chaos

Just ask her about it. Maybe she just hasn't updated the status on her facebook since she broke up. Or maybe she does it just to keep random guys from hitting on her. I've actually known quite a few women who do that.

This brings up an interesting question... What if they are responsive, sometimes giving quite long answers, occasionally send the first message but, they rarely ask any questions in return?

Going to dinner is part of getting to know eachother. Just ask him out, the worst that can happen is he says no. At least then you'll have your answer and you won't have any regreats.

If a guy doesn't call you that much it's usually just because they know that, if they do, they could be seen as needy/weak/possessive/etc. So, that alone, isn't something to worry about. However, if he says he'll call you and doesn't? That's something totally different. To me, that's a big red flag... you could probably do better.

Well, we had a really good date last night. When I left last night I could actually see myself developing feelings for her, so, good right? Maybe not so much... Something she posted to her blog has me wondering. She told me the other night she wasn't seeing anyone else. But then today I read she's had three different dates in one week. It wasn't written very clearly so that just has me even more confused. I'd like to get clarification from her, but I don't know how to approach it without coming off negatively. I find myself almost wishing she'd never written me so I could have continued my plan to give up on dating... I hate it so much!

Ok, I'll give it some more time and see what happens. In the meantime, DN, how can I keep her from getting too attached?

Okay so, I've been seeing this girl for about a week. We met online, she messaged me through a dating site. We sent a few emails, exchanged IM's and spent all last Friday chatting while we worked. We made plans for Sunday night. I was a little hesitant because, from her pictures, there wasn't much physical attraction but she seemed like a fun person so I figured what the hell. We went out, had dinner, talked, etc... She was cuter than her pictures, which was good and we had a good time. We've seen eachother a couple more times since just for lunch and we're going out again tonight. We've chatted online everyday at work plus txt messages and a few phone calls. We've kissed but that's as far as it's gone so far. Now, the thing that bothers me, is throughout all of this, I've yet to feel any connection, there's no spark. Am I just worrying too damn much? Is it too soon to feel anything? Is this something that can develop? As you can probably tell, I have very little dating experience. I just don't want anyone getting hurt nor do I want to string her along, but I also don't want to miss out if something could develop. I've just been thinking of all the possibilities, most of which I'm not including or this would be about 10 times as long.

If that's what it's going to take for you to get closure on this then go ahead and write her one last email. Tell her whatever you need to tell her, just don't expect to get a response. It sounds to me like her mind is made up on the matter. I know it's hard, but try not to take it personally. There could be any number of reasons she's behaving this way, none of which have anything to do with you.

I don't really know what to tell you other than long distance relationships rarely work out. I think your best bet would be try to to meet some other girls in your area. Maybe you'll meet someone you like better. At the very least spending time with them will take your mind off the fact that this one isn't calling.

I don't know if there is a particular time where you're "supposed" to figure those things out. But generally the college years are where a lot of experimenting goes on. I guess it's harder for me because I never did any of that. No college, no parties, no drugs, no sexual escapades... I've always known that all I wanted was to meet the girl of my dreams, my "soul mate". I don't really believe such a thing exists anymore but still. To find a woman I could spend my life with. With my last girlfriend I also realized I wanted to get married and have a family. Now, I don't know if any of that is gonna happen so I'm kind of back to figuring out what I want again. As for my birthday... My family all lives out of state and I don't have any close friends. The few friends I do have probably don't even know when my birthday is. Thus, I will be spending my birthday alone. It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to!

30 IS ancient! I'm practically dead already! Seriously though, I know it's not that old, especially since our generation is expected to live 100+ years, but it still feels old. Not to mention, I'm almost 31 so, I've only got 9 years before I'm 40! She actually seemed very mature until all this crap started but I think she's definitely confused. Which is exactly what I was worried about in the first place. No offense to you Mystik, but girls that age don't know what the hell they want! But, like you said, better I learned that sooner rather than later. Things would be a lot worse if I'd had time to really fall for her before she figured it out. My only regret is that I was hoping I'd have a girlfriend before my birthday... Now it looks like I'll be spending #31 alone. Maybe I'll by myself a cake and cry the candles out.

Pixiemeat: Well, she told me EVENTUALLY... Whether she's being honest or not I still don't know. When I heard from her a week ago she said she still wanted to date me, no it's just friends... At this rate by next week we'll either be lovers or mortal enemies. Mystik: Hey, at least you're only 20... you've still got LOTS of time. If you're still 30 and single, THEN we'll talk. Of course, then I'll be 40 and single so... you still won't be able to talk!

Well, I was right, I hadn't heard the last of her. But, this drama has finally come to a close. She wrote me last night saying I was the sweetest guy she ever met, but we're in different places and she needs to find someone closer to her age. She just wants to be friends... Story of my life! I understand her reasoning and I respect that, but I'm going to be hard pressed to find a girl as good as she was, let alone someone even better. Anyways... I think I'm just gonna stop looking. If love finds me, great, but to continue to seek out the frustration and heartache of dating... It's just not something I can take anymore.

Well, if he doesn't know you like him, then there's really no competition. What have you done to let him know you like him?