Skippy

I would say that since you lied already.. i would re-approach her and say somehing like .. "the other day you asked me something, i didnt tell you the truth, i did cheat on someone once and i am ashamed of it so much it is hard to talk about it. I swore to myself that i would never do it again as i saw first hand the pain i have caused. " then shut up.

"Clingy", i asked myself this exact question an hour ago and i came to this conclusion. I feel that the reason we are clingy is that we are looking for the other to forfill our need on what we define as love, and we are waiting and waiting trying ever to be patient to get that certain responce to indicate our importance in their lives. We basically want to see that they are sacrificing something to show us our significance to them. Which isnt going to happen and if it does it is only for ashort while. Let me give you an example, If you think that love is about her giving you a cuddling for an hour at 3am in the morning you might get 15mins once but you are not going to get it the rest of the month. THe next time you get 5 mins at 1am... next time 3 mins at 10pm (just before bed time)... mean while you are waiting, hopeing clingying for the opportunity to occur again. You get stuck in that stupid rut of awaiting and waiting... eventually you are going to realise and blow up, only to realise that you have set yourself up but you blame her for not giving you what you want and that is .. your definition of love. I suppose what i am getting at is this, you are clingying because you are waiting to get something from her to prove her love for you, she gets the weird satisfaction that she has you waiting like a puppy. All she has to give iyou is a little bit and you are jumping round and doing tricks. Her defininition of love is the fact that you are in bed with her at the end of the night. You have already met her requirement of love, what else does she need?? she doesnt have to want anything from you so she doesnt have to give anything to you. Ask her to define what she needs in a relaitonship, ask yourself what you need in a relationship talk about it and compromise. Otherwise get the hell out, because you will be forever waiting for something she doesnt think is a definition of love so you aint going to get it But that is my opinion..

redhook, I am sorry i came accross harsh, but if you read you initial post it is such a shallow question to ask.you didnt even explain you situation you are in. I had to read your other post to get the picture that you are in. But truth be it, what i said i think is true, i could have put it more tackfully. I hope that your ex would let to see and build alife with your child. I hope things work out. It isnt about your ex and you .. focus on how to set things up so u can be in your childs life, after that, date how and what you want. Just my opinion..again sorry for being so harsh buddy.

Hey everyone, thanks for your post, Njron, i seem to understand what youare saying more. Being in a relationship isnt about being independent, it is about compromising and self reliance. Self reliant doesnt mean independence but means that you are able to do things yourself if the need be. I find it weird that the people i know fight so hard to keep thier independence in a relationship when they they should be putting that same effort into the relationship and knowing that they are self reliant. i suppose some people are just not experienced enough to differenciate between the 2. As they say, time teachs all, we choose to learn the easy or the hard way but we will learn.

Ouch!!!!!!!!!

errhh.. i find it funny that when you say i love you, you expect something back. Saying i love you is a one way thing, it means . "I LOVE you" and it isnt on condition that the person says it back to you. Knowing in yourself that you love the person is really all that matters. If you can't say it without feeling foolish, then maybe you dont really love the person. If the person that you are with doesnt feel the same way then maybe they need time, otherwise, they dont love you and it is time to move on to someone that will love you. Saying i love you should never make you feel foolish, it should make you feel proud. It isn't easy to love someone, it is hard. If the person doesnt feel the same way, it isn't the right match. Sometime i wish i practice what i say.

ok my previous post was lost in oblivion. Apparently i was harsh. so my post got bye bye. put simply, you are married she is married. the sanctity of marriage is what you make it to be. Obviously you don't give a damn about the sanctity of marriage, but before you walk away you would like to have something or someone to fall too. To me this whole thing is cowardly and manipulative. Pass love can blossom, but it only blossoms when there are no false pretenses, I dont think you my friend fall into that catagory. Even if there are embers, anyone who is married and thinks about going into a relationship with someone who is married is not worth it. Put simply, if it does happen, you both will be betrayers and liars, trust will not exist. Testing the waters whilst you are still married is betrayal, sending a letter to a married women hoping to stir up a flame so she will leaves her husband & family is manipulative. I think the word "loser" doesn't best describe this whole situation. The people that you will effect are families and not yourself, it's just for selfishness. Think about it. How can anyone respect a man that destroys so much only for himself? and i dont mean only her. Take a serious look at character and ask yourself, will you leave a good/bad relationship for someone that does this.?? I am sorry that you are in a situation where are you unhappy, but don't destroy other people possible hapiness just for your own possible happiness. It is selffish and doesnt say much about character. You are a man, have some self respect and respect for others. You asked an opinion you got an opinion. A friend told me, never ask a question when you don't want to hear the answer.

