GUnit23

and BTW, she is gone for a bit so this weekend I really want to think about the situation and try to get some clarity and ponder as to whether or not it would be worth it anyway....because I know there are others out there. ANd we got one more yr of school, so who knows if it would work out anyway.... maybe I should just keep things the way they are..... and maybe I should find a new girl to add some competition and to make her see me in a different light, because sometimes i wonder if I am too available to her. But it is hard. as a friend I should be nice and available, but if I want more, maybe I shouldn't be, but I am trapped between those countering forces. Bottom line is she is a great friend. But I also think about her all day, which clearly means that I think about her in a "more than friend" light too.....

I was just searching, and it looks like I am one of many guys who has fallen for his best friend. I've known this girl for a few months, she is amazing... we are like best buddies, at first I didn't have feelings for her, in fact we had both been fooling around with other people, etc. However, for the last month or so we have hung out pretty much every single day/night. We are very open with each other and have gone out for coffee, dinner, to lounges etc, just me and her. Or we will chill at each other's places. So it is the usual story, and she is a very important part of my social life, and I CANNOT lose her. We have had too many good times and are physically close, we will kiss each other on the cheeks, hands sometimes, we will sort of hold each other and all that, but she is one of those very affectionate girls, the type that says "i love you" and "hey baby" to me, but also to other friends. Here is some specific data, things she has done and said. Because I really don't know how she feels about me. "you are my best friend... bffs for life, i love you, i need you." i rarely call her but she calls me very frequently, she is typically the initiator. "things aren't the same when you are not there, i tell people about you and miss you" -- said this when she was very drunk and upset with another one of her friends. that sent shivers down my spine because i feel the same about her and didn't realize how much she valued me. "you are like my brother." she once said after we went shopping together that i was like a new "girlfriend" because I like shopping. ouch. calls me "buddy" sometimes. last semester she was hooking up with a guy, and she would make out with him literally as i sat there next to her. when we are together she often brings up past relationships and points out guys she finds cute or "datable" or even guys she has been with. Another interesting aspect of this girl is that she comes from a very traditional country and sought refuge from the guys coming after her here by hanging out with a lot of gay guys. So she has many strictly platonic male friends, maybe she is more used to that than most girls, and she says her brother is her best friend in the world. So I'm sure you can understand my confusion. I have fallen for a girl who either sees me as an emotional crutch (she always talks to me when she has problems going on, and she is having a real tough time right now soI haven't tried anything, not when she's in this state), legitimately sees me as a brother or maybe even almost as a "girly" friend, despite the fact that I am not girly at all. Or she is into me. We clearly need each other and love each other on some level, but whether or not it is a romantic level, I have no idea if it will go there. But I have never had feelings about a girl like this before... never been so dependant on the idea of her, and missed anyone so much, even after just one day of not seeing her, I think about her A LOT. The things she says send me mixed signals from like all over the spectrum. And I don't know if I should tell her how I feel because I cannot fathom losing her. She is gone for July and August actually... so before next school yr I gotta think about this, if I should say anything, and if so, when I should do it. Or if I should just maintain an incredible friendship. It is just hard because there are other girls in my life too that I keep resisting because of the idea of this working out. The other thing... she does seem generally indecisive and doesn't always know what she wants, and while she has hooked up with plenty of guys, it has never been serious. So on some level I wonder if what I have with her is good enough and maybe not worth the risk of taking it further, because maybe I am already pretty close to what the full extent would be with her. I am basically very confused. The other day we went out together, and she seemed excited to be with me and I love that I'm her best friend... but when we were out she expressed interest in other guys. The whole thing is weird.... help me out!

