anonymous_presence

That's great that you want to get to know more about her! Your intentions are noble, and that's a good thing! But like the poster above said, you do that by asking about, well, less sensitive topics. Let information about her dating record come naturally - don't force it out. But if your interest is just killing you, then I suggest that you bring it up casually; make it seem like you're not too interested but not totally indifferent, and when she gives you a piece of info about her past bfs, tell her something about your past relationships too (be smart about this). Don't make it seem like you're examining her or anything - make it a flowing conversation in which both of you contribute something. The convo should be general, about dating in general so as to lift any pressure put on either of you, or else she might get the impression that you're prying or insecure about your status with her. And remember to just be yourself!

I think before talking to your friend about something that serious, you have to question your incentives to do such a thing. Do you think that you want to come out into the open about your cutting because you realize that you need help, and you think that confronting your friend is the best first step you can take toward getting that help? This is a good sign if it means that you are wanting help, but bear this in mind: is she really the best person to help you out in this situation? Do you really want to put the burden of your recovery on her? If that's not the reason, do you think that it'll make the two of your closer (since you both do it)? If so, well... not exactly the best idea for many complicated and obvious reasons alike. Or do you want to impress her? Because I get the impression that you're trying to impress us (maybe on a subconscious level) by saying that not even professional doctors would want to see your scars (a.k.a. they're pretty severe). Impressing people with your scars - again, not the best idea. You should also consider the fact that if you do tell her, subtly or not, eventually she'll want to see them. And if it's true that they're severe, do you think she'd want to see them? It's only natural to be curious to see what they look like, especially coming from the vantage point of another cutter - so the real question is, do you want her to see your scars or be laden with a nagging curiosity to see them? I don't know why you want to communicate this info to her - there are so many possible reasons - but just try and evaluate your intentions, and decide, based on those, if you really should tell her or not. Think about what impact it'll have on her as both your friend and a fellow cutter.

Try to channel all that emotional activity into something productive - going for a walk or exercising, if that's your type of thing, or if you're someone creative, write a poem or write a song. Surround yourself with people who are supportive of you and who you know you won't binge around. Occupy yourself so you don't have the time to think about food. It's great that you're sticking to your plan so well!!! Don't let one day, one slip, get you down! You should be proud of yourself! Instead of regretting or feeling bad for what you've done, make a list of things you could have done to prevent it. Feeling negative just makes you feel resentment and shame - bad, bad things. Try to make something (forgive the term) "bad" into something positive! After a while, everything will flow naturally. For now, just try distancing yourself from food when you're feeling down and surround yourself with people when you think you're going to resort to food for comfort. Most importantly, try visualizing how you want to look, and balance the short term comforts (ice cream) with the long term benefits of avoiding those foods (weight loss). When you turn a goal into something more than words, into something that you can actual feel (inspiration), then you're more likely to stick with your plan and sacrifice immediate goods for the long term effort.

You have a keen sense of perception: you're right, there is a very fine line between shy and rude. I think it's less likely that she hates you bad enough to act that way (consider how she acts around other people? is it just you she acts that way to? if so, then that's probably a good sign), and more likely that she harboring intense shyness and social anxiety. But what do you mean that she's the girl you have the best chance with? I hope that you're not interested in her solely out of desperation... Come on, when you want to be with someone, there's got to be more to it than that! It's ok to not also project a positive image, but if you keep up with the "I don't care" attitude around her, and she maintains her sheltered attitude, what are the chances of you getting together? Try to talk to her, and see how she opens up. But don't explicitly express interest: that'll just intimidate her and make her shyness fire ten times as ugly as before. From where I'm standing, it looks like you have a good shot. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

At your age, I wouldn't worry too much about whether or not you'll ever fall in love (the answer by the way, is yes; the real question is when and with who, but for the moment, that doesn't matter). You're probably in the predicament that ilse identified; the only thing you can do is wait it out. As for your quest for love; love shouldn't be something that you directly seek, meaning, you don't fall in love for the sole purpose of falling in love. If that's your mentality, then you're simple in love with the notion of being in love, but any love that's based on that philosophy is likely to fail because it's not real. You should fall in love because you genuinely love someone, want to be with them and make them happy (and they'll make you happy). For the moment, you should focus on yourself, and the relationships will come with time.

She turned her head to the left? Does that mean she turned towards you or away from you?

