xmas1888

Thanks for the support again. She IMed me last night asking how I was doing cause she heard I wasn't doing to well. I was quick and honest with her, told her at some point I will be ok but right now I really am not doing well, and that I wish I could tell her what I'm feeling, even though I can't. That was too much for her, and she couldn't bear to hear it right now. I said bye and ended the convo there. It sucks cause this was ther first person I felt I could tell absolutely anything to and now I cannot, and it just sucks. I know now that I have to get over her, but my heart doesn't want to let go, wanting to still have love for her if she ever wants to come back, even though I know that may never happen. I imagine that when I see her tomorrow, it will be a sorta closure for me. I want to tell her that I can't talk to her right now, and that I won't talk to her, and that if she contacts me, unless it is about rebuilding the relationship, that I won't respond. What should I tell her tomorrow. I REALLY need some advice on what to say tomorrow, cause I just don't know what to say.

Thanks for the advice, though my head is still full of thoughts and memories that I can't get away from. Still confused at how she could do this when she expressed so much how much she loved me not long ago. Last time we saw each other, she woke me up to tell me she loved me, she even grabbed my hand at an ice cream shop, because she wanted to be close to me. I know I'm still a bit mad at her, but I know I want her back. I just can't get how she could be so cold about it, like the person who loved and cared for me is no longer there. I don't want to go through this year without that person who loved me. I have to see her this thursday to return her rather large stuff that she had stored at my place. I don't know how to approach the situation. Part of me just wants to hug her and show her that I love her and that I'm the guy that she had(s) all these feelings for, like she needs to be woken up. I know that's not what I should do, but like I said I'm just very emotional and confused right now. How do I approach this situation? Do I act cool and unfeeling, load the stuff in and set her on her way, so the last memory of me is the guy who doesn't care and shows no signs that I still have feelings for her. It's just so hard to imagine me not spending the rest of the year with this girl.

The thing is I really don't want to have contact with her right now. I know she was in the bad to be lying to me. I want to keep a little hope that maybe when she sees me when we get her stuff from my place, that just maybe she'll realize what she did and want to come back. However, that hope keeps on killing me. I start hoping and then realize that for now it's over, and she's going to be going out with other people and such. It hurts to think right now that she could be seeing other guys. I really just want to do the NC thing with her right now, cause as I read on these forums it seems to work really well for people. I know it's no silver bullet, and that she may never come back or realize how good for her I was, but right now it seems that it would work for me cause I really just don't want to see or talk to her right now, as it just kills me to think of her. Part of me wants to tell her though what she did and how much she hurt me. I'm open to advice, do you guys think I should just go with NC?

It's so hard right now, a roller coaster of emotions. My gf and I had been together for 11 months, though we have spent the last three long distance as she went home for the summer to work. A few days after she saw me the last time, which was a little over a month ago, she sounded so happy with me and told how she loved me SO MUCH, and she sounded so truly sincere, I KNEW she was still totally in love with me. The past month had been a little rocky, we had a couple of arguments, but nothing terrible. Last week she started sounding more upbeat and happy, and last wednesday she sounded really happy with me and her life. Come this monday, I had a little argument with her in the morning cause she was not seeming to be to in a good mood and said she was upset at just stuff right now. She then called me that night and said she wanted to just be friends right now, that she only saw me as a friend right now, that we should see other people and that while she "cared for me, she doesn't know if she still loves me". That very morning before our break up, she said she loved me, now I feel lied to and so confused. Our relationship was not the perfect one, but it was still very good, and I deeply loved her and cared for her. I was there through some of her hardest moments, and she even told me I was the only good thing in her life. I was starting to think that I was starting to get through it and that I would be alright, but then I saw her facebook profile and saw that she is now looking for whatever she can get. That hurt. It brought back the confusion as to how could I have gone from the most important person in her life to someone she doesn't even care that much about. I just don't understand it. I'm trying to do the no contact thing, and that's fine cause I don't really want to talk to her right now anyways, I just am so confused still at how you could go to such polar opposites in such a short time.

FCTex has some very good advice on it. I too just broke up with my gf and she unfortunately went a month experiencing doubts about her love for me and whether she wanted to be in a relationship, though kept telling me she loved me and missed me, which is where more of a hurting factor comes in. FCTex's advise has really made me see some things that I couldn't come to grips with, like why she seemed so cool and calm breaking up and not talking to me. It makes sense that since she has had a month to deal with things and come to the relization that I'm not what she wants right now and that I don't mean as much to her anymore, it is why it seems so easy for her. She too hopes that we can be friends, and says that maybe someday we can get back to being together. Right now there is no chance of that happening. I'm still angry at her right now for what she did and am trying to do the no contact thing. It's unfortunate that it is going to be hard, being as we have many friends in common, and that in a week I'm going to have to see her again to return some of her stuff. Maybe we will get back together at some point, but for now I'm going to have to try as hard to not contact her. I've seen the same thing that has happened to FCTex, where right after the break up the victim of the breakup frequently tries to get back together. It's understandable, you've loved this person for so long and you would do anything to get them back, but it just makes the situation worse, because it just annoys the dumper and destroys any shot of them wanting to come back. I would suggest going no contact until you know you are absolutely ready to see them just as you would any other friend, and not as a partner. It's what I have to do now. Maybe she'll realize that I was what she wants, maybe she won't. Either way, you gotta work on building yourself back up and moving on. And remember, unless it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY to have contact with them, it's best just to take sometime away from him and concentrate on yourself.