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  1. Hi. I really need some assistance and if anyone could help I would whole heartedly appreciate it. My girlfriend of 3 years has recently broken up with me in December 2003. Her reasons for doing this were that she was not sure that she loved me enough to go further. Also things came up about my children and if she was ready to accept that type of commitment, and so on... I felt this was very strange behavior for her, and had an intuition that someone else had come into the picture. During this whole period she talked to me on the phone while i tried to convince her of how "right" we are together... A little while later I confirmed that her married boss was in the picture........ She admitted it, and said that she thinks she went to that in order to get her mind off of breaking up with me. After I found out she says she has broken it off with her boss. I do believe that she has. When all this happened, I think she changed her mind about some things, that night she came to my house, gave me a symbollic key to her heart but a note attached to it that said it was the key to her heart but she is not ready for me to use it yet. she also stayed abit that night and we ended up in bed. After that she has called me at least once per day with small talk, I have called her but only a few times. Whenever I bring up "us" she says she needs to figure everything out and that I shouldn't pressure her. we went out to dinner last friday night, went back to my house and again ended up in bed. She is going through alot right now, in process of moving this weekend (which she asked me to help her move) she also asked me to keep her dog for a few months until her residency situation is stable. She also has problems with her teenage daughter, and her son just turned 18 this month. She tells me that she does love me but only after I tell her, she wont offer it up so to speak. She is talking about us going on a cruise in March and that she thinks it would be good for us. but she still says that we are not "together". What is going on ? I am so lost without her !!! I truly do love her. She even admits to me that she won't find anyone that will even come close to the fun, compatibility, good times, etc that we had together. but she still insists she needs to figure things out. I am lost confused and always wondering what is going on in her mind. I did ask if she would ever be able to make a commitment to me and she replied "I haven't ruled out the possibility"... Oh God I just want her back !! What is going on with her ? What do I do ? Do i just let her make all the contact ? Or do I call her to tell her that I love her ? Do i watch the dog ? Do i help her move ? Do i hang around for god knows how long waiting for her to make up her mind ? I have no intention of seeing anyone else as I am too wrapped up in her, but I dont want to wait forever either. This woman truly is the best relationship i have ever had, the fun, the compatibility, the love, it was just right....... I need some guidance please !!
  2. Hi, I have decided to end a 9 month relationship with my girlfriend knowing that we are not fully compatible. Good relationships are hard to find. Matching interests in things you both like to DO is one thing, somewhat tougher when you get into how someone THINKS (politics, raising children, etc.), but it really gets difficult when your desire is to know someone with the same BELIEFS. This is at the very core of one's being. Her inability to trust anybody has been a real problem. I was always there for her - I was kind, patient, and understanding in the hope that she would learn to trust. I really wanted to make things work - but love can be blind. She loves me too, but the relationship just isn't practical. I am grieving the loss of a relationship right now and of what might have been. Perhaps it is not worth me being upset over her, but any comments of sympathy, insight to what I have written above, and anything to make me feel better would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Mr. K
  3. I was just ghosted. Unexpectedly. Without any warning. After dating for 5 months, I thought we had a real connection. Though we both know this relationship isn’t the “one” for us because of our many incompatibilities with what we want for our future, I thought that at the very minimum, we respected each other enough to have a proper ending. It hurts. I feel abandoned. I feel rejected. I feel humiliated. I’ve been crying a lot and dealing with a lot of restlessness and anxiety. I just need to know I am not alone in the world.
  4. I am not sure if this is the right place to ask a general question, but I am asking it to figure out where my relationship falls on the spectrum between "completely incompatible, run away now" and "it will take a bit of work, but it will be ok". So... if you had some doubts about compatibility at some point, but overcome it, and are still happily together- please elaborate!
