cc2006

Hmm ... keenan, I like it .. thanks Nix Its old, from my angst'y highschool days .. hat one doesn't have a date on it though so not sure when exactly it was written. That poem was one I feel kinda' .. two sided about. If I read it slow and pause at the end of each line I don't like it ... if I read it fast and straight through ... I like it. lol What else do I have ... hmm ... got this one ... its racy? .. lol ... ---------- To pre-moistened lips, a sudden kiss; heaving chest is met with fist; resist .. yet you do not wish it stopped .. the fist dropped. A sigh escapes - last defiant petition less is the urge for true resistance, to lustful whim you cede; .. give into the need. Trailing breath .. heaving breast; passion fuels as senses test their most distant bounds .. and beyond. Silence shattered - impassioned cries; clouded .. hunger-driven eyes meet equally yearning eyes .. as fire flows. ~9-3-'98

Why must I feel this way? Why is the pain so strong? It grows greater by the day Amazed - I've lasted this long. Pain ... growing by the minute I care more than I dare admit. Time may heal all wounds but this, I yearn still for her kiss. Soft lips, met, and longing release. Tears, fears .. god why won't it cease? Oh, for just a gentle touch I'd give the world, and much ... much more. I yearn for more. Life takes its toll, it bleeds me dry But somehow holds; yet I could die a thousand times if it meant just one simple moment with you. Lust penetrates as fire surges with desire, consuming all it needs; I tire tire - of denying the thought of consuming you. ------------- LOL - I found a whole disk of my old poetry from years ago recently.

Well ... to be honest, I'd hope her profile info was a complete joke. ... like she put all that stuff up there to make people shy away from talking to her. If in fact that is an apt description of herself in perfect honesty then she sounds insane to me. lol ... and 'healthy narcissism' doesn't force others to do what they want. If that guy was perfectly fine doing "nothing" then there is nothing wrong with doing nothing. ... if that makes sense. Life isn't about molding people into what you want them to be. If she basically held an emotional gun to his head and manipulated or flat out forced him to change his life against his will then that isn't healthy in the least. Again though .. I hope all that stuff is a joke ... because if not, she totally is wacked out. lol

