Lilac

ya i have some flyers printed up and i've contacted the vet already. i've been to a couple of neighbors and they havent' seen her. the humaine society also suggested putting her litter box outside cuz it has her scent on it and that helps too. i'll just have to keep looking and looking and hoping

well here's an update for everyone. on fri night we talked a bit and i told him everything that i needed to say and he got really viscious with me. i wasn't sure what his mental state was in and i actually ended up calling one of my friends to come down for a couple hours because i wasn't sure if he was going to show up at the house or not. well on sat i got up and went to work, it was only supposed to be for a couple hours but i ended up staying the whole day and then heading out with some coworkers. i got home just after 1am to find his truck at the house. i went inside and saw that my cat had messed on the floor, cleaned it up and then asked my bf where my kitty was. he told me that he threw her outside and doesn't care if she comes back or not. now she's never ever ever even seen outside let alone been tossed out there at her own defenses. i lost it and told my bf to get out of my house and he refused to leave. i wasn't sure what he was going to do to me so i called the police and he then promptly called his parents saying that i was being a * * * * * and a psycho cuz i had no reason to call the police. well after everyone got to the house he did take some personal stuff and leave the house. then on sun he came back to get a few more things and i told him that he was no longer welcomed in this house and for him to leave. came back with the uhaul and his whole family and nice dramatic production but all of his stuff is gone. my kitty is still missing and i don't know if she's alive, my house is empty and i feel so alone. i actually feel like my heart is breaking more and more each minute. i know that i made the right decision and i'm proud of myself that i stood by. i guess i just needed to see what the line was and when he caused harm to my kitty that went beyond crossing it. i just feel so sad and so depressed and not sure how i'm going to pick up the pieces anymore

hey girl, please please don't take this personally but i have to tell you from my own personal experience that if he isn't ready to move it together don't do it. my bf and i were in a similiar situation as yours only differnce is i'm 4 yrs older then him, he just just turned 21. i have lived on my own for going on 7 yrs now. i lived with a guy for almost 5 of that, then had roomates for over a year and then when i moved up here i finally got my own place and my own space and i loved it. but i went through alot of the same feelings that you are. when he was there it was great it was perfect. but when he went home (to his parents house) i felt alone and wanting to be with him. then we the opportunity came for us to move in together and we did and it's been hell ever since. all we do is fight and i get mad that he still goes to his parents house 4 nights a week and is basically here to eat and sleep and that's it. i figure it's because he's never been out on his own and is having very strong seperation anxiety. i dont' want to see that happen to someone else. so if he wants to move in with friends then let him. you can still go to his house he can go to yours but it will make the first move out of home an easier transition for him

in all honesty i moved. and a big move. 400km away from all of my baggage. i know that each bad relationship that i was in held a lesson for me and it has taken me almost 2 yrs to see those lessons and i'm not even sure if they are the lessons that was meant to learn. and i know that some of you may see me moving as running away from my problems but it wasn't that. i reached a pivot point in my life where i realized that i need to drastically change who i was or i would have never gotten out of rock bottom. the move has been great and i know that i am a way different person then i was 2 yrs ago. i still have some baggage that doesn't seem to go away but i know all it needs is a little more time.

please dont' take this as a slam against you but are you maybe putting too much emphasis on only the sex in your relationship. yes it's great to be intimate and to feel that love and bond that you have when you are in bed together, but i think that maybe you should concentrate on everything else in your relationship. even though you guys have been talking it's still going to take some time for everything to smooth out if it will. you can't just jump right back into the way things always used to be. the fighting takes time, the healing takes time and the rebuildig takes time. give it all the time that it needs. i'm sure you love him for more reasons then just the sex

the question that i pose to you is are you being supportive to her while she is going through all of these changes. i just recently went through alot of changes in myself and in my life. i quit my job without having another job lined up, and worked so hard to get my career that i have now. i still have bills that are piled up from this and it keeps getting higher and higher. and the entire time i haven't received any support from my bf. even when i told him about my new career all he said was "finally". so the reason i ask you this is that change is very scary to anyone. there's alot of uncertainty and maybe all it will take is for you to be there for her and showing her that you support her and that she'll get through all of it. it might make the difference of the world for both of you.

Building Blocks Self-Esteem Tips and Practices for All Women 1. Tell yourself why you are beautiful (think hard and be honest). Write it down and keep it in a place where you will see it from time to time. 2. Find a picture of yourself you really like, or have some taken by a friend, and put it in a beautiful frame. Keep it on display where you and others can see it. 3. Put your scale away. Far away. Beauty is NOT measured in pounds. 4. Turn a critical eye to advertising and media images. Acknowledge that models and movie stars don't represent reality--that even they are "retouched" to look a certain way. Learn to be conscious of the number of times you are exposed to advertising messages that are designed to make you feel inferior so that you will buy the product advertised. 5. Choose a day to not criticize yourself. Then try it for a week. Then a month. Replace the negative messages with positive ones. 6. Respond to others thoughtfully when they criticize themselves. Don't let their negative remarks go unchallenged. Rather, tell them why their statements are untrue and self-defeating. 7. Be around people who are comfortable with who they are and what they look like. 8. Make a list of 5 physical features of yours that you like/appreciate and why. Then add to that 5 personality traits you like and why. Next list 5 things you are grateful for. Finally list 5 achievements that you are particularly proud of. Do this exercise from time to time. 9. Wear clothes that you like and feel good in. Get rid of clothing that you have been waiting to fit into. 10. Treat yourself to something special, like a new lipstick, earrings, stocking or a hair clip, that accentuates one of your favorite features. Treat your body to some pampering, like a massage, or a rejuvenating walk. 11. Be a good role model for children, young girls and friends. Realize that constant talk about calorie-counting, diet, exercise, gray hair and wrinkles is heard and learned. 12. Acknowledge your right to define beauty for yourself and celebrate the natural, inherent beauty in all women. It is your birthright!

