cc2006

Hey there, We could be neighbors for all I know. I see the same around me, but I've got a few years on you. Everyone I know has gotten married. Most of them are now constantly talking about having children and buying homes if they haven't done so already. That was a sore point for my ex too. She was talking about "marriage and kids before 30" and I didn't want to be held to a plan. I'd rather not schedual out my love, you know? Most women I run into (which I'll admit are few currently) seem to be in relationships. I guess because very few people really enjoy and want to be alone, few will be? I've also noticed this trend on the internet dating sites. A good majority of the people I see in my age bracket are divorced and/or raising children. I'm not ready to have children right now and I'm not sure how well I could handle being with someone whom already does. The field looks pretty bleak, to be honest. Thing is you have to remember .. the easiest way to find someone seems to be to not look in the first place. My best relationship I've had to date, my last one, was a chance meeting at work when I wasn't even looking to date someone. She actually got to see and meet the REAL me, and not the nervous "omg don't screw this up" wreck that can exist if I'm trying not to do something stupid and scare people off. Most women rate 'confidence' as very high on their list of attractive qualities in a guy. There is no better way to develop that then work on it yourself and not worry about tracking down the best partner by the end of the week, etc. Plus, if you live in NY anywhere near me ... man ... its a scary place out there if you don't like lame dance-clubs or seedy bars.

Part of learning to deal without someone ... be they a significant other or a therapist is knowing when too much is too much. Trust your feelings on this one ... if you are having serious anxiety and panic then you should contact your therapist. You wouldn't avoid call the police when getting robbed because you should learn to "deal without them" ... or avoid calling in a house fire to handle it yourself. If you have an emergency you call. Your therapist signed on for this and understands it. Don't feel guilty about contacting him/her.

I agree. Its quite possible that she craves attention and as long as he gives it to her, she'll keep him around.

I have a list in my head (most of us do) of things that if my partner does them I'm done with the relationship. If any of those things trigger then it is over. I had one of those moments once. I was sitting on my sofa looking at my girlfriend at the time. I had found out from a couple people she had "messed around" with one of my then friends the night we got together. I had questioned her about it and she had lied to me from the start. So ... because she had lied and covered it up and denied it SO many times I was done. I simply told her that there were plastic supermarket bags in the cabinet in the bathroom .. she should pack her things (mostly had bathroom stuff and some clothes here, we weren't living together) .. and leave. She cried, but did so. She called me over a year later and asked if she could come over to "make up" .. I told her she could come over, but there wouldn't be any making up. She never showed. As for Layword said ... well ... I firmly believe that women can walk into any bar and leave with someone. They have it easier in the whole "finding someone" thing. Finding a GOOD someone? .. nah ... but just a warm body to take your mind off things? Yeah ... thats a pretty simple thing to do for them.

Back in highscool I remember one time I woke up completely dressed and showered in the doorway to my bedroom. For some reason I had woke up at like 3am, thought it was around the normal time I had to get up ... got out of bed, showered (and didn't wake up? Wow) and got dressed and ready to go. Sadly I had to undo it all and go back to bed for a few hours, and redo it all over again. lol Since then I've taken medication to help me sleep before, and woke up in a different room, but that I've just blamed on being drugged.