  5. The realization that he's gone forever still hits me like a tidal wave sometimes...and it's been over three months since the breakup. I feel like damaged goods...not because there's something "wrong" with me (okay, so I do have my issues...), but because I now have a history and will always carry the burden of this failed relationship...And I feel like it makes me a bad person. I know that I would be suspicious of a guy with a dedicated relationship in his past, because that means that I wouldn't be all that special to him...so who's to say that guys won't view me the same way? Not to mention that the idea of dating scares me...that awkward period of getting to know an absolute stranger and trying to judge our compatibility over the course of several few-hour periods...With my ex, we were coworkers, and there came a time when we just started contacting each other every day outside of work, and it evolved from there...and it was lovely. I don't know how I'll be able to get to know another guy in the conventional dating way... Plus, I just can't shake off the memories of our relationship...What if the next guy isn't like that? What if he doesn't randomly call just because he wanted to know how I am? What if my smile isn't enough to make his day? What if he doesn't give me cute little nicknames and kiss me on the nose? If he doesn't enjoy cuddling on the couch while watching a movie? What if he doesn't randomly pick me up and spin me around and around? If he doesn't tell me that I should never change myself for other people, including him? If he doesn't think that I look beautiful when I just wake up in the morning...and that falling asleep and waking up in each other's arms is terribly romantic? What if he doesn't believe in me more than anyone else does, including myself? I'm terrified that I won't find those things with another guy... I just wish that we had a bad relationship that didn't make me happy...then I would know there's room for improvement. As things are right now, the only improvement I can think of is dating long enough to get married. Argh. Just a really bad day.
  6. There's probably been a topic bout this but.... What were everyone's reasons for their breakup? The dumpees here mostly say that they didn't really get a reason....just that their s.o. fell out of love? But what bout the dumpers (ones who did the dumping) here? What were most of your reasons for breaking up with ur bf/gf? Incompatibility? he became a jerk? didn't treat u well? cheated? etc....
  7. I am just confused and I would like to know how other people think about this. Say..if you've meet someone toward whom you feel passion and love, however, this person's personality is not compatible with yours and the chance to workout the relationship is slim; at mean time, you've met another person who cares about you and who wants to make you happy, and you feel you guys are compatible and can have a future together, but there is no passion but only care, because he is a good person and yourself is also good-natured. In this case, What would you do?
  8. I am having more problems with sexual incompatability, as I have come to realize it (read previous post for more info). My girlfriend and I had another talk today. She really does not understand that people have a 'need' for sex. It's as if she never heard of such a thing and I am some sexual pervert. She told me sexual things do not mean anything. She wouldn't even kiss me today willingly cause she wasn't in a kissing mood. I now realize that I cannot progress in a relationship with her (after 9 months) if I cannot enjoy sex with someone I love. She is leaving and instead of turn this into an LDR, I believe it is for the best if we break up. How can I communicate this? I will come off as a sex crazed pervert simply because she does not believe/understand that I have a 'normal' sex drive (once or twice a week would be fine for me). She told me that I want to do it a lot more than other people, but she has dated VERY few other people. I need advice... any help?
  9. I have been living with my girlfriend for about a year now. We have known each other for about 8 years, and have dated on and off. I've recently started somewhat losing interest sexually in the relationship, but we are both trying to spice things up and keep it fresh. Things seem to be getting stale One thing that disturbs me is that there are only a few things sexually that she is open to. About as freaky as she gets is using toys, porn, some roughness, and basic bondage gear (restraints). Other than that, it is strictly normal vaginal penetration. My problem is I constantly fantasize about much more than that - oral (she doesn't even usually like receiving... weird), anal, watersports... I could go into detail on a lot of things, but you get the picture. I like variety. What's even worse is how my friends are always telling me that the girls they are dating are at least into oral. It's tough enough for me to exist in this all-too-grown-up reality of a live in monogamous relationship sometimes, but the thought that sex is just going to get more and more boring is killing me. Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriend and would never think of cheating, but I'd like to hear people's opinions on how this situation could play out in the long term. I'd be particularly interested in hearing from people who have been in this situtation, gotten married, and know how this might play out. Although I am a receptive person, I am not really interested in advice from people who haven't had this experience. We have a vacation coming up soon and have talked about going to one of those adult spa places. I'm thinking that would probably be awsome, so we'll see. Thanks.
