Maggy

Thanks chai714. I am really confused.. If I tell him not to come I may be closing a door that I won't be able to open later if I regret what I did... But If I don´t tell him not to come and stick by my decision not to get back with him I don't think it would be fair. Sometimes I whish he had left me alone. It would be easier... I know I don't owe him anything as I din't ask him to come, or even told him I would ever get back with him. But what keefy said is also right.. I don't think I gave him any hope..but I know only too well how people misinterpret signs from the person they love... And what IF I do change my mind? (though I really, really, hope I don't. My ex showed no respect for me and our break up came out of no where - at least for me. I would be in constant fear it could happen again. And that's no way to live a relashionship...)....My only conclusion is NC is good for when it works only one way (either te ex repents, either we get over them. when it works both ways it's really really difficult...).

Well... I guess Keefy is right. I know I din't ask him to come... but the right thing would be to tell him. And then he could decide...(he doesn't like the job he has right now) I have always tried to respect other people..so even if he didn´t show any respect for me..I guess I should stay true to my principles..and not his! I think it's just that it is flattering to have someone switch countries because of you. I would probably even meet him here...but I know I could never be in a relashionship with someone who hurt me so much...

Hi. I posted my story 5 months ago The short version is: I got dumped by my boyfriend with whom I was supposed to go and live with, a week later he had someone new and he didn´t want to talk to me. So I kept NC, moved on with my life (though I did loose 7kg in the process and had to take some pills for anxiety as I nearly didn't sleep for 2 months) , found a new job, and went to live 2000km away, in a new country. I kept nc even when my ex texted me whishing me luck in my new job and life... And then, just as I was settling in, he found my new email adress and started emailing me. So I answered..I thought "what the hell, I'm far away..and I still deserve an explanation and some kind of apology..as I had never had one". And, I have to admit it...though I don't know why I should feel like this... I wanted to get some sense of vindication... from my ex as well as from the girl he dumped me for as we worked in the same company...(she new about us) So he kept emailing me and telling me that if he could he would come after me.. I dind't give him any hope...I just told him all I wanted was some kind of apology..and I thought he would never be able to find a job in the same country I am in (because of his language skills)..well... last week he told me he had resigned and was moving here in january because he had found a new job in a city 300km away. So Why am I sharing this? Because I want to give hope to everyone who is suffering right now... I suffered like I had never suffered before...I cried and cried and cried, I had nightmares and kept thinking it would never ever get better. Well..it did! I still miss the relashionship I had (I really liked it, I loved the way me and my ex got along), and sometimes I am sad because I whish it had worked. But I am sure I could never go back to my ex. It hurt to much... I didn't deserve to be treated the way he treated me. Maybe if he had broken up with me in a nicer way (I know it's difficult..but people can break up and show some respect...not just wonder off with someone new...). And NC worked because I healed..I learned to live on my own again..to do things by myself... to cure myself from my ex's presense. I would also like to get some advice..what should i do regarding my ex? I didn't give him any hope, but i didn't insult him either (5 months have passed, I'm in another country... I wasn't going to start arguing with him again via email..)...and now I know he is very aprehensive regarding his move.. and I know he is moving mainly because of me (though the new job is an improvement for him as well). i think I didn't say anything up until now because I wanted that litle revenge...but now I'm scared. He did everything as a surprise (only told me he was moving when everything was settled..even came to an interview here without telling me). Should i tell him I dodn't want him to come? that I'm never going to come back to him? Or just let him do whatever he wants and show him the some kind of respect he showed me 5 months ago?

Well... I've been thinking about what you wrote..and I'm pretty sure I'll maintain complete NC. I won't even e-mail his friend. What kpow wrote about how feeling rejected again will just set me back was right .. and I don't want that! And echo..I guess you're right about maintaining our dignity. At least that's something I have to hang on to.. I did everything I was supposed to do.. I didn't treat anyone badly.. I didn't seek revenge or whatever.. I just kept on with my life. But if I ever feel tempted again (and I'm sure I will) I guess I'll just right another post.. thanks for your help.