Thanks all Robowarrior LOL ... I hear you on the soccer thing. I grew up without having an interest in sports or people around me who cared about them. So, all these years later, I could care less about "the big game" going on at the time. I've educated myself over the years by listening and actually watching a few games with friends to know what is going on and the basic rulesets of most sports .. but in a crowd of rabid fans I'm the guy taking his beer to the jukebox and staying out of the way. Weeblie Yeah. My ex and I actually got into an argument the other night over this. I think it got so emotional that we may have both just consciously figured on a NC after we hung up without even saying it. I'm not super-romantic guy, or compliment-giving guy. Just .. isn't me. I am however, loving-cuddle-on-the-sofa guy ... or kiss-on-the-forehead guy ... or buy flowers and leave them right inside her apartment door so when she comes how she finds them guy. I'm that guy that will cancel his plans to take care of her when shes sick and hold back her hair when shes throwing up (even though it grosses me out really bad lol). I have my ways of expressing my love and devotion for someone. "Wow, you look really stunning today" isn't one of them. *Shrugs* blueangel Well, according to your age there .. yeah .. you're definetly younger than my ex. She WAS immature though - more so than you sound through what you say at your age. She was very "me me me" most times. We almost all go through that phase ... just sooner or later you realize it doesn't work. She may never realize that. With her insecurities and self-esteem issues I felt like I was supposed to be a battery to recharge her when she was low. It got tiring ... especially if I did all these sweet and nice things for her and they weren't enough because she still needed verbal shoves into the 'happy zone'. I know her issues made things hard. I guess I just asked all this in my initial post because I was wondering if I was 'broken' or flawed in not being able to communicate (or even THINK) compliments .. and was afraid I'd get a backlash of women in here telling me someone with that problem is undateable. I was set to receive criticism ... nice to see I didn't really get any harsh words. I'm a self-blamer ... I absorb blame for pretty much anything that goes wrong like a sponge. I always felt my ex was being a little (alright, a LOT at times) overcritical of me, overly needy, and way too unrealistic about what a relationship is ... but part of me always wondered if she was right and I was to blame for being the way I am. I had said to her the other night ... "All I ever wanted was to be accepted for whom I am ... flaws and all. That means my lack of ability to give compliments too." Her response? "Well you have to accept me for who I am ... and thats someone who needs compliments." angryanimator Wow ... weirdly enough I'm not diagnosed Bi-polar or Manic-Depressive but I've had moments in my head just like you described. Its funny, sometimes, what can go on in our own heads to warp the things we hear into something totally different. Pour reality into our heads and strain it through our synapses and sometimes it gets shuffled around and we think people are meaning more than they've said. I used to worry if my ex bordered on Manic-Depressive sometimes, or at least shared some symptoms. I have to admit I don't know a whole lot about it, except for having an aunt that suffers from it and limited contact with her through the years. I always told my ex she had two settings and they were always extreme. She'd either be SO into me that she'd throw herself (literally a couple times) at me and smother the heck out of me ... or she'd shut off and completely act like I hardly existed. I'm a middle-of-the-road person. I fluctuate too, we all do, but 90% of the time I'm a calm middle. Dealing with her swinging moods was tough. As for "throwing caution to the wind" ... I can try it ... but its tough. I feel like my brain's mechanics aren't wired for compliments. Sometimes it think I'd have better luck figuring out how to get color out of an old black and white TV than reprogramming myself to be able to say "I love your hair like that." LOL Lilu LOL ... sometimes I slip up and blurt out "oh you're just saying that" (which actually makes me sound coy or something) or, like you, "No I'm not" and then I back away. I'm glad your boyfriend was able to get through to you, thats kewl. Yeah .. I was afraid of the "girls/women require compliments" responses. Maybe I'll do better in the future if I find someone who doesn't seem to expect/demand them often and cry about not getting them. It is really hard for me to struggle to figure out how to do something with that much pressure on me, ya' know? Maybe I need someone more secure in themself. Between feeling expected to give compliments, the fact that its hard to compliment because of my background, and the fact that her attitude about herself was so dismal sometimes ... I just had a tough combo to overcome before. I've complimented her before ... a few times. I know I'm capable at least on a poorly slapped together and rudimentary level. I've said "I like when you wear that ______ you have on" or "I really love when you smile" (although it was followed by ".. I wish you smiled more often") ... so I dunno'. Complimenting myself seems REALLY hard. Most days I can scrounge together a "I'm a good guy" to make myself feel better when I get down about the breakup. Again .. thanks all. I'm really enjoying eNA so far ... seems like most people have a pretty solid grasp on 'healthy' ideas and friendly attitudes. Hard things to find on the internet.

