eleanorrigby1

Your father thinks of you as a mate as well as his son and obviously trusts you. Why would you grass him up to your mother? I understand its hard split loyalties and all but like someone said, he is mistreating your mother not you. However I think you need to talk to him. Cant you pop out for a beer and say "You know dad, we get on great and I love that about our relationship, but I really love my mum too ... I dont think in this circumstance you can do anything about it. If you tell your mother what would you achieve? would she leave him or would they just have a big row and then makeup and you will be sat there in the middle with all this resentment coming from and pointed at you? My mother once told me something that could potentially destroy my parents marriage. I love both my parents very much. My mother told me and upon seeing my face at hearing the news she cried and said "You are more than a daughter to me, you are my best friend and if I cant tell you who can i tell or trust?" I would hope that my own flesh and blood would be as trustworthy to me should I have the urge to confess something. It probably sounds like a cliche but normally those talking loudly about 'doing it' and researching how to 'do it' are usually those who just fantasise but dont actually 'do it' you have no proof he has cheated, just that he is a highly sexually charged man and a bit loose with his lips and his humour. I am sure he isnt meaning to hurt anyone and probably doesnt know. Unless you tell him!

Someone here pointed out that I made myself look bad when I slagged off someone's appearance. Rightly so, but it didnt stop me from thinking it or feeling it. I have a major issue with my boyfriends ugly ex. the reason i hate her so much is pure jealousy! i dont deny it! he loved her, he adored her. I KNOW it was in the pst, I KNOW he loves me now, I KNOW i should respect his past and move on , but that doesnt stop the irrational upset take over whenever i see her in the street. I always remember a conversation we had when we hadnt been together long and were talking of past relationships and the sh*t we put up with sometimes when we are blinded by love and he described this girl as 'thick' 'dull' 'always moaning' 'always pulling her face' never happy, wanted presents all the time, he paid for everything, she would ignore him and she dumped him and broke his heart, but then six months later she wanted him back and he did because he couldnt stop thinking about her because he 'worshipped her' he (in his words "Wanted her soooo bad.. she was beautiful" I then saw her and almost choked to death! she was short dumpy with no shape, no boobs, a big fat face, acne, eyes too far apart, she had crooked yellow teeth, (I nicknamed her old snaggletooth!), she had fat bingo wings and podgy hands and thin lips and big bushy eyebrows,her hair was scraped into a bun, she had big fat legs with cankles and she had a right face on her like she wanted to fight the world, she stomped past me in the street. The girl from work I was with said "MY GOD!! thats the girl you are jealous of?!! she has nothing going for at all!" I almost threw up in jealousy because how much must he have loved her to find her beautiful! you know when I told my best friend she said "God! Poor Bridget!" and felt sorry for the other girl. I know how you feel hun, because I have felt it and yes its shallow, and yes its nasty but im being HONEST i dont pretend to be perfect, or nice or not jealous. Im incredibly jealous because whenver i see her ugly fat face i am reminded that he thought she was 'beautiful'

if my boyfriend rings me while i am with my mates and my attention is taken away breifly he will shout "ARE YOU TALKING TO ME OR THEM!" and then put the phone down on me! ha ahaha ha

