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  1. Thanks for the reply bestrongbehappy. He really hasn't changed which actually makes me feel good. I went through periods of thinking I somehow was to blame for the collapse of our relationship. Now I realize that he was the problem. I wasn't perfect but I was a decent person that gave my all to make it work. I do feel sorry for her as well as him. He will never be truly happy until he realizes he is the problem. I've learned a lot from this relationship and I know that I deserve only the best.
  2. **UPDATE** Okay so it's been long over due, but here's my year and a half update. Got rid of loser. I spent 6 months in London and had a complete blast. All and all life is pretty good. Haven't gotten into the whole dating thing yet but I've dabbled. I really needed a major break after my ex ripped my heart out of my chest. All the lies I discovered after my intial post really made me re-think our entire 6 year relationship. So, recently I get a surprise call from the girl I busted my ex cheating on me with in Dec 2006. She was asking me if I had been talking to him (HELL NO) blah blah. She obviously had the feeling he was cheating on her (would you think anything less of him?). I seriously wanted to laugh and hang up the phone but the sadistic part of me wanted to hear her misery. She starts pouring her heart out about the last year and how horrible he's been. Okay, so maybe I really am sadistic because I'm loving it. Not only does it make me happy to know she is getting screwed over, but it also reassures me that I was not responsible for the demise of our relationship (ex and I). The things she told me were frightfully familiar. The things he said and did had already been done; to me!! It was actually kinda freaky hearing these things come from her. In the end I actually felt bad for her because I know how lousy it must be to be in her shoes. My ex is a emotional/verbal abuser of the worst kind. He was always a jerk, but became increasingly worse ever since he became a cop a couple of years ago. Anyways, there were a few things she shared that were over the top. Apparently he kept asking her to bleach her hair platinum (she's a redhead). He also took her to the same spots we used to vacation in NH and also recently took her to the same resort in the Dominican Republic we vactioned in a couple years back. There is also the clothes of mine that I had left at his house when we broke up that he gave to her (said he bought them for her). Is it me or does this sound pretty scary to you? Was my ex trying to make her into me? Why would he do that? Now let me point out that he had blamed our lack of sex as the reason he cheated on me in the first place. I kept telling him I didn't want to have sex with him because of how he treated me (talk down to me, name calling, the list goes on and on). Guess what little miss new gf had to say? The exact same thing! Her exact statement "There's a problem if you can't tell someone they are being too mean but you know you still have to f' them or he'll be even meaner." I went through that emotional dilemma for our entire relationship. He was the type of guy that would belittle you one minute and in the next his hand would be reaching for your pants. I read somewhere that this is a type of rape. Even though it's not physically forced, it's emotionally scarring to have sex with them out of fear they will treat you worse. Please note that they are so many details I'm leaving out as it would take forever to recount 6 years and also I honestly don't want to remember most of them. Bottom line, my ex is a complete loser. I really feel bad for his next victim. The guy needs serious counseling and heavy medication. Sorry for the long post, just had to vent.
  3. I completely trusted him which made finding out what I did that much worse. However things slowly started changing and I could see that he was changing as well. He wasn't acting the same towards me and things just weren't adding up (I'm very observant) When I finally found out, it had been already been going on for over a month (same girl) So it actually took awhile to put everything together and finally get the guts to go through his things. And what do you know I got all the proof I needed (the girl actually left him several voicemails going on about their "relationship". What it came down to was I went with my gut instinct and you know what it hasn't let me down yet!!
  4. Obviously if someone is cheating on you they are not going to admit to it if you ask them. If they were so up front and honest they wouldn't be cheating on you in the first place. So yes snooping is bad however if it confirms your suspicions then it's all on the cheater. I found out my bf (now ex) cheated on me by going through his cell phone and listening to his voicemails. The first thing out of his mouth was "Why did you go through my phone" umm hello why were you putting your D@#% in some other chick? At that point who gives a crap that I went through your stuff, why the hell are you screwing someone else and lying to me?? Sorry still a little bitter.