I don't know where this should go, or if anyone will respond, but I have a couple questions and stuff. (Please feel free to move this if you can think of somewhere better it'd fit, Mods.) I suck at giving compliments. Actually, I suck at receiving them too. It actually caused a large rift in my relationship that recently ended, and is a good part of the collapse I believe. Backstory: My family doesn't compliment. I didn't have a childhood filled with "you're so cute"s or "good job"s or whatever. Heck even "nice sweater" wasn't really mumbled. The compliments my family give, if any, are always backhanded. For instance: "I like your new haircut. It looked like crap before." "Good idea ... wish you were this smart more often." The dreaded cliche' of "You were such a good looking kid .. what happened to you?" I'm sure this didn't help my self-esteem any, and is probably a good portion of why I grew up disliking myself and always thinking poorly of my appearance and such. I still think poorly about myself and my appearance despite people telling me the total opposite of how I feel. I just never learned to accept compliments, or give them to people. I recently, like within the last year, began being able to get a compliment and not apologize. Yeah, I used to apologize ... and I have NO clue why. "You have very beautiful eyes" (I do, that I can accept would be responded to with "I'm sorry." Wow ... weird huh? ... well, I stopped doing that. I can actually say "Thank you" now. It really doesn't bother me that my family and I don't "do" compliments, but it tore my relationship apart. My ex started this whole tirade about how if I didn't compliment her that meant she was ugly or fat or stupid. She turned my lack of compliment-giving into a personal attack. She felt she wasn't deserving of them simply because I don't do them. She suffered depression that she herself was inflicting upon herself because I never thought to say 'cute skirt' or whatever. I made her insecurities worse, allegedly. She accused me of 'refusing' to give them. She accused me of 'holding them back to punish her'. Neither were true ... I just don't THINK them. To me, compliments seemed like a language I never learned ... like French. I don't THINK in French, and I don't THINK in compliment. If she'd ask me a direct question I could answer it. It would trigger me to think, and I'd be able to supply an answer. "Do you like this shirt?" - "Yes, very much, it looks good on you." Spontaneous compliments? Can't do it. Anyway ... anyone else have a problem with compliments? Giving/receiving? Anyone understand what I mean in my post? I mean .. do I sound really weird, or flawed, or not worth having a relationship with because of it? Is it something I should work on? I mean, it doesn't really bother me ... and I figured it wasn't THAT big of a deal ... but it crushed my ex terribly. She'd make such a deal about it that I felt like she had issues and needed help of her own. "You don't say I'm pretty ... so I must be ugly" and crying yourself to sleep just sounds ... unhealthy. I dunno' ... weird huh?

Don't feel bad. I went to college for a semester right after highschool and then dropped out. I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do and I didn't have the right attitude to claw my way through college. Now, 10 years later, I'm 27 and going back. Know what? I still have NO CLUE what I want to do. I threw out a rough major with some help of close friends and plan to try for it. If I don't like it, I'll find something else. I have to accept that there isn't a PERFECT way to go to college, or plan your life, or start a career. I spent a long time struggling over what I had to do to make sure I got out in the quickest time period and with the most useful majors ... or trying to figure out what interests me before I even sampled anything ... and you just can't. Relax ... and like everyone else said, pick some stuff that sounds interesting ... and remember you can always go back later if you decide 10+ years from now you want to try something else.

I hate phones. I just find them annoying interruptions. I've been in a couple relationships where if I chose NOT to answer ... when I finally get back in contact with my girlfriend I get grilled as to "why didn't you answer?" and "where were you?" and/or "who were you with?" ... so despite my dislike for phones I've always answered them. I dunno' why it can be so important for people to call and then have nothing to talk about. To me phones are for communicating a message and hanging up. I don't send people emails that are mostly sighs and silence ... so why do I get phonecalls like that? If you're both ok with talking on the phone as you do then I don't see the problem though. If you're happy with something then why change it?

