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kellbell

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Everything posted by kellbell

  1. kellbell
    You know, I always felt the same way. I don't believe in committment phobia, I believe when you feel that way, you are with the wrong person. Until the right person comes along, the fear of committing with THAT particular person will set in. Just my own personal opinion of course, I am sure others will disagree.
  2. kellbell
    I am with santacruzen on this one. I make eye contact with everyone because I am not afraid to and feel confident when doing so. I used to be incrediably shy and not make eye contact with anyone but as I got older, I came out of my shell and now it's no biggie.
  3. kellbell
    Hey there, I am so sorry I misunderstood you. Well, that's good you have not done those things yet. "Any advice on how to swing things in my favor, so he might possibly consider more than just sex from me?" Well, there is not too much you can do make him want you want, only ou can do what you want. Maybe, if you didn't make things so easy for him and try not be so available for him, he might put a little more effort into being with you. Like he wants to get together, tell him you are busy and you will get back to him when you have the time. Because when you make things easy for someone, they have no incentive to try.
  4. kellbell
    Glad to see you are doing well and hanging in there. Thanks for the update.
  5. kellbell
    Hi there, I had a relationship with a guy like this one and it was alwful. I felt so cheap, like I didn't matter expect for what I can do for him sexually. It hurt my self-esteem so much but the more I did it, the more damaged I became, ect. The vicious cycle. And I too, wanted a real relationship. My advice to you, is cut this guy loose as hard it sounds. You guys want to different things, he wants a bootey call and you want a real relationship. Nothing you do is going to change what he wants. And if you keep doing what your doing, he will have no incentive to want anything more from you because he is getting what he wants. Try to stay away from him and get some of your dignity back, you can't do that while you are having little "redez-vous" with him. Sorry you are going through this, I know it really sux. Take care and be well.
  6. kellbell
    Hi there, her reasons were this 1. she was told that like 1/3 of all people who lived together before they were married get devorced. 2. her parents wouldnt aprove. 3. she has 3 differents friends who live with their BF and they'er BF havent marriewd them yet, she is worried i will put it off like they have. Well, reason number one is not exactly accurate, it all depends on the REASON why people got shaked up together depends on whether people get divorced or not. But I can see why this reason would want her to put things off. Reason number 2 is a very valid reason. Family comes first and foremost and if she is close to her family and cares a great deal about how they veiw her, then this should be end of discussion. Reason number 3, another valid reason. Men tend to get very comfortable with their women living with them and they put off asking to marry them. I have seen it time and time again and I have personal experience with that one. I think, personally, you guys are too young. Living together IS a committment. I live with my boyfriend, almost 4 years, no ring by the way, and it's tough. It takes a great deal of committment and understanding and should not be viewed as an opportunity to "play house." Marriage is FOREVER!!! I would wait for a while and see what happens. What's the rush. If you guys in a truly committed relationship and truly committed to each other, then you guys would be able to withstand this obstacle and wait. I wish you the best in what ever happens and take care.
  7. kellbell
    Without trust you got nothing. Bottom line. I don't know, depending on she reacts to the letter, I think her desicion is pretty final. It gets very draining when your partner has no faith in you. Believe me, I have been there. I truly hope things work out for you both but if they don't come here a lot, there is a ton of support and advice here.
  8. kellbell
    Because no matter how bad the other dude treated you, he is familair. He's comfortable. And we always fear change. Plus the bad dude was a challenge and this new guy isn't. I think, we as humans, hate walking away from a challenge. But this guy is no good for you. Stick with this new guy. Remember, in some cases, familiarity breeds comtempt. Good luck with this new guy. You surely deserve a break.
  9. kellbell
    If that is the case, then he needs to work out his demons from the past before he can truly move on with you are anyone else for that matter. He is dragging you down in his misery and it's totally not fair to you. You cannot "save" him or change him by sticking around and taking the beating. He can only "save" or change himself.
  10. kellbell
    He is only changing because you left him. People don't change over night like that. He needs to straighten out some of issues before he can be there for someone else. I remember you and your story. This guy has problems. Your family is only looking out for you and they know he is not the one for you. Plus, they see it from the outside and sometimes people on the outside have a clearer picture of what the deal is than the person who is neck-deep in the situation. I say keep doing what you are doing and try to move on from this guy. This guy was incrediably rude and mean to you, especially when he compared you to his ex-wife. I am sorry you are going through this, I am sure there are a million thoughts going through your mind right now.
  11. kellbell
    Thanks RooferGirl. Your words mean a lot to me. I wil try keep up the good spirits, very hard to though at times.
  12. kellbell
    I was wondering the same thing Blue.
  13. kellbell
    Awesome!! I remember you from a few weeks back. I am glad you two were able to get together. Let know how everything pans out.
