fnlyfrei
-
Posts
1,618 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Articles
Videos
Blogs
Store
Everything posted by fnlyfrei
-
Okay, the scenario....A new relationship, a couple in their early 40's ( a very CUTE couple too...) Very smitten with each other....in the early stages of considering marriage. I believe in hashing out everything before that step is taken..so I brought up his religiousity and my non-religiosity...namely...he is a christian and I am basically a spiritual person who believes in god, the great spirit in general..I have an open mind and will listen and learn from every religion. I do not believe that there is a chosen people who will only go to heaven. I think if you are a good person and affect the world in a positive way...you will be in a good place...(doesnt have to be "heaven" per se) I believe if you are an evil creep who hurts everyone...you will also get that coming back to you. I just do not put parameters on my beliefs....or house it with a cliquish church and think pastors or preachers are any better than anyone else. My boyfriend thinks I am damaged by my past experiences . I am afraid if I do not conform to his beliefs...we will not marry, thereforeeee ending this relationship. Am I wrong to stand by what I think and feel? I would be willing to accept his beliefs as long as he did not try to recruit or force me into his. (visa versa) His question to me was...Where would we marry? (Meaning I am sure, by a pastor or a witch doctor?) How could we solve this if it can be solved? I do love him.
-
I am currently in a relationship where there are major "peace talks"...going on...we are considering marriage...which is I am sure is as mortifying for him as it is for me right now...( I was formerly married almost for 20 years and he has been divorced for 14 years) I am afraid of making the same mistakes twice...and I refuse. Right now we are debating religion. He is a christian and I am generally spiritual and do not believe in organized churches really...and he doesn't understand that. (I have my reasons) But he brought up a good point....if I do not believe in the church...what kind of wedding ceremony would we have? I did not want to be disrespectful...but I secretly thought...(hey, it would be cool to have a voodoo ceremony in a wiccan hut, performed by a buddist monk!) but that would have cheesed my bf off.... I guess it is about compromise. If you love her and would WANT to marry her, and if she would reconsider the baby thing....maybe things could work ! If she stands her ground and so do you...move on!
-
Tell her that...get fixed too.
-
Sounds like you should get out. Let her find someone who wants marriage and babies. Sounds like your only problem with everything is that it is you have no where to go...I didn't hear any regrets or emotions in there...too bad. If you don't love her enough to compromise...I guess you will have to find different room and board. Small price to pay , for your freedom. After all, that is what you ulitmately want isn't it??
-
If you did not want to be in a committed relationship...and you are seeing more than one girl...and possibly sleeping with more than one girl...wear a condom !!!! Why do people think pregnancy is the worst thing that can happen? And as for her stability...I guess she is stupid to sleep with you and get attached when she knows full well you are playing the feild. We women are silly like that. Have you considered not sleeping with ANYONE until you have gotten over whatever you have to get over? That would cut the confusion completely. And perhaps no one will fall in love with you and allow their heart to be broken. Less of a chance if you keep it in your pants.
-
My boyfriend is a metro. He exfoliates his hands with sea-salt, took me for my first pedicure and manicure..and joined me, and owns more hair products than I ever will. He is better at all this than I am. It is sort of unsettling sometimes actually...
-
You are never responsible for the actions of others, but you are responsible for YOU. If someone is NOT treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. You may hurt for awhile, but your heart will eventually heal. This helped me at times. : )
-
I say, do it. Get your own place. I lived with someone for 10 months...and was being completely used the entire time. I wanted to get my own place but for some silly reason I ignored my gut feeling...probably to spare his feelings....and ended up completely miserable. Your baby deserves a happy mommy...not to live in a home where there is a bunch of stress and arguments. And do not let ANYONE in that happy bubble once you do get your own space unless they have earned that right. Now that I am on my own...that is what I am doing. Life is too short to waste being unhappy when you have some amount of control in the situation. You sound like you have your head on straight. Good luck to you and your child. : )
-
So, what about him do you LIKE? Does it outweigh the obvious obnoxiousness? Ask yourself...would I want to live with this every day? If anyone I dated called me fat in any shape or form within the first few weeks, I would make sure I lost about 135 pounds quick. HIM. You sound like a very intelligent woman..and you could do much better.