  5. You should get rid of her. The fact that she's still talking to the ex when she cheated on you with him is unacceptable. I went through a similar situation not to long ago. I found out my bf of 6 years had been cheating on me with the same girl for over a month. Guess how I found out. By snooping through his cell phone of course. When he came crawling back a week later, he refused to stop talking to the girl because they were "friends". It sucked but I had to walk away. I love him very much and it hurts every day, but I couldn't stand to be with someone who could cheat and lie to me after 6 years. Do what you want, but once the trust is broken, YOU NEVER GET IT BACK!!! Besides why would you want to be with someone that you felt like you had to constanly check up on? When you completely trust someone, you don't snoop!! No reason too.
  6. Just to give everyone an update. After the whole love confession on Christmas. I stupidly believed him and spent time with him for the next two days. Then his mood changes and he starts acting very weird. I ask him whats wrong and he tells me that he made a mistake. So basically he didn't mean anything that he said. I already knew that in my heart of hearts but for some reason I couldn't let go. Come to find out he was still talking to the "girl" he cheated on me with. Confiding in her how he tought he made a mistake. Oh well live and learn. Haven't talk to him in almost 5 days. He sent me a text message last night 20 mins before midnight "Just wanted to wish you a happy new year, you deserve so much more" YOUR RIGHT I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I mention I met a really cute guy and we're going out for dinner tonight.. wohoooo 2007 is going to be my year.
  7. Another update. So Christmas morning, I'm lying in my bed minding my own business when who should walk through the door. You guessed it the boyfriend (still had keys to my place). He is sobbing and starts confessing is love for me. I hear it all. I want to marry you (will you marry me), I can't live without you. So being in the Christmas spirit and all, I listen. We talk for some time and I let him know that I can't forgive what he's done. We talk some more and come to find out he had been with the "crazy girl" again on Friday and Saturday. At that point I threw him out of the house. Like seriously, you love me soo much right, but you sleep with the same girl AGAIN because you can't be alone. Then you have the nerve to come to me and tell me that I'm the only one you want?? Hey buddy you already said that like a week ago when I caught your . My question to all of you is, What the hell is wrong with this guy???
  8. Hope75-- I didn't doing anything drastic last night. What I did do was drink casually dance and have a wonderful time. Also seeing how many guys were hitting on me was a HUGE ego boost. Met a hottie who used to play for the San Diego Chargers.. Life is good, for now... I'm sure the pain of the breakup will keep checking up on me...
  9. So here's an update. I broke down and talked to him. Actually I talked to him in person and ended up sleeping with him. He said all the usual "I didn't mean to hurt you, " I thought that was what I wanted but it wasn't, I only want you" " I want to marry you, I love you more than anything" Stupid me I ate it up. But at the same time I had doubts. Even though he was saying what I wanted to here, the thought of what he did sickened me. So I spent the night at his house. All was okay for the moment. But we start talking about the sex issue and he has the nerve to ask me to have a threesome. Like are you fricken kidding me? You just cheated on me and now you want me to bring somebody else into our bedroom. That did it for me. I was stupid to begin with for ever thinking this relationship would work out after everything that has happened. But seriously this guy is F#$%^$!! I don't think he'll ever be capable of having a meanigful and loving relationship. He has the biggest ego of anyone I know. Not to make fun of him but he's fat and not that good looking. All he has going for him is that he's a cop and makes very good money. So whatever, I screwed up. Not again though. I went out and bought two books. The first one is the best book EVER.. "It's called a breakup because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. I highly recommend it for anyone going throug a breakup. The second book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray, Ph.D. I just hate what's happening. You love someone so much and they just piss it all away. I texted him right after our last visit and I said "have fun being alone, cause you'll never get anyone as good as me" he responded "trust me, I won't be alone" I HATE him.................. urghhhhh Sorry had to vent. Going out tonight with my girlfriend. I need male attention and booze right now.
