Skippy

That is exactly my point... how do you accept it??

hmmm. ok.. i'll throw you an example. you are at work, your boss is acting like an abosulote * * * * * and her decissions you know are incorrect. Her preparation for the goal is not done and thereforeeee at the time of implementation you know it is either going to fail or you are going to have to do alot more work to make up(cover up) for the lack of preparation. This has continued to happen and you keep bringing it up but she just doesntwant to know about it, because she thinks there isnt a problem. What do you do?? You have tried to implement a system but she thinks t is useless or it is undermining her because it indicates that she isnt doing her just.(her fair share) Btw.. she owns the ompany. so there is no superior above her.

but if it is eating at you ??

Question: How do people handle situations that they are not "happy with" at work and in personal life and get over it? the situation is not wrong nor is it right, it is just different from the way you believed it should be done. How do you guys get over it? ADDED: How do you guys get over it if it is eatig at you ?

tell him the truth about your family, who they are and what they went through to get you where you are You seem to come from the good family bakground. You are proud of your parent so there is nothing to be ashamed off. tell him!. If he know this 'way' before he meets the family, he will be prepared an thus wont be surprised.

Robowarrior, Why is it that i put all these expectations? i dont understand y we do it? how how do i remove these expectations without removing the woman the i love from my life? (not an ex, current) I get so frustrated trying to do it, that i figured that i am doing something wrong.

a person break up with another for many reasons, lame ones included. Have you thought that you guys just arent competitable? Both of you guys can be the best people in the world but if he doesnt see you as someone that is for him, it isnt you, it isnt him, it's just is. Nothing you can do about it. I would rather be with someone that love me then be with someone that doesnt know.

why would you possible think about sex with your ex to solve this situation in your relaionship? Really it sounds really weak on your behalf. If you have sex with your ex (sounds like a song) yo are killing your relationship. If you want to do that, you might as well end the relationship first. Are you seeking 'permission' to betray? Anyway, i agree with everyone here, to test if she is really stressed at work, go on a holiday and see if the sex thing changes. If it doesnt you need a heart to heart talk. Sex is important, if it isnt you might as well go out with your mother. LOL

Stop using him. Breakup with him. As you said, you dont love him. How? in person and tell hm that you are not happy in your relationship.

Actually, I hit rock bottom, rented a shovel, dug up a 10 foot hole and jumped in it headfirst. I like the way you put that. Funny as hell!! you know, you have to realise that the important things in your life was greatly affected, and things will not be the same, but it can better then 2 year ago. Recognising that: *love life *trust *family love *job *income/ independence where all affected in your life 2 years ago totally obliterated your self esteme. Being 10 feet below rock bottom gives you a benefit of just going up. As for your self esteme, it isnt going to come back tomorrow, it is going to take time. I feel that you are heading in the right direction, but i can only advice you 2 books that has made a difference in my life. "Who moved my cheese" and "The Present" both books are by Spencer Johnson. (Read "who moved my cheese" first) Btw.. the way you decribe it... i dont thin you were a victim. You allowed it to happen. Stopthinking yourself as a victim. Sh!t happens. Remember, you have to want to change to change, but yo have to want it enough to change perminantly. Good luck!! Hang in there buddy!!

well you are going into a situation that will test both of you when it comes to trust. Hold back, watch and see. dont totally give total trust, but watch and learn and slowly trust. Running away from 'tests' doesnt build trust, u have to go throught it.