If you find a decent girl it wont matter how much money you have or don't have. Don't worry too much about that. you sound very intelligent, most guys on this side of the pond do not stress so much about getting a degree. I think its great that you want to do something with your life and that you are trying. I am sorry, yes I got it wrong, you did pay for your own education and now I understand that you cant afford to move out. maybe you could just let your parents 'go over your head' just agree to disagree and make a bit of effort, if it helps you in the long term to just get on with them? You sound like a really sweet guy who was just hurt really bad and had his confident knocked. I was dumped three years ago and I struggled to 'move on' for a while. I compared every guy, said that guys were idiot, that they just used women, I was cynical and horrible and everytime i went on a date i compared the date to my first date with my ex and i would sit there thinking "when i was with him he held my hand by this point and we laughed and..." then before i knew it I wasnt enjoying myself I just wanted to go home and cry. It took me two years of being single and I moved out on my own, started college in the evenings, working full time, going out with my friends, keeping myself busy, i starte to build confidence in myself, i went on dates. Some of them were horrible, some of them were sweet but i wasnt atracted to them. It took time, four months of constant dating, of being let down, of crying into my wine, of comparing, of saying "thats it im not gonna meet someone" when I finally did. I remember being in my flat with my new boyfriend, one night, we had been together about three months and I remember thinking "even if this doesnt work out, its taught me that i can feel 'that thing' with someone else" Its 14 months now since we met and I love him more, much more than I ever loved the ex that broke my heart. I worry that I may lose him because I dont want ton go through that pain again, and i wonder how much worse it will be because of the amount of love i have for him. however, I am not gonna finish with him to spare the pain of him leaving. The more you put off dating girls and comparing them to your ex who hurt you, the more afraid you will become and the more you will miss out on. The first step is seeing the relationship and the breakup from your exes point of view, try to forgive them (not in person if you dont want) just in your head, try to let go of the anger and hate you feel towards them. I realised that my ex just didnt love me, that he tried and in doing so hurt me and broke my heart, but he didnt do it maliciously, he liked me as a person and wanted t love me, but he wasnt over his exs, he still cried when 'their' song came on the radio or when she rang him to 'catch up'. I realise now that I hated him for it, but really he was hurting so bad he didnt know what he was doing. It still hurts me when ib revisit that pain, but i have forgivven him for it. I hope you go back to feeling great again x

Im not trying to kick you while you are down, it just seemed to outrageous I could hardly believe it was true. If it is then I feel for you. Im sorry if i offended you.

so you refused to celebrate Christmas with your parents because you an athietst? most people in this day and age are athiets, my boyfriend is a scientist and is all about Darwin and evolution and no such thing as god. Im a catholic. We still swapped presents and cooked dinner together and had a tree and crackers and watched TV drinking baileys wearing party hats. most people don't even celebrate the religeous side of it anymore which I find side. Could you not have done that with your parents. Are you sure that your religeon is the only reason that you didnt want to spend Christmas with your parents? sounds like there is more to that relationship than that. Your dad called the cops because you were drinking? I used to drink a lot when I lived at home and my dad would shout at me for being a 'p*ss head' but they never fell out with me, or called the cops. Something else must be going on here? I think unti you rebuild the relationship with your parents you are always going to feel like something is missing, you are always going to carry that anger around and feel sad. Also you need to cut out the drinking while you think clearly about your life and where it is headed. you say you want to continue your education but you need your parents to pay for you? You dont. I work full time and put myself through my degree, its tireing and its expensive but i didnt rely on anyone to do it for me, i wanted it, so i went for it. Maybe once you start working and earning your own money and looking after yourself you wont feel like such a failure, you will feel more confident and I seriously think moving outof your parents place might do wonders for your relationship with them. I get on so much better with my parents now that i am not faced with them every single day. With regards to girls. You just have to work on yourself first, there is no magic way to chat a girl up, in fact chat up lines and cr*p like that doesnt work. A girl just likes a guy who is confident in his self, who can come over and say "hi how are you? wht do you do?" and have a decent conversation, I get the impression you think that if you get a girlfriend life will feel relatively good because you will have someone. I tell you, sort your life out first and the girls will come second. Your parents might not help you, you might not find a girlfriend yet, but you still have yourself and you can always depend on you hey? dont let yourself down hun, look after yourlelf, find out what you want and work towards getting it and DO IT YOURSELF FOR YOURSELF!

I think there comes a point in everyones life, (rachel in Friends says it in the episode where she turns 30) when we feel that we can't keep messing about and having fun, if we want to settle down and have babies!... I know that in the past i would overlook differences because the guy was fun, or good looking or i enjoyed my saturday nights with him. Then as i got older I started to want more out of the relationship and was more impatient with differences when dating a guy. You need to think about what you are looking for, If she really isnt the one you envisage 'being with' then talk to her, be honest dont lie and say "I need space.." and then replace her in a day! just be honest with her and be true to yourself. I know it will hurt her, but you cant protect her from that and you have to be true to yourself. we all have our hearts broken and get hurt, but imagine if the other person had of stayed with us, not wanting us, just to spare us the heartbreak?

