Skippy

You shouldnt even be in there since you know there is another person. It is not about hurting yourself... it is about ..setting yourself up for hurt.... The guy isnt sure that is the first sign... you arent even sure that is the second sign... you are the third person that is the third sign... you just came out of a bad relationship that is the fourth sign... good grief girl steady yourself before you jump in. But that is my oppinion.

Thanks i need this advice... and to be reminded of it... Now for someone to tell me: " How to balanced relationship without going NUTS! "

An old friend use to say this to me.... BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR... YOU MIGHT JUST GET IT. good luck

the question you should be asking is are you ready to hve a relationshp with the child remember, when u date someone it is about 2 people.... now you are walking into a situaion with a child, thereforeeee you are now having a relationship that consist of 3 people DO NOT take this lightly, If it does not work in the future, there are reprocussions, the long term effect that you have on the child could be devastating to the child. It will effect the child for life. SO dont simply go in a try just for the sake of it, try to be sure as you can and take your time before you do anything huge. There is a child involved so a little more caution will be needed.

xmrth... thanks for the reply, i feel fustrated and to be honest lost... i am very socialible person.. i have the ablitiy to have conersations with most people i meet.. it is just when i meet that someone i just want to have to person in my life.. simple.... i still have friends... i suppose she is frightened that she will hurt me if she breaks up with me cos i up" myself to be with her?? To be honest i know she likes me... i know i like her.. i can say 3 months from today if everything remains the same i will still like her... but she cant say that.... and i dont really understand...

Hi all, I know this question is lame compared to all the other postings but i need this answered. I have been in relationships in the past where i have lost myself in the relationship. I am kinda in a new relationship and have been told that i need to balannce myself and have my own life. i know it is hard.. but i dont know how to.... when i am in a relationship with a person i want to be with the person.... i dont mean that the person is attached to my hip but yes my life does revolve around the person somewhat. Now, i am being told that i need to have a life of my own and well be in a relationship and i am finding it hard to do... to be honest i dont know where to start, and i do have a hard time understanding it. I am able to have a life and be with a person but aybe i am too suffocating. i dont think i am but maybe someone out there can give me an example on what is BALANCED. Another question is this, i have been in relationship for 3.5 yrs but my gf has come out of a relationship that has been 6 yrs (about 4 yrs back). Obviously, the skeletons that come out are different between a 3 yrs and 6.5 yrs relationship. Does a breakup from a longer relationship make you want to be more independent and also what you new partner to be more independent thus protecting yourselves from hurt? Some input will really help! Thanks all. Skippy

hi buddy, first day at work is important but the ppl there also knows how it feels. they WILL give you some room to make mistakes. The first measure i do is check if the person is there on time and the way he/she dresses and communicates... other then that i let things go till after a week when they are more settled. Work performance is not evaluated on the first week so much, kust letting the person settle in. Just make sure you are 30mins early on your first day... dress smart... One hint... go to the work place and check out how the other dress, and then dress accordingly. Great to hear that you were able to get the job! Congrats! chin up and you will be alright

thanks for the advice POCO.... real gem of an advice and i will take it I have to stop being the victom here.. and control the situation... thnks again

i do like being with her, her Idiosyncrasies, there is just one thing aout her that worries me, it is that she something can be withdrawn and not supportive. It is in her personality, being independent and all that. I think about me not being sure where i stand with myself, about being in love with her or being in love with love... well i want to be sure because with me procrastinanting it would hurt her in the end if i find out i was in love with being in love. I dont want to do that..... Sigh... i am so damn confused..... I have decided one thing though...... i m not going to be victim anymore to my past... but i really need advice on how to approach this new perspective...

OK... here goes.. to put it short... i have come out of a past relationship that has total obliterated my self confidence. i am a guy. enought time hs pasted under the bridge and i dont have any isssues about the past woman that i was with. I have found a woman that make me happy, i enjoy my time with her, i throughtly enjoy her company. There are 2 main problems that has been on my mind about myself. 1. Am i in love with her or am i "in love" with "being in love"? This may seem like a joke to some but it is a serious issue to me as i dont want to hurt anyone like i have been hurt. 2. how do i get over the fear of hurting others like i have been hurt. 3. I have a fear of not being good enough for this relationship, and it sometimes haunts me that the relationship will end. I someties catch myself dreaming of how it will end and immediately point a stop to my thoughts,i want to stop this stupid way of thinking. 4. I have never been a pessimist but after my last sorry *CENSORED**CENSORED**CENSORED**CENSORED* relationship with a player i question everything. 5. How do i stop myself from questioning everything that i do. I use to be able to just do things. A go getter, but now i catch myself being reserved. I underlaying things is, how do i stop being afraid? thnaks all Skippy

thank you Malrich... this advice is something i will try for myself. skippy

look... what you are saying is about you and for u .... why do u want to make life difficult for him?? so u can feel better?? is that not selfish.. to clear your heart and thus making it difficult on him... .... strange..

Someone said to me ..... A bad decision is NO DECISION A good decision is A DECISION A wise decision is A THOUGHT OUT DECISION Well done!! YOu thought about yourself on this one (which u should always). You are number 1 when it comes to your body and you should not take sh!t from no one. Self respect is ore important that any relationship. keep up the wise decisions.

well, you know that answer. Probably one of the most repeated 2 words in this forum..... NO CONTACT.. (NC) Yes it is painful initally, but someone has to be strong. And it is better to cut ties of now then later. Explain to him that we will be busy the next few weeks.... cant talk to him much and then do a NC. Dont tell him that u are falling for him cos it doesnt do any1 any good, as u have said it, he not coming back and he may/ may not feel the same. In the end it doesnt matter. You have to fix yourself.

JanieMarie23, thanks for the reply, it make sense reading it, but you know what... it is hard doing it.. i have this "friend" that likes being with me but would fear the word "couple".. it is like the plague to her! i did once mention it and boy did i see the whites of her eyes. HAHAHA. Anyway, this is the thing, we have moved on in our "friendship' where she is declaring to me that she likes me. sex and all that. .. but never talk about the future... never mention the word couple... and never ever use the word bf/gf cos a blood vessel will explode. Now on my behalf, i like the idea of being bf/gf, i like the idea of being a couple and maybe just joke about a possible future ( harmless crap, btw.. not marriage or anyting like that!) but it sits well with me. I hate the idea of not being to say we are a couple a just saying that we like each other tremediously without having to be cautious about it.... i think it is kinda silly... but i have to respect her or she will run... but for me... i feel like i am hanging and u know what... sometimes it does feel like heartache.

Confused as hell.. the game has chnged i think.... at what point does one say that they are in a relationship or a friendship? At what point do you talk about being a couple and just good friends? At what point does one actually look at the other and say "I love you" without the other running away in fear. At what point do you do anything without the other running away because of fear of being tied down? Does Sex make you a couple? Does being together all the time mean being a couple? Is it necessary to define that you are a couple? and why? Can you have a friendship and have sex and not go into a relationship? Why is it that females are now more afraid of entering a relationshp then men? Gezzzzzz.!!!! The game has become complicated.