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  1. My(20f) Bf(20m) and I have been together a year and a half. It has been up and down but we do love each other a lot and genuinely have a great time in each others company. However, I'd be lying if I didn't say there were red flags. Most recently last night something came up that is making me question myself. My Bf has been on a vacation abroad for the past month and returns tomorrow. Since the beginning of December we've been planning on taking a romantic getaway to reconnect/ celebrate our anniversary. Our getaway will be the 27th-29th so really nothing huge. I footed the bill for our Airbnb and did most of the planning as he's out of the country. Before we booked our place I told him to make sure his mom was alright with him going. She said it was fine to him and even mentioned to me that it was fine. Last night while on the phone my Bf informs me that his mom and little brother are now going to come along. He says they will be staying with his relatives that live in the same city we're going to and we are just going to drop them off the first day then when we come home all ride home together. He said his mom asked and he agreed. Consulted with me about none of it. Now if I say anything I am seen as a selfish girl trying to distract him and take him away from his family. I am sick of being cast in this light. I try hard to build a bond with his family and mother particularly but I feel like this is sort of a slap in the face. I'm upset at his mother for asking. She knew this was a vacation just us yet she still asked. If we just dropped them off it wouldn't be a huge deal but I was looking forward to the drive there with him. Also I have a suspicion that what will actually end up happening is his mom calling him constantly and asking for us to all go do something or for a ride somewhere in the city. I hate being put in this position where I have to say no about his family but this was supposed to be for US. This issue has brought a bigger problem to my attention. My Bf's dynamic with his family is extremely different than mine. I am the youngest, he's the oldest. His mom is super involved with him, my parents are more hands off. His family takes vacations, my parents travel by themselves. I feel like I have a lot more independence than he does because his mom coddles him. He makes comments about how cold my family is and really makes me feel sad about it. I have always been insecure about how distant my family is but that's just how things have always been for me. I wished my family was more "fun" and did things like his but my family is small and we're all grown children now.
  2. Hi there, I've been dating a guy at my university casually for about 4 months and he's been pushing me to sleep with him. However due to religious beliefs, I'm saving myself for marriage. I've discussed my values with him before, and I thought he understood, but still we can never seem to put this issue completely behind us and things would always seem to come down to this. And we're now at a standoff again. This time around he even seems to be losing interest and is acting distant. I'm not sure if there is another girl in the picture but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that he starts pulling away right around the same time that we're having a standoff on this problem. Should I just give up on ever being able to work this out with this guy because our values and expectations are too different? or is there some other way to save this besides just talking things through? Then again if he really likes or values me as a person he should be willing to compromise and accept my values no? or is 4 months too short of a period of time to expect a guy to really care for you emotionally and compromise his physical needs? How do couples with religious or some other serious differences work things out?
  3. I am in a new relationship. Talk is turning to "The Future" and "Growing Old Together"....I am wondering what other people think a deal breaker is....are they specific or do people have the same types of things they will say...."NOT" to, and end the relationship? What incompatibilities will you not put up with? What thought processes? For me, I think lying of course...but since I have been dating I have found long lists of things....okay....I am listening....
  4. Why do some guys only want to be friends with benefits with their female friends? Is it because they're either too busy, emotionally challenged, or maybe just not interested enough in the girl to have a relationship with her? What if the girl were to hold out from being friends with benefits with the guy, would that make him value her more as a person and want to pursue a relationship with her? Provided that they do have good chemistry and compatibility beyond just a physical attraction. All inputs are welcomed, especially the guys on this board.
  5. Seven years ago I told her she was not the one for me and we had so many incompatibilities and different lifestyle that I couldn't marry her. She persisted that I should marry her anyway, that she would change, etc. I was so insecure and weak that I went on and marry her. Nowadays, our marriage has been marked by nasty fights and lack of respect. All the time she feels insecure that any bad mood I have is because I am unhappy with her. She complains all the time that I don't treat her family and friends (from a radical church) with charisma. Then she gets mad because perhaps she senses I am not happy or maybe she perceives I am not happy - even if my bad mood is not related to her - and the nasty attacks and fight brake out. Yesterday I told her that since we have so many incompatibilities and she hasn't accepted my position, then there is no point in continuing the relationship. Strangely, she continues to reply saying that even if I don't love her she wants to continue married with me. Tell me, if I keep married with a person whom I don't love and I have many incompatibilities with, it is impossible for us to be happy, isn't it ? She is saying that she now will accept the fact that I don't get along well with her group of friends and family. Do you think that such strange relationship is possible?