Just wondering if a relationship ever go further if you are always measuring how much you give out?? I have never gone into a relationship doing this and i am wondering if it works for you, cos maybe a few of us should start taking your advice.

raven,.. no family and no children. Just somethig i have noticed amougst friends and family. There is a greater fear of commitment in women, even at the stage of "living in". I thought that it use to be at the stage of marriage but things has changed over time I think.... maybe it is the crowd that i am surrounding myself with .. hahahaha

HUH??? so they want independence over "newness" or is t .. that newness is that fact she found independence??

puppy love... she kissed me .. i was 10 and i ran away.. i dodnt know what to do. HAHAHHA. Boy she was pretty. !!!!

OK i have a question for women out there. What is this "losing independence thing" that women keeps talking about when they go into a relationship. Really, you choose to be in a "live in" relationship thus you are not independent anymore, it is a decision that has been made. I just dont get why women keep fighting for their independence when in all reality they have choosen to give some of it up to move into a 'live in "relationship. I dont really hear about this from men in this forum, so really why? is it the grass is greener on the other side syndrome??

they dont make a decision for him but theywill play a big part in the decsion that he makes. Sorry but that is a fact. In the end of the day, he may feel tht it is his family or you. Tough one.

Ok i have to laugh about this one. I have a tendency of faling to fast. I tend i know how i feel about things. I did ask my gf whrer we are at and she stumbled for 1 week to be able to answer that. SO,hmm. i supppose i would say this, it isnt whether men are slow to know their feelings, it is whether they have been THINKING about it. If a guy ask youhow to felt about the relationship out of the blue, would you really be able to answer that striaght away??? after all you have to take into account how you feel now, yesterday, last month, 6months ago, your last fight, your last laugh, your last sexual encounter, ... etc. boy that can be exhausting!!.. LOL just my opinion

yes the other days. screwed up on something i was suppose to get to her at a particular time. the word trust was used.

Hey Scarew, I can understand about your independence and about your space. I suppose it is something to do with age cos i was like that when i was around your age hahahaha You are right about using the words ALONE and DATE to drive the hint in. I dont recoomend doing it so often though. My impression is that your bf feels obligated to entertain BILL as he is new in town. I would do the same as your bf in this situation and i am pretty sure that you would do the same if one of your gf is moving into town for the first time. i suppose the way i see it is that he could have been more considerate towards you by discussing BILL's stay with you, BUT from his perspetive i would assume that you have the same priinciples as i do and know what the right thing to do is. As you said, your problem is about your independence and about your bf not approaching you on the subject about bill's extended stay. As you said, you would not have said "no". So maybe talking about your independence and NOT about BILL would be a good way to avoid future problems. As for Bill's stay..... bite your tongue because from his perspective you are asking him not to help his friend and that isnt right. ( it will put a bad light on you) The last thing you want is to make the whole environment more uncomfortable. I hope that you can see my point, go out on DATEs to have ALONE time, just dont make it so often that your bf see that you are making him choose. One more thing, it is a good thing that he want s his friends to be your friends too. WHat irritating you is the fact that you dont have a choice in the matter. Communicate that with him. this is an opinion. In the end he is doing the right thing and his heart is in the right place. It is his approach that needs fine tuning.

