JustineDuck

I have this "relationship" with this guy I met at work. We started hanging out months ago and began dating. After a month, he suddenly broke it off by saying "I don't think I'm gonna have time for you and give you what you need. I am too busy....etc." So, regardless of that, we still spent time together and slept together. Only problem is that we hung out once a week when we saw each other at work and he NEVER called me otherwise. I got back from a trip about two weeks ago, and he picked me up and dropped me off at the airport. When I got back he was acting like a boyfriend to me when we were out, but still wouldn't call me during the week. We just got back from Vegas yesterday (a two day trip we took together - he came with me for an audition cuz I asked him to.) The WHOLE time in Vegas he was paying for me, taking me out, we kissed in public, held hands in public. We were acting like a couple and people we talked to, thought so as well. Here's the problem - I like him, he knows I like him. I don't know what he wants. His life is so jam packed right now that he can't even call me once. Should I back away when I do see him (seeing as how he told me that the reason he liked his ex g/f at first was cuz she wouldn't go out with him and "rejected" him - he said he can't let a girl go until she goes out with him.) HELP - I'm stuck and need some advice as to what I should do. Maybe I'll just wait and see what he does from now on after the whole Vegas trip.

What do you mean by "above" the girls league? Like he's better than her or higher up? Or did you mean "out" of the girls league?

To make a long story short, I dated this guy from work for a month. We hang out with the same people (from time to time), and then a month later he broke it off with me telling me he didn't have time for me and couldn't give me what I wanted...he got burned 3 yrs ago from an ex and isn't over it. After that night, we've been on and off and sometimes he's really sweet when I'm ALONE with him and he kisses me and wants to hold my hand...but he never ever calls me to do anything or just to talk. He'll talk to me only when we see one another at work (once a week) and if he doesn;t have a ride home, he;ll ask me for one or we'll go out with coworkers and after a few drinks, he's all over me and wants to take me home, and says,"Why do you do this to me? You make me want you and want to kiss you." So as you can see, I'm just fed up with his behavior, but I am soooooo utterly attached to him and still like him and want to be with him. I even make up excuses when I see him or during the week to call and ask him things or to borrow things so I can see him. I swear it's an obssession at times and I think of him 20 times if not more a day. Bad part...we're going to a concert together - out of town - in November. I don't know what to do or why he acts like my boyfriend, being sweet and cuddly, but then doesn't call me or want to be with me all the time, or rather exclusively. I need advice...please help!

Hey all, Thanks for posting your thoughts on what's been going on. I know in my heart that you are all right about what he's been doing and I do want to have the upper hand and stop what's been going on. The only problem is that my emotions seem so invested in this guy that I feel blind to all of that and part of me wants to ignore those signs and signals (aka Red Flags) that I've been seeing. Bad part: we're supposed to go to a concert up in Los Angeles together in November...taking the 4 hour road trip together and spending the night. Isn't that just a bad fiasco waiting to happen?

This coworker that I had been seeing/sleeping with from work broke it off with me about a month and a half ago. He said he was too busy and didn't/wouldn't have time for me. (We were seeing one another almost every day or every other day at that point.) Then after that, he wouldn't want to kiss me or have sex with me but I could spend the night next to him, but anything else to him was a bad idea considering how I felt. So then a didn't see him for about a week and things with him changed. Because I wasn't always around him and doing other things without him, when I did see him, he would flirt with me again and so forth. Last night he decided to come out with me and this other guy, our friend from work, and I knew from the beginning of the night exactly what was gonna happen. So, without hesitation at the end of the night, he automatically dropped our friend off first and parked my car at his house, assuming I would be staying the night. (I thought it would be the same as before, me sleeping next to him, no kissing, no sex, etc.) NOPE! Helay next to me and started kissing me sweetly and holding me, and then we had sex. The next morning, the same thing and he was lingering in bed with me, flirting with me around his house, pulls me into his lap, kisses my face and head.... So my question is WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?? I thought he didn't want to do that stuff with me and he was distancing himself, now he's all over me again. I don't get it. Please help with some sort of advice... Thanks!

I'm still having this problem with this guy I was dating from work. He broke it off with me after a month of dating and said he wouldn't have time for me and didn't want to hurt me. Then we'd hang out and he'd be all over me and giving me "the eyes" and touching me and wanting me to spend the night - no sex - but sleep over. That happened for a while, then we didn't see each other for a week and when I saw him earlier this week at work he could not keep away from me.. coming up to me and flirting again, poking me, throwing paper at me, standing there talking to me when he's in a completely other part of the restaurant and staring me down when I would flirt with male customers coming in. So, a few nights ago he came to my house for a party and we were the only ones there for a few hours waiting for everyone to come over. Beforehand, In my car he stared at me and would just smile at me, then flirt with me and push me. He'd walk behind me and when I would turn around to see where he was at, he wouldn't say a word, just stand there staring into my eyes in "that" way (like I want you way.) So at my house he was doing the same thing...and now we're going to a concert together in November and have to drive to Los Angeles for it. The deal is, I feel like he cares about me and would be with me, but something is stopping him from doing so. (He got badly burned by an ex 3 yrs ago is still talks about it.) So HELP! I'd like to know what you think about any of this.....!