I hope my problem is solved in terms of this one intrusion. Erh, intrustion? She was in the families life before you came along, i think you have the intrusion thing wrong here. You are visiting them, she is already in their house. She isnt intruding at all. You are the one entering their lives. I worry that my boyfriend and I have different ideas of what constitutes a healthy boundry. So is this the ex's fault? or yours and his problem? It's something that has to be negotiated in a relationship. You are right, yours and his. Don't blame the ex. So I have had to consciously develope a system that makes me feel comfortable. And I learned to say " No stay out" . And I don't apologize for keeping toxic people out of my life. Now this irratating , unhealthy person is living in the home I want to go to and feel safe when I'm with my Boyfriend at his parents house. I can feel your frustration, but i feel that you are being harsh and very one sided here. If she is all bad, then the family(parents) would not let her live with them (not matter how the charity case is). They will not risk someone hurting the family. Give them credit or should i say benefit of the doubt, and remember, this trip isnt about you. You make it sound that you should be the center. So I am compromising. I am trying to be the most adult I can be. It's a stretch but I know he's worth it. Well done! Good for you Not respecting boundries that are explicitly stated, like " Don't call" Not respecting boundaries that you setup. They (bf and her) have a friendship and it is theirs and not yours to trample on. You are doing just that. When did you ever listen to anyone that tells you who you can have as a friend or can't have as a friend? The decission is your boyfriend's to make. He obviously enjoys her friendship and you don't because you feel threaten by her. My advice is to sit back and watch and understand where their friendship is coming from. And if you cant handle it, yo are going to have to walk away. Lots of anger towards various people . Always being broke, borrowing money from my boyfriend and never paying it back. I don't know the whole of it, I try not to know anything about her. She creeps me out. It's a feeling more than anything. You are judging a person when not even knowing them, not fair is it? Even worst, this person is part of the family, you are going to have to put up with it. As for the money thing, it isnt your problem, it is your boyfriend problem to solve. If he chooses to lend her the money, then he chooses to lend her the money. His choice and you have nothing to do about it. She is moving to another country in 2 months. I hope this trip is the last I hear from her ever. SO why are you making a big deal of the whole situation? My last comment is this, you come accross very controlling. I can understand that you have the right to control who you have in your life, but you have no right to control who anyone else has in theirs. Your boyfriend has the right to explore is friendships, toxic or not. I have a feeling that all this is about protecting yourself and that is fine, but i seriously think you are stepping over the line when you are trying to control your boyfriend to cater for your insecurities. This is a problem that you have to figure out yourself. You can always back out of the relationship if it get too complicated. As you said, your relationshipis young, these hurdles along the way is normal, but, sometimes it isnt bad to backout when it get too complicated. But this is my opinion.

hhahahahaa.!! Sex can be over-rated if both partners are not open. There is a saying, 'when you can have sex, sex isnt important. When you can't get sex, it is everything!' It take time to have great sex.

where is Roland, Wat, Geoff and Kate ??

My god!!! are you bored or what?? LOL. if i could go back in time when i was played by 2 woman i knew, would i kicked their ar5e with a metal capped boot?? Hell yes, even though they werent thinking of playing e then.

it is good that u introduced him to everyone. You opened the book for him to see. He couldnt handle it thus he left. Better now then later. You showed him your life is as such, there is nothing wrong with it.

tell me when yo figure it out

good grief.. just cal him.

hmmm. ok, have you thought of making it clear that you feel uncomfortable with the whole idea?

BOYs and THEIR TOYs... get it?? LOL

he is going to think that you are laying all the conditions again. I think you should call him first. Get to know him again as a person. no point travellng to his state to stir up something that may not happen, better to take the slow approach.

boys and their toys... does it matter if the guy on the other side fancies your bf?? if the subject is about car mods, (guys can talk about mods for hours!!) then there is nothing toworry about.

Sorry to hear that you are going thru so much. It's crap to come back and have her call.. but you shouldnt have called her back, even less talk to her for 70 mins!! YOu went away to forget the pain your home town reminds you of, but you came back and called her, you just reminded yourself of the pain, but what is done is done cant do anything about it. I would say the distance helped u heal. I will say that you should do a no contact again. Remove any memories and change your phone numbers and delete her phone number. Do not save it or write it down. You dont need it. Good luck.

lets get this right. you are trying to date an attached man. You have decided to travel with him overseas. Whether his is happily attached or not isnt the point. You shouldnt be doing this.