I actually used to get more upset at my Ex's negative attitude about her body than I could ever imagine getting at her actual body. I never noticed the things she hated about herself until she pointed them out so many times I couldn't take it any longer. She was super self conscious and THAT was a turn-off for me, not the fact that she wasn't traditionally "skinny" or supermodel waifish. Its a trap. The media ... magazines, movies, TV, all showing supposedly "perfect" airbrushed models and actresses that would only date "perfect" airbrushed male models and actors. We're all being brainwashed into thinking that unless you're the Hollywood definition of perfect we're unattractive. Personally, and for many men I'm sure (and I told my ex this OFTEN) a woman's attitude is far more appealing to me and "turns me on" more than how perfect her body is. Think sexy, and you are sexy. If your partner is with you and you know he is attracted to you ... enjoy it. I'd much rather have a partner who was uninhibited in the bedroom and let herself get wrapped up in the moment then was busy worrying and being frightened.

I can't remember the last time I tried on a pair of shoes for a year+ and then found out they didn't 'fit' and they caused me intense longing and pain having to give them up. ... or the last time I felt so alone and depressive I called an old pair of shoes at midnight and woke them up to feel connected to someone.

It has been over 10 years since I split up with one of my exes ... and I still hear songs on the radio and think of her. The happy part is that hearing those songs doesn't make me instantly sad, or upset, or shake my resolve anymore. It probably took a couple years before all the tough feeling drained out of those moments and I can hear certain songs and just think "oh yeah, I remember that" instead of something painful or longing. Everyone is different though, and everyone takes a different amount of time to heal. Currently it has been a couple weeks since I split up with my most recent ex .. and I can't drive past a place where the worked or hear certain songs without choking up. Sucks ... I don't want to be this way ... but I can't help it. Personally I think you're causing yourself MORE stress worrying about if you should be thinking about it than if you'd just relax and don't stress over it Don't fight the thoughts ... the more you fight them the more you'll worry about it lol

Hey hey! Welcome to the club. I tried eHarmony a few years ago and answered all the questions honestly. It completely rejected me. I felt stupid and outcast for a few minutes ... but it became a joke with my friends. "XXX is so weird he gets rejected by dating sites" ha ha ha. You're right. If you're introverted, quiet, shy, a homebody, or even a shred depressed it'll kick you back a reject letter fast. Basically if you have the qualities that will get you out and into the public to find a date and don't NEED eHarmony, then they'll accept you. If you're shy and would like to check out the service to help you break the ice with people then g'bye. Reminded me of going for life insurance and having to check off all these boxes for current ailments, or family ailments ... then being told you can't have life insurance because you could actually die and need life insurance. *Edit* Just for giggles I went back into eHarmony and revised my profile answers to get them up to date. I've gotten over depression since then, and have a better outlook on life. I wasn't rejected this time. I answered honestly, just as I did years ago, but my attitude has adjusted enough to qualify for their website. Then, it told me that within 100 miles of me there are NO matches for me. Well ... I'm one step closer right? .. now I'm allowed to date (per eHarmony) just no one exists that is compatible. Maybe in another 5 years I'll have a match!

Wow ... "perfect"? I was under the impression that "perfect" was impossible. That there is no "perfect". AntiLove_SuperStar congrats, you are the only person I have ever met in my entire life that has a perfect relationship Not sure if that should give me hope, or make me feel bad for telling my ex over and over again that perfect doesn't exist and she is just torturing herself thinking she'll mold our relationship into her version of perfect.

I dunno ... uhm ... drugs?

I'll spare you to "you're playing russian roulette with your future" argument. Medically either one of you could have a condition that is making it difficult to become pregnant ... or you're just insanely lucky. If you really want to know for a fact, I'd suggest you speak to your doctor. You can both be tested for fertility if you wanted. Not sure what that could cost, though.