  6. I'm on here so much now. My boyfriend and I exchanged xmas gifts tonight. It was a nice night up until I don't even know when. I feel like I ruin everything and in fact, I do ruin everything. I'm not stupid and I know that I have spellcheck on so I won't talk like I don't know what I'm saying, but we went out for drinks right now and I feel okay. But I know when I wake up I will feel terrible again. He didn't for the reason I did. I like to come here because when I tell my girlfriends anything they say, oh, you have gone out for 7 years... everything will be okay. I was sad because he was going to leave at 10:30 because I wanted him to come over and sleep over like he usually does on Saturday nights. I don't know why I even asked him when he was going to leave but it came up. A lot of weekends we have are ruined... not because of incompatibility but because I feel like I can get upset over nothing and complain for nothing. I push buttons and go as far as I can go. I feel so bad... he said he was looking at rings, and he was going to buy me a $1,000 ring just as a regular gift but it was too much for right now for him. And I feel like he was completely hinting towards Valentine's day because he mentioned it a few times. He said he was happy he didn't get it for me after a night like tonight and I'm so upset. I am so filled to the brim with guilt. Later on he said he was happy he didn't get it for me and other things I can't remember. I blame myself. He wanted me over for Christmas Eve but now I don't know how he feels. And I can't think straight, we finally did go out for dinner and he is okay and fine. But I drank so much and want to keep calling him and saying sorry. He only left 30 minutes from when he was going to leave.. It wasn't worth me getting upset. He's just home now it wasn't for any reason. I am embarrassed. I want to wake up and feel better in the morning. We had a bad night and Exchanged x-mas gifts. I feel like I don't deserve a thing from him. Martha
  7. The realization that he's gone forever still hits me like a tidal wave sometimes...and it's been over three months since the breakup. I feel like damaged goods...not because there's something "wrong" with me (okay, so I do have my issues...), but because I now have a history and will always carry the burden of this failed relationship...And I feel like it makes me a bad person. I know that I would be suspicious of a guy with a dedicated relationship in his past, because that means that I wouldn't be all that special to him...so who's to say that guys won't view me the same way? Not to mention that the idea of dating scares me...that awkward period of getting to know an absolute stranger and trying to judge our compatibility over the course of several few-hour periods...With my ex, we were coworkers, and there came a time when we just started contacting each other every day outside of work, and it evolved from there...and it was lovely. I don't know how I'll be able to get to know another guy in the conventional dating way... Plus, I just can't shake off the memories of our relationship...What if the next guy isn't like that? What if he doesn't randomly call just because he wanted to know how I am? What if my smile isn't enough to make his day? What if he doesn't give me cute little nicknames and kiss me on the nose? If he doesn't enjoy cuddling on the couch while watching a movie? What if he doesn't randomly pick me up and spin me around and around? If he doesn't tell me that I should never change myself for other people, including him? If he doesn't think that I look beautiful when I just wake up in the morning...and that falling asleep and waking up in each other's arms is terribly romantic? What if he doesn't believe in me more than anyone else does, including myself? I'm terrified that I won't find those things with another guy... I just wish that we had a bad relationship that didn't make me happy...then I would know there's room for improvement. As things are right now, the only improvement I can think of is dating long enough to get married. Argh. Just a really bad day.
  8. This is probably the dumbest thing I've ever posted but hey, I'm curious. So I really liked this guy, we live pretty far apart but hopefully we'll be able to go out in the future, if I am that lucky. I've become more interested in Astrology the last couple years seeing as, my violin teacher had studied it and use to amaze me at how accurate it seemed to be. So for fun I typed up our signs and compatibility. It says we're the worse match possible, it went on and on and was so negative. Now I know that relationships take work and I shouldn't take this whole sign thing so seriously. So can I ask, is there any Geminis and Scorpios out there dating with success? Thanks
  9. hey folks, I've got threads all over the place, trying to figure things out. well I wanted to ask people what is the best way (other than NC) to make up with a love one for giving them an ok relationship? basically, my ex said that "i think I will be happier with other people". and that kind of made me think, you know? but she insists she wants to be friends (and its not the gentle let down phrase either) and I believe she has a genuine want for me to be around her as a friend. but ive been thinking of sticking around to prove to her I have changed from the bad guy she knew and would want her to see me in a different light (same tastes, compatibility, etc) i just want to know what people would do to "make up" for the bad thngs people have done in a relationship and strived to make up for it and make them realize that whatever it is you've done wrong is far less important than the good that you can do when you're with them.. any opinions would be welcome. thanks!