Take things at your own pace, the slow, comfortable one, and say the words when you are ready to. Your bf with understand if he truly loves you. When you say those three little words, it should be special and genuine - don't feel obliged to return the words because he said them first. When you actually find yourself in love with him one day, be it tomorrow or 6 months from now, you can tell him, and it'll definitely be a moment to remember.

If you're shy only at school around her, then wouldn't that mean that you want to impress the people around you that you don't know so well, as opposed to trying to impress her? It wouldn't be the case that you feel pressured into impressing her only at school and not outside of it... The variable that changes is the environment, not the fact of her being there. I understand what type of shyness you're dealing with. It's a real pain to deal with, feeling like you're constantly being observed and performing for a silently observing audience. But you have to realize that no one's there to judge you, not your gf nor anyone else at school, and don't try and say things just because you feel like you should say something; say things because you actually have something to say and want to say it. Trying to say things just to fill in awkward moments makes you say things that are phony and fake and just reflect poorly on you. Try not to overthink things: if you think of something to say, don't hesitate and debate on whether or not you should say it: just get out with it because it's who you are. And when you start to realize that you are overthinking things, try to be more conscious of what's going on around you. Sometimes you get too absorbed in your own preoccupations and forget to concentrate on what's going on around you, and you just get lost. Remember that the pressure is psychosomatic - all inside your head, so there's no need to worry about what other people are thinking. Just be yourself!

That's the problem with long distance relationships: you can never be sure of what the other person is doing or feeling. Communication is limited and leads to the very confusion that you are feeling right now. You need time to recover from this, and you should take it, but then you should contact her and ask her about it because there are some things that need to be clarified and that you deserve to know. As for the polarity, it's tough to say what might trigger that. Some people are just like that; they have an epiphany and change ensues. Then again, you don't know what exactly was going on with her in the month when you two were apart. The only way to clear up your confusion is to go to the source and ask her about these things.

Of course you'll be missed! You'll be missed by so many people; you deserve life and happiness, and there is happiness in store for you. Yeah, there are consequences, but they extend much deeper than they probably seem to; your family will be burdened not only by the loss but by guilt and regret at not having recognized your unhappiness and not having done anything about it, and thinking about all the things they could have done better. They'll miss you terribly! These feelings that you have writhing inside you... you have to talk them out, even if it's here. Just take them all out and don't contain them or else they'll work their destruction from the inside out. Just let it all out and think about what you're doing. You're not alone! By the way, good taste in music

That's a great first step!

Maybe during that time when he was ignoring you (as you put it) or keeping to himself (he could have been avoiding everyone), something was going on in his life, and he just needed some time and space. To say "better off without him" is a bit harsh, admittedly. I see that he shouldn't have been ignoring you, and if something was going on with him, he should've talked to you and ask for your support, but still, you should've given him the chance to explain himself. It was probably the thing that was going on with him that made him so sensitive to your screenname message, and made him emotional and impulsive enough to break off what you had. Perhaps after thinking about it for those several weeks in which you had no contact, he cleared up whatever business was going on when you were together, and now he sees his mistakes and misses you. Keeping in touch with you doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to get back together with you, but given the rest of the situation, it makes sense. But don't be presumptious: if you're not sure, ask (subtlely, but ask). In any case, by saying that he hopes he wasn't part of that 90%, he was probably trying to apologize and work things out. I don't know what really was going on with him 6 and a half weeks ago, but I'm assuming that it was something that probably had nothing to do with your relationship, some outside factor that made him withdraw. Again, you should ask what that was about.

First of all, looks, popularity and skinniness have no weight in determining your chances at getting with this guy! Don't ever doubt yourself because of those things, and by the way, don't think that you are not pretty or not something else! Chances are there's someone out there who has his eye on you and you just don't know it. As to how you should approach the guy, I think you should take it slow before straight out asking anything. See if there's chemistry and get to know each other a bit better. Give him a chance to see the great person that you are, too!

A lot of comfort with nudity has to do with the mentality above the physical body that you actually have. It's all about confidence: there are some people who have a body you may consider perfect, but are still incredibly insecure about themselves and face the same problems as you. The problem with most people who end up losing weight is that they still have the same mind set about their body: they retain the same insecurities and self deprecation that they had before weight loss. Now, this doesn't mean that you should try to lose weight - weight loss in general helps boost your mood, especially working out by releasing aggravation and making you feel productive (increasing mobility, etc. etc.) - but bear in mind that weight loss alone won't fix this particular problem. About the scars, understandably they are apart of you and representative of something from your past. You might not be ashamed of them, but perhaps you feel that they are something private? Well, there's not much you can do about that, except, when you show them to someone, it might be advisable to explain or give a heads up about them so as to not have anything unexpected unrail the other person's confidence. As to overcoming this nudity fear with regard to doing things with the persn you're with: the only thing I can think of is being with someone that makes you feel comfortable about yourself no matter what, like what sfgal99 said. Take things slow and let them develop, so that it simply won't matter when the time is ripe. Give yourself time to get more comfortable with yourself, and work on your comfort. Don't put a great deal of importance on being perfect, and take things one step at a time.

