sharp1184

So what's your take on going out to the bars by yourself? Would you ever do it? Have you ever done it? Right now I'm in a pretty sorry situation. I'm the only moron that decided to stay and live here in my home town after college, out of all my friends. Actually, I didn't decide...my family has a business here and I chose to stay here and work for them. I used to have LOTS of friends, but now they're all just a memory. I'd keep in touch more, but they're all off with their own lives now and it seems like they don't have time for me. I've been very unsucessful in finding a girl. I've only met two this year (one was a disaster, and the other wasn't interested at all in me). So here I am stuck at home every week telling myself I need to get out (where, I don't know) and socialize (and with who, I don't know). But I can't spend the rest of my life at home...I'll never meet anyone that way. How do you handle the humiliation of going out--not only a bar, but anywhere--alone. How do you just get comfortable and socialize? I've only gone out to a bar by myself once, and that was right after that disaster with the girl I mentioned earlier. Not only was I devistated by what happened with this girl, I was also a "freak show" at the bar with everyone staring at me because I was there myself. What should I do? Sitting around and hoping an old girl from high school would call or write to you is a complete waste of time. I know. I spent the last two years doing it. Please help. Thanks.

Thanks for all your help everyone. I still don't consider myself any closer than before, but I think I'm going to try to ask her out again tomorrow. She's been far more friendly this week (still won't start conversations) but I can't stand this anymore and I need to move on this. I've got to see if I've been wasting my time all this while or not. Can anyone give me some last-minute advice on how to do this without making anything uncomforatble for either of us? I feel like I'm pressing the issue (since I sort of already asked her out before). I'm not so afraid of asking as much as I'm fearing her reaction. I'm thinking..."do you have any interesting plans for the weekend?" ...her answers are usually short "yes" / "no" answers. So if it is no, I'll go on to somehow ask if she wants to hang out with me. Oh God this isn't going to be easy. Anyone with any last minute pointers??? Thanks

I wish I could tell you what to do, but this is the story of my life. This same exact kind of thing happens to me over and over again. I don't understand why. The first time I can remember this happening was when I was in high school and I used to talk to this girl for hours and hours on the phone at night, then the next day, she'd walk past me and ignore me the entire day. The same thing is happening to me now. Another new girl seems like she's finally warming up to me, then goes on to ignore me one day, and then is all smiles the next day. I already tried to ask this new one out, but it sort of backfired, and well, here I am again, another Friday night with nothing to do and no one to do it with. I guess I could tell from experience that it probably isn't a good idea to draw it out with her. Show her that you're interested and eventually you have to make a move. Even if you make a fool of yourself and she does say no, you can at least have a clear mind knowing now you know for sure. I tried this on the girl I was talking about, but unfortunately things don't look any better than they did four months ago when we first met. Good luck.

HELP! I need some help on this one. A particular girl I know that I've been after for a while now is driving me nuts. I've been flirting with her for months now, probably since August. Even in September, I blotched a campaign to get her to go on a date with me--I tried to ask her out, but there were a lot of people around and I didn't want to create awkwardness for either of us, so instead of asking if she'd go out to this particular event "with me", I just asked her if she wanted to go. Her response was "maybe someday"...as in she doesn't really know whether I was asking her out, or if I was just trying to make conversation. I know I screwed up, but she's got to know that I'm interested in her by now, right? Anyway, when I first met her, the first thing I noticed is she's incredibly shy. Even now, she still doesn't call me by my first name--or any name, sort of like she just refers to me as "you". Ok so I'm trying to get her to like me, I'm talking to her, asking her questions, blah blah blah. I always smiled at her, looked her in the eye, and she always did the same back to me, but now she seems like she's getting shy again. All last week, she barely said hello. It seemed like she was hiding from me, when there were more than enough opportunities for her to come over to me and start talking. This got me really mad because I thought I was making progress. So this week, I decided I was going to beat her at her own game. I was going to play hard to get, and I thought if she was interested in me, she'd come to me and at least start a conversation, and have her at least wonder why I've stopped talking to her. Nothing. But now I'm trying to be cold like she's been for a while, and now she's smiling at me and trying to be "somewhat" friendly again. How am I supposed to play hard to get when one week she ignores me and the next week she's all smiles? Is this chick interested or just playing games? What is she doing??? She's driving me crazy!!! And what would you guys recommend I do about already trying to ask her out and crashing like a proverbial "led zeppelin"? I really don't want to ask her out again... I don't want to press the issue if "maybe someday" means I'm not interested. Thanks for any help you can give.

