AntiLove_SuperStar

13. Get liposuction if all else fails sorry...I just look forward to the day I can even entertain following duch advice

Because people are too polite to say "You look ugly". Because I think its always nice to "put a face to a name". Because it is for my body that I really reserve my selfhatred, rather than my face, which I just dislike. Because it gets positive attention from people like you

Karma simply means....drum roll.. "CAUSE AND EFFECT!" The accumulation of energies and belief systems. It certainly isn't "I do good so I get good back".

What would a ring PROVE, exactly? What are you trying to avoid thinking about here, and covering up by this materialistic obsession..whats *really* bothering you?

No, don't tell him. First Rule Of Infidelity - DON'T tell them.

One BBC news article and you're dying? As a non-Brit..you won't appreciate that the BBC is quite a fallible institution, and isn't exactly..well. Its more like The Good Ole Beeb, not definitive lifeadvice

Interesting. Here's a story. Well, a parable, perhaps. A moral? I've had eating disorders since I was 13 or so. We're talking REAL body hatred here. But in a sexual situation, I have absolutely no reservations in shedding all my clothes. I'm that person who, the morning after, parades around the house absolutely stark naked, and draws the curtains without putting clothes on. Yet the same day, alone, I can cry solidly, no exaggeration here, because I'm so fat. The reason? I take the fact that someone wants to have sex with me as reason enough to temporarily at least overcome my selfhatred. I always hate my body, however I'm willing to believe that the main witness to it naked can't mind THAT much, as they want to sleep with me. Strange, but its how it is in my case. My boyfriend also takes great trouble to tell me how attractive he finds me on a daily basis, and this has strengthened my dropping-inhibitions behaviour.

If she genuinely is rude and so forth, then yes, I'd agree - "what IS he doing with her?" However: 1) It seems like if she was pretty, you wouldnt think it was so bad. I think thats what people object to on here. That you left in the bit about her appearance. If you'd have just said "my friend is with a terribly mannered, VERY toxic girl, and I'm confused as to why" you'll get a more sympathetic hearing than "theres this ugly girl AND she's rude"...by dwelling on the apperance, people will think you are shallow. Its about your wording. 2) People are different to people, and that makes the attraction. I'm not renowned for being overly polite, and sometimes if your signif other is ONLY nice to you, in private, its like having a fabulous secret, and you feel privileged, and attracted by that. That could be the case here? 3) Opinions are subjective. You think she's fat; he thinks she's curvy. You think she's rude; he thinks she's uninhibited! Thats me in my avatar...do you think I'm hot? Because some people sure as heck do, but some don't. Its all very different. I for one do NOT think you are a horrible person, however you worded it in an unfortunate way.

applepie...many thankyous. Not sure what to say; but if I had the words, they'd be very positive! I absolutely feel I don't measure up. Today I had a Sociology exam. I wrote 6 . 5 sides in 1 hour, and now all I can think about is how awfully I did. And yes, I got a high A on the mock exam.

He never showed up. Well, that tells you all you need to know. Have NO regrets, there are many guys who are so much better.

Well, possibly. But I'm very very tired of "self improvement" that simply doesnt get me anywhere. I've tried socialising more/less, chagning my entire studying/college path, more exercise, less exercise, volunteering, therapy, CBT, selfhelp books, religion.... And still, all I am inclined towards is anger and depression. In my eyes I am simply a fat failure. I also don't believe you need selflvoe to get married. Plenty of VERY low people love their spouses...its not really relevant (aside from your partner having to put up wirth less crap, I expect)

Well, my boyfriend doesnt. I do, though. I don't have an explanation either!

I was a fulltime....active lady for at least a year or so before meeting my BF. Boys , girls ,SERIAL infidelity, you name it, I did it. But my BF of 1 year 3 months knows I'm faithful to him. Its all about trust.

Its probably that when you are feeling/looking good enough to attract someone, why should it stop at one? So its just a coincidence that they seem to like you because someone else does?

NO NO I DID NOT mean that at 40 you become ugly!# Oh sweet jaysus I didn't mean that, I jsut meant I can only see myself getting upset about ageing on top of everything else, yeah? Sure I know plenty of attractive thirty/fortysomethings...but no way will *I* ever be one of them, I'm clearly too disgusting. THATS what I meant. OK... No one ever called me fat, except a bit of bullying in my childhood (before I was 13 years old, and it wasn't severe). And no, I've felt like this from almost Day One, not since we've chosen to set a Moving In Date. I am no good at art. I just want to be thin, I just want to be good enough in MY eyes. This is not what anyone else has said. It's about MY warped opinion of MYSELF. And to me at least, looks matter a lot. Its what you have to put up with 24/7. Moods change, looks don't. I'm sick of trying to convince myself otherwise. I've tried conventional shrinks, and the friendly-counsellor type. I even liked the woman, she was very nice and so forth, but I felt so sorry for her because nothing she said made any difference and I just went home crying. I hate myself, COMPLETELY. Tonight I'm so angry. Not at you good people, but at me.

He's not "just lost". There is no such justification. The point is, he has shown his lack of respect and love for you as a partner and a human being, and you really are better off without him. Cheating doesn't just happen. It takes conscious decisions, which he wouldn't have made with such consequences if he was committed to you. Don't lower yourself to trying to get him back - why not find YOU, and then find a guy who will treat you better - there are plenty out there, it just can take awhile to find them.