Thanks for the replies. As for interracial, she is from India, I am American of Indian origin, so some customs are different but we are the same ethnic group. I have asked her out to dinner before and she declined saying she was so busy but she suggested coffee, which we could never really work out.... we did have dinner last week and it went well but we were working on a project... i flirted with her a lot... but again i don't know if it came accross as genuine or just friendly/joking stuff...hmmm

Alright maybe a month ago I made a post about a girl I really like. Nothing has happened though. We have both been insanely busy, but then again.... if this was meant to happen, we could have made time, right? I have other girls in the picture who are much clearer.... so even though I really like this girl I just need to know how she feels before I waste the rest of my semester on this. The fact that she is from India really complicates things... she came here for school, she hasn't been with any guys here, and she definitely puts a big value on studies... but she is beautiful and has an awesome personality too! The state of our interaction these days is that I see her probably once a week at least... it is always cool when we see each other, nice vibe, we both really smile a lot and have a good time, but are always with other ppl too, or are working for a club that we're both part of. We see each other at parties, it's cool, I always compliment her, kiss her on the cheek, her reaction is always good.... and she calls me/emails me way more than I do to her. Sometimes it feels like signals, but then it can be very confusing. Sometimes I wonder if she even knows how I feel about her, I feel like the games we are playing are incompatible... we are both dancing around something. Tonight something happened that bothered me though. I was talking to her on AIM, just a funny convo, and I was like "hopefully I'll c u this weekend, we should chill soon." she replied saying that she's not sure because she has a big final on tuesday. Now... I have seen her say the same things to her best friends, so it could be partially legit, and tests are stressful.. BUT... if she was into me, she probably would make time, right? There are much busier girls who always want to see me, and I am into them too, so I am getting annoyed focusing on one girl that seems to be getting nowhere. I then said "hey, i'll call u, ur gonna need a study break" and she was like "yea sure, we'll c." * * *? How would you interpret this? Either she is not interested in me that way, or she doesn't know how I feel about her? Keep in mind I laid the same game on her I do with American girls (the hot/cold, confusing * * * * which usually works) but with her I wonder if it's just come off as coy without my intentions showing. In India the guy always makes the first move and for a girl like this, dating is very rare (I am indian, born in the US). SO. I feel like this has been playing out for a while. I'm not just gonna sit back anymore and let it be static. Next time I see her, should I just tell her in a nonscary, friendly way that I like her and would like to take her out? Or should I stay friends with her and drop the relationship stuff... I am getting impatient because there are other great girls in my life that I am restraining from for what could be no reason, and I don't want to burn bridges with anyone. That is also scaring me.... this girl is close to a few girls I like..... am I getting myself in a world of trouble? I figure this is college and I should go for it, I got one shot.... and summer is coming so maybe peoples' minds will get cleared. but if i go for her and she rejects, will that give her friends a negative impression of me????

Hey I appreciate the reply. It is tough to read because I know she has a couple huge commitments and a lot of work over the next week... but then again... u gotta have dinner, right? lol.... and coffee instead of dinner? i feel like things could go really, really well if I do meet with her, so I will try my best to make it happen. But it is so tough to read. I have entangled myself with some very cool but very traditional foreign girls recently and their signals are sooooo hard to read because they may not even be signals but just friendliness.

I met a girl I am really into. She seems very traditional but at the same time flirty.... the first time we met was in a serious situation with other people, and I spoke confidently and really made a good first impression with her... that day we talked a bit and seemed to hit it off... then last night I saw her at a party and we danced for a while and it was really good, tho I was a bit drunk and acting somewhat goofy (hope it didn't hurt my chances.....) and the sort of disappeared later when her friends arrived. She had a lot to do at the event where we were at so I understand. Today I asked her if she'd want to get dinner later in the week and she replied that she is super busy over the next week (which is true.. but still hmmmm) but that she'd like to get coffee after that. Do I still have a chance? Do you think I screwed myself over with the "second impression?" We had a good time dancing together and we were pretty physical but towards the end it got kind of tired and we sort of part ways..... When we get coffee, what could I do to "respark" the situation and avoid falling into the friends category, or falling out of her life all together... btw: i have a habit of making really solid first impressions but being kind of a goof when drunk... i will def be more responsible about that, but do you think it really sways the situation?