"Your boyfriend is a lucky guy" is your OUT statement, thats the one before you back away "You're really sweet/pretty/funny/cute/smart/whatever ... are you seeing anyone right now?" If she says no ... hurray. If she says yes? .. THEN you say "Your boyfriend is a lucky guy" to fill the silence while you're feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

Nice post Drum. Remember ... a relationship should be an "us". I need to remind myself of that. I have to learn that every once in a while I need to step back, look at things, and ask myself if this is "us" or "her and I'm allowed/expected to come along too". It is very easy, if you are not a strong person ... or if you are the type of person that puts other's needs before your own ... to get wrapped up in a relationship and forget the "us" aspect. Pretty soon your opinion doesn't seem to carry as much weight as the other person's. After a while you can reach the point where most of the things you do as a couple are the wishes of just one person. I had it tough. I fought to keep my identity ... to stay "me" ... but at the same time struggled to show my love and affection to my significant other. I just couldn't do it. If I said "no" because I didn't want to do something I was made to feel guilty. Supposedly saying no meant I didn't love her as much as she wanted, or as much as she loved me. I know that isn't true, but try explaining that to my ex. In a healthy relationship there won't be a struggle. You'll be able to be yourself, stand up for yourself, and it will be an "us". Two people getting together to form something that is equal parts each of them.

I think about it sometimes. It can really scare me. Weird, anxiety-type-of-scared. Know what scares me worse than death? Being forgotten. I get afraid sometimes that when I'm gone, only a few people will remember me. When *they* are gone, then no one will. Makes me hope that some day I'll do something big enough that my name will last a little longer. The ripple of my existence will stay on the surface of the pond for just a second or two past its usual end.

Well I really don't know what to say about the whole ordeal, but I'll leave what I *can* contribute. Not all branches of the military close their doors to GED graduates. Many of them allow a certain percentage of GED grads to enlist but they have to score very highly on their entrance exams. Also, any person with a GED and at least 15 college credits gets counted as if they got their actual High School diploma. So, with a GED he could get into a community college easily, earn his 15 credits, and get waived through the military process. See link: link removed Plus, with the way our military is currently hurting for enlistees, I'd be shocked if they turn him away if he is a smart guy like you say. Good luck to him though ... he got a crappy role of the dice, but if he works on it he can easily turn it all around. Good for you to help him

My ex made it certain to me that she was afraid my family didn't like her (claiming they HATED her on many occasions) and it made a difference in our relationship to her. She'd obsess about it and depress herself into tears often. Frankly, I don't feel a person's family totally influences how I feel about them. I'd never end a relationship because of issues between family and a GF. People can be shallow, even family, and their silly excuse why they don't like her, or her family doesn't like me shouldn't turn us against each other. Heck theres times my family doesn't like *me* how can I expect them to always like someone else? This reminds me of that Shakespear play where Romen and Juliet noticed their familes hated each other and broke up and decided it was better to settle for people they weren't as attracted to while giving up their possible happiest loves in the world. The important people in my life that are in my family have given me the "as long as you're happy, we're happy" nod. I don't need to force them to like my significant other (if I get another, that is) or end things if they won't.

Yeah, I agree. I'm pretty sure I could be around and still grab dinner some night with her or catch a movie sometimes. I could fall back into the 'friend' role I had with her before we started dating. The trouble would arise if she found someone else. At that point I'd have to walk away. I'd be happy for her, but hurt for me. True. When she was happy, I was happy. When she was sad, depressive, crying, self-depricating and bashing herself into a little lump of sorrow ... I definetly didn't want to be around. I tried, but it happened so frequently that it started draining me. In the end it was annoying me. Constant cycle of self-loathing? No thanks, I need to step away. lol .. 2 hours is nothing. We've talked on the phone for 4 before. I talk alot. I'm wordy, and can go off on tangents and stuff like crazy. Odds are ya'll have noticed just from the fast that I sit here for 5 minutes at a time and write a page of text. If I have a topic and I have a thought on it I can talk and/or debate about it for hours. If I'm just tired and don't have anything to talk about, I wanna' get off the phone like its plague-ridden. So, some phone conversations with me can last forever ... while others last mere minutes. We didn't talk tonight. I spoke with a couple friends of mine and filled them in on the situation. Not surprisingly neither of them seemed shocked. Guess they saw it coming like I did. Anyway .. thanks again for all your help. Weird that I just stumbled in here with a google search for "relationship forum" and have found it a really useful and friendly place. Not many friendly places on the internet ~cc

