Crawlin4x4

well here we are 5 days later. I went NC for 2 days. then i had to work with her. i didnt talk to her at work, didnt interact with her.. nothing. There are a few people at my work place that i hvae talked to about waht is going on and apprently it came back to bite me. i had said something to someone aobut what aws goin gon, i was not negative, nor positive, just said how it was, what happened, and really that i thought it was for the best. (i want to maintain her dignity). anyway, he apprently want to her and told her what i said. And i guess slightly embelished a little bit to her. (i didnt know this until after all this went down) later that day he had come to give me a hand with something that was rather odd for him to do, being as it was not his department at all. but.. i accepted his help. I spoke nothing about my situation to him, just causal work talk. then all the sudden he spouts out "so he (her husband) has been calling her all day!" i kinda gave a retort of "that * * * * * * *" but i immediately backed it up with "he has every right ot call her. and if i was in his position i would be calling her too", "im not mad at him. he didnt do anything wrong" it sorta stemed out from there. but i had suspicion that he was tlaking to her so i made sure that everything i said was positive about her and her marriage. anyway thats how that went, later i notced him talking to her and it all cliked. later that night she approached me with "hey i need to talk to you" so i went with her and she told me she didnt appreciate me talking about her and if i would kindly knock it off. of course i got angry, its not like im talking about HER, im simply having conversations with a few folks that were "in the know" about what happened. anyway, i basically told her taht, i mentioned to her that this other person came to me and told me things just to get me to say something and then went back to her. later that night, after we got off of work, i called her to talk about what happened, and to also explain why i was distant. (nc) We came to a mutual agreement that at work we would be socialble as long as the topic of conversation was work related and required us to talk about it to eachtother. other than that.. nothing personal. she didnt like it, but i told her that i needed to do this to help myself heal. I told her that being friendly with her only hiurts me inside beucase i am still very very much in love with her. she hung on me a few times when i would say things like "im taking your name off my msn messenger so i dont have to see you log in" -click. so i called back.. she didnt asnwer so i just left a message saying that it wasnt that i hated her.. jsut that it hurts to see her online and not be able to talk to her. a few min later she called back and we talked for a while longer about it i made it clear to her that i do not want her talking ot me at all outside of work. Unwillingly she agreed (which kinda surprsed me) she said she wished it didnt have to be this way. to which i agreed. when we were done i told her this was goodbye. no talk to you later.. nothing. just goodbye. and i think she got the point now its been 4 days and ill tell you waht. it sucks i have resisted the urge to call her pretty well. i have written her about 6 emails. but i dont send them. i wrote a few text messages, but didnt send them. i went out with some friedsn the other night to the club, i thought it would be a good idea but it ended up not. Every girl i would dance with or talk to or look at...it just wasnt her, and all it did was make me miss her more than i already did. there has to be another solution other than NC. but.... even when i wasnt NC i felt just as crappy. do i just hope that all this fades away over time? seems sorta * * * *ty to me to let love die intentionlly. i almost feel that for as long as it burns in me i should be trying daily and showeing her that im not giving up. but.. i guess tahts just torture

I dont want to be hurting in 2 years at all, i dont want to be hurting now! but it does hurt. oddly enough the more i have contact with her, the worse i feel. becuase we go a few days where she seems to give me hope.. with how she talks to me, and the thigns she says. then i aske the wrong qeustions and either make her mad.. or hear something i didnt want to hear (like how happy she is with her husband.. which has got to be BS if less than a wek ago she was crying to me) anyway.. those things really hurt me and i go right back into being as depressed as i was when it first started. its been ALMOST 24hrs with no contact. and it sucks, even a month after she left, it sucks. i find myself re-reading emails a few weeks old with the words "i love you" in them from her.. or letter she wrote months ago telling me how she would never leave me, nothing could pull her away from me. that stuff makes my tummy hurt, and it gives me hope. i have her on my buddy list on msn and aol instant messenger. she just logged on, i didnt say anything to her.. she didnt say anything to me. i am the only person on her list at all, before me she never got online for anything, but since me i tought her about messenging and what not. then she started to log on just so she could chat with me. so i know whe she is online its not for anything important, other than paying a few bils.. anyway, i guess all im saying is, i know oshe sees my name on there and wonders if i am going to message her. and i dont. but then she signed off, i was hoping she would say hi, so i could at least ignore her.. and she didnt. so that made me hurt all over again. so i just now blocked her screen names so i dont show up as online to her anymore. she will most definatly take notice becase i have cable internet and she KNOWS that i am always at my comptuer if i am not at work.. when she gets online and sees that im not there anymore.. she will notice and wonder why. in an hour i have to see her at work.. its going to be hard to jsut be poitive and be happy. i need to create happy thoughts for her.. then go NC with her. if i am moping around work it will most likley just piss her off, i think. but if i am happy and positive she wil wonder why i am so happy, then when i dont talk to her it will make her think. i hope anyway. this is still so hard. and still hurts very bad. it physically hurts which is the sucky part.

