yumblefish
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Posts
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OK, well I still don't feel half as bad as I thought I would. I think I went through all of the breakup emotions before we actually broke up as I knew it was coming. Anyway, I really miss her Just as someone to be with. I keep thinking of all the good times we had, even till recently and the thought that I'm never going to be with her again is horrible. I'll never see her funny smile, hear her silly voices or funny dances. It's so sad that all of the good times we had mean so little now we're not together... Breaking up sucks - not just because you lose a girlfriend, but because you pretty much lose a friend.
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My first gf of 8 months broke up with me yesterday. I knew it was coming as we both weren't happy - so it was kind of a mutual decision with her just making move. I felt pretty bad initially - lots of crying and beating myself up about things I'd done wrong. But just a day later and I'm feeling pretty good, as though a weight has been lifted off my mind. I'm still sad, but I'm not sure what this means. Was I not really in love with her (I thought I was) or am I in a state of shock and denial before the real pain hits me? In all honesty, I feel pretty positive right now. Has anyone else experienced this in the first few days of a breakup?
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How often do you kiss your SO? I'm not talking a peck on the lips here - I mean a passionate full blown kiss I'm almost always in the mood to kiss my gf but over the last few months it's petered out quite significantly and I'm not sure why. This is my first serious relationship (not hers) so I'm all up for kissing and having kissing 'sessions', but it very rarely happens and even when it does, it's me that initiates it. Is she just not really that into me? To be honest, my feelings for her are fading dramatically due to this lack of intimacy, which I view as a significant part of a romantic relationship... Do some people just not need or enjoy physical intimacy? Thoughts?
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They have to be funny and a bit silly, physically affectionate (just cuddles and snuggling up together), laid back and relaxed. Most importantly, I long to find someone who can just 'be' in silence with me.
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I've been in a relationship for 8 months. I'm 25 and it's my first serious relationship. At the moment, I think I'm being too clingy and seriously need some advice on how to reprogramme my mind! Basically, having never had a girlfriend for 25 years, and hardly having any girl 'friends' so to speak, I feel as though I've put women on a pedastool - as though finding someone would make everything right and 'complete' my life. Eight months in, I'm beginning to realise that this is either wrong, or that I'm not with the right person. Either way, I'm having a really hard time dealing with it and accepting it. I was under the impression (due to my ballooning expectation levels) that as soon as I was in a relationship, everything else would pale into insignificance for both parties and that we would be the most important people in each others lives. This doesn't seem to be the case. Basically I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I find it hard to accept that anything can be more important than a loving relationship. I'm beginning to realise that all this time I've waited for someone to 'complete' me, I've been neglecting myself. I expected a relationship to add more to my life than it has done and am now paying the price for this poor judgement. I've got to the point where I am having trouble getting enjoyment out of anything other than the relationship. Friends, family, hobbies and work just don't seem as interesting and important, and I know that it's because I've waited so long to finally find someone whom I love and who loves me back, that I devoted too much to this part of my life. I sometimes feel resentful that my gf has other things to do with her time other than be with me, and feel rejected when she cuts her time short with me. I find it difficult to comprehend how her friends and hobbies can be just as important to her as I am. What are your thoughts? Do I have a point or should I find someone else who makes me as important in their life as I make my gf in mine? It's very difficult to express how I feel, but I think I need some advice on how to get some balance back in my life and put me first. How much emphasis do you put on YOUR relationships in comparison to your friends, family, work, hobbies etc? Is it the most important thing by far or equally important as anything else? Thanks...
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My gf of 8 months is busy with work and stuff so I can understand that she may not have that much fre time at the moment, but when an opportunity does come up for her to spend some time with me she doesn't always take it. It's not like she doesn't make suggestions about when we can see each other, but invariably it feels like it's because it's convenient for her schedule. It's almost as if she sees me just enough to keep me happy. She stays one night a week, when she could quite easily stay two, and I see her briefly a couple of other times in the week. Am I being strung along here? Is she afraid of further commitment at her age (I'm a few years older than her), does she just like the idea of having a bf or am I expecting too much so soon - I guess eight months isn't that long really... Thoughts?
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OK - great advice from everyone. Thanks. Lets assume for now that I want to stay with her and for her to change her opinion of me. What do you suggest I do to become more confident, controlled and challenging? Are we speaking in general terms - my life as a whole, or just when I'm around her? Could you list some possible things I can do - texting her/calling her/chatting online to her less? Making less time for her? Ignoring her? Being busy? Disagreeing with her? More flirting? Where do you draw the line between being a confident, controlled, challenge and being a b******? At the moment I'm neither of those - I'm just a 'nice guy'. And girls don't seem to like nice guys!?
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Yep, I am already seeing a counsellor - I know I have issues and I'm determined to beat them. You'll be pleased to hear I have taken a step forward this very evening - I've made some enquiries about joining a local group! I feel better already thanks go to mystik - your post really made me sit up and take some action - you're a star
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I feel horrendous at the moment. I'm very lonely. I work and get on with people there, and have one or two good friends outside of work, but that's it really. What's worse is that my relationship with my gf is delicately placed to say the least. If I feel terrible now, I can't begin to imagine how bad I'll feel if I lose her. She says I'm too needy of her, as though there's little else in in my life other than her. Which is for the most part true. But then again, nothing else really feels that important to me. I really don't know what to do. I have so little confidence in myself to go out and meet new people. I know there are groups and things I can join but I just find it very difficult to make that final push to get up and do something about the way I feel. Life is so very hard.
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PocoDiablo - fantastic post. Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to offer your advice. It's all going in, and I can now see where I'm going and have gone wrong. I'm doing things differently starting from NOW. Yes, I'm being less serious with her. I flirted with her last time I saw her and the unselfish love will follow soon! ;-) Of course I want to stay together, but if she decides that I'm not the guy for her then, you're right, it's her loss.
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Whatever the situation, I feel like crap at the moment.
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Yes, all good points again. I'm probably just trying to ignore the inevitable - because basically I'll be heartbroken because I thought/think I've found 'the one'. This is also my first proper relationship, so I'm learning all of theses things 'on the job' as it were. I should point out that at no point has it come to an ultimatum 'change this, this and this else I'll break up with you' - I raised the issue this time because I was feeling ignored and wanted to know why - although I already had my suspicions. Time will tell I guess... If that's the case, that women never do the dumping, then that's just pathetic. If you really cared for the other person, even just as a friend and no longer a partner, then just be blunt and honest and spare further anguish for both parties. I'm the kind of person, and I'm sure there are countless others like me, who will work on things until there is absolutely no hope left. The thing here is that the problem (clinginess and neediness) is mine because I have low confidence and little else going on in my life at the moment. I'm aware of the problem and I want to change the way I am, which gives me hope. I admire all the qualities of my gf and realise now that a relationship will not 'complete' me - I'm the only one who can make myself totally happy. In essense, how can I have a loving relationship with someone else if I can't first have a loving relationship with myself.
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I can see all of your points and I agree, even though some of them are hard to swallow. The fact is though, that during our recent 'discussion' there were countless opportunities for her to break up with me, and yet she didn't. In the end it boiled down to her decision, because I am willing to work on things. We're still together and today she was happy, smiley and affectionate. If she wanted to break up with me she would have wouldn't she? Or is this some kind of 'test' to see if I have enough respect for myself to not 'settle'?
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In some respects, yes, but in others no. I have a mental picture of myself as I want to be. I'm not there yet, but I can and will get there.
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Thanks guys, although the good news is that even though we were very close to breaking up, we talked things through and we're still together, so at least I have a chance...