-
Gosh. I guess you have opened my eyes about rushing into marriage too hastily...or into a living situation with a complete stranger...with kids ! Firstly...you did not really know each other..or how to cope with the step-family dynamics, decide how you would handle money...etc...I guess to fix anything...would be to start over somehow and try to do things logically instead of completely emotionally and unplanned. Get a counselor. Quick ! And thanks for your post. You woke me up from a silly fairy tale !
-
Yes ! Everyone should read this book !! Here are a few more bits... You are never responsible for the actions of others, but you are responsible for YOU. If someone is NOT treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. You may hurt for awhile, but your heart will eventually heal. You gain a huge amount of freedom when you take nothing personally. No spell can affect you regardless of how strong it may be. And if you live without fear, if you love , you will be happy with your life. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We make an assumption. We misunderstand. We take it personally, then we react by sending emotional poison with our word. This creates a whole big drama for nothing. Your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you. Impeccability of the word only creates beauty, love, and heaven on earth.
-
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. 2. Don't Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. 3. Don't Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. 4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
-
How long was it before you said 'I love you'?
fnlyfrei replied to aymee_lee's topic in Relationship Advice
I said it after two weeks...he wasn't ready, then he showed up at my door with two red roses and said it to me....which was a month to the day we met. We are going on four months now and we are mad for each other. I guess time will tell if we will be together in the long run, but for now...we are so happy. I think it is just a matter of living each day to the fullest and not worrying about tomorrow or yesterday. -
Er, yeah...go ahead, date other people...stop contacting him. If he does call, tell him you are getting ready for a date and you cannot talk. Let him go if he wants to go...just remember though..you are also free. You will likely find someone so AWESOME that you forget whatshisname anyway. I know I went through alot of stuff dating creeps like that...then I met my new someone...he's da bomb.
-
I am in a new relationship. Talk is turning to "The Future" and "Growing Old Together"....I am wondering what other people think a deal breaker is....are they specific or do people have the same types of things they will say...."NOT" to, and end the relationship? What incompatibilities will you not put up with? What thought processes? For me, I think lying of course...but since I have been dating I have found long lists of things....okay....I am listening....
-
Talk me out of this. Thought I'd grown up?
fnlyfrei replied to AntiLove_SuperStar's topic in Breaking Up Advice
Okay, at 40, I take offense to the fact that you think aging makes one ugly. What makes a person physically unattractive I think is perhaps not eating right or excersizing...taking vitamins...I think I am "hotter" at 40 than I was at 18, or 20...and attitude. You need to love YOURSELF. Those other people who made you feel good about yourself are not what you are looking for. If you have that INSIDE...you do not need anyone to tell you..you know it. That confidence is what exudes from you and attracts other people....without sleeping with anyone or having superficial compliments to lift you up. Having self-love also takes away those insecurities you feel in your relationship. Your man is there because he can obviously see what you can't...he isn't thinking about who you aren't. I hope you take the journey to discover how dang great you are. You are obviously beautiful and intelligent. The only person you have to convince that of...is YOURSELF!!!!! -
My kids like him fine. It is difficult since they are 13, 15 and 20...all boys, and all teenagers. It takes them time to warm up to anyone of course...the general thought is that the new bf is a "nerd"...and he is endearingly so...not an overly complicated person...but true to his word and caring. If he ever treated any of them badly or rudely..he would be so outta here....I will take the time to see if he really is who I hope he is. Three months isn't enough time for sure to know. And if he were going to be a part of our family...we want to be sure. I must seem like such a spaz for even considering it...
-
Yeah...I guess my insecurity is showing through..what's the hurry? Yes, he knows much about me...and I about him. And I suppose when I buy my house he does not have to be included at this point. I would hate for things not to work out and then have to move AGAIN. NO WAY ! I think we both are dreamers...when the reality is that we only met 15 weeks ago. Yikes. The new car smell hasn't even worn off !
-
It will not get better. If she is unwilling to go to counseling that says a lot. A good relationship is give AND take..not one person banging their head against a wall. You knew before she wasn't the one....you should trust your gut instincts. Every time I ignored my intuitions or feelings...it turned out bad. You only have one life...do you want to spend it imprisoned by a bad choice? And if she is manipulative and abusive now....make sure you have things set up in the divorce so that she cannot use your son as a weapon. Controlling, abusive people will grab whatever they can to weild against you if they feel powerless....it can get scary...but don't let it scare you. Plan accordingly.