It's difficult to stand up to someone, especially when that someone is the person that you love. I understand that you love her, but by staying with her, you are consciously making a decision to not love yourself. You really have to prioritize what your best interests are. Having had a child together is a complication in this situation, but as a previous poster said, you don't want to raise that child up seeing that situation and growing up accepting it as normal. It's important that you don't justify her cheating. You can't exculpate such an abuse, especially when she tries to turn the problem on you. That's despicable and simply unbelievably evil. Realize that it isn't by any fault of your own when she cheats, and you have to consider your own happiness and dignity when it comes to deciding what to do in the future. For the time being, I hope you consider seriously what it'll mean if you happen to choose to stay with her, especially the implications that come with it that are detrimental to your well being.

Maybe on a subconscious level you're recurring thoughts about your old bf means that you want to move on from your current bf. Since your current bf is pressuring you into doing things that you don't want to and out to hurt your reputation and making you unhappy, scared and confused, I'd say that it's time to chuck the junk! You just need to find the courage to do it, and don't let your past make you think that you should be in an abusive relationship, because no one deserves that! You need to respect yourself and pave the way to your own happiness by finding a guy who'll take things at your pace and not make you feel uncomfortable. And this applies with your old bf too: if he didn't respect you, then he isn't worth your time.

I agree with what xmrth said about people seeking happiness through suicide. It's an unfortunate misconception that people tend to equate the absense of sadness as happiness, because all there is is death - nothingness, nothing you can experience. People can also glorify suicide, taking it as a noble action for their noble, unmerited grievances, and it's easy to get sucked into that type of thinking. Honestly, if you're suffering, you'd like to believe there some heroicness in it. Suicide is also used as a "weapon" to inflict pain upon those who have hurt the suicidee. There's slight happiness to be found in that, knowing in some twisted way that justice was restored. However, suicide doesn't bring happiness, no matter how fancy you dress it up. For any of the above reasons, I think most people have contemplated suicide to remedy their situations, and have perhaps subconsciously sought it out. And then there are the rest of the population who merely ponder it and why people might do it, but never seriously consider committing suicide. I personally have gone through a stage a few years ago in which I was obsessed with both suicide and death, but now I see that that's not the course of action I want to take. I really do think that there isn't a teen out there who hasn't thought about it at one point in there life.

Try and keep the conversation light, and don't worry about it too much (that'll put more pressure on you and make it awkward). From the looks of things, his feelings might have eased up a bit, so I wouldn't worry about awkwardness because of that. Approach him like a friend, and just that: after all, that's exactly what you two are. Just relax and go with the flow of things, and surely everything will work out alright.

From my personal experience, I've never known anyone to purposefully try to meet people with a lot of friends over someone with relatively fewer friends. I don't see how that would fit into someone's reasoning, and it's pretty inane if someone uses that as a criterion for finding friends. Generally people's warming up to a person is eased by how welcoming the person is, which includes to a certain degree things that we can't control (e.i. body language). It's quite surprising how important body language can sometimes be (folding your arms, hunching your back, looking at the floor, for example, are all uninviting signals). I don't know how relevant this is to you, but I find that when it comes to meeting people, the physical appearance (not necessarily attractiveness) overrules anything else (even when it comes to making friends). And once you past the point of the first conversation and get to know each other's personality better, I suppose it all has to do with chemistry and making lasting impressions. Unfortunately being nice doesn't automatically make you memorable, so people won't approach you with the same warmth they might have left with at a previous time. But that doesn't mean you should force your personality to come through either; just be yourself and appear as welcoming as possible, and if there's compatibility, hopefully a friendship will develop.