  10. i'm gonna list the problems point by point. Firstly, the girl i like(let say Tane) is always with a guy she liked in the past(let say pete). whenever there is an outing, pete will always get invited to go out by Tane, although it's a group outing. Tane have once told me she had given up on pete n i trust her. but whenever i saw them together, i'll get jealous. i hate this!!! Secondly, whenever i'm with Tane(including internet chatting) , i just can't be myself. i won't be joking as often, laugh loudly as i usually does and seems to be too overcaring about her, her everything- current feelings,what is she doing now, what is she chatting with her friends and i'll keep thinking of stuffs to talk about because she don't like silence. then, i'll feel very stressed. Thirdly, Tane told me, she feels that both of us are in two different worlds, we have different views, beliefs(she is a christian,i'm not) and always talk about craps, never talk about serious stuffs(but i don't know what is considered serious). even me, myself also feel so. is our compatibility low? should i give up? i don't think i can. Lastly, strangely i can't understand her, meaning that i still don't know her character well. normally, i can get to know ppl very fast. however i don't know why i cant understand Tane easily even i try my very best to pay attention to everything she does n speaks then deduce her characters from it but sometimes does not turn out to be true. I hope all ur advice would help.thx
  11. Josh has decided he doesn't want this floating around the Internet anymore.
  12. In another thread, Deviant Kate wrote the following which I intend to relate to sexual compatibility as a whole: I would like to make the topic a bit more general in nature and consider this to fall in the timeframe between when a couple starts dating and when they first engage in sex. My conclusion from reading the quote is that it can be just as hard for a woman to hold back from engaging in sex as it is for a man. I feel that is a valid statement. I'd love to hear more feedback from males and females on how concealing female arousal in the initial dating phase of your relationship has impacted your sexual compatiblity both short and long term. I am interested in what feedback you have and don't want to place limits on the discussion. My Personal Experiences and Relationship Goals Previously, I have come to another conclusion in my personal life. Unless a woman has directly told me otherwise, I find that if she can go more than a month or two whle dating me before having sex, she more than likely doesn't have a sex drive that will be compatible with mine over the long term. Sexual compatibility is very tough to predict ahead of time. Though I inquire, I don't expect to determine many aspects of sexual compatibility prior to having sex. In sooth, there aren't that many things that would be deal breakers for me sexually. I simply don't have that many requirements and am not particularly selective overall. But I have come to believe that a major difference in sex drive is a deal breaker for me. For a long term relationship I am looking for someone who puts intimacy and sexual compatibility at the same high priority level that I do and who is willing to make that a very long term commitment. For that to work best, I think having naturally compatible sex drives is a key to that. A high sex drive is often associated with enthusiasm and a willingness for sex that would be tough to fake. And I would ask little more of any partner than to be enthusiastic during sex (once again, I am not rules/requirements type person). So that is where I am coming from. Now I would like to hear your views. I do have plenty more to say, but I tend to get long winded as it is.
  13. This is probably the dumbest thing I've ever posted but hey, I'm curious. So I really liked this guy, we live pretty far apart but hopefully we'll be able to go out in the future, if I am that lucky. I've become more interested in Astrology the last couple years seeing as, my violin teacher had studied it and use to amaze me at how accurate it seemed to be. So for fun I typed up our signs and compatibility. It says we're the worse match possible, it went on and on and was so negative. Now I know that relationships take work and I shouldn't take this whole sign thing so seriously. So can I ask, is there any Geminis and Scorpios out there dating with success? Thanks
  14. Seven years ago I told her she was not the one for me and we had so many incompatibilities and different lifestyle that I couldn't marry her. She persisted that I should marry her anyway, that she would change, etc. I was so insecure and weak that I went on and marry her. Nowadays, our marriage has been marked by nasty fights and lack of respect. All the time she feels insecure that any bad mood I have is because I am unhappy with her. She complains all the time that I don't treat her family and friends (from a radical church) with charisma. Then she gets mad because perhaps she senses I am not happy or maybe she perceives I am not happy - even if my bad mood is not related to her - and the nasty attacks and fight brake out. Yesterday I told her that since we have so many incompatibilities and she hasn't accepted my position, then there is no point in continuing the relationship. Strangely, she continues to reply saying that even if I don't love her she wants to continue married with me. Tell me, if I keep married with a person whom I don't love and I have many incompatibilities with, it is impossible for us to be happy, isn't it ? She is saying that she now will accept the fact that I don't get along well with her group of friends and family. Do you think that such strange relationship is possible?