Thanks Kellbell. I know I have moved on with my life, and that that was exactly what I was supposed to do..but my mind hasn't moved on. I still miss my ex a lot... I have made everything I was supposed to do. I didn´t contact him, I didn't grovel, I just kept looking to move on. I even tried dating (it didn't really work). And that´s the problem. I did everything I new was the right thing to do..but it doesn't really work.

Hi. I wrote my story 2 months ago: link removed I am now living in a new country and have a new job. I didn't break NC and haven't seen my ex in 2 months, haven't talked to him in 3 months (we broke up 4 months ago). He sent me a text message 3 weeks ago, congratulating me on my new job and whishing me luck in my new life. I didn't answer, though I really, really wanted to. Now I have a new email address and a new phone number, and am pretty sure he doesn't have a way to contact me. But I have been trying to figure out ways to be sure he would have at least my email address if he wanted to.. just to see if he would contact me... I don't know why I would want this..but it's been on my mind for the last week. So, do you thing I should email a friend of his (I have a decent reason to do so), or just let it be? I guess I have been feeling lonelier now that I am living abroad and don't have many friends here...

Hi. the only advice I can give you, is to try and avoid, for now, all the places you might meet your ex, and keep your distance from your mutual friends. I know this will be difficult, but it's not impossible. I dated a guy for 7 years. He was always breaking up with me and seeing other girls and then he would come back begging for forgiveness..and I would always forgive him. He lived in the building next to mine, and his brother was one of my best friends. So, as you see, it was really hard for me not running into him or meeting our friends. But the only time I was able to make a definite break was when I decided I would do everything I could not to run into him. This meant making ridiculous detours, not looking around when getting home, and, which was more difficult, not talking or seeing his brother or any of out mutual friends.. but I had to do it for my sanity. And guess what...it worked. I run into him now and again, and have even seen him with his wife and kid... and it doesn't bother me at all. So you see... there is hope, but you have to try and keep your distance for a while... best of luck!

well... you'll know when you're ready. don't do what I did... I went on a date 1 month and a half after my ex of 1 y and a half broke up with me. I went on a date with a guy whom I had dated 2 y ago.. ( as soon as he found out I was single he started calling me) and I totally regreted it. I think I did it because my ex started seeing someone else 1 week after we broke up.. I thought I could be like that.. but i'm not. I kept comparing my date with my ex.. and I felt all the more sad. I was so sad when I got home I had to cry..kept thinking I would never find someone like my ex again... so now it's been nearly 3 months... and I'm still not ready. And i guess it will still take some time..but that's me.

At first it was really difficult for me to try to think of other stuff...I love reading, and I couldn't even read! I couldn't concentrate. All I could do was go shopping (as I had lost a lot of weight, I had to buy new clothes...and it sure boosts your self esteem when you're buying smaller sizes!) And as time passes it gets easier.. so I started reading again, and working out even more than I did before... the result was, I was so tired at the end of the day it didn't bother me anymore that I was alone in the evening... on weekends I would go with lots of friends to the beach.. and after a whole day at the beach you're also so tired it doesn´t matter that you're alone in the evening. Now as autumn approaches I just hope I will have something to do during the weekend so as not to get too depressed... I guess i'll work out even more One thing I had learned from a previous broken heart... (i've had several) .. never stop doing things on your own even when you're in a relashionship... it's easier on you afterwards. I go running by myself, and even when my ex wanted to come along, I would try to go by myself. I would go to the movies with him, but also by myself or with friends... this way it's not so hard on you when you break up.