i am currently struggling with very low self esteem. i had every thread of self esteem shredded two years ago and no i feel like i've been ran through the shredder again. the main area that i am focusing on is my job. i have a great career that i am just getting started in and i am doing everything i can to throw myself into that and not worry about anything else. i will make another post called The "I Am Beautiful" Project that has also helped through some really down times

hey girl_83, i am in your shoes as we speak. and i'm not even sure where my "leaving point" is. i thought after my bf called me a ho because of my past it would be enough for me to leave but i can't find the strength to do it. when i think about leaving him i feel even worse. i am realizing that all of my self esteem is being destroyed and i'm devaluing myself as well. i know that i need to leave but the want is not fully there. i feel that i need to fix myself and feel strong enough in myself to stand up and say i am better then this i deseve better then this, and i love myself. instead of putting all of my energy into seeking his love, approval and respect. i need to reteach myself to love myself and respect myself and then i will feel strong enough to stand on my own two feet and tell him to leave, or leave myself. i hope the best for you and i will be watching this thread for updates as i think that we may be able to help each other alot through this.

yes i am because that was my first thought was that he was cheating on me. and i'm really good friends with his brothers wife and her and i have leaned on each other alot. she has verified to me everytime that he was at his parents house. she said it's actually pathetic how much time he spends there and how he has no other friends to go to. he relies soley on his family.

ok here is my story and i'm going to appologize right away for it being a lengthy article but i feel that i should give the full background on myself. i feel that i have been in emotionally abusive relationships my whole life and each one seems to get progressively worse. i left almost a 5 yr long relationship in the winter of 2003 and it was my first serious relationship. i had a very hard time dealing with it and i was acting in ways that i now see i shouldn't have been. basically i started sleeping with alot of random people and jumping from relationship to relationship and cheating on those that i was dating. during that time i had a very close male friend that listened to all of my stories and all of my hurt and supported me every step of the way. when i left relationship #3 i gave my head a shake and said hey here's this amazing friend who respects you and loves you for who you are why are you not with him. so i made the decision to change my entire life and move 400km away from my closest family and start a new life with him. i was scared as hell but he was right there telling me that everything was going to be ok and that i was done living all the hurt in my life. and i believed him. he made me feel so good about myself and everything that i was. we first started seeing each other in oct. of 2004 and i moved in nov of 04. when i moved though i played it smart and got my own place. he still lived at home and i was fine with that. it was nice to come home to my own place and my own space and i didn't want to rush into anything. well the summer of 05 he got a job that required him to go away for weeks at a time and i felt very hurt and very crushed that i changed my entire life to be with him and now he was leaving me. it ultimately led to a very bad break up btwn us. but after a week of not talking to each other or seeing each other we started to have telephone contact again. he was miles away working on the rigs and i was still in my town so it was almsot a buffer zone for us to talk and slowly work things through. well he came back after being out for over a month and we decided that we wanted to make things work and be with each other and gave it another go. in sept of 05 we had the big talk about moving in together and decided that we wanted to. so we went through a bit of a rough time of nerves and everything but still moved in together in oct. things were rocky and i wasn't sure what to think. he was going to his parents house 4 nights a week, and coming home just to sleep and i told him that i didn't feel like he actually wanted to live with me and that he hadn't actually moved out and he got very defensive. things didn't get better and finally led to a very large fight just before xmas that had me lining up a moving truck and going back closer to my family. i decided i was being hasty and that i was at fault for some of the actions causing stress in the relationship. so at the start of this year i made some huge changes in myself. i quit my job that i hated so much and persued my career that i am now in, but put some financial stress on the relationship. now that i have my dream career i was really excited about it and he didnt' share my excitement at all. and for the past couple weeks his behaviour has really taken a turn for the worse. we always used to play fight, like pin the other down and tickle them, or pin them down and kiss them, or just little pokes here and there, but lately he's really been annoyed at it and has started to cause me pain when it should be playful. like grabbing my wrists and holding them really tight and pulling at my fingers. so i backed off what i was doing to get that to stop. well on sun we were sitting on the couch and i was talking to him about how much i love him and how happy i am with him and how life is finally getting on track and he just snapped at me. he threw everything from my past in my face and told me once a cheater always a cheater and he's just waiting for me to do it to him cuz i'm a hoe. i was crushed and devestated and i asked for an appology and he never gave it to me. so after alot of crying and thinking i told him that i wanted to find a new place to live cuz i can't be in a relationship where i'm thought of like that. and he snapped at me again and me feel so bad about leaving that i took it all back and said i would stay. and we haven't hardly spoken since. he's not coming home till about midnight every night and i'm really not sure what to do. i know that leaving him is the right thing to do, but every time i think about it i feel like i'm going to be sick and i think about how good he used to treat me and what changed to cause it. please help because i feel so crushed and destroyed that i don't think i have the strength to stand my ground and leave, or tell him to leave

i have just recently joined this site and it was because of this article that i wanted to join. it brought tears to my eyes reading the article and seeing how many categories that my current boyfriend actually fits into, but what scares me is that i've also done some of the characteristics myself. i will post in another thread my story as not to hijack this one, but my question is am i in the wrong as well cuz i have displayed some of these characteristics?