I've tried that one. Well not "siamese" .. but twin, nonetheless. She IS a Twin. My therapist commented that may be a large part of what our problem has been. She is totally used to someone who is very much like her and is always there. Thats how she grew up, I'd figure. Trying to explain that there are differences between romantic love devotion to one another and a sibling's love and devotion are tough ... especially since she is pretty stubborn in her views. Shes always been the typical "uh huh, uh huh .. yeah, no I see what you're saying ... BUT ... thats not right" type communicator. Theres pretty much no getting through to her. Anyway ... she called a couple more times and left me a voicemail, crying. So I broke down and called her back. I guess during our break-up converation I had said "well do what you need to do, it isn't like I'm going anywhere" ... as in ... I don't have huge plans to rush out and date, or move cross country, or whatever (I start classes in January,- I'm gunna be busy enough as is!) ... if she needs time to work on her issues and try and rekindle things later I wouldn't be totally against it. She took that sentence as "I'll still be your friend AND 98% of things won't change so feel free to pretend like we're still together and call every night and expect me to pick up the phone and sit there for 2 hours talking to you". She made a comment on the phone that she "isn't sure if it is the relationship or herself that is making her so miserable". I vote herself, but thats just me. She has the potential to be a great person, who could be very happy in life ... I've seen her very happy before, and it makes me smile thinking about it, but when she gets down on herself she gets reaaaaally down. I made sure I told her that. Sucks that her being very happy could be WITHOUT me, but, we'll see what the future holds .. I guess. This'll be hard for me ... trying to move on with my life and not get sucked back into this. Trying to move on with my life and not be devastated if she starts seeing someone else and is happy.

