came back, we remain best friends to this day, 3 years later and I'd do anything for him and he'd do the same... Now I'm not saying that you and your ex won't get back together. It would be wrong of me to say anything because I have no idea of the true situation. But I thought my feelings would help possibly to understand her better. Leaving high school and starting to get into the real world is a very big deal.. Perhaps shes just scared of missing any new chances, and scared of the idea of finding her soulmate so soon. It doesn't mean that you guys will never get together again, but maybe you should just let her breathe a little air on her own and let her figure out what she wants for herself. If you two are meant to be together then I believe she will realize that on her own. But I recommend that you don't waste your time feeling so bad about things and really take advantage of new opportunities especially if you are going to college in the fall. And maybe staying friends with her will be a good idea.. BUt who knows perhaps you yourself will find out that taking some time for yourself is best... Good Luck, and smile!