Hi temperamental taurus. thanks for having posted the following: 9. OUR "SOUL MATE" is cunning and knows who to select and who to avoid. He will come on strong, sweep us off our feet. He seems to have the same values, interests, goals, philosophies, tastes, habits. He admires our intellect, ambition, honesty and sincerity. He wants to marry us quickly. He will display integrity, and appear helpful, comforting, generous in his 'idealization' of us phase. It never lasts. Eventually Jekyll turns into Hyde. His discarded victims suffer emotional and financial devastation. We end the relationship and salvage what we can, or we are discarded quickly as he attaches to a "new perfect soul mate". He is an opportunistic parasite. Our "Knight in Shining Armor" has become our nightmare. Our healing is lengthy. Defense Strategy: Seek therapy. Learn about this disorder. Know the red flags of their behaviour, and "If he seems too good to be true..." Hide the hurt you feel. Never let him see it. Be watchful for the internet predator. I new there had to be something wrong with my ex, as I have been in contact with an ex of his, and he was exactly like this to both of us. Couldn't wait to move in together, made plans, even bought a house together (thank god not with me but with his ex), and at the last minute broke up the relashionship, only to start seeing someone else the following week. He changed his lifestyle and would like what I liked (ie, working out almost every day, not drinking alcohol, eating healthily, travelling), though he was so convincing I really thought he enjoyed beeing like that (i never asked him to change!). I'm pretty sure he did the same to a third ex, but I'm not even going to try and find out. I'm pretty sure he is ill, and should seek therapy. But i'm not the one who is going to tell him that (I'm not breaking NC for that!)

My ex of 1y 1/2 whom I was going to live with in october, and with whom I work, broke up with me 2 months ago and started dating another girl from work 5 days later. I went on vacation for 3 weeks, and started searching for a job. Well...i'm now going to move jobs & country. . I think it's the best way... though it helped that I didn´t really like my job. But even if i did, it wouldn't do.. I keep trying not to go to the part of the office where they both work, (it's a big company), and sometimes make ridiculous detours that no one else understands (I kept the relashionship pretty much a secret in the office). I think you should do your best to find another job. Though it isn't easy...

Hi... just a note to all the broken hearts like mine out there. I saw my ex again yesterday, but instead of feeling miserable and going home and crying my heart out, I went jogging, and ran even more than I usually do. I was so tired when I got home that I didn´t even mind beeing alone . Of course it helped that my ex was looking really down - I have no idea why, and I didn't even feel the need to know. Maybe if I had seen him with his new girlf I would have cried.. but for now i'm feeling really really happy that I didn't cry i didn't even feel upset. So for all the broken hearts.. it gets better. And sometimes you dont' even feel miserable. It does not mean I won't cry next time... but at least I know I'm getting better.

Uau Gilgamesh I really liked your answer. I only wish I had known my ex dumped someone else for me when we started going out.. so I wouldn't now be the dumpee who has been dumped for someone else... he lied to me, and told me he had broken up with his previous girlfriend 5 months before... it was more like 2 days before our first date. .

Hi. I posted my story yesterday here: link removed but would like to hear more opinions on the following event: I have been in NC for a little over 1 month with my ex, and yesterday I saw him. He barely said "hi" and I turned my back on him and didn't even answer because of the last contact we had: My mobile rang at 7h00 am one morning, I was asleep, and I saw that it was my ex. I answered, but had no reply. I could hear his voice, and the voice of his new girlfriend. They were on a taxi, getting to the airport, on a trip (we had broken up one month before). I was devastated by this. I hang up, then phoned him to tell him to erase my number from his mobile. He didn't answer, he just hang up... so I texted him, telling him I only rang because I was furious because he had phoned me unintentionally, and that I had to listen to that, so please just erase my number from his phone. He didn't text me back, and I hadn't seen me till yesterday. i talked to my friends, and 3 of them tell me he is crazy (also because of the way he broke up with me, and the things he said, and the lies he told me), and that he must have done that on purpose, because his phone automatically locks the keys... and I'm not even on speed dial... so it couldn't have happened. I still think it wasn't on purpose, but I am furious because he didn't even send a text message apologizing.. it was really cruel, and I was really hurt. Does anyone think someone could be that deranged and do it on purpose? And did I do the right thing by turning my back on him? I am so hurt with everything I can't even speak to him…

I hope it will get better... but right now i'm back in square one. I didn't sleep all night and couldn´t stop crying yesterday evening. My eyes are all puffy, and I can't believe i'm feeling this way again just because I saw him for 2 seconds.