We're all narcissistic. There is "healthy narcissism" and "unhealthy narcissism". The kind you could see as "a good thing", is the 'healthy' kind. That consists of acting in your own best interests (usually sometimes or often - like .. making sure you take care of yourself emotionally) and seeming to really 'love' yourself and such. There is nothing wrong with, and actually very many things good with, healthy narcissism. The unhealthy kind is quite frankly, scary. I'm not sure I'd say my ex was a full blown sufferer of NPD ... but she has some very poignant narcissistic characteristics. In a very small nutshell ... take that healthy "I like me ... I'm a good person ... I'm confident" thing we all crave and warp it with some doses of "I don't like ____ about me" and "everyone needs to love me" and "me me me me me" attitude and you're on your way. My ex was one of the classic self-hating narcissists. Her past has her self-esteem so riddled with holes that she seems to have no problem trying to use other people to make her feel better about herself. It seemed to me, through dealing with her, that she had a very "what can you do to make me feel happy" way of thinking ... and if you weren't making her happy, then all hell would break loose. "I think I'm fat because you don't tell me I'm pretty" is not a healthy conversation starter. No .. you think you're fat because people made rude comments at you when you were younger, people you cared about, and you have developed an eating disorder. ... me telling you I think you look good in those pants will not cure an eating disorder. Oh .. now you're yelling at me and crying ... ok ... I forgot this is the script I get every weekend ... sorry ... sorry. There was also a huge lack of empathy ... or consideration for my feelings. You shouldn't have to point at something completely obvious that it would upset you and say, "Didn't you realize I'd get upset when you said/did that?" A more healthy person with common sense and empathy for others would realize that saying certain things or doing certain things can and will hurt others ... and they would hopefully choose not to do those things for fear of hurting their partner. My ex, whom I loved and cherished, would berate me on the phone until I felt like I was nothing ... and by the end of the conversation she'd go from feeling down and depressive to healed and healthy .. happy .. and whistling like the world was wonderful. She'd feed off me ... making me feel horrible ... pointing out all the alleged ways in which I was 'lacking' and wasn't a perfect boyfriend ... she'd cry and throw fits and act childish until I was completely drained .... and by the end she'd feel great and go to bed and sleep soundly ... and I'd get an hour or two of sleep and not be able to eat for three days. If she did in fact act concerned about my feelings ... it was nearly always the case that she just expected me to have the same feelings that she had, the only 'right' ones, the only 'real' ones. Unhealthy narcissists will latch onto someone that makes them feel good about themselves and basically suck the strength out of that person. When that person is all used up, or wakes up and fights the abuse ... fights back against constantly being used as an emotional battery ... then the narcissist can be known to freak out ... and ultimately leave their partner to find someone "new" and "exciting" and "better" to feed their ego off of. True narcissism is the epitome of selfishness, self-centered behaviors, and insecurity. True narcissists will never get help ... because they feel they're right, the center of the universe almost ... and can't see how they hurt others. They respond, usually, to therapy with anger and confusion. How dare someone accuse them of not having everything together. How dare someone point at them and even hint at the fact that they need some counseling. Now ... if you could see the look of utter sadness and pain on my face ... the posture I have, slumped and hurt ... hear the tone in my voice if I were to read this post aloud ... you'd understand, in no time at all, how totally devastated dealing with my ex has made me ... how much it hurt me ... and how much it pains me to think that she'll never change ... and she'll just plod through life in her damaged state and never seek true help over it. Now .. if she were to walk into this room right now ... and observe the same things as you ... she'd probably just glaze over the fact that I'm upset. At best she'd ask why I was upset ... and if I showed her or read her this post she'd flip out ... acting like I just sank a knife in her heart ... how dare I claim she has 'issues' ... how dare I try and blame her for our relationship problems ... this must mean I hate her, and don't love her, and think she is fat and ugly and stupid. It would be a personal attack on her ... and not an expression of my feelings in a sincere and thoughtful way ... in which I'm pouring out my worry for her, my fear she'll be unhappy forever, my fear that she is 'broken' and needs to become healthier and learn to love herself in a healthy way so she can love in return. This would be seen as a blatant attack on her as a person ... she'd flip out ... probably tell her friends later that I was a complete ______ and was insulting her ... and then they'd agree with her because she'd word it in such a way that makes her look like a victim. Game .. set .. match. She gets to keep being "poor me" and act the victim ... and I look like a bad guy. ... and in the end she doesn't have to once consider that I'd have feelings that may in fact differ from hers. She got everyone (except me) to agree with her that she is right ... so obviously she is ... and then she can move on to another guy to fill the hole in her ego. I'm done.

I'll be 28 next month and just did your option "B". I feel crazy for doing it, but I am. My first classes were the other day. I've been out of the college 'loop' for 10 years now. I plan to get a job soon, hopefully, to fend off some of the college costs and keep my apartment. I dunno' what to tell you specifically ... but ... option 'B' will hopefully work for me. Do know though, that dabbling in option 'A' while its possible would be a smart move right now. Free classes because of your companies reimbursement setup could NEVER be a bad thing. Just make sure the credits will transfer to your school of choice if you decide to go for option 'B' and you'll start with a couple classes already taken care of. Also, talk to wherever about applying life experience to your Gen Ed requirements. ALL of my Gen Ed requirements were waved for me, so I don't have to take Math 101 or English 100 or anything ... I can focus on my core classes and things that sound interesting to me and not bother with garbage Gen Eds.