My boyfriend of 1 year, 3 months has done nothing wrong. He treats me respectfully and brilliantly, like a good friend as well as a lover. Our sex life is excellent - frequent, varied, open and commicative. I trust him, and his character-assessing abilities - he is happy with and honest in his desire to just be faithful to me/love me/marry me in next couple of years - I'm set to move in about November-time this year. We have been through illness, death, mental illness, major exams, holidays, day-to-day living, and seem to handle everything pretty well as a couple. I don't think - in fact, I know - that we have never had an argument. Emotive discussions about past experiences maybe, or things we arn't comfortable with...but its always been resolved, and such discussions arn't frequent at all. I like him as a person. I think he is a throughly genuine, honest individual who'd never intentionally hurt anybody. He's fairly amusing. And he's VERY attractive. On a superficial level, he also owns outright his own house, 2 cars and has a degree from a good university. I'm going to use the very kind of language I abhor in others (I know, and I'm sorry) - he's just a fantastic "all rounder", and I sincerely don't think I'd find anyone else I'd prefer to spend my life with. But...but. There's always a but, isn't there? 1) Committment phobia (mine, not his) 2) Infidelity Addiction (mine, not his) 1) Before I met my boyfriend, I was doing a lot of what people politely call "playing the field". I did it because I could, because I'd been considered "ugly and fat" when I was younger, it was as though I wanted to grab the whole world and get proof from everyone I could that I WAS attractive, I WAS good enough. I don't actually know how many people I've been with...which doesn't sit well with me, but I know why I did it. No responsibility, a whole lot of excitement, and a lot of, well, adoration. I'm ashamed, but I'm human? And I miss my old persona for that very reason. Whenever I was down, it'd only take a few hours of being with someone, making them feel as though I was brilliant, to make ME feel brilliant. Now that I'm with someone who knows my faults and so forth, I feel vulnerable to the point of being sick. I hate it, I cry a lot over this. It's not the fooling around with other people I want - its...I don't know. The feeling of reassurance that I was in complete control, I suppose. That I had more power to hurt than BE hurt, which is currently the case. I am chronically insecure and HATE my body, and this is at 18..in another ten years itll be much worse, and at 40...at this rate I'll be in my room sobbing because I'll be so ugly and worse, I'll have aged! Its now at the stage where, on my own, I'll have a minor crying attack when I see topshelf magazines, I'm just so friggin UGLY, I mean OBVIOUSLY. And he's only with me because he's not in a place to mix with really hot people. 5ft 7ins, 36C/D breasts, 139lbs, size 6-8 US, clear skin...and I LOATHE myself. I often think "I can't compete with 99% of women out there anyway, so I'll just leave him". But I love him, I don't want to. 2) Infidelity Addiction - relating to 1). I am not unfaithful to my boyfriend, but am addicted to reading msgboards (not just ENA) on Coping With Infidelity. Some days I'll act as though I've just been dumped and as though I'm going through No Contact with him. Its an addiction, and its insane. I don't feel I can really live with this a whole lot longer. Its a massive burden to me to have to cope with all of this, but then again..I love him, I don't WANT to leave him. But I am currently going mad. I have spoken of some of this to him, but I'm not stupid and know that "Jealousy and Insecurity" is NOT attractive, and I'm trying to get over it in my own time. I don't want to sleep with other people, but I don't really want the current situation either.

Well, if you are going to be dead, I for one don't value the "it'd inflict pain on others" idea...I mean, you don't give a monkeys if you're in oblivion. If you become chronically depressed, your body will gradually sut down anyway through all the illness extreme depressive trauma will expose you to. It might not be classed as suicide, but dwelling on and feeding depression will definitely shorten your life.

My boyfriend and I talk almost all the time we are together, and frequently via phone/text as well. Sometimes I wish he'd shut the heck up. I mean, the guy can talk...a lot. Which is very nice most of the time, but you know. If I'm angry, I tell him so - and apologise quicky. :S He never tells me to stop wittering on.mainly because I'm not of the "Endlessly Chatty" type, and I don't have time for girls who are..we don't have traditional gender stereotypes in our partnership.

1-2 times a week? (Daywalker) Nooo way...less than 8 or so times and I'm cross! I see sex as a power thing, and thereforeeee I like it. I don't think my sex drive (which is high) is just related to hormones - although I do have elevated testosterone from Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

I'm not sure...I mean, when you're really into someone, you care a bit more than "mmm" and "uhuh"...why are you with someone who doesn't seem to want to even have a decent conversation? I sense an imbalance . . .

Well, sure the occasional deviant pops up. I went over to a friends house several times a couple of summers ago - her mother didnt know that either of us were bisexual. Hehehe Mostly, though, I don't think you have anything to worry about. And lets suppose in worst-case scenario they do sexually experiment with each other..well, thats not damaging or bizarre, and if it wasn't in your house it'd be somewhere else anyway.

I have fantasies about three WOMEN. I don't think two guys would do a whole lot for me. Either way, I'd like to put a vote in for your girlfriend being "normal" - and it'd be really awesome if people could drop sexual double standards against women- be a pioneer!

Yeah, I think a lot of people of both genders do it. I know for a fact that I'm boring to my signif other, a problem I overcome by "wishing" I was with someone else. Pre-emptive strike!

Erm, daywalker....it isnt a nice size to be! Wow...I'm 5ft 7ins, 139lbs, size 36D-ish..I know EXACTLY what you mean, nikkers. If you find a solution, tell me. But I really don't think pills will work.