He wanted space and you 'couldnt' or 'wouldnt' give it to him? he probably feels that he can't get back with you because nothing will have changed and he will just be going back to a relationship that he ended for a reason. In other words the reason he finished with you is still there so why would it work a second time? I think you are both young and shouldnt really have to change for someone else. Its just a case of both wanting different things and not having the same behaviour to fit each other. Unless you change your entire personality, or he learns to accept you warts and all you will not 'fit'. I say, let this one go sweetheart and be hopeful that you will find someone else. Break ups always hurt and we are always left thinking "what do i do?!" its like we arent entirely sure how to function without the other. WE have referred to them as our 'other half' and it really feels like half of us is gone when they leave. But only with that other half gone do we truly become whole and realise that we can move on and we can love again.

I would say leave the guy you are with anyway. never mind feeling lonely or without a boyfriend. maybe you need t be 'without a boyfriend' for a while to decide what you truly want. Its not fair to stay with this guy because 'its the right thing to do' you are preventing him from finding someone that sees him as number 1 not Number 2 or the someone she is settling for? I think you should follow your heart, rather than spend your life wondering what if, however you owe it to this other guy to either love him with all you have got, or cut him loose and let someone else.

also getting into another relationship with another apparently celebrity lookalike is not going to make it 'all better'. I think the pair of you need counselling - separately. seriously.

as i read the 'updates' im cynical enough to believe exactly the same as you. this sounds like something Jerry Springer put together.

wow!! so right!! looking back i wish i had had you to talk to three years ago!! great advice

why cant you have sex while his son is there? is he afraid you will make noise and his son will hear? maybe the thought of his son being in the next room and risking walking in might freak him out. i would be tempted to buy a vibrator and have my own fun and refuse the blow jobs! until he agrees to talk properly and find a solution.

same thing happened to me. boyfriend dumped me on the friday, by the monday he was referring loudly infront of my friends to "My new girlfriend said this blah blah" I asked my friend what she had heard and she said "oh he met her on the saturday night..." I thought to what i was doing that saturday night, the day AFTER he had removed my heart and stamped on it and i had spent it lay on the floor of my friends bathroom crying and moaning in pain while she poured large quanties of wine down my throat while my other two friends just sat and chain smoked saying "He'll be sorry.." it hurt so bad. then I thought 'girlfriend' it didnt add up, turns out she was someone 'one the scene' for a while before we broke up. i dont know what happened with you, we can only assume, but it hurts to feel replaced. im sure you arent replaced though she has merely moved on. you will in time, once the hurt starts to heal. it took me two years! so give yourself the time and space you need to heal. NC!!!

I remember when my parents would say to me "You wont find a boyfriend until you... lose weight, stop drinking, smoking, swearing, living, breathing..." My mum used to complain that i was immature and when would i settle down and other older married people would say "oooh at your age I had a mortgage and children!" my reply: "What a shame for you.." "oh I dont want to tie myself down just yet and then get to your age and realise all the things i missed out on, like girls holidays to spain and italy and going out every weekend and living alone and dancing around my flat naked to Billy joel's uptown girl, going on a different date every week... oh life is great when your single in this day and age.. its a shame for people of your generation who got married at like 19!" that usually shuts them up! ha ha mean i know!!