LOL ... I always enjoy finding people that look at certain things as I do, because I feel I'm awash in throngs of people that don't most the time. All I really wanted from my ex was a reason as to why marriage, to her, was so wonderful. If it is such a huge step that she REQUIRES before she turns 30 then I'd think she'd have at least ONE good reason as to why she'd do it. Sadly the answers I got were ... well to be honest ... lame non-answers. I've been to quite a few marriages in my life (family members, friends, etc) and off the top of my head I'd have to say 4/5's of them are no longer together. They had the whole "in front of your family/friends" vows. They had the whole "in front of god" thing in many examples, having religion involved. They had all the bells and whistles that people who believe in the wonders of marriage say are required/good things to prove you're taking a commitment seriously to be with each other until death. They still aren't married to each other anymore, regardless of that wonderful stuff that dreams are made of. I guess in the end, for me, in comes down to this: If two people come together and have a commited relationship and plan to be together forever and both believe/want marriage ... then sure, why NOT get married if they both want to. You get a neat party, some gifts, some pictures to show your friends and family, and you're treated like royalty for an evening. Just know, that marriage does not cement you two together forever. It won't make you treat each other better, or love each other more, or never hurt one another or break up. YOU have to do all that stuff yourself ... Magic-Piece-O'-Marriage-Paper doesn't do it for you ... ya' gotta do the work on your own. On the other hand, if you're in a relationship with someone and they're completely commited to you and plan to be together forever but one of you DOESN'T want to get married ... then you should enjoy what you have and not try and force that person into comforming to your ideals. Nor, really, do I believe people should make marriage such a universally required action that if you're in a great relationship with someone for a year or two you should throw it away and start over just because one person doesn't want to get married. When I've said, "I love you more than I have ever loved another person ... and I can't imagine my life without you" I have meant it. Sadly, I guess because we didn't do it in front of all our friends/family/coworkers/aquaintances and a religious or legally-binding official I might as well have said "I like you and hope we stick together until we get sick of each other." My ex broke NC the other night, it had been about a month. I answered the phone. We had a decent conversation and it seemed friendly. Funny enough, in the middle of talking about something random she asked me if I "re-thought my position on marriage." I almost hung up. Maybe she just doesn't understand that my love, when I give it to someone, is fully given ... and that marriage doesn't mystically make it more concrete or 'better'.

Well to be honest it is absolutely normal for ME. I do it all the time, and am not sure why, really. There is no thought behind it when I pull away. I don't wake up and think "hmm, I should pull away today" or anything ... it just automatically happens if things are moving 'too fast' for me or I feel like I'm giving so much in a relationship I'm in danger of being taken advantage of. Not ALL guys are like this, but I know I am, and I'm sure many others are.

I agree with you here. To me, sex is more than just a physical act ... it is a way that makes me feel very connected to the person (if its good .. if it isn't then wow, disconnect-city). I doubt I could have a long-term relationship without that intimacy. Anyway ... OP ... if you really like the girl then you should talk about it, and seriously consider staying with her. As you said, shes willing to 'loophole' intimacy into the relationship .. and if that is good for you and enough, then I'm happy for you two and hope it works out. If I was in your case I'd be most frustrated by the "here have some sex! Wait, no that wasn't right .. no more sex!" switcharoo. That would have driven me nuts. If someone wants to be a virgin til marriage then more power to them, stick with what you believe. ... but to break it a couple times then try and "take it back" and pretend like it didn't happen seems silly to me. If it is so important to her belief structure to remain a virgin until marriage then she should BE A VIRGIN. Once you break that, to me, the whole 'this is my belief, respect it' thing is out the window. Just my .02 for what it is worth.

