Skippy

the dating scene in the UK and the US are different but if i say anything, i will be shot down not because it is sexist but it would be between the 2 countries.

you are just friends .. you are not dating.. let it go. if she was your girlfriend it may be a different story but she is a friend. She is getting a kick out of this whole thing. if she play it up again. say ' well ,if you have to go, you have to go". Afraid of falling in love with this girl? well, dont, manage your expectation and be realistic. It is easy to do this, Dont be roantic towards her, be cold and withdrawn So easy to say so hard to do.....

move on, stop letting her sh!t all over you. You are at her disposal. She calls and you come and then when she has had enough of you she throws you away. Time to make a stand with her, "be with me or loose me forever". If she says she doesnt want the relationship, Say you care for her but since she doesnt want a relationship with you, you are walking away then initiate NC. Before you ask this question, prepare for both answers, dont let her have time to think because you are then losing control of the situation. Make her make a decision. Be strong. be ready to walk away.

simply, you want to end the relationship because you want to explore your independence. Sounds to me like a mid life crisis. Well you don't have kids. That;s a good thing. but staying with someone because you have history is not a good reason Finding someone in life to love and trust is hard. i a sorry you are n a tough position .. wish i can help you

take her down from that peddle stool and put her below your family. She isnt god and if you keep treating her that way she will not respect you. After all you admittedly said that you are less then her. No one wants to date someone less then. Someone that is less then is a loser. Are you a "loser'. I dont think so. Stop acting less then. You are more important then her, your family is more important then her. Get your priorities straight, only then will she respect you and the possible relationship. You give her everything and not have anything for yourself, you are a nice guy, but by putting someone ahead/above you continuiously you come a loser. You gotta get your priorities right. You sound like a guy that will beg her to come back to you. DONT. be a man, you dont need her, you can fin someone else. If she wants space, FINE! give it to her without looking soft and weak. You were in the army, think of your dril sergent, he is never weak, he is lways strong. You respect he even if you hate him only then can you have a chance. Dont give her the divorce immediately, make time so you have a chance to see you haveyour priorities right and that you can be strong. And if you are lucky enough that she want to have a second chance, dont make it too easy, make her wait and feel unsure about herself. Make her think that you are considering things and that your 'things' are more important then her,

dont go to the movies.. it is BORING. go to a field with a picnic basket and a blanket. Watch the star and talk a whole lot of crap all night long.

well, i think that your boyfriend know what men can be like, even friends. After all, he is a man too. So, him suspicious i can understand. For you your friend is a long time friend. For him, just another possible horny guy with no principles. After all, why would his girlfriend want to hang out with another guy? Answr to that is that he is insecure with you and your friend. Best way to solve it is to hang out with your guy friend and your boyfriend together until your boyfriend knows him enough to trust your guy friend.

hang in there buddy... You'll be right

OceanEyes... "This is NOT East India" from your post i gather that if he is in the US or Canada he should give up is Cultural hertitage? I feel that it is ignorant to make a statement like that. I agree with you that she should have a choice on what she wants to do though, but making a choice to be with this asian man she will have to consider his cultural background. Saying "IN america we women can do this or that", well i say.. "so what", most everyone can do most anything they want, it is our choices that we make that causes us to make sacrifics.

in the end... the 'normal' rule book has to be thrown out for your relationship. your relationship is when east meets west. Your relationship is yours to work out because most people here just havent been in your situation. you have to believe in what you think is important and both of you have to communcate that.

We are who our family are. In each family there are good things and bad things. NO family is perfect. It is just part of living and learning. Holding on to the good and learning other ways to handle the bad. Hahahaha. Generalisation

I heard about a joke from a comedian. it goes somehing like this. "i am so sick of hearing ppl blaming their parents for everything, they didnt do this, they didnt do that, they didnt give me this. For once i wanna hear someone say.... I am f**ked up because of myself." Sometimes it is time to look at yourself and it is time to fix yourself when you see a fault. That is part of growing up. Read the book "WHo moved my cheese?"