i appreciate your words folks. I am trying NC. yesterday i was very motivated and it seemed like it was going ot be easy, today ive held the phone in my hands a few times but put it back down. its going to be tough, i also work with this girl and in a little bit im going to be around her for 8 hours. at least we work in differnt departments

your right. really good advice. i can try. i will try. i definetly see your point and i am experianceing the same thing. for a week or so i was doing really well. but we also had very little contact. she did come running back to me in a way and it made me feel really good. When i let her back in, all it did was set me up for the heart break once more. and here i am now, in heart break #2 over the same thing and the same girl. though its harder the 2nd time around i think. i think i let her have the feelings she needed to have, and it allowed her to maybe get it out of her system to a point where she can move on in confidence, If i woulda just went NC with her back at the begning she would stil be struggling with how she felt. and by not letting her get the closure she needed she would feel probably how i feel now. unfortunately for me, i gave into how i felt and let her back into my heart and set myself up for another heart break and now i feel really stupid for doing it. and i also feel that i destroyed any chance we had. such is life i suppose.. she sees how much i am hurting and i think she realizes now that its becuase she is staying in contact with me. I hope that despite how she feels for me she will do her best to not be selfish and continue to tell me things that i dont need to hear. though i a weird way, i want her to tell me becuase it lest me know that she still cares. love sucks

the hardest part is making that desision. its hard to tell myself "its over... " becuase i so desperatly dont want it to be. i find it odd that every time i decided to do something, like NC or anyting else, she was against it. Against it to the point of tears when i woudl tell her. but then a week later she decides the same thing and there is nothing i can do to change her mind.

I want my ex back. I posted a few times in the relationship forum about what happened. and pretty much all the respose in get is "its over. leave her alone". as much i as i want to, i just cant. I love this woman. i love her with all my heart despite the fact that she hurt me. simply put, i got involved with a woman who was married but getting a divorce. he had been out of the house for a while, she had dated a fwe others before me. I met her at work and we hit if off very well. we quickly got together and had a very passionate relationship. talked about marriage and everything. this went on for 6 months. during our final few months she started talking about working it out with her husband. Her and i did not have a perfect relationship, no relationships are perfect. but we were however able to talk out almost any problem we had, soemtimes it was easy other times it was hard. but we always did. this got her thinking "if i need to work this hard on him.. they why am i not working on it with my husband and my family". that realization is what separated us. Lovingly she told me what her intentions were, and that as much as it hurt her, we had to be over so should could fix her family. I love her and i didnt argue. She was very sorry for getting involved with me only to break it off and go back. I was suportive at first. i told her she is doing the right thing. its been a little over a month since this happened. i went through my phases of griving. a few times, based on comments on this website from others, i tried to go NC with her, i told her it was best for her if she didnt talk to me anymore. She was never happy with this and always found a way to convince me to be in communication with her. she would tell me that she still lvoes me and sometimes thinks she made a mistake going back. other times she tells me that she is very very happy with her husband again and she is sorry. often times she calls me very early in the morning and tells me things she shouldnt. she wishes i was with her, or that i could come see her. but when i act on that she tells me that i cant.. its not right. i recently tried to go on a date, and the next day she called very upset and hurt, asking me how it went and if i could please call her as soon as i got the message. (this was 4 days ago) i finally had enough, and told her that if she is going to work on her marriage then she needs to focus on HIM and not me. that if she wants me.. then BE with me.. dont just tell me how she feels and do nothing about it. When i confronted her today about it on the phone. she said she didnt remember calling me early in the morning. When i confronted her about calling me after my date. she said i took waht she said out fo context (i think she is just lying to herself) she re-assured me that she is very very happy with her husband adn that she will never come back to me. when she left she was very sad and loving to me about it. Now she is mean about it, maybe becuase i wont let it go? i dont know. she says she is happy with him. but why then is she still telling me the things she tells me. Why text me and tell me "please get out of my head" (i assume that to mean she cant stop thinking about me) why tell me that when she is with me, it takes everything she has not to just turn around and kiss me. the converstation we had today was basically her telling me that she was very happy with her husband and that the best thing for everyone involved is to stop talking to me and stop being around me (which is what i said a month ago!!!!) i agreed and said i think that she is fooling herself. and that she does love me and is convincing herself that she does not just so her can "work" on her marraige. all said and done.. reguardless of all that has happned, i want her back, i want to be with her.. i really do. have i messed this up? should i have gone NC way back when it started? i feel that i gaqve her what she wanted and i did the right thing by giving it to her (my emotions even though she was not with me) its been over a month and i am still heart broken over it. i cant helpo this feeling and just letting her go and moving on isnt going to work for me.. not right now. so what can i do? IF there is any hope at all for us.. how can i ensure that i at least get some kind of chance in the future with her? or at the very least how can i do all i can do to make sure i dont screw up that chance when it presents itself. all i want is the love of my life back, and i think deep down she wants that too.. or else why would she still tell her husband that she loves me still? (she said that less than a week ago, to him.. and to me) im so conufsed as to what she really wants vs what she says she wants

cant tell you how many times ive heard that just got a text message from her too "how is yoru date going" heh.. typical. its funny how many people do things like this

when i was dating her, her divorce was pending. so at the time, it was morally okay. just she called it off at the last min. guess she got cold feet and didnt want to go through with it. which is fine, i can respect taht. just wish she would make up her mind.. at this point i dont care if shes with me or not. just figure it out, dont tell me your wokring it out with him.. then call me all the time. either be with me.. or be eith him. or be alone. dont sit on the fence..