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I guess you're right...I guess I do care...a little. When I said she's probably my only prospect, I said it because it's true. Like I said, I haven't had much luck, and since my last disaster with a girl, I've kind of turned into a bit of a recluse. All my friends moved away after college, so now that I've graduated from college, I'm on my own, I don't really go anywhere or do anything. So this girl is literally the only girl I see often. anonymous_presense, you're right about the apathy, but I've been hurt SOOOO many times, I feel like I have to keep this attitude so it's not such a big deal when things go up in smok, as they usually do. Thanks for all your help though. I will definitely take everything you guys said into consideration.

I'll make this short...just wondering what you guys think. I met this girl about two months ago. I see her quite often, and I do see her looking at me, but when our eyes meet, she quickly looks away. Anyway, I try to be friendly, but she ignores me whenever she sees me. I say "hello" and I usually get nothing more than a "hi" back (sometimes not even that). I know there isn't a lot evidence whether she has any interest or not. I try to think positively, that maybe she's just shy. But I think there's fine line between being shy and being rude. Actually, I've had such bad luck lately, I don't want to even try. As a matter of fact, I ignore this girl right back on days when I'm in a bad mood. It's just that sadly, I'm so desperate, she seems like the only girl I have a slight chance with right now. I'm going about this with an "i don't care attitude" because truly I really don't, but all this just makes me wonder if it's even worth thinking about. I'd appreciate if anyone can help. Thanks.

Hockeyboy, Yeah, it just goes to show how many idiots there really are in the world. These people, I swear, are so insecure they need to go around starting fights, and when they can't deal with what they started, they call out their friends, or worse, like with you, they all get together and stalk--waiting. I hope you weren't hurt in the fight you were talking about. That's the kind of thing that gets me mad. You know dance clubs are usually packed, and good luck getting back to the bar or even the restroom. You probably have a 15 minute wait just trying to make your way through the crowd! If you don't bump into at least 20 different people throughout the night, you must have been dancing in the lobby or something. People are morons! Especially since you apologized and they still wanted to fight. In your case, you had to fight to survive...you were being stalked and then attacked. That's where self defense comes in to play, and you'd rather fight and risk getting in trouble with police than let these scumbags really hurt you without at least trying to stop them. My story wasn't so black and white, it was more gray. They provoked me, but didn't really attack. I had a choice to fight or stand down. From everyone's opinions on here, I did the right thing. I'm cooled off today. I'm still really upset about the whole thing, but thank you for all your help everybody. This would have bothered me for a long time if I wasn't able to post this and get advice from all you guys. Thank you!

Thanks for your support guys. I'm not trying to sound like a tough guy, thinking I could take on these four kids at once, but I just think I should have done something more than what I did. I don't know what that something more would have been, and even though deep down inside I think I did the right thing, I still feel pretty awful that I didn't have more control over the situation than I did. Anyway, yeah it was just me running alone. If a g/f or someone else was with me (or a stranger for that matter) and in trouble, I definitely would have done something, you know, risk getting hurt. But I couldn't see it for just me and a couple of high school kids out to prove something. The thing that sucks is that this happened so fast, and I definitely wasn't prepared for it. I had to make some quick decisions, and ones that I'd hoped I wouldn't regret when I started thinking normally again. The problem is now I need advice to tell me that this was definitely the right thing to do, or maybe I should have handled it a little differently. Thanks for help so far. Anyone else with any other ideas, feel free to share

