MrRight

First of all, sorry for posting so many times and continue repeating my questions somehow. It is because you are so supportive and this situation has many implicatons. I am shocked on how much an incompatible marriage + a lovely son can cost me. In my case I earn a gross income $7,000+/month. I have assets in the total of 200K. It seems I would need to pay at least $700/month for my child. My major problem is that my wife and child would move to South America immediately upon divorcing. I live in Washington and I would probably be able to go to South America only every 2 years or so. Basically I would be supporting my son, but in reality living far away like that he would rarely see me again. I am wondering how the child support monthly payments normally could make a difference if ever start a new family again with another wife. I could write a book about mistakes people could avoid before getting married. This situation is insane! Anyone out there decided not to get divorced due to financial constraints?

I guess there are no good study on this, but if you can share your personal experience: 1. How long on average it would take for a decent 35 year old, financially stable find love again ? (I am afraid that varies from case to case). 2. What is the best way to find a good woman who wants to marry in America? (online websites (I hate them), referral from friends, etc) 3. If you are married and have one child to support, how negative that can be towards a new marriage/relationship ? 4. For those who don't find a new love and got divorced, how is your life after getting divorced?

Here is the situation: 1. My wife has treated me badly;she has abused me (physical aggression). She hasn't respected me. She is controlling at best. She has admitted all that. I told her I had enough and I no longer love her. She cried for 5 nights, invited me for a marriage counselor session and promised there that she would improve. 2. My wife has a friend who is married. Her friend comes to my place almost everyday to have a coffee with her. Let me call her Mary. When I get home from work, 3 times a week Mary is at home. Then I also join both my wife and Mary and we talk for a long time. On the weekends, Mary come over to my place with her husband (who is also my friend) to join us for dinner. At Christmas, Mary and her husband joined us in a trip to my relative's house in Europe. We spent 3 weeks there and they stayed at my house in Europe. It was remarkable and I had the best days of my life there. It was when my wife freaked out. My wife is jealous and controlling by nature (my wife and I have had problems years before Mary appeared in our life). She claims that when she saw me so close to Mary, she couldn't stand and exploded, fought with me very hard and did physical aggression against me again, what made me announce the divorce with her. This is what I feel: When I am with Mary, I feel a strong happiness in my heart. Something I never felt before. Mary has all the qualities I dreamed of. She is beautiful, sophisticated, dresses nicely, she is apparently caring. Of course Mary is happy in her marriage and I have no intentions to even dream to start a relationship with her. I respect her husband after all. My wife and my son went to Europe for 30 days. At that time Mary and her husband invited me to join them for dinner almost every day. Well, basically I did not miss my wife for one second. I love my son and I missed him, but I feel that if I had the friendship of Mary, I could divorce my wife and leave far away from my wife and son without major depressions. What my controlling wife is arguing: My wife persists that I do not want to give her a chance for improvement because I fell in love with Mary. She claims that since I will never marry Mary in my life, the day that Mary moves out of town or have a child perhaps and abandon my company, I will be alone and I would start missing my wife again. The question to you is: If I have the deepest admiration by Mary and I like her as a friend (and Mary tells me that she loves me as a brother as well), but she will never be mine because she is married, should I divorce my wife anyway and look forward to find my own "Mary", or does it make any sense if I give a last chance to my wife ?

I think I married her because I tried hard, but I didn't find someone better. She loved me, and I married her.

Seven years ago I told her she was not the one for me and we had so many incompatibilities and different lifestyle that I couldn't marry her. She persisted that I should marry her anyway, that she would change, etc. I was so insecure and weak that I went on and marry her. Nowadays, our marriage has been marked by nasty fights and lack of respect. All the time she feels insecure that any bad mood I have is because I am unhappy with her. She complains all the time that I don't treat her family and friends (from a radical church) with charisma. Then she gets mad because perhaps she senses I am not happy or maybe she perceives I am not happy - even if my bad mood is not related to her - and the nasty attacks and fight brake out. Yesterday I told her that since we have so many incompatibilities and she hasn't accepted my position, then there is no point in continuing the relationship. Strangely, she continues to reply saying that even if I don't love her she wants to continue married with me. Tell me, if I keep married with a person whom I don't love and I have many incompatibilities with, it is impossible for us to be happy, isn't it ? She is saying that she now will accept the fact that I don't get along well with her group of friends and family. Do you think that such strange relationship is possible?

Thanks all. Yes, it is scary making the final move. But I am firm now. She says that is depressed and in panic and now it will change, she claims that she no longer will be controlling, jealous, etc. I gave her 100 chances before she has never changed. I don't trust she will be able to change. She just told me I won't find a decent new love and I will be on my own for a long time or perhaps forever. Well, so be it. Sometimes she is unhappy with me because I show my emotion. It is true, many times I show in my face that I am unhappy and that bothers her then it is when the fight and offenses go on. However, I show that I am unhappy because I really am. Now she scheduled an appointment with a marriage counselor. Too little, too late. I agree. I said I can go to the counselor, but I will tell everything. I will tell him that I married her with doubt about my marriage already.