blink guy. i accept your little t antrum. You posted a msg on this board for an option and you got it. I agrred with your parents and you didnt like it. (too damn bad) . Like it or not statistics show that any form of "light" drugs usually pave the way to experiementation of heavier drugs and possible addiction. And yes i am glad to say that i am one of those guys that have no friends that are taking drugs to sort out our problems or to just to run away. I choose my friends based on their positive outlook on life and not losers that take drugs. You screwed up, you know your family rules. Accept the punishment like an adult and not whine about it being unfair. You wronged under your faily rules. STOP acting like a kid. And yes i screwed up in my life but the differene is this.... i admited it and i faced the punishent because i knew what the punishment was before it did it. I choose to take the risk and when i was caught i was ready to face it. I didnt whine and i didt blam someone else. The person that ratted you out is not the problem here. It is yourself. You just dont want to addmitted that you screwed up

kisto. let me clearify myself... i didnt say stereo type and not learn. What i mean is stereo typing a culture and then learning more about it from from individul to individual. I didnt mean or says that we should stereo type and then choose to not learn further . I just mean that positive stereo typing is a good starting point. It is funny to me that everyon in here get all worked up about be an individual. Unfortunately like it or not, humans are not truly individuals we have "pack" characteristic, and thus stereo typing occurs .. like it or not, deny it or not that is a fact. We have individual traites, but we have general traits too, and these general traits are basically called stereo typing.

seem like you guys think that smoking weed is ok?? hmm i suppose it is upbinging

you wronged. accept the punishment. it isnt unfair. take it as a lesson learnt. Your parents is making it clear to ou that drugs is wrong.

both qoutes are not the same. Not even close. "I believe that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have." Applies especailly to upbringing. could be culture, financial background, traditions.. "I love you, but I'm not in-love with you" accept and move on...you dont have a choice there. you cant make someone FALL in-love with you perminantly but you have someone love you.

thanks for your insight. i will think about that.

i'm having the last word. Orgasmictofu.. if i gave you a bread shaped as a dog for new year, would you be insulted or just think that i made the effort?? If it was me, i would be impressed even though i didnt practice THAT tradition. The effort was made to know my culture. No insult would have been taken, but you would get plus points for trying. Rather then turning up on the door step, having nothing and finding out that you did celebrate that tradition. Knowledge is power. Ignorance is just an excuss for laziness

hey it is a game that the world plays. I read a book about the the other day. It states that to have a LONG term relationship you have to play a game to keep the interest up. It give new meaning to the term "give a little and take a little." That means, Give her a little, and then take it back. Make her want you and with this little game your relatonship will remain interesting for both of you. TO me it SUCKS but it seems to work

GET OUT.. you are being used as a backup.. or as they say a cushion to hug when they want something and when they have enough they leave you high and dry.

i think that you should tel your partner right away, because if you wait for your feeling to be strong enough it is already too late to do something about it. Usually if you wait it would break. Talk about it to see if both of you can do something about it.

rae. This is one point that both of us disagree on. I supose to me stereo typing isnt a bad thing. It is choice to whether you choose to have negative stereo typing or positive stereo typing. Most asain family takes their shoes off when entering the house. That is a stereo type. But knowing it, and taking your shoes off without being asked to is purely consideraton to other peoples culture.

ok.. it is a culural issue. People here would say it is a control issue but i'll probably bet that most ppl here giving you the advice have not been in a inter racial relatonship even less been in true contact with other races. I understand your problem and this is something that you have to understand with mixed relationships. He is dong what ordinary asian guy would do, and that is controlling a situation to protect the ones we love. It might seem really stupid to the western where our freedom is being compromised but in the eastern world it is just natural that we want the ppl that we love to be safe and it is the other person responsibility to make our loved ones know that we will do something safe not to cause trouble. I dont know how to explain this beter, but in eastern culture giving up your fredom for the ones we love isnt a big deal, because freedom/ space is different to asians. Yes iti s control, but it is a cultural thing. There is a HUGE divide between eastern and western cultures. No doubt that the eastern society is taking up the western way of life, but thruth to be said, the western society can be ignorant and stuborn to acept the eastern society. Open your eyes and realise that there is more then one way to be in a relationship. It isnt easy to be in a mixed relationship, you have to open your minds and accept each other culture and then make OUR own formula thatwill make your relationship work. The usual western relationship OR eastern relationship doesnt apply to you anymore. You have to formulate something that works for BOTH of you and your beliefs.

I understand that it is hard, and as many people would say it we cannot judge. I think having a mis-carrage with the ex coworker has added more weight tho the situation. I think that will always be a reminder to you. As DN said, it is as much your fault as his. You betrayed your hubby and your princiiples and that is the weight that i think you have on your shoulders. I think the way to approach this, is to find out where along the line you strayed within yourself which comproised your principles, approach it amd make peace with yourself (be bruttally honest with yourself ). Maybe you will realise that you used the guy too and maybe you owe him an apology for also making his relationship suffer. maybe then you can move on.