Accumulation of resentment from those jokes people make about you isn't exactly an unhealthy thing. What really matters is the way you compose yourself and rebound from them. If something disturbs you, you ought to have the self respect to tell people that you're feeling hurt by these jokes, but as kindly and lightly as possible. Of course everyone wants to come off as good humored and graceful when it comes to that sort of issue, and you perhaps don't want people to think that you are overly sensitive, but if you dislike the way people treat you, then you really should do something about it instead of trying to work on your tolerance for such behavior. There's nothing wrong with reacting personally to jokes like that, especially when they hit a little too close to home, and there's nothing wrong with feeling like you can't contain it. Just remember to try to keep your calm and not take your aggression out on the wrong people - use breathing techniques if you have to (good for short term) - but the only way to really change anything about your situation in the long run is to get people to stop treating you that way because you deserve to be respected.

Everyone has their moments of utter crap - it's simply inevitable. It's a part of life, and it makes the good moments all the sweeter. But, from what I gather from your post, you seem to have made it impossible for you to come out of this state of crappiness. It's important that you don't shut yourself out from the world or keep inflicting this harm, and though it always seems tempting to give up, don't, because there will always be a future to look forward (but only if you don't succumb to the pressures of the present). Don't say, "I'm always depressed." Give a reason for it. "I'm depressed because whatever reason" allows for some sort of change to ensue, but just stating that you're depressed makes you feel hopeless (and makes it harder to give advice ). About the friends issue: yeah, it's hard to make and keep lasting, meaningful and satisfying relationships. You're not alone in your loneliness, trust me, and the people that look like they have it all probably don't, and they just put a smile on their faces and mutter, "Yeah, I'm fine," like you do. People fail to recognize other people's loneliness, just as people fail to recognize yours (or they do recognize it and just don't know what to do about it). That said, don't feel discouraged thinking that you're utterly alone in this or that there's something wrong with you. Don't get to thinking that there's no one out there for you to talk to, because surely, if you look hard enough, there is someone there who you have something in common with. You have to remember that you're not alone in this: you're not the only in this situation, and you're not the only one who felt like there was something wrong with them because they can't seem to find friends. By getting into that cycle of thinking, you're just driving yourself deeper into this hole. Wondering why this has befallen you is a bit like wondering why some people get cancer: it's really not your fault. There's always someone out there for someone, no matter what, and you can't lay the blame on yourself if you feel like you have no friends. I know it's cliche to say this, but try and make friends, keep in touch with the ones that move away, and just make yourself open and accessible to people (that means smiling a bit). One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is don't maintain a cautious heart and withhold yourself from a friendship; otherwise you're just depriving yourself of what can be an even more meaningful friendship. That's what I do too often: I distance myself and find myself in the midst of a bunch of half-hearted relationships (acquaintances more like). Of course, don't throw yourself out there either; keep a watchful eye, but always give (and you'll get in return). As for finding purpose in your life, there really isn't any universal purpose that humans must fulfilll; thereforeeee I can't exactly tell you what you should be looking for or trying to achieve. That's entirely up to you. Just seek things that make you happy, and don't get to thinking that you don't have any purpose, that you're worthless or anything like that, because it's not true. Everyone has potential; you just have to utilize it to your liking. If you're ever feeling dangerous when contemplating suicide, think about your family and friends and the poeple that care for you and find strength in your relationships with them. It's hard to think positively in a moment of weakness, but you're strong enough to do so. If you can withstand all that you've experienced thus far, you can make it through much more.

Going into a different grade it tough, but socially (new people in classes) and academically (heightened work load). I wouldn't recommend finding refuge in the hope that this year will end soon because all that philosophy will do is make you desperate, frustrated and annoyed at the turtle pace things are going at in the present. Try and join clubs, talk to people you don't know to well, and take the innitiative to socialize a bit more to remedy your social problem. Remember that change is always a hard thing to go through, and you just have to be open and willing to adjust to those changes. You'll see that a simple change in attitude will make it all the more bearable.

Bad days are unfortunately all too common. Just try not to let the main thing that's bugging you make you sour about little things that you wouldn't ordinarily get worked up about. Otherwise, you may end up doing something you regret, which will make a "today sucks" convert to a "life sucks."

What the people wrote above is good advice: try starting small and then working your way up to talking to girls of interest. The important thing is to develop skills, but also to develop a sense of comfort with who you are and how you behave around other people. I know it's difficult to try to close the gap between how you act around others and who you truly are, but if you keep inhibiting and isolating yourself, you really aren't going to get anywhere. It's best to just start small in situations that you feel comfortable. Remember that no one's expecting anything from you, and that by sitting off to the side, you're just closing yourself off from the social circle, and once you find comfort away from the social arena, it's difficult to stray from it. But trust me, once you do and become more social, you'll see that it's definitely worth it!