Not sure if this post belongs here, but it's about violence (not in a relationship, but emotionally distressing, nonetheless). I just had probably the worst day I've had in a long time. I got into an argument with a friend earlier in the day, and I later decided to go out for a jog to cool myself off. I still wasn't thinking straight during the jog when I'm jogging past a convience store on the sidewalk--the kind that lowers from the rest of the sidewalk to accommodate traffic. All of a sudden, while I'm jogging on this part of the sidewalk, this car full of high school kids abruptly turns in and tries to hit me! Everyone in the car is laughing. Mind you, I'm still really ticked about that argument with my friend, and this guy in the car came really close. So I flip the guy off, and he decides to get out and start a fight. This kid was a real halfwit obviously intent on putting on a show for his friends. Anyway, I try to reason with him asking why he tried to hit me. He asked why was I jogging in front of his car. I said "because it's a sidewalk." Anyway, this kid threatens to burn his cigarette in my face. Then a shoving match ensues. I was never in a real fight, but I have been boxing for nearly 3 years. But I was worried he'd use some wrestling moves that I wouldn't be used to, or he'd fight dirty. Even though neither of us got in any real punches, I did fight back using some of my boxing skills, which I think he was surprised that I fought back. But then he backed off and it looked like he was getting back in the car, but then he tried to spit in my face and then told his friends to get out of the car and jump into the fight with him. That was the end of that! I wasn't about to fight this kid plus his three friends. For what? I've been out of high school for six years now, and a street fight seems a little ridiculous, especially since they were all probably under 18. If I really got into it with them, I'd go to jail. So I told the kid to grow up and learn to fight his own fights and then I left and continued on my jog. About two blocks later, this guy on a motorcycle stops me and says he saw the whole thing and said that he would have backed me up in case I got jumped. My town is going to hell, but I'm glad there's still some people out there who would do anything to help someone whose in trouble. I decided to try and forget that this happened and continue on with my run, but then I started freaking out once I made it a few more blocks to the elementary school (which is on my jog route). I called the police from my cell phone and told them what happened because there's been a lot of shootings in my area lately. I didn't get their license plate, or the make of their car for that matter, but I just wanted to report it. Plus, I was worried that these kids would be out looking for me with reinforcements, or worse guns. The police told me what to do in case I saw them again, and I eventually made it back home without incident. But right now, even though there wasn't actually a single punch thrown, I still feel a little busted up emotionally, just knowing that those scumbags are still out there thinking they have the upper end. At lease if I could have been able to made an example out of them, maybe they'd smarten up and this wouldn't happen to anyone else, and I'd feel a little better. But instead, I just ran away. So now I feel like a coward. What do you guys think? Thanks for taking the time to read my lenghty post. Any comments would be much appreciated.

Wenn Ihnen damit gedient ist... Yikes! You definitely have your fair share of troubles. The one thing I can't help you with (though I wish I could) is your school troubles. College can certainly be rough. I went to two different colleges, but both were only 30-40 miles apart. I can't imagine changing schools to different states, let alone different countries! You have to admit, though, you have a lot going on in your life right now. You said yourself that you did very well in school, at the top of the class, even. So you aren't stupid. You just have to realize that everyone has their breaking point. Your dad just had a stroke (good luck with that, by the way, and I hope he gets well) but this does take a toll on your mental health. I know for a fact I wouldn't be able concentrate at all if someone in my family suffered any kind of sickness. I know you don't want to get behind at college, and if you're anything like me, you probably want to finish as soon as you can. But maybe it would be worth considering taking a semester off, just to clear your head and try to get used to where you're living now. As far as having nothing to do, and no one to do it with--man, you're preaching to the choir! I have lived in the same town all my life (as opposed to your situation) and I don't have any friends anymore. All my high school buddies took off to college and decided not to return home, and I almost never see any of my college friends anymore, either. But I think the situation in your case is just as bad, because you keep making new friends, but then you're forced to move away from them. But I'm at the point now where I don't want any more friends...I want a female companion. And that is proving to be nearly impossible, especially living in a small town. I'll be honest, I feel a little more hopeless everyday. There doesn't seem to be any girl attracted to me now, and I would have a hard time believing that girls ever were attracted to me. So you should consider yourself lucky you at least know some girls said you were cute once. That's more than I can ever say! I get the same thing from my parents about my increasing reclusiveness. "Get out of the house and do something," they say. And do what? With whom? For as cool as it is going out alone, I just find it a little too humiliating. And when I do go out, I always wish I didn't--you know the routine...$8.00 cover charge, $4.00 beers, and not a single glance from anyone of the opposite sex the entire night. I come home constantly asking myself what the point of going out was in the first place. Join a club? Like a health club? You might be able to meet some new friends there, and your chances of finding a girl there are pretty good, but I think the $500.00 membership is a little high considering I can jog outside and use my weight set down in the basement for free. Don't get the wrong idea...I don't want to sound like a cheapskate. I just can't see throwing money away thinking that it will help your social life, when all it does for me is continue to make my social life boring, less quite a bit of money when all is said and done. I'm sorry, man. I don't have a solutions to your problems. But maybe in the slightest way, you can feel a little better knowing that there are people out there just like you going through very similar situations. Just try not to let all these problems get you down. I hope you find this post helpful. Good luck.