Actually no, I don't set high standards for myself. My shrink has made a comment about me being somewhat perfectionistic though - so maybe I do? But ... I'm one of those always-trying-to-be-relaxed, don't push myself overly hard people. To be honest I've been pretty much coasting for the last 10 years. Not until this past year have I stepped up and decided to go back to get my degree finished and stop working underpaying jobs that make me insane. Sad thing is I'll be in my 30's before I get done, and that kinda' hurts ... everyone around me is several life-steps ahead of me. I'm pretty stressed and anxious about going back to school. I hated it the first time I went, and dropped out. I'm frightened that after 10 years I won't fit in anymore (not that I ever felt like I did before) or those same feelings of displeasure over the whole college thing will resurface and I'll have to battle them again. Her and I have wobbled back and forth on the fence about this relationship (at least I thought we were) for months. Our hour-by-hour conversations at night about how I wasn't meeting her needs, or wasn't giving her what she wanted drained me to the point where I've been cold. I just couldn't take them anymore. Her and I just show affection differently. The thing is, I've never felt like my showings of affection have been "good enough" for her. She made a complaint that her ex never bought her flowers or anything and that caused problems in her relationship with him. She felt he didn't "do things" to show his affection. I've never bought flowers to show my love for someone before, but I thought about it and decided "what the hell" .. it took a grand total of 5 minutes of my time to pick something out online I thought she'd like, and have them shipped. 5 minutes of my time to make her feel happy and loved ... what a bargain! Especially since some nights I'd spent 4 HOURS on the phone trying to console her and talk her into believing that I cared. Know what? .. the flowers were a big hit, and she was happy for a little while. I did it a couple more times too ... when I thought she was having a bad week or something I'd get her flowers. A couple times I'd put them in her place in a vase on the table while she was at work so it'd surprise her when she got home. Hurray .. a man learned how a little thing like that can make a woman feel special, right? The next week, her focus changed to "you aren't spending enough time with me". So, I spent more time with her. It still wasn't enough. It got to the point where it was last week - I spent 4 days straight with her and the next week I'm getting the "no time spent with me" speech again. Then, the horrible "You don't give me compliments about how beautiful I am, so I must be hideously ugly" bullcrap started. Every time we talked she'd throw that line at me. Every time she did I'd just get frustrated and angry. My family hardly speak to one another, and it is NEVER anything positive. I was just not raised that way. I show my love and affection in other ways. "You look so beautiful in that outfit" does not cross my mind. She could not understand that. "Don't you ever just look at someone and think OMG they are soooo beautiful?" - Uhm, no, no I don't. I dunno' ... I'm working on this in therapy, but to me it isn't that huge of an issue. Hell, it helps keep me faithful No running off with the hot secretary for ME ... I could care less what she looks like. Ever feel like you try and try and do and do and someone always focuses on what you DIDN'T do? Well, I'm drained now. She has emailed me already. One of those "I can't stop crying and thinking about all the happy times we had" emails. She called last night too, around 12:30 ... she must not have been able to sleep. I didn't answer it. I looked at it, felt anxiety over letting it ring, but didn't answer it. My last two relationships (including this one) I've always been 1 second from the phone. I always answered when it rang. I always made sure, because I felt like that was my job in life ... to always be available. If I wasn't, I'd get the dreaded "why didn't you answer?" "where were you?" and sometimes the "are you seeing someone else?" So I always answered. Last night, I let it ring. Not sure what shes doing. Dunno' if she is having second thoughts on calling it quits, or if she just wants company for her misery. I'm not sure if I should respond to her email or answer the phone. My usual post-breakup depression and lonelyness-that-feels-like-a-giant-hole-right-through-your-soul anxiety attack laden nights hasn't started yet ... I'm alil shocked, to be honest.

Guy here. I agree 100%. Cliche I know, but men and women are just programmed differently. You folks usually love sentimental things and remember special days and we love functional/useful things and remember to check the oil in the car. That is why we *need* each other. You women usually do the stuff we don't, and we usually do the stuff you don't. We make up for each other's shortcomings. The best and most long-lasting relationships I've seen in my life contain scenes like this: Woman: "Did you get your sister a card for her birthday?" Man: "Oh crap, I forgot. Is it this Wednesday?" Woman: "Thursday. Don't worry, I got one from both of us. You always forget that stuff." Man: "Thanks hon." Woman: "Where are the car keys, and my purse, and my shoes?" Man: "I've got all of them right here, you always forget this stuff." I know .. it probably sucks not getting something on a day that is special to you. He maybe honestly didn't think you two were exchanging gifts? I dunno'. Talk about it with him. Don't just figure he knows how upset you are, or sit there and fume inside about it because you'll just get more upset at him and it'll cause problems. I've done it though. I've completely forgotten days that were special to people I've dated. It was an accident. I've also not given people gifts. Now? I'm pretty up front about it, I tell people, "Look, I'm not into holidays. If they're really special to you I'll celebrate if I must, but you'll have to remind me and make sure I know what I need to do or I'll totally blank." Sure its probably lame, but I've usually got 200 other things on my mind and lose track. I'd rather spend a weekend in bed, or a day doing 100% things my significant other wants to do for a special day, than make a macaroni picture of us under a sunset and have her not like it ... or spend a week or two trying to not have my head explode while I wonder what kind of jewelry matches what she has, and what her taste is this month, or what size everything she wears is and if she'd think something I bought is fugly or not.