  15. Which one is better and why? I am not your typical North Georgia guy. I'll take a healthy bicycle ride and a country drive in my 2006 Toyota Corolla over going to a bar or club in Atlanta. I tell people I like the snow and cooler temperatures in Winter but my heart still longs for summer weather. Women have said "I'm fun to be with" and "funny". But most importantly to me my close friends tell me I'm someone who is very helpful. For an honest woman with a kind heart looking for that special love match I just may be "the one" you've been waiting for. If your willing to get to know each other a little bit better, please contact me right away. You'll be glad you did! OR THIS Hello! My name is Josh. I am a recent college graduate in Network Systems Administrator and Computer Repair. I am very outgoing and I want to live life to its fullest! I like to laugh as much as possible and can find humor in anything relating to everyday life. I have many interests. I love the arts, and going to the museums and seeing the latest exhibits. I also enjoy taking photographs of both natural and urban beauty. I'm also an excellent cook, and cook many great hearty and home-style meals. I am also very fit! I enjoy hiking; my favorite hiking experience was hiking up Stone Mountain, looking down at the town far below and seeing the high rises in ATL in the background. I will often also go for drives and see new sights in my Toyota Corolla. I also give great massages (hint hint!). Compatibility is very important to me; because without it, the relationship has have nothing. If you think we might be compatible, send me an e mail and I'd love to chat with you!
  16. Hi, So I'm a 37 yo guy. Relatively attractive, in shape, good job, educated, own my own home blah blah blah. Just finalizing my divorce (thank God) after 5+ years of marriage and 10+ years of being with the same woman. Divorce is going/went amicably. We're both much happier and wish each other nothing but happiness. I moved back home to Massachusetts and am living at our lake house (which is now my lake house as of the final divorce proceedings...which is awesome). After we decided to go the divorce route, I started talking with a 30 y.o. woman (woman 1) via text local to me then in NJ, who was also in the midst of a divorce. Although we have not met, we've become good friends. We had planned to meet after her divorce was final but she decided to go on a cross country trip with her childhood friend (female) and tour the united states. We've had many intimate conversations. She is "in love" with me, wants to have my babies, is already talking wedding...etc etc. I understand this is a bit of over the top type of behavior. My position this entire time has been "while yes, we do seem like we'd get along magically, let's meet first and take it from there". She is coming back from her trip mid June (a ~3 weeks) and wants to stay at my place for a few days. In the mean time, I've met a woman local to the lakehouse (woman 2). My primary thought before I began dating again was compatibility. MY ex wife and I were just so different. My next serious relationship, I thought, we HAVE to like to do the same things. I'm very active, VERY outdoorsy, and my partner NEEDS to like some of those things too. Woman 2 is exactly that.....she likes to hike, camp, "adventure" even more than I do. She is kind, sweet, and overall, an amazing person. Plus, she is absolutely stunning. The downsides: she has been divorced twice (not really a big deal for me), she has 2 kids (17 and 11) which is also not a big deal to me whatsoever but the time she has available to date is minimal (kids come first, I know). She also has some trust issues because of her 2 divorces and other life experiences which I wont get into. We have been dating for 2 months and things are progressing slowly...well much slower than I'm accustomed too...which is probably a good thing. She is a kind of go with the flow type of person. She just wants to have fun, do fun stuff together and while she isn't shying away from stating "i only want to be with you, no one else", she isn't exactly "committing" to something serious with me at this point. However, I want commitment, to get remarried. She also can not have kids any longer (hysterectomy) and I always thought I'd have kids one day. I know I should probably just tell woman 2 that it won't work out because we want different things. But it is just that she is sooo amazing, compatibility is off the charts, and I think I may love her. She literally makes me melt, lose focus, forget what I'm going to say, mind goes blank. Meanwhile, woman 1 is out there and is like ready to commit, wants babies, marriage, to move in, everything ASAP yet I haven't even met her yet. Assuming I end things with woman 2, I'll try to take things slow with woman 1 and see how things go. If they don't work out, oh well. I realize this all sounds crazy...but it is what it is. Thoughts, tips, advice, of the constructive variety, is much appreciated! Thx