I have been married for 7 years. I dated my wife for 7 more before getting married. Before our marriage, I had serious doubts that she was the one right for me. She belongs to a hardline protestat church and although I value her honesty and integrity, I never got along well with her friends and family due to their lifestyle. I was very ambitious and I clearly wanted a lifestyle different than the ones those members of that church and her family have. In addition, my wife is very controlling. She admits it. She is also extremely jealous. Sometimes we go out with friends and she keeps bossing me around and I feel very intimidated. I attempted to break up before getting married with her, but she persisted I would be 'safer' marrying her. I was so insecure and I think I was afraid I couldn't find someone else who could love me like her. Last year I took the initiative of going to a marriage counselour, but she refused to join me. She refused simply because she never paid attention or believe in what I say. Sometimes she also starts physical aggression (punches, nails, etc) and she believe that since I make her very nervous, she has the right to do that. One of her major complaints against me is that I don't like and appreciate her brothers. Somehow I don't like my in-laws. She is very sensitive to that and cycle of fight goes on. Recently we have had a serious fight (she refused to join me for the New Year's reveillon party) and I told her that I don't love her anymore and I want to get divorced. She is in panic and asking for one more chance. I feel that I can't give her a second chance. The only problem is that we have a 3 year old. However, he has witnessed our fights and I don't think that is healthy for him. Other than that, I feel strangely very, very happy with the idea of being away from her. She stayed away travelling overseas (at her parent houses) for 1 monht and I felt so happy like never before. The idea of finding a woman who I could be more compatible make me hopeful. Is there any doubt that I should get divorced?

We have one child, 3. She is a great person. Just not the person for me. We have had a long conversation and she also realizes and we have not same things in common. I am kind dreaming with her friend, although her friend is probably not interested in me and of course she is married as well. That just shows how weak my marriage is. Not that I wanted to meet someone else and actually date while married, I meant, I am disappointed that no women ever showed they would be interested in myself (even though I am married I thought that would be possible if I was really desirable). I guess based on what you are saying my rationale is wrong. I thnk you are saying that I should not worry with this. Get divorced and then enjoy myself and eventually if I am available, perhaps a decent woman out of nowhere may appear. THanks for your advices. I will take it.

I have been married for 6 years and I dated her for another 6 before getting married. In reality when I got married I was not even sure I was doing the right thing. However, throughout my dating I tried to find another woman I could date, but I never was able to find someone better for me. That is the truth. My wife has a friend, who is also married, and I really like her. I feel that her friend is the type of woman I always looked for, but I never had. My wife and I are incompatible and she agrees with me. She still loves me though. I don't want to think about it sometimes, but all of sudden it comes to my mind that I don't like my wife and I should divorce her. I am not brave enough to do it. I feel that if I had another relationship, even if short-term, I would leave her immediately. I think I don't leave my wife because I am insecure. My question is this, is the fear of not finding someone else who loves a reason not to leave her and keep my marriage as is ? Also another question: Is the right thing to do wait for someone else to appear in my life, then get divorced ? Is the fact that I am married a significant reason not to find someone interested in me ? I am wondering if I get divorced it would be easier to find someone just due to the fact that I am divorced. In the past I tried online dating services and they suck big time.

Did you try link removed ? It works for some. From talking to friends and from my own personal experience, I think matching sites can be efficient helping you find a short-term relationship. I don't know, at least from talking to 5 friends who met thru online dating and got married, all marriages end up in divorce within 5 years. I met a girl the other day who said she lived in Russia and claimed she was ready to pack the bags and live to meet me here in the US but she wanted me to pay the tickets. We kept the online communication for 5 months and she was already "in love with me", according to her words. All of sudden she stopped responding to my posts, perhaps she found someone else able to pay the flight tickets for her sooner.

Folks, I come from a conservative family and divorce is a strange word to my vocabulary. However, after 7 years of dating and 7 years of marriage my life has turned into a battleground; fights occur on daily basis. I am seeking help from a marriage counselor and even the marriage counselor agreed that myself and my wife have very incompatible personalities. In spite of all fights and incompatibilities, I trust my wife. She is the most honest person out there. If it turns out that we need to divorce to live in peace, I want to know whether typically one can live alone - as long as you enjoy yourself and have an active life - without a partner in the long term ? My concern is that I see that life is tough out there. It seems that are many women out there marrying for money and with the courts favoring who 'has less assets' upon breaking the mariage, I don't want to fall into this marriage trap again.

Long story. We have been married for 7 years and I dated her for 5 years. She is the most supportive person of the world. Religious, type who grew up at a church, attending church meetings 3 times/week. During the times I was down and depressed at the university, she offered me support and understanding. When I was financially broken at the university, we never actually had many chances to have fun. Then we married and had a child one year later. Well, she is the opposite of most people. She operates extremely well when I am depressed. When comes the time to have fun, she is afraid of going to a swimming pool, she doesn't enjoy a social drinking activity, etc. My sexual life is also not one of the best. Since she is a wonderful person and trustworthy, a good mother, I decided to forget the fun part and stick to my marriage as is. I have to confess I am also insecure. Moreover, I don't know if the world is much better out there. From what I've seen, it is so hard to find a 'complete' package woman. I mean, my friend has a beautiful wife, fun, smart, but she doesn't even want to have kids so she can enjoy her independence. I think such perfect woman doesn't exist, and that's the reason I have tried to live my marriage as is, even if it is not perfect. The problem: She is extremely possessive. She also demands lots of attention. That is nothing new. Since the beginning of the relationship she got mad at me because I did not write her enough love letters. When she is unhappy with something, she reamins silent for many days and doesn't want to talk to me for a week. Recently she is saying that I admire my friend's wife more than her, etc. I am wondering if it would be a good time for me to leave home for a week and give it a time to see whether I feel better without her. I will miss my son for sure.