yeah she has opened up to me but she is still somewhat reserved. I suppose it is a difference in up bringing. it's hard at times. I suppose that i have to admit that each person ha a difference definition of what love is and at times her difinition and y definition just dont click. i think communication is everything whilst she thinks at times it is over rated. HAHAHAHA she is an aquarius and i am picses. Thus i am lovey dovey and she at times is independed. Sigh. The thing is ,i am flexible and she is more rigid thus i feel at times that i have to keep trying not to dissappoint her. Do you know what i mean?? put simply i love her but it is so hard that sometimes it is not recprocated or i keep screwing up whcih effects the trust level. sigh

EXCUSES!!! Dont blame anyone else for your mistake and your stupidity. Take responsibility, it is your mistake and not his, LIVE with it. And if you tell your boyfriend about this you are only unburding yourself and making he feel like * * * *. YOUR mistake, admitt it to yourself and live with it.

momene, i would agree, but it depends on culture and up bringing. but expecting something only makes you disspointed and selffish. if the invitation is real then that is what it is. He might have just made a really good froiend that might help him in the future. I don't know but sometimes just clsing one eye and seeing the bigger picture gives us true pssibliities of what friendship is. Being calculative doesnt help any friendship. In asian coutnries and invitation is an invitation to stay, food and expenses included. it is up to the guest gusture to return the favor now or in the future. Society is being so calculative

ok... this is a thing ithat i dont undertand about ppl. Here is someone in need and your boyfriend is doing the right thing... He is going to rent the room downstairs in a month. He isnt planning to bum off you for months on end, he is keeping the place tidy,. it has only been 15days and you are acting like this .. are you putting your simple needs above helping someone else that need a roof over their heads?? coffee by yourself?? over someone that needs a roof over their head.?? alone time?? over someone that needs a roof over their head.?? privacy?? over someone that needs a roof over their head.?? Come on, put your heart in the right place. This guy needs a hand your bf is giving it. This is only a tempory thing and you are making a big deal out of it!!! If you want to say something you can ask him to pitch in on groceries. HAve a heart. You have to ask ourself about you being selffish. Is your bf a sucker?? or is he someone that knows what is important and the right thing to do. This small inconvience is only a month and sex can get back to moisy level after that. I think making an issue out of this with your boyfriend will only hurt your relationship. It is hs friend that you are asking to kick out and that is not right unless the guys is a REAL BUM. Life is not only about you. It is about the right thing to do.

Momene, SOrry to hear about that, person demons takes the most out of us. I hope things work out with both of you. II heard that just taking a course together at a collage sometie brings 2 people close together... It isn;t the effort of bring togetherm it is just doing thigs together.

TIme makes people change, it is normal process. i think that it is a choice to grow together or grow apart. it is a CHOICE, a DECSION to make the effort to grow together. Being in a relationship requires alot of effort, choices has to be made and scarifices too.. i suppose i break it down to 4 things that can happen to a relationship. Effort - Building and growing together (trust etc) No effort - just relying on what happens just happens. Laziness - knowing what you have to do but not doing it. Betrayal - Delibrate act that destroys trust

silly girl!!! LIVE with it.. shut up .. what he doesnt know cannot harm him... Pray that he doesnt find out. Dont tell him, it is YOUR punishment for your stupidity. Apologies to to gay guy for your stupidity. and ban him from MSN. Since you Bf doesnt like the gay guy they arent going to talk, and if he ask why gay guy isnt on MSN anymore say that you decided not to continue being friends with him.

Women want what they cannot get. Women take for granted what they have Isnt that what men are like to?? It is nature. I suppose that it is game that is played. Give them a little to taste and then dont give any. It is a teasting game Sensitivity doesnt mean weak, but i can mean that people will evenually lose respect for you when they think you are too sensitive.

you have to bite to bullet and get to know the family for who they are and not judge them even if they judge you. You have to make the effort to know the family and it is very hard. As the previous poster says, hiding away from the parent when around the BF doesnt work. You have to make the effort. I am not sure whether i believe the saying "it is yours and his life and the parents have to live with it". Family plays a big part in a long term relationship and if you want this to work long term you are going tohave to know them and somehow build a relationship with them. You cannot think that when u marry someone life is about you and him. He has a responsiility to his family and you have a responsibilty to your family. THat is a fact. As usual the above statment is ceteris paribus.