Silly for me to say, but, thats why being homosexual is always referred to as a "life style". You're right ... it is more than just your sexual preference ... BUT ... you don't have to let it define who you are. Don't worry about it ... don't stress over it and/or the parts of life that may be 'harder' because of who you are. To be honest, ALL of us in life are going to run into situations that are difficult. Many of us are going to collide with society in one form or another. All of us have little bits of ourselves that make us "odd" or "different" or "a minority" and make things just a tiny bit harder on us. - Very religious people will have a problem finding partners sometimes because it limits them. Other times it is easy to find someone (if they look in the right place). - Those who are athiest or agnostic can have problems finding someone because of the same reasons. - Some of us are liberal, others conservative. - Some people have disabilities that could turn some people away. Thing is .. you're you .. and as long as you try hard to always be true to who you are you'll do fine. Funny you say the "gay nights" feel like a meat market. I know quite a few times I've gone out to 'straight' bars I've felt the same way. I think we all feel like we're on display. I'm usually the good-for-you piece of meat in the corner of the butcher shop that no one looks at because there are other 'flashier' pieces of meat in the front of the store. No one picks me up, or looks at my pricetag and notices I'm not super-expensive, or moldy and bad for you. Anyway, don't mentally limit yourself. You aren't any different than an exact copy of yourself who would rather sleep with men ... and other than having children 'the natural way' I can't really think of a single thing you can't do that a hetero version of yourself could. Science has come far enough that if you really want to bite the bullet and suffer the pain to have a child there ways it can be done. Heck, you're in the UK right? .. you're in a much better area to be accepted for whom you are compared to us over here in the US. Hang in there and smile ... you accept who you are, so everyone else will too.

You know, it is weird. I don't see the "point" of marriage. I understand the arguments FOR it, but I just can't see the same way. I'm not religious, so that removes that whole aspect. So basically what I'm left looking at is this: I can have a totally commited relationship with someone (without marriage). Then, if I so choose, I can pay a (usually large) sum of money and throw a party ... after which we're married. At that point, to me, we're still just as commited before ... but now we've backed outselves into a corner. NOW if some time down the line one of us decides we can't do this any longer, we have to pay someone to divide up our assets, children, and odds are garnish my wages for possibly the rest of my life. Sounds like fun! Now, if marriage made it so you never fell out of love, never hurt your spouse, and made relationships WORK ... then hell, I'd be all for it. As it is now it just adds an extra layer on top of a relationship and causes SO many more problems if that relationship does not work out "forever". I asked my ex why she wanted to get married. Her answer? "Because I want to." I grilled her further ... and all she could come up with is "Because thats what people do." I told her about the possible downsides ... the fact that it doesn't suddenly make a relationship work flawlessly. Her response? "Well thats why I'm going to marry someone thats perfect for me and we'll stay together forever." So .. yeah .. she is my ex. I wasn't perfect for her, partly because of my views on marriage.

How is that commitment and oath different than the one I pledge to someone when we're together but NOT married? Then why get married at all? Aren't you then just limiting yourself and going against your own biology? I must be weird, but when I'm with someone they're the only person I see. I guess I just learn to love apples so much why would I want anything else? You can make so many good things out of apples that you'll never get bored. We chose to be devoted to a single person, pre-marriage. I still don't see why thats so bad. I don't see it as "limiting" myself, I see it as exploring totally what it would be like to have my mate's 100% devotion. I don't think I could get a real "feel" for how a relationship works if we just spent one weekend a month together and the rest of the time were out screwing other people. I get into relationships for emotional intimacy, companionship, and support ... not free sex and a hot meal sometimes. I dunno' where you're located ... but you have a very "spring break" attitude toward relationships. That stuff just doesn't fly everywhere else.

Awesome. From where I'm sitting that was a bold (but good) move. Stand up for yourself ... admit you're worth more ... and do your own thing. Maybe he'll wake up, maybe he won't ... either way you've got options It can be tough finding someone that matches what we want in relationships. Too much time together to me could be not enough time together for you, etc. We learn by communicating and by making mistakes. Picking the girl you're dating as a last resort for the Holiday weekend is a bad mistake. lol