  14. kellbell
    Well folks, This is the first time I am starting a new topic.... I have been feeling really bummed out lately and I guess I need a little "pick me up." Where do I start... this past August my parents informed me that they are contemplating a divorce and things have been really crazy since. They have putting me into the middle, using me as a pawn, they are both in therapy, and now have decided to separate. They have been married 35 years and everything that I thought was so firm and familiar is in question. I always knew my parents' marriage was hard because they are completely different people but I never thought it would come to THIS. I mean we, as a family, have weathered harder storms in the past. Now that ther holidays are coming, I am not at all in the mood to spread or in take part in the Christmas cheer. And my birthday is coming up in a week and a half and really have no idea what to do. I am so angy at my parents right now and at the same time feel very sad for them. I also feel incrediably guilty over the fact I am extremely angry at them both for different reasons. I mean, this cannot be easy for them either. My mom has lost like 25 pounds because she doesn't eat and my dad has lost weight too but I really worry about him because he is a diabetic. I cry a lot over my conflicted feelings towards them both. Another thing I have been struggling with is that my 3.5 relationship with my boyfriend has been shakey for a while, now so more than ever. We had a huge falling out September 19th, on the verge of a break-up but decided to work things out and give everything another chance. But sometimes I feel I cannot relax or be with him and be happy because of my feelings for my parents. It has been a VERY hard year for me and my boyfriend. A lot has happened and I feel very tired. I don't think I have ever felt so sad in my entire life and sometimes I wonder if things will ever be the same or even get better. It's like my whole word has turned upside down. I love coming here and helping others but now I am on the other side. Everyone here is wonderful and gives great support and advice. I just feel I need to get my feelings out I guess. Thanks all for taking the time for reading this. Take care all and be well.
  15. kellbell
    Hey there, I am sorry to hear about your break-up. From what you wrote, it sounds like he is very selfish and not giving a second thought to how you feel. He is only worried about his needs and not yours. That's pretty messed up that he will have sex with you knowing your state of mind. You are confused because he says one thing and he does something else and plus, you are very much in love with him. Don't let him push you around like this because that is what he is doing. I recommend strict NC with this guy. Stay strong and come here often. There is so much support and great advice here. Hugs to you.
  16. kellbell
    Yes, it has happened to me before. I have been a lot of concerts and clubs too. I think they are still ringing loud this morning because you are aware of it so it seems more pronouned. If you don't pay too much attention to it, it will go away.
  17. kellbell
    Echo, I completely agree with your last statement! I have had first hand experience with it and I was the victim. I was dating this incrediable man I was crazy about but he continued trying to be a very good friend with an ex he dated YEARS ago. Found out about it and I was devestated because he kpet in on the DL from me. So in saying that, let her go. If you talk, you talk, if you don't talk, then you don't. Simple as that. Great job on your progress OCD.
  18. kellbell
    Hey congrads on your progress! Stay with NC. Let her contact you. Don't have that glimmer of hope by what she said, try not to read too much into what she told you. Leave it how things went last night on the phone. It sounded like a very nice conversation and just let be there. Now that you have the answers and you both are comfortable of where you stand, it is time move on and not backward. I am sure some time in the future you 2 will be able to talk without it being painful but for now it's best to do things that are for you. Take care and wishing you all the best.
  19. kellbell
    Let it be. You have come too far and worked so hard for where you are now. By you giving him your new address or email would show that your move to another country and new job was done in vain. Move on with your life once and for all. If he REALLY wanted to see you are find you, he will find a way. I just read your old post from September 1st, don't bother giving it to him, he was incredibly mean to you when you broke up and went on vacation with some chick he met at work a month after you broke up. Forget him. Congrads on your new job and your move. Stay strong.
  20. kellbell
    Did he break up with you? He is probably feeling lonely and it really sunk in that you guys are not together anymore and the fact you were doing the NC, it REALLY whigged him out. You are holding all the cards and keeping in control by doing NC and it is freaking him out. I suspect he expected you to come crying, begging, and pleading to him and the fact you did not, got him thinking and the control has been taken away from him so to speak. Keep doing what you have been doing, you know first-hand how important NC is and how it helped you. He needs to move on from this. Stay strong, you can do it.
  21. kellbell
    Just try to stay calm and erase it. She's doing this to see what you are up to. This might happen again. I know this is hard for you but by getting all uspet is still letting her have control over you. Just take a deep breath and try to stay calm. We are here for you.
  22. kellbell
    No you are not stupid. Don't beat yourself up about this. We always have those foot in our mouths moments, it happens. Just try to relax and see what happens in a few days. Hugs to you.
  23. kellbell
    The only person who can help her is herself. I would keep your options open and keep dating others. Why waste time on someone who is fuddy-duddy? Just continue to be her friend and maybe things might turn into something else. Take care and wishing you the best.
  24. kellbell
    "then after a few days i changed my mind and sent him a e-card asking him if he wanted to go some place with me. he hasnt had time because he's been working (though it does seem like he's had some time off). he did reply and said he wanted to go and the last time i talked with him on IM he said he hoped to see me soon. " It doesn't take much to back a man into a corner. But anyhow, from all the reasons you just posted, it sounds like he is not that into you. Mabe the fact you told him you could not date him because he was white and too old may have something to do with as well. His ego might be a bit bruised a bit and now he has pushed you away. In any case, I would lay low for a while and see what happens. You have done all you could. Good luck with everything and take care. [/b]
  25. kellbell
    Hey Anna, I am so glad that things are getting better for you. I sounds like you are doing things for you and putting good things in front of you. There are going to be days where things will be hard but they will get less and less as more times goes by. Take care and wishing you all the best.
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