  10. I've thought long and hard about the whole thing. I can't forgive and forget. Regardless of what happened that lead of to the affair it wasn't right of him to do what he did. As much as I love him, I can't be with him again. It's not going to be a easy road to walk down but I have to do it. If I stay, everything that happened will always be on my mind. I'd rather be alone and one day find somone new to start fresh with. I think there is only so much one person can tolerate.
  11. I know what the problems were in the relationship. He didn't fufill my emotional needs and I didn't fufill his sexual needs. Here's the dilemma. He has agreed to give me what I need in return for his. I know he was sincere when he said it. My problem is, do I let someone who did this to me get off that easy or should I just move on and not look back? I love him so much but I don't know if I can ever forget what happened. The whole situation is screwed up. I'm very upset at what he did but I can understand why he did it. It would be one thing if everything was peachy keen and he did it but things have been absolutly miserable between us for the last few months. I myself thought of straying but I just couldn't do it. I thought of leaving too but couldn't do that either. So do I salvage this relationship and make it work? I just know that part of the blame is on me. I wasn't the perfect girlfriend. Now looking back I can see why he did it. The last few months I've been very stressed at work. I would come home miserable and take it out on everyone always snapping. With him I was wishy washy, fine one moment pissed off at him another. He would always try with the sexual advances and I would not so nicely ward him off. Or if we did have sex I totally wasn't into it, and would basically ask "you done yet" I just don't know what to do.
  12. It's a two sided problem. He wanted sex and I wanted to be in love again and have the romance back. He wasn't willing to do that and I wasn't willing to enjoy or want the sex for that matter. Now of course he's begging me back. This just really sucks, because I do love him. But I don't think I could or should ever forgive him. I would of had more respect for him if he broke off the relationship prior to the affair and got it out of his system. He's now claiming that he thought that he wanted to be with other people but has realized that he only wants me. He just needs me to want to have sex with him. He says that's the ONLY reason he strayed and also the fact that I was always miserable. I dunno what to do. Part of me is like screw him, but the other half (the sucka half) is actually considering working things out. I just wish relationships didn't have to be so complicated.
  13. DN-- I love sex, just not with him. I did in the beginning and up until awhile ago. I just lost interest. Trust me I still had sexual urges I just took care of them myself. I can't even believe I'm starting to blame myself for his affair. But honestly I am at this point. He swears that the only reason why he strayed is because of the lack of sex, or actually because there was no sex. What do you guys think?
  14. Okay so we talked today in person. He said that he felt bad about the cheating but felt worse that I would NEVER have sex with him. I'll have to admit I never would and any time we did he had to beg and I was totally not into it. Don't get me wrong what he did was f'd up. I don't want to be with him but I just wanted to hear why things ended up the way they did. The affair went on for a month, and honestly in the last month we fought constantly. So time to move on. I just wish guys weren't so INTO sex. Yes it's great but its not everything. Also he said that my lack of sex drive is the only reason why he wouldn't marry me. Oh well better luck with the next guy.
  15. Yes I'm not one to snoop but I had a real gut feeling this time. If I had found nothing I would have never of done it again. But you know what I'm glad I did. I needed to hear what I heard to give me the strength to get the hell out. Besides the cheating, he just wasn't right for me. I knew this deep down but I guess I was just hoping that things would be resolved and he finally get it one day and treat the way I should be treated. It's was foolish to think that way, but I was very attached to him. I started dating him when I was 20 years old and we went through a lot of stuff. I have a very serious muscle diease (myasthenia Gravis) which thank god is in remission. He was there for me while I was sick, and I guess in a sick way I felt like I owed him. But you know, I've learned that no matter what a person does for you, it doesn't mean that you have to put up with bad treatment. Goodbye to him and hello to my new single life. I'm not going to cry myself to sleep tonight like I normally would. My girlfriends and I are going out to Boston tonight to Celebrate. I'll try not to be too upset tonight as I sip on my cocktail and beat the guys off with a stick!!!
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