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sfindependent

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About sfindependent

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    Silver Member
  • Birthday 10/21/1979
  1. Yea,I guess I misspoke. So its a yes and a no. I think the impulsivity, if I had better reinforcement when I was younger, could have been curbed. But then again, much like you I dont want to blame it on mental illness. Im hard on myself. I blame my lack of fortitude. I overcame things such as higher education. Why can't I handle honesty? I'm an adult. I should know better and yet here I am. I feel I plateau'd with personal growth. What has been keeping me from becoming a better version of myself? It may not be the adhd. But it doesn't help it any better, thats for sure. So here i a
  2. Thank you. As I mentioned above, I dont associate my life challenges with adhd but now that I know that this has been a part of my struggle, feel both relief and anxiety over the challenges I've to overcome. Im well within my 40s and im just realizing that my unconscious behaviors aren't necessarily because I'm a bad person or a lazy or weak. I wake up everyday and advocate for other people for work. But I never saw why I do what I do. I just want to be a better person. Someone who has values that aren't so malleabl
  3. In that case envy you. (But I also feel a bit judged by you) I never really attributed my life to be so affected by adhd. And believe me, ive my masters, lived alone for how many years, have a regular life. I have never attributed any of my failings to adhd, nor do I want it to be an excuse or a crutch. Even today, I still don't believe its that. But therapy, reading pages of other people's studies and experiences, and applying insight to my situation has helped me open my eyes to what has been a silent barrier to my otherwise ok life. Obviously we have our own experiences and through the
  4. He said "values are nothing until you exercise them", something like that. I also have adhd,which I'm now getting medicated for. It's a battle between always reminding myself, remembering, identifying its an impulse, knowing what my boundaries are, and making sure people I love feel loved. Someone here said "I hate it when adhd is used as an excuse" and I thought that was unfair to say. Until recently I thought I was a normal good guy who was on top of my ish. This is a new world and im finding that when to stir, and stirring the pot the other way takes a lot of conscious effort.
  5. Coming put of a relationship, twisted and hurt. Honestly, i want another chance with my ex. But either that's moot point or it'll be forever until we even get close to having a superficial conversation. I never blamed her for anything. I know and own every mistake I did that led to where I am today. So I move on. Its been a few months now. Broke up somewhere between September and October of 2020. Since then, she had moved to a different state. She tried giving low contact a chance but she felt the wounds never healed and ultimately went NC. I got the hint one day when she qui
  6. yes, it was mostly the dopamine rush. I was raised catholic (hooray, guilt) and my parameters for relationships are traditionally monogamous, but life directs you to learning new things about yourself and how you approach life, so one of the things that I picked up was that, while monogamy is the name of the game, the ties aren't as tight and being fluid is more of a path to happiness than rigidity and deprivation. In other words, my default is monogamy, but poly life isn't out of the cards, but not a necessity. I remember when we were finally able to talk about what made ME unhappy was
  7. Hi all... Back here after a while. and please, be nice. I know what I did. Part of this post is to hopefully get advice, and part of it is to really get into my head and collect my thoughts. Been dating this awesome girl for 2 years. Put a lot of effort in it, as best as I could. A small part of this relationship she had to move across the state for work. We agreed on two things, one was I would try to move out to where she was at some point (goal was within a year) and second, I would tell her if I decided to see other people (I'm not clear if we were going to do open relationship
  8. I really tried. I told you from the get go that I was in the midst of an awakening from monogamy to polyamory which, you were very clear you didnt want. I told you I wanted to work it out with you. We didn't know how but I was damn ok with opening up with you and trying to find a common ground. the first year was great. You told me that you needed to establish trust and love between us. I told you, we don't need to do anything poly at the time, but just take the time to remind me you know that part of me, acknowledge it and make me think you love me as a whole. I know I f'd up whe
  9. yea, that would mean I can't have credit cards or loans for the next 7 years. Plus the consolidation would increase the debt i had. The bank said it wasn't worth the effort to do so.
  10. I just wanted to vent. I feel stuck, yet again. For a loooong time, i was stuck with bad financial debt. But after a while i was able to knock my debt down and even raised my credit to be able to buy a car. But i got laid off shortly after that, after having an argument with another manager about taking someone else's home away from them (completely legit, but i felt it wasn't ethical for me to do so at the time and circumstance). At the same time, i was burning out from work. I decided to take a different job and move away from social work after more than a decade of being witness to
  11. Thats the thing. Breaking up for obvious reasons such as fighting, cheating and incompatibility makes leaving someone more definitive. Why would you stick around for that? But i honestly think there's more to it than just our life choices. I ultimately want a monogsmous relationship. Im just at a crossroads right now. But given my other extentuating circumstances such as my employment and my career, its added on to the difficulty of making a decision as to what i want or need to do. I find our values and sense of humor and coping skills and our love language to be very similar. Im very attract
  12. And thats what we had. We were, for a short amount of time, pretty good towards each other. I realize that, this heart break and grief should be brief given our courtship, but i think my issues stem more from our differences and what im willing to do to continue that. I feel as if, we could have had a longer time together if only i was willing to commit or provide some willingness to compromise. I told my friend, that in the short amount of time together, i built enough "credit" that, hopefully when i decide to revisit our relationship she'd be more willing to try it out due to how good we end
  13. Shes 34 and im 38. We both are open to kids in the future. A friend adviced, that i should wait a month when i pick myself up and am done with my boards. Im pretty successful with my career but recently found myself unemployed. Im burned out. And my friend suggested to wait when ive something to offer, so to speak. I know i should follow their sound advice, but am curious. Should i wait that long?
  14. Suppose i do want to try. Suppose i do want to reach out. What or when is a good time to drop a hello? I know i cant just drop the "i made a mistake" or "i want to try it out" willy nilly. But the more i think about it the more it makes sense. A friend of mine siggested to wait a month. Thats when id have my head together. My act together, hopefully. Id have taken my boards. Id have figured out my direction. And id feel more secure about myself. Would waiting a month be too late? What am i going to say?
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