  10. In another thread, Deviant Kate wrote the following which I intend to relate to sexual compatibility as a whole: I would like to make the topic a bit more general in nature and consider this to fall in the timeframe between when a couple starts dating and when they first engage in sex. My conclusion from reading the quote is that it can be just as hard for a woman to hold back from engaging in sex as it is for a man. I feel that is a valid statement. I'd love to hear more feedback from males and females on how concealing female arousal in the initial dating phase of your relationship has impacted your sexual compatiblity both short and long term. I am interested in what feedback you have and don't want to place limits on the discussion. My Personal Experiences and Relationship Goals Previously, I have come to another conclusion in my personal life. Unless a woman has directly told me otherwise, I find that if she can go more than a month or two whle dating me before having sex, she more than likely doesn't have a sex drive that will be compatible with mine over the long term. Sexual compatibility is very tough to predict ahead of time. Though I inquire, I don't expect to determine many aspects of sexual compatibility prior to having sex. In sooth, there aren't that many things that would be deal breakers for me sexually. I simply don't have that many requirements and am not particularly selective overall. But I have come to believe that a major difference in sex drive is a deal breaker for me. For a long term relationship I am looking for someone who puts intimacy and sexual compatibility at the same high priority level that I do and who is willing to make that a very long term commitment. For that to work best, I think having naturally compatible sex drives is a key to that. A high sex drive is often associated with enthusiasm and a willingness for sex that would be tough to fake. And I would ask little more of any partner than to be enthusiastic during sex (once again, I am not rules/requirements type person). So that is where I am coming from. Now I would like to hear your views. I do have plenty more to say, but I tend to get long winded as it is.
  11. Just want to start a thread here so that we all understand and define these 3 important components in good relationship. I will start first: emotional compatability - ability to understand each other's feeling and express them, frequency of contact like once every day or once every week is sufficient intellectual compatibility- Like to read the same types of books and movies and being able to disuss it in a deep level sexual compatibility - frequency of course, being adventurous, like to role play at times... your definition?
  12. Which one is better and why? I am not your typical North Georgia guy. I'll take a healthy bicycle ride and a country drive in my 2006 Toyota Corolla over going to a bar or club in Atlanta. I tell people I like the snow and cooler temperatures in Winter but my heart still longs for summer weather. Women have said "I'm fun to be with" and "funny". But most importantly to me my close friends tell me I'm someone who is very helpful. For an honest woman with a kind heart looking for that special love match I just may be "the one" you've been waiting for. If your willing to get to know each other a little bit better, please contact me right away. You'll be glad you did! OR THIS Hello! My name is Josh. I am a recent college graduate in Network Systems Administrator and Computer Repair. I am very outgoing and I want to live life to its fullest! I like to laugh as much as possible and can find humor in anything relating to everyday life. I have many interests. I love the arts, and going to the museums and seeing the latest exhibits. I also enjoy taking photographs of both natural and urban beauty. I'm also an excellent cook, and cook many great hearty and home-style meals. I am also very fit! I enjoy hiking; my favorite hiking experience was hiking up Stone Mountain, looking down at the town far below and seeing the high rises in ATL in the background. I will often also go for drives and see new sights in my Toyota Corolla. I also give great massages (hint hint!). Compatibility is very important to me; because without it, the relationship has have nothing. If you think we might be compatible, send me an e mail and I'd love to chat with you!
  13. There's probably been a topic bout this but.... What were everyone's reasons for their breakup? The dumpees here mostly say that they didn't really get a reason....just that their s.o. fell out of love? But what bout the dumpers (ones who did the dumping) here? What were most of your reasons for breaking up with ur bf/gf? Incompatibility? he became a jerk? didn't treat u well? cheated? etc....
  14. I am just confused and I would like to know how other people think about this. Say..if you've meet someone toward whom you feel passion and love, however, this person's personality is not compatible with yours and the chance to workout the relationship is slim; at mean time, you've met another person who cares about you and who wants to make you happy, and you feel you guys are compatible and can have a future together, but there is no passion but only care, because he is a good person and yourself is also good-natured. In this case, What would you do?
