Mateara

Currently me and my wife are for better or for worse separated. She no longer comes home and when she does it is only for a very little time in order to get something and then leaves. When ever we talk she always talks about how she needs a few days to "find" herself again and what she wants. She has no question to how much I love her and would do anything for her and she still loves me. Today I told her where we currently were at is posioning us and our relationship, and we have to move, and she completely agreed. Tomorrow we both will begin to pack everything up and with luck will be ready for a 1500 mile trip by Friday. Our plan is we are going to talk alittle side tour and on our way to our new home she is going to stop where her father and brother and sister live and stay with them for week as I continue on to the new home and while she is there she is going to descide what she wants. After she has her week, I fly there and we both drive together to our new destination and then she will let me know what she descided. I am worried about this for several reasons. I don't want her to spend that week separate from me, we have always been at our best together when we were at the most insane highest pace with only each other to lean on and I am afraid when she gets home , she will get home sick and not want to leave. I can't descide what the best cource of action will be when she is alone with her family. Do I call and write her every day so she knows I constantly think about her and care or do I do the whole NC and hope that she begins to realize how much we miss each other. About a month ago, I once descided I was going to surpise her at the gym, didn't see her there came back home and found her crying and calling people trying to find me, we just pasted each other and she had no idea where I went and been going for only 5 mins and she was hysterical, so the idea of NC worries me, I don't want to cause that kind of stress or pain but do I need to, so she understands how important I am to her???

I am originally from Texas. Went to college and dropped out 2nd year to join the US Army. While stationed in California, I came accross the most beautiful creature. Instantly awestruck we both struck up a relationship that become legendary in my unit. We dated for a year and half with some incredible highs and some soul shatter lows. By chance on my birthday I called her and she agreed to meet me for lunch. On my birthday I asked her to marry me, nothing huge or big detail but a simple flat question. She was confused and thought I was kidding but she saw that I was serious which lead to more drama. Three months later, I have one free day off and we descide to spend it together. That day we sped to Las Vegas and got married, the next morning by 6 AM, I was back to work out in the field. We are both as opposite as 2 people can be. A example would be she is a creationist and I am a evolutionist. She listens to country and I listen to the hardest of metal. She is a blonde Cali-Sun worshiping beach person, I am more dark, mountain wood loving (even though my allergies kill me) quiet person. I have never cared about how different we are though. I love the fact that when I turn on the TV if it is on CMT she has been watching it. She has the largest chick flic collection on earth. Honestly I found my other half, no other way to say it, the part of me that is missing is in her. She is all smiley and energetic while I plan and analyze. I have never been happy with someone that is like me. She is the first person who I have ever giving a **** about. I placed her above my own family and friends. The only person who I could stand beening around for more then several minutes. At times I would tell her just to talk about anything just so I can hear her talk. I wanted to be the perfect husband. I never yelled (might raise voice when we are fighting though), never hit her (sooner cut off my hand then offend her), never told her no she could not go to a concert or hang out with friends. I have always tried to encourage her, motivate her, and make her understand that she is strong. IS THIS WHERE I SCREWED UP?!?!?! Did I make her too independent? I several months ago was honorable discharged and went back to school and she got a full time job. She is a very social begin while I am the guy that sits quietly in the corner. We had our moments of fighting in our relationship. She always came back with we are too different and I closed myself off to her. Honestly I tried to change, and still try. I go out to places more then I use to, I always say how pretty she is or what a great job she has doing. But it would always end up one person would be hurt and close up while the other just begins to open up. So we been married for almost 2 years now. She begans to make friends and I am all for it since I am not able to give her the attention she needs all the time. Then she begins to spend more time out with her new friends, then with me. No big deal, she is excited. Now she will once in a while spend the night because she beening drinking. - I will not sleep if she is not home, every night she was gone I stayed awake till she was home, HELL I won't even eat unless she is there - Now she putting these girls she only known for about a month and making plans with them before me. Do i get upset, do I get angry, do I do the same thing to her and leave and go hang out with some guys???? No, I play the loyal servant puppy dog waiting for his master to arrive home. So many times in our relationship where I was going to a concert or snowboarding or something and she asked me not to and stay with her, I did not go. I ask her to stay home tonight, her reply, Nope, I am going out?!?!?!? All the times I ask her if she is happy or what can I do to make her happy or do you love me. I got the smile, your perfect, and I love you too. Then suddenly she claims she has been unhappy since when we first got married, NEWS TO ME, she begins to claim that we are going to always fail and she doesn't want to hurt me. And everytime I respond I don't care if I get hurt I love you. Which leads to I just don't understand? or how I don't get it? WAIT this is the person I swore to love in the best of time and worse of times. It goes from I love but not in love with you to I don't love you at all. The more I try to understand what is happening the more she fought back against me. Without warning she tells me, she wants a divorce?? Where is all this coming from. She isn't cheating on me, well at least physically, mentally I have no idea. She is the first thing I think about when I awake and the last thing before I fall to asleep. I still love her and am in love with her even though all the things she has done to me emotionally. This is my worse nightmare, the thought of waking up without her beside me and it is causing everything else, the pain , the hate, the sorrow to amplify to terrifying levels. WHAT CAN I DO??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!