Who says what is acceptable or not? Parents usually, and grandparents. There are countless childrens' outfits for sale for all ages that are not the requisite Boy-Blue and Girl-Pink. People buy them. Not everything has frills for girls and denim for boys. When kids get older they get subjected to their peers, who will (at a certain age) begin questioning their clothing styles. When I went to school it was all about name brands and baggy clothes. Lately I guess the trend has switched to name brands and dressing like Parris Hilton. Society does have a hand in it but compared to ages ago we've come a long way in opening our horizons for people. You want to wear jeans and a t-shirt as a woman now? You can. It isn't "odd" like it was in the 50s to go out in anything less than a nice dress. People used to go to church in suits and dresses. People used to ride PLANES dressed like they were going to business meetings. Now? People go to church and take trips in ripped sweatpants and wrinkly shirts because society has relaxed. (I say relaxed ... my grandparents would say "gone to hell in a handbasket" ... difference of opinion.) Again, you're missing the point. Women wearing jeans and a t-shirt is not the same as a man wearing a dress. Those two things are not equal. A woman would have to wear a men's business suit, or a Tuxedo ... clothing that is seen as "for men" as is a dress seen as "for women". Jeans and T-shirts are unisex. Jeans and T-shirts do not scream "for men" or "for women" on them. Women cutting their hair short and wearing jeans, to myself and everyone I know, does not make them "look guy like" - it makes them look like a woman wearing jeans with short hair. Now, again, if you were to wear a Tux or men's business suit you would be ridiculed just as I would for wearing a dress. People would look at you funny and make comments about you, your sexual orientation, and your 'freakishness' just like they would me if I walked in wearing a knee-length sundress. "Looking like a girl" for a guy can be seen in some circles just as bad as "looking like a guy" or "looking butch" is seem in some circles of women. I think you're simply looking for a reason to get angry at society. You're comparing two totally separate clothing styles and shaking your fist at chauvinism like it is keeping you (or men who wish to wear dresses) down. Did someone inform you before that women are "inferior" or is this just something you're coming up with on your own? I hardly see that in today's society. Maybe its just where I live, or what I watch on TV, or something ... but that just isn't the case from where I'm sitting.

I would delete them. If I haven't talked to them in this long, and have no real desire to, then why would I keep them around? Save yourself the aggrivation.

A large part of this whole dance we do is just finding a partner that has the same expectations that you do. I had this issue with my ex. She complained constantly that we were not spending enough time together and I was "obviously not into her." We fought about it a few times. In my mind, "enough time" for dating someone is 'days off without other plans'. We both have the day off? Great. Have plans with someone else already? No? Great ... lets do something if you feel up to it, if not thats kewl too, I'll do something else. Her idea was 'anytime I want' plus 'days off without other plans'. She'd call at 10pm and ask me to come over and sleep at her place. I'd say no, she'd cry and claim I didn't love her. Now we're exes, and hopefully she'll get help for her issues or find someone that wants to be attached at the hip. I still think about her and it all bothers me. Your issue? (Sorry I always vent about mine first - lol) .. I think you're better off. truly if he was "swamped with work" he'd still attempt to contact you in SOME way. If I'm swamped and busy I still find time to shoot off an email or phonecall to check in. If he was really that deadened contact-wise then you weren't high enough on his priority list and you deserve at least a "Hey, man today was rough ... we have to get together soon, I miss you" phonecall and followup to show you that you are on the priority list. Stay away ... keep busy ... he'll either realize what he lost and think things through or you'll realize that what you lost wasn't the end of the world and wake up feeling better one day.

I agree with this. If you can't throw it out then either box the stuff up and cram it in the bottom of a closet or hand it to one of your friends/family and tell them to store it for you. Giving the stuff back won't make you feel any better in the longrun. It'll hurt her (you know it will, right?) and could cause some kind of backlash from her. If she cheated and took off then shes already picked her course and you can't really change that. Even if you drop the stuff off with a smile on your face you'll be seen as a jerk and you don't need that. Trust me, I dropped off a bag with a couple items that my ex left here in my apartment. Basically it was stuff she didn't even know she forgot. I stopped by and hung the bag on her doorknob when I was in the area and that was that. She called me afterwards, angry at me for "being so cold and heartless" as to just leave her things there. I didn't leave anything sentimental like you would be ... I was a jerk supposedly for dropping off some kitchen items I figured she'd be looking for ... it could be far worse for you, it'd be seen as you rubbing her face in it. Course' if thats what you wanna' do ... then go for it. lol