I am going to take your post apart. *They were together 3 and a half years, and remained good friends afterword *His Ex girlfriend is all over his life, living in his (parents) house, calling, texting, IMing. *He talks to her weekly. *she lives at his parents house in Utah. *his parents love her, she is a charity case apparently and they all want to help her. OK this is the histroy of him, ex and the family. You knew this when you went out with him. You know that the family(parents) has grown attached to her and love her. She is one of them, she is family. She isnt going to go anywhere soon. You know that his family including him has a big heart. That is also the reason why you love him, because of his big heart which his family brought him up to have It really bothers me how close they are. He keeps saying 'it's just a friendship now" , I don't believe him. This is your problem, you dont believe him. You have never met this girl(ex). You are not giving him a chance to show yo that it is friendship. You are not giving yourself a chance to get to know her. You are not giving your relationship a chance to move on and get past this stage. If you dont, you know that the ex is going to be in your lives and it is going to bother you so much that it will distroy your relationship. I have asked him to ask her to get another place to stay, other than his parents house the a few days we are there. He has a lot of trouble doing this, becuase she lives there. What a silly question to ask your bf. Firstly, it is his family(parents) home, he cannot and will not ask his parent to move someone they love out. Secondly, the ex is part of their lives, the love her, they hardly know you. They are going to think "where the hell does she get off tell me who i can have in my house." Thirdly, YOu have no right to ask him to do this. You are in the wrong here. I said we could pay for her to stay in a Hotel room for a couple of nights so that I at least don't have to deal with her except the bare minumum. SO what?? as if they can't afford to get a hotel room if they really want to. take your money and keep it. As for you having to deal with her. I am just going to say this. You are going to have to realise that you are going to have to deal with her. She is part of the family. REALISE THAT! this is something that is out of your control and out of your bf control. She will probably be at parties we go to. You bet she will, after all she is part of the family and loved by the family, and you arent YET. He doesn't understand why it bothers me so much. Have you thought on how he feels?? you are asking him to tell his parent to move someone they love out of their house, so that someone they don't really know can move in.?? Doesnt that sound really selffish and self centered? At this point I feel like it's me or her. I can't and don't want to compete with 4 years of history. There is only competition if YOU create a competition. You are creating the competition. YOu already have the guy, and the guy is introducing you to his family. This is a huge step for anyone!! i dont see where the problem is on the bigger picture. He wants the family to meet you and you to meet the family. As for the "her or me", it is your problem, you make the decision, the ex is part of the family and isnt going anywhere. His situation is fixed, either you live with it or you live without it. It is your choice. I think my boyfriend's loyalty should be to me and making me comfortable when I am in his town at his home. My feelings are hurt, His feelings are hurt. What do you think? Sorry to say this but, grow up, there is a bigger picture then you and him. You stepped into the picture and you knew the picture before you guys got any deeper. His feelings are hurt only because you are causing them with your competitiveness. There shouldnt be one. The bigger picture is to introduce you to the family in good light and right now your behaviour suck. If you continue this you will ruin everything and every possiblitiy you have with him and his family. The point you may ask is this...... The aim fo this visit: To show you in good light to his family. To show to his family that he has found someone special in his life, that will benefit their son and support him. (btw..currently you suck) The Mission if you choose, to act accourdingly, to show yourself in good light. TO be above the situation and matured to see things before you judge things, to have self control and to show that you are about to support their son and to understand the bigger picture. The Goal: to leave the parents house learning more about his family (including the ex she is family too) and the way the interact. To leave happily and not feeling there is a competition. To leave not threatened by the ex. (btw.. right now you are avoiding) To become closer to his family and understand their faults and strenght and you will learn his faults and strenght by watching all the interaction between them. (ex included) I hope you get the better picture. Notice that the ex is included. If you dont handle this well you will look lke the B**CH and the control freak. Get in control of yourself and focus on the aim,mission and the goal. Only do this if you think the relatonship is important enough. OTHERWISE, get the hell out.