the precurser to this story is i was dating her for 6 months prior to her going back to her husband. anyway, i appreciate the "leave her and move on" replies. ive pretty much been there and done that. am i overlooking someone? i dont think so, im going out tonight with a girl i met a few days ago. so far she seems great. im just basically updating my situation, im dont being depressed, im done being upset and hurt. i still have feeligs for her though. those wont just go away instantly. Im pretty much at the "there is nothing i can do to change this.. so move on" stage.

Just thought i would update those of you who responded and somewhat followed what was going on. For the most part, we are friends, we talk daily. though i do try and limit the conversations as much as possible. i dont call her unless its just to return her phone call. I dont really spend alot of time with her at work on a personal level, only if its work related. After sitting on this for a few weeks, my head has cleared up alot. If i assume she is being honest with me, and really i have no reason to think she is not. Then her position on this is simply that she wants her marriage to work. However , since actions speak louder than words.. it seems she wants her marraige to work in words alone, her actions show she is just going through the motions. She makes it very clear to me that we cannot spend time together outside of the workplace. mostly becuase she cant be around me without having those feelings to be with me. For her it is easier, out of sight out of mind. Yet she will call me at 4am (i start work between 5 and 6) when her husabnd is not home to "talk" and she is sure to mention that the AM PM i go to for coffe in the morning is 2 blocks from her house. When i ask her (knowing the answer is no.. but asking for asking's sake) if she wants me to come over, she says "no.. well... I DO, but you cant.." And i know damn well i could go there and she would let me, but i dont. simply put? (and tell me if im wrong here) I think she wants her marraige to work for the sake that being divorced is frowned upon, I think her family and her friends have made her feel guilty enough about it that she chose to stay. Her heart.. however is not in it. She wants me, wants to be with me wants to have a life with me, but by her own choice (planted by others?), has decided not to. my prediction is.. in 6 months or less she will be back out of her marriage. With me stands to be seen, as i have moved on to a point. I am going on a date tonight. inside i still love her, but i have come to terms with teh fact that, at least right now, her and i have no future. I love her deeply, and its not going away. And honestly i dont want it to go away, I really believe at this point that her going back to her husband has nothing to do with being deciptful to me, nor did she want to hurt me. She just feels its the right thing to do, and maybe shes right.. her marriage is not abusive, nor is it unhealthy from an outside viewing standpoint. she simply just does not love him in a romantic way. I dont feel like she is cheating on me.. i dont feel like she is taking advantage of me.. its hard to describe really i gues. reading what i have written makes it look like im a little puppy dog following her around. But really i see this more like when your signifigant other has to go away on a long business trip, or maybe for whatever reason has to be out of contact with you for an extended period of time. I know she lays in bed at night and wants to be with me (its obvious by the text messages at 2 in the morning) the way she looks at me at work, the way she talks to me when she calls. she does not call and say "oh oh i love you i love you", its just more or her tone. she is calling me becuase she loves me and needs to here from me, i dont NEED to tell her "i love you", she knows i do, as well as i know she does. its emotion that goes beyond words. I wish i could put it a better way. as always, thanks for listening

i prefer rocks but honestly... if what im doing is destoying how she feels about me, then in the grand scheme of things, its good. she needs to focus on her husband and even still she is not doing that. both of them hating me together is at lesat 1 thing they can have in common. and emotionally, its not really that bad for me. was much harder last week than it was today. today im just sorta indifferent to it all.

talked to her this morning at work. not sure how, but her husband got the impression i was trying to break them apart when i called him to tell him "i will get out of your way" not really sure how the 2 are related.. anyway, she says i ruined any chance she had with her husband and she is mad at me for that and does not want to talk to me, be my friend or anything else. I cant really get hurt over that, ive done all my hurting. just thought i would update. oh, also her bestfriend called me this morning to tell me that its not a good idea for me to A: call the husband, and B: call her anymore. which was nice of her to tell me since i kinda already knew that. but hey, all advice helps. so now i go back to the "no phone calls" game

to late.. my sanity is gone i did however stop calling.

maybe im just drunk and not thinking clearly. its 1am and have been calling and leaving messages for 20 min. this is after i called her husband to talk. i relaly thought i could have an intellligent conversation.. or at least. a rational one. his repsonse "do you want me to kick your * * *?" wow... then her tecxt message "big mistake, i hat stuff like that, dont ever call me again" dig my own grave you say? i think ive done a good job of that. at least its over and done with ... eh?

eh, no contact isnt even an option at this point... since i just got off the phone with her. and the "you coulda had me tonnight.. but you messed it up.." right before she hung up. wonderful. however its not over by a longshot. im still in the game. obviously. (had some wine, forgive me)