  15. hi, i was just guna ask a general question about being compatible with someone. i'm a gemini and as my sign says i am most compatible with aquarius, libre aries and leo. ive found in the past some one my strongest relationshps have been whith ppl who i a supposed to be the most compatibility with. except im a bit worried that i often depend too much on or look too much into starsigns..... like if im gettin on wit a guy or i start seing sumone (or even if im making a new friend!) and i find out from their starsign that theyre not compatible with me...i find that i hardly make much more of an effort with them coz i always think it probably won't last anyway coz were not compatible. does anyone else ever think like this?? i dont want starsigns to predict my realtionshps with ppl but i find it really hard not too! am i obsessed?!
  16. I have been dating my bf for 4 months. We spend all our time together and he basically lives at my appt. In the beginning we were getting to know eachother and in that happy hazy period. Well, for me the haze has lifted and I'm beginning to see our incompatibility. This is where i'm feeling awful because he has never been in love before and I know he loves me. he is not very independent, he has a very low self-esteem, and generally doesn't like himself very much. I don't know how to break up with him where I don't further decimate his sense of self worth. I care about him so much. I do love him but unfortunately it's not the right kind of love. He is a very sweet person and he has never done made me feel bad about myself. It would almost be easier is he were a jacka$$ but he's not and i care how this will affect him. i don't want to hurt him but it will. i guess what i'm needing is a little advice on how to do this as kindly as possible.
  17. I am having more problems with sexual incompatability, as I have come to realize it (read previous post for more info). My girlfriend and I had another talk today. She really does not understand that people have a 'need' for sex. It's as if she never heard of such a thing and I am some sexual pervert. She told me sexual things do not mean anything. She wouldn't even kiss me today willingly cause she wasn't in a kissing mood. I now realize that I cannot progress in a relationship with her (after 9 months) if I cannot enjoy sex with someone I love. She is leaving and instead of turn this into an LDR, I believe it is for the best if we break up. How can I communicate this? I will come off as a sex crazed pervert simply because she does not believe/understand that I have a 'normal' sex drive (once or twice a week would be fine for me). She told me that I want to do it a lot more than other people, but she has dated VERY few other people. I need advice... any help?
  18. Hi all, I've been on a few dating sites, online--I've not had much luck, but I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts on them? In particular, I've been using OkCupid, which has this massive "personality test", which matches you up with supposedly highly compatible folks in your area. Why am I asking this? Well damn, it turns out that my ex is always in the top 5 of my highest compatible matches, on OkCupid, for my area. I mean, lame! We broke up, we had enough incompatibilities that we didn't stick it out, obviously. But damnit, wondering what the hell it means? Being self-negative here (but this is a great place to do it!), but in the back of my stupid mind, as opposed to my confident mind, I think--there goes the one girl who was so compatible with me, and we're apart! Turns out the guy she's got FWB with, has the highest compatibility with her.. But she doesn't see long-term with him, because, if I recall, he wants to live a very non-materialistic lifestyle. She likes the creature comforts. LOL!! Okay, I just laughed at my stupid quandary. I'll post this anyway, for responses Oh yeah, I wanted to add--I hate seeing her on my match-list! Too bad can't exclude her. Cheers!
  19. I have been living with my girlfriend for about a year now. We have known each other for about 8 years, and have dated on and off. I've recently started somewhat losing interest sexually in the relationship, but we are both trying to spice things up and keep it fresh. Things seem to be getting stale One thing that disturbs me is that there are only a few things sexually that she is open to. About as freaky as she gets is using toys, porn, some roughness, and basic bondage gear (restraints). Other than that, it is strictly normal vaginal penetration. My problem is I constantly fantasize about much more than that - oral (she doesn't even usually like receiving... weird), anal, watersports... I could go into detail on a lot of things, but you get the picture. I like variety. What's even worse is how my friends are always telling me that the girls they are dating are at least into oral. It's tough enough for me to exist in this all-too-grown-up reality of a live in monogamous relationship sometimes, but the thought that sex is just going to get more and more boring is killing me. Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriend and would never think of cheating, but I'd like to hear people's opinions on how this situation could play out in the long term. I'd be particularly interested in hearing from people who have been in this situtation, gotten married, and know how this might play out. Although I am a receptive person, I am not really interested in advice from people who haven't had this experience. We have a vacation coming up soon and have talked about going to one of those adult spa places. I'm thinking that would probably be awsome, so we'll see. Thanks.