She is pregnant with your child and having sex with other men? is she using protection! urgh! Also how on earth did his mates manage to ring you and let you hear sounds in the background? how did they get your number? was it some kind of orgy? or a party whereas she was having sex in the bedroom with another man at a party that had his friends there? she wanted to get caught if thats the case. I would also question where her moral values lie, if she has any. How old is she? Im sorry to be so harsh but if you marry this woman you are only going to cause yourself more pain. Take control of your own life and end this relationship now. You should remain in contact for the sake of your child, but find someone who can respect and love you back for a wife. This woman is not her.

wow i feel for you, i really do, i actually filled up, putting myself totally in your shoes i dont see how you can avoid breaking down. I can control my tears in a business meeting and during a row, but in a 'deep conversation' or a goodbye with my boyfriend or ex boyfriend i always break/broke down. Its hard to hold that much emotion in without doing yourself some damage. I think you will regret it if you don't say something. However, you cannot be responsible for the way he is feeling and if he breaks down it isnt your fault or because of what you have said, its his responsibility to control his emotions, not yours. say how you feel, say what you want, get it off your chest. It will be hard, there is no easy way and it will probably be emotional too, dont think too much about it, dont plan in advance just go with wht feels natural at the time. I wish you all the best for the future, your new future, without him.

I saw this and it immediately took me back in time. My grandma used to do it all the time to me when I was a teenager. She used to send me diet books in the post and cut out low fat recipes (I wasnt even overweight! - I had hips and boobs!) Once i was really poorly and I got the bus straight from college to her house (I didnt want to be alone and my parents were at work) she said "oh whats wrong love and went to the cupboard to get me some tablets" then as I sat down on the sofa holding my tummy she said "oooh you have got a right double chin havent you?" and poked my face. It was the straw that broke the camels back I told her that if I was fat it was because i had inherited her 'fat' genes, that her entire side of the family had weight problems. I then said I was sick of it all and I stormed out of the house refusing to speak to her again. The sad fact is, I didnt speak to my grandparents (and my aunties and uncles) for 6 years! finally making friends with them a few years ago. We never mentioned the whys or hows of our fall out, my little sister regularly asks me why i didnt go to family do's for years and i just say "i was stubborn" I accept now that sometimes our grandparents just dont know the impact of what they say. My other grandma is 86, i adore her, i will be devestated the day she dies, but every now and again she says to me "ooh you trying to squeese your huge frame into that little chair!!" (Im a size 14!!) Im not a house!! grrrr Just say "I wish you wouldnt point out my weight constantly, I have a mirror! i know what i look like and I happen to like it, but you are hurting my feelings nanna!!" otherwise learn to ignore it.

I would have rung her back too. I think you handled it well. If my boyfriend's ex called I would grab the phone and say in no uncertain terms "listen to me sweetheart, you ring this number again and feel my wrath!" ha ha ha Im laughing my head off now. Only kidding. mnn or maybe I am not. she probably didnt know he had a new girlfriend, maybe she misses him. I would want to know what bothered you really. my boyfriend has an ex that is obsessed with him and rings him every so often and he is just really short with her. I feel sorry for her, she loved him very much and he broke her heart, I would never ring her back or even say anything about it, however if the other ex, the one who dumped him, the one HE loved rang then I would probably ring her back out of jealousy and fear and tell her that she is messing with the wrong b*tch ha ha ha ha

dont blow this out of all proportion darling. Most of my friends smoke it on the odd occasion, one is a lawyer and the other is a nurse and she finds it de-stresses her. I dont approve, I tried it a few times as a teenager and I have no shame in it, its hardly Heroin! some people are far too over the top about a bit of weed! come on! yes you did something behind her back and that is what the issue here is, that you feel like you betrayed her trust. You did to some respect but the person you let down the most is yourself and this inner turmoil you have created is punishment enough. I remember telling my boyfriend I was going to give up smoking for New Year last year and at midnight he said to me "right okay no more cigs!" and I thought "p*ss off! I want to at least finish this pack! starting from New Years Day morning!!" he said "no! starting from midnight you promised!!" so for the rest of the evening I snuck to the toilet for a crafty fag! i felt really guilty the next day but only breifly, i found it amusing that at my age I had resorted to behaving like a child. At the end of the day we only have to answer to ourselves and we take our own responsibility for our own actions. YOu havent gone out and slept with someone, you slipped up. Forgive yourself, dont do it again, but remember this is YOUR CHOICE and you are doing it for you, for your own health. Your girlfriend's support (not condemnent) is what should be your drive.