Uhm .. wow. Thats totally not how I see that one. If I put on a dress, I'm cross-dressing. If a woman puts on jeans and cuts her hair short she is wearing clothing acceptable for her to wear. If you want to push that analogy the woman would have to be wearing a Tuxedo. THEN she'd get looked at funny and comments made about her just as I would wearing an evening gown. Jeans and T-shirts are sexless clothing in today's society. Women just have more clothing options open to them. I envy women when I'm working in an office environment. They get a HUGE selection of clothing they can wear and still be "business casual." Me? I have to wear dress pants, a button shirt, and a tie. I can opt to wear a suit if I want. Whoopie, huzzah, hurray. Variety. Back to the original post ... yeah ... guys are 'whipped' in that situation. Why? Macho male BS usually. Many guys are taught at young ages what is acceptable and unacceptable male behavior, just as young girls get speaches about what is 'ladylike'. Dunno' why, but we face criticism for large portions of our life if we go outside the box. Do something too sweet or caring? Mocked and picked on. It is the seperation of the sexes. Men are supposed to be tough and strong, women are supposed to be dainty and soft. After a while all that crap (usually) fades away when you're old enough.

Its cheaper to destroy the animal then cure it most times. Plus, if you root around in the genetics for an animal you can (and I'm sure it'll get even better in the future) supposedly fix the problem before it even starts. Have a family of cows that always get some weird limp? Hey if its a genetic issue maybe we can clone the cows and strip that problem right out. No more limpy cow. We already eat bioengineered and cloned veggies, why not meat? Personally, if they could do it right and not a royal screwup like sometimes governments/corporations are capable I see no problem with it. If they could get a little test tube with the formula for delicious and problem-free meat and crank out an army of identical animals then I say serve them up 'specially if it ends up meaning MORE food for MORE people, cheaper.

There is no answer to that question. Everyone is different. Everyone's idea of what love is may be different as well. You're looking for a rational concrete answer to a completely irrational freeflowing emotional issue.

Actually marriage was a property transfer. The father would basically transfer ownership of his daughter to the would-be husband. Some places on the planet never moved beyond that either, and still practice it that way today. You can, if you want. So can I, if I want. I don't want to. I don't want to get married because I don't feel it is right for me. I don't believe in it like others do. If they want to then good for them, I'll bring a gift and have fun at the party. I don't wanna' so I don't hafta' though. Correct, and STDs have existed forever as well. Thing is, medical science just started making breakthroughs enough to actually diagnose these things within the last hundred years. Notice how it seems like everyone contracts some form of cancer lately? Well, cancer has been around forever ... they just never knew what it was before. Back 100 years ago it was normal if someone just tipped over and died at 30. Everyone was lumped into a very slim number of known diseases. I hadn't heard that. Last paper I read about them stated it was unknown where they came from but it was speculated they evolved from common viruses and bacterial infections that have existed for eons. Again ... if science hasn't progressed far enough to diagnose something then they can't tag a name on it and tell people to watch out for it. I almost feel like you're trying to instill your will upon the world. lol. Just because YOU only see one argument for people not to get married doesn't mean only one exists. I loved my ex very much, and she wants to get married before she turns 30. I was standing in her way, I guess, because I did not want to get married. I felt that rushing into that would be insanity ... because of all the differences we had and problems that were between us. Because we both loved each other should we have gotten married? That'd have been a mess. I haven't heard it was hard to get a divorce. I know quite a few people that have had them and never complained about how hard it was. I commit without marriage. I personally commit far more than some married people I've known without getting married. I dunno' why I even bother trying to respond though .. seems like your mind is made up. Your way is the right way and I'm silly to not follow it. Sure cures the boredom I'm having sittin' here alone right now though