  20. My partner of 5 years has recently left me (2 days ago) for seemingly no reason at all. We are both professionals, own a home together, a boat and a dog. This past weekend she told me that she was the happiest she has been in her life. However, on Tuesday, I suddenly became a slob that she could no longer live with. I am a little cluttered....but it's just my laid-back personality--I don't let little things get to me. I have realized that this has bothered her and I have tried to work on keeping it organized in "my space". She said she is sick of her living situation...i.e., my small messes. Example: we have a magazine rack. Why do we have a magazine rack???...to put magazines in, right? Apparently, they all belong to me and are causing a clutter next to my chair and it has stressed her to the point where she is ending a very happy five year relationship. She says she still loves me and wants to be my friend. I feel that relationships...this was a "marriage"...do not end because of a virtually non-existant clutter (something that takes15 minutes MAX to straighten). I called her on this point and now things have progressed to me not being dependable....not true by many accounts, basically she said I'm a 12-year-old. I'm 28 and very much an adult...lived on my own, pay my own bills,etc. I don't know if this is a deeper issue that cannot be reconciled or if she is just not capable of being in a relationship...or if she is just crazy. She has finally said she has spent the last five years hoping that I would grow up and she is now tired of waiting. Is this a compatibility issue? I'm completley in the dark. I don't know if I should move out and let her be but we share common interests, we can talk about anything, we enjoy each others company, we have built a life together and I don't know where this is coming from. Her parents are extremely upset with her and made the comment that she will never find anyone else to put up with her. I don't know how to progress with this situation. Ideally, I think she needs counseling....maybe we both do....but I would like for our relationship to continue to grow despite this setback. I need some advice on how to proceed. Move out...don't move out....remove myself from her life....end it now....keep in contact with her??? I am clueless....HELP!
  21. is it good to test your sexual compatibility first before entering a relationship/ formalizing things between the two of you?
  22. hey all, just wanted to see what u guys think... So my ex and i broke up about 2 months ago, there was really no real reason except that she had to go to college and it will be a LDR for 6 yrs and it jus dint work out. But i couldnt get her out of my mind as she was perfect for me, so i was looking for somethin, anythin which would tell me that it wont ment to me, or its good that it happened, for my inner peace. So surfing the net i came accross love compatibility, i am aries and she is scorpio, almost every site i checked they all said that u guys will be hot and passionate at first and then u'l have a lot of conflicts, basically it is hard for this relationship to work out. Made me happy then, but now im in a debate with myself. Should we look at astrological compatibility when in a relationship? If i had looked at that b4 maybe i wudnt have given my 200% to the relationship and wudnt be as heart broken as i am now? I dono, should i look for that when i enter my next relationship? let me knw wut you guys think jus from my perspective, but jus in general
  23. i've recently gone thru a break up. my guy asserted that " we r incompatible". though he never realised of his over possessiveness on me... its said that all individuals r unique ..no two ppl r alike . means no one is borned to be compatible with another. this compatibility is a 'rhythm' of interaction , devaloped among the couples for going on together. thus proper efforts sud be made from both sides to maintain it ...right ? how far is it justified to say "we r incompatible" without giving it a try to sustain it ? when undue domination , stubbornness, lack of mutual understandings n trust strain the compatibility between a pair...how to overcome it ? wat sud be done ? pals ...plzz help.
  24. Hi, This is more of a question of compatibility than anything. A very good friend of mine that I have known for a few years is the guy that I have had feelings for since the first time I met him. I never told him how I felt, just because I am a naturally shy person, and while it sometimes seemed like he was interested as well, I was just too scared that I might loose him if I said anything. Personality wise, he is a very different person than me. Where he is practical, I am emotional and a dreamer. He is confident, I am shy. He likes order and logical things, I like randomness and creativity. He is not a people pleaser, he will do and say anything he wants to, whereas I am always conscious of the other people and am "nice" and just generally polite despite what I may think. But when we're together, we just kind of fit. I know him almost better than I know myself, and vice versa with him. I know that all the experts say that although opposites attract, in the end it is somebody who is like you that you want as your mate. But we communicate almost instinctively (unless it's an "us" issue). And even though he always unintentionally hurts me and I always unintentionally frustrate him, each of us keep coming back for more. Whenever I am with him, I am content. Even when I am mad at him, just him being there makes the anger go away, or depression/sadness or whatever it is. I know what the so-called experts say, but what do other people say? Can opposites really make it together in the end, or are we too different?
  25. Hi, Lately i've been reading up alot about star signs and chararistic traits. myself a scorpio, find it kind of interesting that most of the traits listed do resemble mine. But i find it hard to believe that you can find love by these means -- its a interesting concept, and i'd like to look into it. I can imagine you can find a partner by listed traits that you find attractive, but no-one is that straight cut i think. people's opinions would be greatly appreciated on the subject if you want to contribute ^_^ bye
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