I am an emotional eater and usually when bad things or sad things happen (ie being dumped/rejected by a guy), I go to the grocery store and buy junk food like Ice Cream or cake and drown my sorrows and lonliness in crap that ends up making me worse after I'm done eating. I try really hard to lose weight, I keep a food journal and usually eat really REALLY well, but then just like that I use food to comfort my emotions and ruin my entire day and get depressed. Why do I get so depressed and how can I stop before I really hurt myself?

Actually, if he did want something serious now, I don't think I would think about him as much. I would, but then I would always be on the lookout for something better. So in the long run , it isn't a good thing anyway especaially knowing that I deserve to be treated a lot better.

That is totally right. I really just needed to hear it from someone since nobody's given me a straight up answer like that. I do need to end it with him cuz it does still hurt. I guess I'll have to see what happens when I start dating other guys and see if he reacts, and if he doesn't even more the better because he isn't worth it in the long run then. Thanks!

I got involved super quick with this guy from work and we dated for about a month and slept together and spent time together. I said I wouldn't sleep with him any longer unless I was dating him, etc. He said he'd give it a try and then BAM...he said he was sorry and that he wouldn't have time for me and that he wasn't the one for me and I deserved better. (He also had his heartbroken severly by his ex 3 yrs ago and is still bitter and hurt by it.) So, sometimes I still spend the night at his house and when I do, we never have sex...he says it isn't a good idea(drunk or not) yet he still cuddles with me, kisses me all over like crazy. Is he playing with my mind and pushing me away because he doesn;t want to get hurt, or is he just using me (but yet how could he when we're not even having sex because he thinks it is not a good idea??) What is he doing/thinking? It's so up and down....help! Need some advice!

I was dating this guy (a co-worker) for about a month or so. Last week we went out for a co-workers birthday and he suddenly said, "I don't have time for you, it wouldn't be fair to you." He was starting school up again, has two jobs, surfs a lot and is trying to get a band together as well. So yeah, he may not have time but I thought things were going well and then BAM! At the party he told me that crap and then the very next night we went out again to a bar with a few people from work and he kept staring at me, and was really quiet (normally he's really loud) and he couldn't keep his hands off of me and said, "I don't know why you do this to me...you make me want to hug you and kiss you..blah blah blah." The next night we all went out after work again and I got the cold shoulder and it was as if I wasn't even there. SO.....this is the catch - just the other night, like two nights ago, we went out and he was weird with me and then he drove my car back to his house since I was the one who had a bit too much to drink. We get to his house, I'm sitting on the couch and he plops down on my lap and lays accross me. We talk for about a half hour about our status and "us" and he says again, "I just don't have time for you, I'm sorry." We have intense stares and completely can't stop looking into each others eyes during that half hour and BAM!! He starts to sweetly and gently kiss my face all over and gives me a million bear hugs and just lays there. Then he kisses me on the lips and it was really slow and I could feel emotion in them - if that makes sense (before - he NEVER did that stuff. Hugs were rare like that and kisses were fast and lacked a lot of feeling. ) Plus, why he kissed me again that night, i don't know why - he told me before that he didn't want to kiss me anymore because he knew i really liked him and it wouldn't be fair. Yet, everything that night was super sweet and soo unlike him. So you can see my confusion. I don't know if he really cares and likes me but is scared to start something else (he is still pissed at his ex with whom he broke up with almost 3 years ago). I'm not sure ------HELP!

Well, you guys are probably right. I wish he did have a cell phone, email or mailing address up there....he never gave me anything to contact him by and yet again there has still been no phone call whatsoever. ' If he really cares he'd call by now or maybe he's busy or something. My next plan was to wait another two weeks and then if he hasn't called, I was going to call one of his friends that lives in Arizona to see where he might be because he left me with half of his own belongings when he had to move out of his apartment to move away for a while......so honestly if I had some of his things, wouldn't he automatically return to get them or something?

I was dating this guy for two months and we were absolutely inserperable. We were together pretty much every single day since the day we met and if we were not together we would talk on the phone. He kept telling me how different he felt with me than with other ex girlfriends, how much he really liked me, how amazing I was, how he thought of me in almost everything that he did.....and then two weeks ago, he told me he was moving away to another state for 5 months for a job. He said he'd call me within a few days of him getting to the new destination and it's now been 2 full weeks and I still have not received one phone call. I am dying and driving myself crazy wondering why he's being such a jerk and isn't simply picking up the phone to say that he cares. Please help and give me some kind of sound advice so I can quit crying every night and agonizing over the fact that he hasn't called.