I'm sorry...I'm still having trouble following. Just bear with me for a few seconds. In other words, do you feel a sort of apathy towards these feelings of anger and desire? Do you have them "bottled up" and try to forget about them? Do you feel like you want to give up and you forget about concentrating on what's really bothering you, and instead you feel just a general depression? See, what's throwing me off is the term "repression". From what I know about psychology, repression is your unconscious mind excluding painful memories, experiences, desires, fears, ect, from your conscious mind, as a sort of defense mechanism. But from reading your last post, I think you mean the repression (suppression) of your own emotions, and inability (either voluntary or involuntary) to express and communicate your troubles to others. If this is what you're talking about--that you bottle everything up and you don't share your emotions (or you don't get comfort from others if and when you do share them), then the answer to your question as to whether it's wrong or not really depends on the individual. Are you a "strong" person who is able to take whatever life throws at you and you never have to share your emotions with anyone? Sometimes people attempt to be like this (including myself) to show how stong our will is to never flinch in times of emotional turmoil. But I believe this is too difficult to bear, and most importantly, too unhealthy. After all, humans are social beings. Of course, if you were the last person on earth, then you'd have no other choice but to keep everything inside, but since this isn't the case, there should be someone you could turn to. But even if you are afraid of "letting your guard down" or are afraid of being vulnerable to others, then I like the suggestions of starting a journal. I started one nearly three years ago. It is a way for me to channel my problems and it lets me focus on what's REALLY bothering me at a given time. I believe it has made me a stronger person, because now I rarely have to rely on other people for advise, help, input, ect. And if nothing else, the journal makes for an interesting time capsule, if you can keep one long enough, because you can always look back to see how your feelings and attitudes have changed over the years. Also, you could try to express your problems in art, music, ect, if you don't feel comfortable talking to others about them.

Repression? I'm not sure what you mean...as in you unconsciously block painful memories, feelings, ect?

Oh no! Sorry man, the old "I think of you as a brother" nonsense is the oldest trick in the book. People should come right out and say "sorry, but no thanks" but what do they do instead? They say, "You're like a brother YAP YAP". Sorry, tough luck.

First of all, perhaps you should consider God in terms of the King of all creation, rather than your (and your friend's) personal fortune teller. It is true, if you believe in the Hebrew Bible and New Testament, you believe that God does speak to his people, and through his people. But you also should conisder the fact that God tests you again and again to see how well you can stand up to the problems he sends your way. Maybe you could read the book of Job to help you better understand? As far as God speaking to your friend and telling him you aren't right for him, I don't believe it, and I don't think this person should be taken seriously. I don't know the full story, but I think YOUR FRIEND is telling HIMSELF that things aren't right, regardless of how you feel about it, or how you think God wants you to feel about it; and with this in mind, he should be man enough to tell you exactly how HE feels, not how he thinks God feels about it.