OP .. you're going to have problems. The people in this thread that stated self-esteem has to come from within are right. My relationship of over a year ended and a large portion of it was because of my ex's self-esteem. I tried making her happy with herself, but of course I failed. Finally I was drained. I couldn't do it any longer. I couldn't sit there and try to make someone feel good if I knew it wouldn't work and it was wrong. She resented me for it, I think. She felt I was punishing her because I refused to be a slave to her insecurities as she was. Until you love yourself it will be impossible for others to love you. As for the rest of this thread that seemed to shoot off in weird directions: The societal "beauty" has changed throughout the decades. I read the word "centuries" used to talk about the length of time women have been expected to look beautiful. Sure ... women (and men to a degree) have always been expected to look beautiful, but the definition of beauty has changed through the years. The current view of "heavy" used to be beautiful years ago. Heavier women were seen as more healthy, and more desireable. The definition changes. Being pale .. REALLY ghostly pale was popular back in Europe a couple hundred years ago. People would die their skin with lead and their hair with lye ... usually causing pretty serious illness, to make themselves pale and light haired. The whole "women need to be skinny and tall" push started only within the last few decades. Go back just a short ways in the US's history and we weren't allowed to have women go around showing their ankles in public. Sex scenes in movies were two people fully clothed kissing then sugestively moving toward a bed before the screen blacked out. Now its all T'n'A TV Priorities changed too. Back in the 50s a woman was described usually by how well she cooked and took care of children. I never saw the 'Leave it to Beaver' where the boss came over and said, "Ward, your wife has some nice breasts." We're a media culture now. We love our media. We love our movies and TV and music and stars and glamour. It is true, that the media tries to force-feed people their version of beauty .... doesn't mean you have to eat it though. Plus ... the media aren't the only shallow ones on this planet, and they aren't responsible for everyone's versions of true beauty or deal-breakers in relationships.

Yes, that is your opinion. One I do not share in the least. I'm not rushing out to marry someone because I don't have religious or moral reasons to do so, as you mentioned. That does NOT mean, though, that I do not love someone 'enough' if I do not marry them. I am fully capable of loving someone with every fiber of my being without feeling the need or desire to marry them. I do not see a relationship as having to follow the: Meet, love, move in, marry, children - pattern with required amounts of love before you can move to the next step that MUST be in order. I believe in commitment, but not in marriage. I don't expect everyone to think as I do (especially women around my age, obviously) but I'll find someone sooner or later I hope. I am. I am always honest, to a fault usually. My problem lies in the fact that I usually meet women with the attitude you express in your posts ... who feel that after ____ amount of time we HAVE to move in together or I'm "Just not that into them" ... and if I don't propose in ____ months then I'm "not that into them". I'm SOOOO sick of the preconcieved notions of love, and relationships, and timelines, that BS books on relationships make 100 times worse. Sorry ... got off on a tirade there. Anyway ... have a good one

I've had two different ex's that scratched. One would scratch so bad I'd actually bleed. Sometimes bad enough that I'd throw a t-shirt on after and you could see where I had been scratched. Personally I never thought I'd like it ... didn't really seem "my kinda' thing" but over time, with how much SHE enjoyed the sex and that was how she decided to express herself I grew to enjoy it. I'd rather have someone scratch me or whatever (one of the scratchers was a biter too) then lay there like a log look bored. ... and Dako ... I've notice that lately too. Sometimes I feel alil outa' place

Thanks, Blueangel. You're right and I sould accept it, I'm a good guy. Just can be hard if you feel like someone is dragging you down often. Feeling like I was loving someone that doesn't have a limit to their needs drained me. Weird you made the comment about being "comfortable and farther in a relationship" - we had been together for over a year, and part of why she decided to leave was because she didn't see us moving ahead well/fast enough I guess. Thing is, I was holding back because of the problems we were having. I tried to explain to her ... why would I plan out getting a place together or even steps further than that into the future if the present doesn't feel comfortable. Now we don't even talk anymore. That last argument did us in. I'm glad I choked down the fear about being ridiculed or finding out I'm a mess of broken parts and posted this topic, it has made me feel better. Thank you.