  17. Hey forum, I'm stuck in a bit of a predicament regarding attraction to a female colleague in the workplace. There is a 24 year old female colleague at work who is obsessed with the idea of going out with me. This concept is very alien to me because no other girl in the past has ever thrown themselves at me like this. Here are a few key points before I get into that... About me I'm a 26 year old male and have hardly any experience with relationships. I developed major trust issues in the past and while I've mostly overcome them, the reverberations are evident in my lack of social activity with friends. I don't go out much, if it all, and my friends have come to accept that. To me, the goal of a relationship is to put in the effort to work toward marriage. I'm not interested in sex before marriage (I've told her this but I'm under the impression that she thinks I'm joking). About us We're both university students. We work in the same retail workplace. We share the similar interest of video games. We both live at home with our respective parents. She comes from a rural or country background and I've while I've experienced the rural lifestyle for years now, I'd definitely be classified as urban in comparison. From what I've seen on her social media, she goes out quite a bit with groups of 5-6. That's cool and I admire that but the thought of having to do that absolutely terrifies me. She know's I live a reclusive life so taking the previous into account I don't understand why she'd be interested in myself and that lifestlye... We work together once every fortnight and she has made mention of her desire to go out with me for months now. I keep kind of shrugging it off and mentioning how I'd be no good in a relationship but she's very persistent and it's now built up to the point where the whole workplace is chattering about how we'd make a cute couple and that we should just go out. She's a nice girl and has a fiery side which resonates with me to some degree but there's just something holding me back and don't know what it is. It's always held me back. Perhaps it's the result of growing up in a household which strictly banned the idea of boyfriend/girlfriend. It could be not wanting to disappoint her expectations as the result of my reclusive lifestyle. It could be me being afraid of opening up to someone and then having that used against me if something was to pull us apart. Perhaps it's me being a coward. I've always doubted my chances of finding the right person and my ability to ask them out, and now there's a girl almost literally throwing herself at me and I still can't manage to pull the trigger. It's frustrating for me and I bet it's more frustrating for her. I don't know. This has always been so difficult for me. I don't even have specific questions for you all. I just want to know what you think about all this. I'd like to read your observations so I can structure my thoughts and make better sense of the situation. I appreciate your time
  18. I’ve had a variety of scenarios occur recently where I’ve never met the person and messaging/ A phone call over the course of a few hours to a day they’ve inadvertently said something that made me no longer want to talk to/meet them. Conversation dwindles and I just eventually stop Regardless, no date has been set in stone with a time, place, etc. where I’m standing them up. I’d say about ten of the people have reached out after the fact (one went so far as to match with me on another app for the sole purpose to tell me off) saying I ghosted them and anything from being annoyed and argumentative about it to just being like “well you ghosted. Nice talking, good luck”. I always felt like ghosting was being on multiple dates and then poof, nothing and that this early on if it wasn’t a GLARING incompatibility that you asked about it was best not to even say anything. Ten people in the grand scheme on OLD is a blip, but maybe because they’ve happened one after another I’m wondering am I doing something wrong? Is there a more tactful way I’m supposed to be handling “I no longer wish to converse with you” other than silence?