-
I was married FOREVER...most of my life. We are divorced now, and I have been dating on and off for a year or so..after a disasterous 10 month relationship after my divorce. I finally met someone I am crazy about..and it seems he is crazy for me too. It has only been a little over three months though...and talk is turning to long-term commitment...possibly marriage already. This thrills me and scares me at the same time, as it probably should. Are we nuts? Could this work? Has this kind of whirlwind BAM kind of thing ever worked out for anyone else? We are both in our early 40's...he lives with a room mate...I live in a small apartment with my boys...I think we both are ready to get a house and move forward...if this could work between us. I was intent on buying my own house within the next eight months with or without anyone....I would like to include him in my plans...but I refuse to live with anyone again without being married...for my kids' sake...and mine. I also think that before I married again, I would want to go through some sort of couples counseling first....but I guess things have been moving so fast that I am thinking "Is it too good to be true?" Should I listen to my logical side and set up some sort of timeline? Or are we too hormonal right now to make any sort of decision at all? Input is welcome. Thanks.
-
Hi Kids... Last weekend my bf came over to spend the night. All fine, all good...it was a nice evening. (I am divorced with three teen sons) I decided to take a hot bath because I was feeling "oogie"...(plus fat, bloated and ugly with pms..) So I locked the bathroom door because I wanted to be ALONE. Minutes after I sank into the water with relief...someone knocks...yeah...it was my guy...I say distinctly "I am IN THE TUB!"...he tries the knob...and finds it locked. (Which should say loud and clear that I do not want company...right?) So he PICKS THE LOCK and walks in !! Disrobes and climbs into the water with me. My body language was pretty much me in the fetal position sitting in the water...wanting to disappear...not wanting him there..but I did not want to hurt his feelings...(I must be a wimp...) So after a few breif minutes I excuse myself from MY bath and leave...and gosh he seems suprized I did. I guess my question would be...would any of YOU pick the lock and invite yourself into someones private time? I would NEVER do that...also I would not snoop around in someones computer claiming to organize their files and such...(not the first bf who has done that...) What is with these people??? Should I reverse the behavior on them and burst in the bath when they are taking a wizz, or perhaps just log onto their computers when I visit and make sure they have defragged just to be "nice?" Is this behavior a territorial thing? When I am a guest in someone's home, I don't even open a card sitting out to read it, much less sift through their computer. Perhaps I am so afraid of hurting their feelings by standing up for myself that I let people walk all over me....but where are THEIR dang manners???? How do I tactfully handle this? I have nothing to hide....I just think they should respect my personal space as much as I do thiers...
-
I like stubble. I rather like the differences between men and women. Mustaches and goatees are cool too. No grizzly adams though...
-
I liked the book. Every guy I have talked to about it hates it...they think it is some underhanded man-hater book. Apparently they haven't read it. It IS common sense. If someone you are interested in treats you like poo or ignores you...move on. DUH! I have gotten stuck on one person and have obsessed over why they did not respond as I had hoped, when I waited for them to "come around" so all my romantic dreams would come true. Finally, when I did take the advice of the book...guess what...the person moved on. So did I. It's all good...it wasn't meant to be anyhow. Same goes for the guys....if someone is treating you like crud....don't sit there and take it !!!! She's just not that into you !
-
I have been in this situation before...I thought the other person was as "into" me as I was into him. Even after we agreed to exclusivity, he seemed to only find the time to see me once a week, and did not call very often...and like an IDIOT I kept persuing HIM....the more I pushed the more he pushed away. No...he is NOT into you. If he was, he would be the one calling, he would make an effort to see you...just stop calling and nagging him...no texting either. If he really wants wonderful you...he will be begging and knocking at YOUR door. You are only going to drive yourself crazy. And like you said...there are others who would be more than happy to treat you the way you should be treated....why do we women go for the ones who treat us poorly? Step away from the phone !
-
Yes, it WAS because of men. Long story. True story. Valid story. I just do not want to share it here. And I am sure that I am not alone in how these things affected my body image and self confidence. And as shes2smart stated...we fight these battles within ourselves for the rest of our lives. I just really do not want/need anyone fighting against me when I am trying to overcome something so difficult. And the person fighting against me so to speak, should not be the one who "loves" me.
