Where to begin without making this too long......
Husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 3, no kids between us. For a long time I thought I was happy. Then I started going through changes, my life started heading down a different path. Its hard to explain without going into all the details but let's leave it at I am a very spiritual person and he is not. Although he would never admit it or even see it within himself, he is very controlling. He really has no friends so it's like he has me, his job and our house. It puts a bit of pressure of me as you can imagine.
He tends to be an angry person as well. Not violent or abusive, nothing like that. Just a temper. I'm afraid to talk to him about money because it's such a stressor for him. He does not really like my friends and tends to make me feel bad (in a very passive aggressive way) when I do go out with them (almost never). I feel like I walk on eggshells much of the time.
I have talked to him over the last month, expressing my unhappiness. He does not really get it and I'm sure I'm not explaining it well. He just thinks he is doing something wrong because I am unhappy. I try t explainits really not him, it IS me, as cliche as that sounds.
I have never really been on my own (I'm 34) and I guess I'm feeling that itch. I want to figure out who I am, what I really want from life. Stop being the people pleaser that I am.
A week ago I felt ready to leave him. Just scared of hurting him. Its almost like it would be easier if there were some specific item (like abuse, affair, etc). Please understand, I am not saying those things are easy or good. Simply that its difficult to know what to do when there is no specific item or action to blame, other than me feeling restless and unhappy.
I do love him. But the passion is gone. I feel like he's more of a brother or a friend than my husband/lover.
I'm just lost at what to do next. Do I throw away 9 years together because I'm feeling this way? We have had happy times together, lots of fun. But things just feel different to me.
Any thoughts
or advice would be welcome.
Thx