I am thinking you may be so scared the muscles in your vaginal walls are contracting which makes it harder for penetration. I happens to me when Im laughing, if me and my boyfriend are having fun sex and I laugh too hard it hurts me when he enters. I only hurt afterwards if we have had sex for a long time and then of course I get a bit sore. However if you are saying its sore all the time and you arent nervous BEFORE intercourse then you should go and see your nurse or gp and have a few swabs taken, it doesnt hurt, its just like a smear and the results are back pretty quick, check for everything and then start relaxing.

Yes, what everyone is saying here is right. Your mum is struggling with her own feelings, whatever they may be and we can only assume, she too may need to talk to someone to help alleviate the situation for her. Its important you realise that people see things from different perspectives. Whats important to one person is irrelevant to someone else and whats painful to someone is silly to someone else. I am constantly saying to my boyfriend "BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME!!!" because he will always say "Its irrelevant!" once he hears me say that, then he listens. I had depression as a teenager, from 14 upwards. It was ignored. I remember writing a letter to a newspaper agony aunt and she telephoned my father. He went mad at me, slapped me around the head and started hitting me with the rolled up newspaper shouting "why are you telling people you have a bad childhood!! you are spoilt rotten!! me and your mum love you to bits!!" while he was shouting this he was screaming in my face hitting me with a rolled up newspaper!! in his eyes I was a total horrible hormonal teenager and in my eyes he was a dominating monster! When i was 18 I started having panic attacks and my dad just kinda said "Yeah I had them a lot you have to 'deal with it' before they deal with you..get a grip!" he just reminded me that my life was good and I shouldnt be having them. It was like he didnt think i had a reason, he saw no reason for my depression and couldnt understand it! even though his own mother had attempted to take her own life on a number of occasions during his childhood. He didnt want to talk about my pain, because it reminded him of his own pain. when I was 19 I went to counselling myself (which is the reason I started training to be a counsellor myself) and my mum came with me. She sat outside the room but she could hear my sobs through the door and when I came out she was sat there crying into her hands saying "why are you this way? what did I do wrong.." I feel for you, I really do. Perhaps you could ask your doctor for counselling, or look in the Yellow pages for any volunteer groups around that you could visit for free. (I myself volunteer as a counsellor at weekends with lots of others so I know in England there are lots of free support groups) I'm not sure whereabouts you live? America? is it the same there?

why do people always feel that they have to change every aspect of their life when they enter into a relationship? why cant he continue to be a man instead of being put in the box of "boyfriend" i dont think its disrepectful at all that he is reading Maxim, its hardly "big Betty's Bazookas!" chose your battles and dont wage war on silly little things like this! how can this possibly be disrespectful to you? If he said "stop wearing makeup, you dont need to attract men now, stop wearing short skirts i find it direspectful...stop reading cosmo... " can you see the point i am making?

yes she MIGHT try and say he is being selfish, but he ISNT. I think the point here is that the relationship is not HEALTHY. Why should you walk on egg shells? why should you ASK and BEG to be allowed to see your mates?! I wouldn't stand for that as a female and so would never expect my boyfriend to ask 'permission'. He rings me and says "next sat babe Im out with the lads... so you know.." and I said "cheers I will ring Helen and Sophie and lisa.." he doesnt say "could i possibly trouble you enough to let me perhaps... maybe..... go out without you for just one night?!! please, im so sorry if this seems selfish and it hurts you/...im sure it will improve our relaitonship....." can you see how ridiculous that sounds? I can see where you are coming from and I am not disagreeing with you harshly, your post is helpful and contains some good advice about maybe the fact you spend so much time togethe is affecting the relationship. I suppose my main concern is that once you two start getting on well again, stop bickering, she may think "Oh okay now we can go back to being glued at the hip...why would you want to go out with your friends when everything is perfect with us? why why? why dont you want to be with me?!" Spending time apart needs to be part of the relationship, not a simple 'fix it'