  19. What sign are you and your partner ? Before I never even took notice of horoscope signs, but here recently I've been reading up on mine and I find that it describes me perfectly. I dated a guy and his sign described him perfectly too, but together our signs were not compatible and funny thing is, as people we were not compatible and brought out the worst in each other. The only thing we had that was good was the sex, which was exactly what the horoscopes said we had in common ! LOL. Maybe it was just a coincidence ? Anyways, how much stock ( if any at all) do you place on horoscopes for compatibility ?
  20. I am in a new relationship. Talk is turning to "The Future" and "Growing Old Together"....I am wondering what other people think a deal breaker is....are they specific or do people have the same types of things they will say...."NOT" to, and end the relationship? What incompatibilities will you not put up with? What thought processes? For me, I think lying of course...but since I have been dating I have found long lists of things....okay....I am listening....
  21. Hi there, I've been dating a guy at my university casually for about 4 months and he's been pushing me to sleep with him. However due to religious beliefs, I'm saving myself for marriage. I've discussed my values with him before, and I thought he understood, but still we can never seem to put this issue completely behind us and things would always seem to come down to this. And we're now at a standoff again. This time around he even seems to be losing interest and is acting distant. I'm not sure if there is another girl in the picture but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that he starts pulling away right around the same time that we're having a standoff on this problem. Should I just give up on ever being able to work this out with this guy because our values and expectations are too different? or is there some other way to save this besides just talking things through? Then again if he really likes or values me as a person he should be willing to compromise and accept my values no? or is 4 months too short of a period of time to expect a guy to really care for you emotionally and compromise his physical needs? How do couples with religious or some other serious differences work things out?
  22. Just want to start a thread here so that we all understand and define these 3 important components in good relationship. I will start first: emotional compatability - ability to understand each other's feeling and express them, frequency of contact like once every day or once every week is sufficient intellectual compatibility- Like to read the same types of books and movies and being able to disuss it in a deep level sexual compatibility - frequency of course, being adventurous, like to role play at times... your definition?
  23. Hi all, I've been on a few dating sites, online--I've not had much luck, but I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts on them? In particular, I've been using OkCupid, which has this massive "personality test", which matches you up with supposedly highly compatible folks in your area. Why am I asking this? Well damn, it turns out that my ex is always in the top 5 of my highest compatible matches, on OkCupid, for my area. I mean, lame! We broke up, we had enough incompatibilities that we didn't stick it out, obviously. But damnit, wondering what the hell it means? Being self-negative here (but this is a great place to do it!), but in the back of my stupid mind, as opposed to my confident mind, I think--there goes the one girl who was so compatible with me, and we're apart! Turns out the guy she's got FWB with, has the highest compatibility with her.. But she doesn't see long-term with him, because, if I recall, he wants to live a very non-materialistic lifestyle. She likes the creature comforts. LOL!! Okay, I just laughed at my stupid quandary. I'll post this anyway, for responses Oh yeah, I wanted to add--I hate seeing her on my match-list! Too bad can't exclude her. Cheers!
  24. hey all, just wanted to see what u guys think... So my ex and i broke up about 2 months ago, there was really no real reason except that she had to go to college and it will be a LDR for 6 yrs and it jus dint work out. But i couldnt get her out of my mind as she was perfect for me, so i was looking for somethin, anythin which would tell me that it wont ment to me, or its good that it happened, for my inner peace. So surfing the net i came accross love compatibility, i am aries and she is scorpio, almost every site i checked they all said that u guys will be hot and passionate at first and then u'l have a lot of conflicts, basically it is hard for this relationship to work out. Made me happy then, but now im in a debate with myself. Should we look at astrological compatibility when in a relationship? If i had looked at that b4 maybe i wudnt have given my 200% to the relationship and wudnt be as heart broken as i am now? I dono, should i look for that when i enter my next relationship? let me knw wut you guys think jus from my perspective, but jus in general
  25. is it good to test your sexual compatibility first before entering a relationship/ formalizing things between the two of you?
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